Another wedding etiquette question.

[sk!mom]

Two of my coworkers have weddings coming up. Both have posted a wedding invitation on the break room bulletin board. Does this mean we are all invited?

One I have only worked with this school year and we are in different buildings so I wouldn't expect to be invited. There was a work shower for her and of course we were all invited to that It was a gift card shower. Which could be a whole other thread on whether that is appropriate or tacky. She's moving next door to me for next school year so I don't want to hurt her feelings if that is an actual invitation and I'm expecting too much.

The other is the future daughter in law of a family that I have known since her groom was born. I would have expected an invitation to this wedding and would have attended but I'm not sure if I should consider the posted invitation as an actual invitation.

In the past coworkers have saved postage expenses by putting invitations directly in our mailboxes but this seems too casual to me. If you want someone to attend, shouldn't they have a personal invitation?

 

[Schmoodle]

Yes, they should.
Everytime I think I've heard it all, I read something new on these boards! Sticking your wedding invitation up on a bulletin board like it was a yard sale or something is not OK. I wonder how they know how to plan for food, etc.?

 

[MineMail]

Most likely, it's not an invitation to the reception, just an open invite to attend the ceremony. Most ceremonies are open to anyone unless it's a small, private ceremony or a destination wedding. We had 500 people attend our wedding Mass, but only invited 130 to the reception. Friends and acquaintances from work, church and school came to enjoy the ceremony and understood that we couldn't invite everyone we had ever met to the reception hall.

It was common when I worked in Manhattan to post an open ceremony invitation on the break room board, especially if coworkers gave a shower. Only people who were being invited to the reception received the set of ceremony and reception card invitations, which were handwritten and sent to their home address, not handed out at work.

Again, this was in NYC, where people who worked together lived in many different areas. It would be different if you worked at a small company in a small town, or where everyone knew each other outside of work.

 

[sk!mom]

Most likely, it's not an invitation to the reception, just an open invite to attend the ceremony. Most ceremonies are open to anyone unless it's a small, private ceremony or a destination wedding. We had 500 people attend our wedding Mass, but only invited 130 to the reception. Friends and acquaintances from work, church and school came to enjoy the ceremony and understood that we couldn't invite everyone we had ever met to the reception hall.

Actually one of the invitations has "reception to follow" and an email address for your RSVP.

It just doesn't seem like a "real" invitation to me.

 

[HayGan]

Personally I would never attend an event that I was not directly invited to by means of an actual invitation addressed to me. How is anyone supposed to know if they are actually invited to an event or not??? The lack of common sense and etiquette in today's society amazes me. I'm no Emily Post or Miss Manners but social networking and all the other advancements in technology seem to have eliminated so much of the basics of human interaction.

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[angierae]

I posted my daughter's open house graduation party invite on the bulletin board at work because I wanted people to feel welcome, but not expected to attend or send a gift/money. But that's way, way more of a casual event than a wedding!

 

[MineMail]

Actually one of the invitations has "reception to follow" and an email address for your RSVP.

It just doesn't seem like a "real" invitation to me.

if its the one where you've known the groom since he was born, you should send an email if you want to go since you haven't gotten a private invite yet.

I've been to weddings where the reception consisted of cookies and punch, so maybe that's what they have planned.

You can always ignore the posted invite, but if you want to attend, you should let them know.

 

[sk!mom]

I posted my daughter's open house graduation party invite on the bulletin board at work because I wanted people to feel welcome, but not expected to attend or send a gift/money. But that's way, way more of a casual event than a wedding!

I get that and I may just be behind the times but Those types of posted invitations leave me wondering if I'm actually invited or if you just wanted us to know that your DD is graduating. Graduation announcements, baby announcements, photo birthday or holiday cards are posted all the time just for us to say " congrats" or to comment on how cute/big the kids are getting.

Both of these wedding invitations are the type you can make on Shutterfly or Tiny prints not fancy high dollar invitations. It just seems that if you are sincerely inviting people you should give them a personal invitation. They aren't that expensive.

I've decided not to go to either as I'm honestly not sure if I was invited or if it was more of an announcement of their wedding. Had I been personally invited, I would have definitely gone to one of them.

 

[DSNY4ever]

Personally I would never attend an event that I was not directly invited to by means of an actual invitation addressed to me.

Ditto, to me this gives a vibe of "hey we're getting married, feel free to give us money."

 

[MineMail]

Ditto, to me this gives a vibe of "hey we're getting married, feel free to give us money."

Nah, they're just happy and want people to feel welcome to join them at the ceremony. The op said that the office shower had already taken place. Not everyone is a gift-grabber. If you don't know or like the person, overlook the invite. If you care, then by all means go. If you want to go, go.

You can give them a congratulatory note, a card or gift, do so, but don't paint everyone with such a broad brush. I have family members that carry on about that every spring, ranting about invitations and announcements. Life's too short to get all worked up.

 

[smokeyblue]

At my last job on an inpatient nursing unit all annoucements were put up in the staff bathroom from graduations, to weddings to obituaries. Sometimes there was a sign-up sheet to RSVP, sometimes there wasn't. There were a few weddings and parties that were private by mailed invite only, but for the most part everyone was invited. I think it was to make sure everyone was included. Even if you didn't know the bride, groom or graduate well it's a fun time to get together outside of work and let you hair down. Tacky or not, these were the loveliest bunch of people I ever worked with and I miss them, and their celebrations dearly! Man could they party!

 

[SpartanMommy]

Personally I would never attend an event that I was not directly invited to by means of an actual invitation addressed to me.

I completely agree. Handing out invitations at work to save on postage is fine, but this is just tacky and sounds like they are really just looking for as many gifts as possible.

 

[jmartinez1895]

At my husbands job this is common practice, but his line of work is a little different. He is a police officer. When we got married ( and every other officer who works there) you give one invitation to your precinct. It is read during roll call and then placed on the board, but it is made clear that all are invited.
In this case it seems a little odd because is assume that if this was how it is done at your work place you would not be here asking about it.
Other than point blank asking the bride, I don't know of any way to know if it is an open invitation to everyone.

 

[chimilady]

If you are unclear, then why not just ask? Especially since you'll be neighbors next year.