Any advice? DD at Uni and not happy!

[Merylj]

Any advice would be appreciated as I`ve had several phone calls from DD with her very upset and wanting to come home!
She`s in a residence with 8 other girls and she gets on fine with them, but feels she has no one to turn to. I know its very early days - she only went on saturday.
I`ve told her things will be fine with time, but what to do meantime?

 

[jen_uk]

Oh no what a shame! I think everyone feels like that at first but hopefully it will quickly pass. I think the best thing she can do to feel at home is go to as many social occasions as possible so that she makes loads of friends. Hope she feels happier soon.

 

[wils]

The first few days/weeks can be really hard. I remember instead of my expected single room I was put sharing a double with 2 other girls! I remember I made a special effort to be brave and speak to the bloke next door who was soon popping in for clothes washing advice!

All I would say is there will be many others feeling exactly the same even if they are not showing it. Is there any hobbies or sports she'd like to pursue - if so freshers week is a great time to try some activities out.

Please try and avoid her coming home to visit you too soon - I remember one of Mum's friends telling me not to dare come home before half-term. My mother was horrified at the suggestion but the sentiment was right.

Not sure what advice I can offer but I hope she settles soon - what Uni is she at? They do say that you spend your first year making friends and the other years trying to lose them. I found this so true. I met my best friend Julie during the first week at Uni - we went into town and had dinner together the first Saturday and they weren't that friendly and close til the end of our fourth year

Please pass on some and (and for you too) and let us know how she goes

 

[wideeyes]

Hi, perhaps she could see the Uni counselor who can give her some advice on over coming her home sickness and ways of getting involved in uni life. I am sure once she has built some friendships things will get much easier.

 

[Cyrano]

Hopefully she will be fine and possibly some of the other girls feel the same

 

[mandymouse]

I wish I had some advice to offer, but I've not had any experience in this, so I just wanted to send you both some hugs and pixie dust

I hope she feels more settled soon

Mandy

 

[natalielongstaff]

no advice either, just wanted to send a for your dd

 

[KayleeUK]

Has she had a chat with the other girls, I expect they feel the same. Big for her and you.

 

[shellbell]

I'm sure she will be fine. She just needs a little time to settle in and meet friends. Her Uni years are going to be the best of her life So my brother tells me

 

[Hilary]

Sorry to hear this It's such a huge change for many young people when they first set off to Uni, and it's bound to take time to settle in. As others have said, there will be many others feeling just the same as your DD

Please try and avoid her coming home to visit you too soon - I remember one of Mum's friends telling me not to dare come home before half-term. My mother was horrified at the suggestion but the sentiment was right.

I'm sure this is good advice for some, but I don't believe it's necessarily the right advice for everyone. I think sticking with it works for many but, for others, it may be better to go home for a weekend for some TLC.

Our eldest DD went to Uni not too far from home (but far enough to live away) and came home every weekend for a long time. I think this was her safety valve and that if she hadn't been able to do that, she may have decided to give up at Uni altogether in the early stages. She graduated this summer and was saying only today how much she missed it and that she really wished she was still there and could enrol for another year!

Fingers crossed your DD will soon settle in and find her feet

 

[emily1982]

What a shame....my cousin started uni last friday, her first year etc and is in halls, she text me telling me she was homesick on friday and her mom and dad hadn't left yet!llol then her dad phoned her at 11am on saturday and she was in bed as she had been in the student union till 3am,typical. It must be hard, but i'm sure she will make friends, especially when the courses get going etc.

 

[cazzie]

I can remember (many many years ago) when I started my nurse training and mom and dad dropped me off at the nurses home I was so upset I cried when they left (and I was 18). It took me a good few weeks to really settle in and my dad would pick me up at weekends so I could go home even though I would get upset when I had to go back. I will admit that although it was difficult going back I think it helped and mom & dad would encourage me reminding me that it was what I wanted to do. After a couple of months I never had time to go home I was much too busy socialising and having a good time.

It just takes time and some people settle much quicker than others.

 

[Lizzybear]

I guess i'm not much help cos i'm currently at uni and hate it. Doesn't help i'm only doing one module this year cos they're a stupid bureaucratic institution and won't let me trail it but anyway, I digress!
It's early days yet so i'd recommend she wait a bit longer.. Going to uni can be a huge adjustment especially if she's gone straight from high school and she may just still be settling in.

 

[pokemon_master]

Definitely not the best person for advice, but I wish your DD good Luck.

 

[Ware Bears]

Sending your DD

 

[alisonbestford]

DD, now 22, went on a 'gap 4 months', almost 3 years ago!

She'll happily admit that, the first few weeks, she was convinced that she wouldn't be able to survive!

She's now returned and is already planning her next trip.
Saying that she has spent little time away from myself and her little sister (almost 8 )
She's so happy to have seen all her family but is so desperate to be off again.....

I'm sure it will all work out as it should but, I have to admit, I'll miss my DD when she goes off on her travels again............................

 

[Merylj]

Thankyou all for your sound advice and good wishes.
DD is at Aston, Birmingham she loved it when we visited and was thrilled when she got in.

 

[Boo Boo Too]

I know that a lot of kids suffer from home-sickness when they move away - it is a BIG step.

I was very lucky - I don't think I suffered at all: I embraced the change and independence and had a GREAT time. It is up to her to leap in with both feet and make the most of it - the more you put in (academically, socially and sports-wise), the more you get out...

Just about every other "fresher" will be in the same boat - very few people will know each other and 99% of them will be VERY keen to make new friends and be very sociable. Your DD will meet people in three main ways:
- in her halls
- on her course
- in the clubs/societies/sports that she tries/joins.
Often the people she meets through these will introduce her to even more people. Yes it takes a while to develop firm/trusted deep freindships, but she should soon be busy having so much fun that she forgets her worries....

It may be that she is having a "slow start" because her course hasn't started properly yet (i.e. mainly fresher/admin activities at the moment) AND many of the clubs/societies/sports haven't got into full swing yet (a previous poster mentioned "freshers fare" - most activities get properly going after that...). In the meantime, it is good to "go with the flow", forget any nerves and talk to everyone and get out there and try lots of new activities/clubs etc.

It is VERY early days... yes, some people DO leave university within the first week, but I think it is a waste to be honest: the growing up the a young person does in the first term/year of university is amazing... people grown hugely in independence and confidence and can REALLY blossom.

Is it you that she is missing, friends at home that she is missing (if so, are they still at home or off to their own university?). Why not make plans for a visit home? This might help a bit, however (as a previous poster eluded to) it would also get in the way of her cementing new friendships at university (i.e. everyone else going out and embracing university life while your DD visits home). Alternatively, could you go up to Birmingham and take her out for lunch or something?

A tricky problem... I hope that she finds the strength to stick at it and really get the most out of university life

Boo

 

[gilld]

My DD1 went through exactly the same thing when she started Uni 8 years ago. It only lasted about 4 or 5 days and then she had a wonderful time. DD2 sailed through it as did DS. I'm sure she'll be fine in a day or so.

 

[Minniespal]

The first few days and even weeks can be really, really hard. I remember crying like a little girl for mum to come and take me home. Once she starts her courses, gets to know some people and makes friends with the other girls, I'm sure she will settle in.

Sending some and for her at the mo.