Any advice? Bossy travel companion.

[FeelsLikeHome]

DH and I are heading to the World next February with a group of our family. There will be five of us going. We are so excited and can't wait to go (the last time we went was on our honeymoon last year!) For most of the group, it will be their first visit! We are looking forward to seeing the looks on their faces and reactions to the rides!

DH and I have spent several months researching and planning and feel like we have a good plan in place. The rest of our party gave us the go-ahead to do the planning. One of the members of our group is well-intentioned and kind, but can be bossy. (Understandably, as they grew up as one of the oldest of more than 10 children and had to take charge a lot.) Occasionally, I find their comments to be hurtful. I don't handle conflict well and usually don't know what to say.

DH and I are passive and worry about everyone having a good time. Our plan is flexible, but because we are so passive- I'm worried that we will veer off the plan the entire time just to please everyone. At the same time, we don't want to waste all of this time planning not to follow the plan at all. Any advice on how I can kindly handle conflicts that come up without being steamrolled? Thank you!

 

[DVC Sadie]

When traveling with a group especially with someone who tends to be bossy then you may want to just say nicely, "Oh that would be a great idea and we should think about doing that next time." If the person gets real pushy about doing something that you haven't planned then you can also suggest that they do that (whatever it is they want to do ) and meet up with you at a later time.

 

[freckles and boo]

I would make sure the agenda isn't a surprise to anyone before the trip begins. That way, if there are objections, you can hear about them in advance. I would also advise that you plan some time apart. Too much togetherness can be a huge strain, even on the most compatible of travel companions.

 

[rwdavis2]

Be prepared to tell everyone "this is what we plan to do and everyone is welcome to join us otherwise we'll meet up with you later."

 

[Tinkerbelle's Mom]

Be prepared to tell everyone "this is what we plan to do and everyone is welcome to join us otherwise we'll meet up with you later."

I second this.

Each time dd and I have gone to WDW with other people I make it clear what my plan is for the trip. I invite them to join us for all of it or part of it -- whatever fits in with thier own plan. I can even help them make thier own plan. This works well with a friend of mine since her ds likes the big rides and my dd does not. DD and I can go do her stuff while my friend and her ds do his stuff and then we meet up for things both kids like.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

DH and I are heading to the World next February with a group of our family. There will be five of us going. We are so excited and can't wait to go (the last time we went was on our honeymoon last year!) For most of the group, it will be their first visit! We are looking forward to seeing the looks on their faces and reactions to the rides!

DH and I have spent several months researching and planning and feel like we have a good plan in place. The rest of our party gave us the go-ahead to do the planning. One of the members of our group is well-intentioned and kind, but can be bossy. (Understandably, as they grew up as one of the oldest of more than 10 children and had to take charge a lot.) Occasionally, I find their comments to be hurtful. I don't handle conflict well and usually don't know what to say.

DH and I are passive and worry about everyone having a good time. Our plan is flexible, but because we are so passive- I'm worried that we will veer off the plan the entire time just to please everyone. At the same time, we don't want to waste all of this time planning not to follow the plan at all. Any advice on how I can kindly handle conflicts that come up without being steamrolled? Thank you!

If I am going to WDW with extended family, we would discuss things together. I would not follow someone else's itinerary. So I guess I would be the "bossy one". I would call you the control freak.

Have you sat down with people and talked about it? Might be a good idea to bring your plans to a family get together and discuss prior to leaving. That means everyone in the same ROOM, not emails, phone or texting.

If they want to go off and do their own thing, then there is nothing wrong with that. I would not want to spend all my time with family, I would want some private time too.

So follow your plan. People do not have to stick together 24/7. Be flexible.

 

[Thumper_Man]

Be prepared to tell everyone "this is what we plan to do and everyone is welcome to join us otherwise we'll meet up with you later."

I third this.

 

[shirleyb]

The best bet with travelling with others is to communicate up front, and agree that you don't always have to be together. We went with another family on our last trip - some days we spent the whole day together, some we just spent an afternoon together, and some days we didn't see each other at all. It worked out fine, none of us had hurt feelings, because we agreed up front that's what we'd do.

 

[FireDancer]

I say make a plan and give it to everyone but let people who want to do their own thing do it. If that means you all stay together for a bit and then split up for the day or until dinner then that is just fine.

Better to let everyone have a good time separately than be miserable together. I know that what I enjoy at WDW and what others enjoy may be different and instead of shoehorning ourselves into the plan I would rather have everyone enjoy their own thing. If it so happens that everyone does stay together than that is good too.

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I cannot do "fly by the seat of my pants". I don't have to have every minute planned, but I do like to have a little organization to my day so that I am getting the biggest bang for my buck and not exhausting myself in the process.

I remember one trip to Disney with my parents. We were still in school and my mother is NOT a morning person. We were old enough to do the parks ourselves, so we began not waiting for her (had done the parks before and would let her know what time we would like to leave). She still has issues to this day with her ability to wake up. So when we plan to do the parks together, she calls us when she shows up and we meet her at a set location. And in 2000, we (the siblings) refused to stay with her if she refused to get a wheelchair. She is disabled and it is difficult to tour the parks when one has to sit down every 5 minutes for 5 minutes b/c she was hurting. (Sounds rude, but it was really her best interest at heart as she had no business walking a theme park at that point anyway.) Finally, her DH put his foot down and required it. He wouldn't bring her if she refused as she had done on previous trips.

Anyway--I have no patience for flying by the seat of my pants people if I spent good money to do something. So we do what we can together if fokls can meet up, otherwise we fly solo.

Once you accept that you don't have to do EVERYTHING together, it actually makes the trip easier so that the guests that are traveling with you can do things that accomodate their wishes and they don't feel tied to your schedule.

Your biggest hurdel will be table service. There is mild success with just going with the flow, but it makes things easier ify ou can do Priority Seating, but that really requires the thoughts of everyone.

 

[disneyjunkie]

Add me to the bossy list.

The only way I would be willing to follow someone's plan would be the were paying for the trip. If I'm footing the bill, then I want major say over how my vacation is spent.

OP, plan for you and your husband. Share your plan with the group and let them know they are welcome to hang out with you if they like.

Don't make anyone feel bad if they aren't willing to follow your plan.

 

[Pakey]

After 3 group Disney trips with extended family, we have learned that we don't plan for others. We plan a meal together once a day and the rest of the time, everyone is free to do whatever they want. The first trip, where I had so meticulously planned for the group, was a disaster. The last two trips have been fun.

 

[FeelsLikeHome]

OP here- thank you everyone for all of your helpful responses! Discussing the plan with everyone is a great idea. That way no one will be caught off guard or have the wrong expectations. They can all give input if they so desire.

I had thought we would spend most of the time together as one "big, happy family," but I need to realize that they may want to do their own thing. I'm glad Disney's transportation system allows us to have this flexibility.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

OP here- thank you everyone for all of your helpful responses! Discussing the plan with everyone is a great idea. That way no one will be caught off guard or have the wrong expectations. They can all give input if they so desire.

I had thought we would spend most of the time together as one "big, happy family," but I need to realize that they may want to do their own thing. I'm glad Disney's transportation system allows us to have this flexibility.

Oh God no. I guess you never traveled with family, friends or big groups?

We vacation alot with others and you cannot plan for people. Now you can tell people YOUR PLANS and then they can decide to join you or not.

Have fun!

 

[disneyfav4ever]

Be prepared to tell everyone "this is what we plan to do and everyone is welcome to join us otherwise we'll meet up with you later."

 

[daisax]

I had thought we would spend most of the time together as one "big, happy family," but I need to realize that they may want to do their own thing.

Believe me, the "one big happy family" thing usually stops working once a fourth adult is included SOMEBODY is going to need frequent bathroom breaks. Somebody else is going to need smoking breaks. A third person is going to want to stop at every pin cart. It can make you want to lie down and throw a tantrum if you're not prepared to suggest meeting up later.

If you know who in advance smokes, or is more interested in shopping, or has a weak bladder, you can work those things into your plan.