Another UPDATE, bottom pg. 5 - Don't think I can deny there's a problem. (ADD/ADHD)

[tiggerlover]

For a long time now I have been sitting on the fence about DS's behavior. At times I tossed about ADD/ADHD, but something inside of me and my DH made me think DS can't be either of these. About three months ago I posted here a vague question seeking information on both ADD and ADHD and I received some really great information, but based on that information I convinced myself that they weren't describing DS. So for three months I have been going on the assumption that this couldn't be DS even though a few of my friends kept urging me to have him tested, they said just for my peace of mind. Every time DH and I discussed the matter his response was he is just being a little boy and having nothing to compare to and because I was denying something I didn't want to be true that sounded right to me.

Well, I don't think I can deny there is an issue any more, it was a rough weekend. I called the school today to set up an appointment with the school psycologist in the hopes of having DS tested, just to ease my mind, as my friends said. When I spoke to his teacher she said there are signs there (why she didn't tell me what she told me today at our conference at the beginning of the month, I don't know), the counselor (also a coincedence) said she was observing DS today and wanted permission to observe him further because she had some suspicions. Why they just came to this conclusion as I did,, I don't know (DH who still thinks there is no problem likens it to going to the doctor when you are sick, they usually treat almost everything as viral, not clearly knowing what the problem really is). So now I am getting a little of suspect validation for something I have suspected all along and it is kind of scary.

The psycologist wants to meet with me tomorrow (DH is going out of town so can not attend) and then wants to observe DS for a couple of weeks before she makes any recommendations. I am upset by all that has happened in the last 24 hours and DH still insists there is no problem at all. So I am feeling a little bit uneasy, sad and confused.

Just needed to vent and knew that some of the DISers here would understand. Thanks for listening to me ramble.

 

[newmousecateer]

I am sorry, I do not know very much about ADD/ADHD, but I am glad some DISers were able to give you information.

{{HUGS}} to DS, you and DH. Please keep us posted.

 

[Serena]

Don't be scared. This is controllable. Yes, it'll be a problem to deal with, but you'll do whatever you need to do and it will be fine.
Knowing there is a problem and facing it head on is much more preferrable to anything else. {{{hugs}}}

 

[Robinrs]

I totally agree with Serena. We can be in denial about anything that concerns our loved ones, but to face them and to do something about them takes courage.

Hang in there!

 

[cruisnfamily]

Boy do I understand!

How old is your DS? Ours is 6 (turning 7 on Friday) and have been having this same dilema going on since mid kindergartedn.. by the same, I mean right down to my DH also feeling that there is no problem and our DS is "just being a little boy". Well, the teacher this year confronted us in no uncertain terms regarding her suspicions and having him tested. I wasn't aware that the school could do this....if they do it, it would be free. I thought they just observed and then recommended outside testing.

Anyway, to make a long story short, we ended up going outside the school system and spending about $1000 to have every test you can think of done by a psychologist. It was an all day event and he had to miss a day of school. They tested for gifted, behavior, Lds, memory, and all kinds of things that I can't even remember. The results say that he has some (2) characteristics of and ADHD child and the characteristics he has are quite strong but because he doesn't have more characteristics, he doesn't meet the clinical diagnosis guidelines. He is also very, very bright although not gifted. The recommendation: continue behavior modification charts and use rewards, punishments and try to get his behavior under control this way. She (the psychologist) said that if over the next 2 years his behavior worsens or does not improve, then we might (underline might) want to think about trying medication but absolutely not at this point.

The problems my son was(and is but nowhere near as bad as before) are fidgeting and making noises.

We are making great progress with behavior modification techniques. Good luck!

This post has gotten awfully long so I will end it here but will be happy to respond again if you have questions or something I can answer.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

I am under the understanding that a psychiatrist was really the only person to "offically" diagnose a kid.
My dd was diagnosed adhd. She only took meds for a year. She has a repaired heart defect and while the cardio ensured that probably nothing would happened from taking the drugs I decided I was not going to risk it. She is in puberty now and that is a risk for her just with her accelerated growth.
Does she make us NUTS yes.

I would say after going thru what I went thru do it early. I waited till 4th grade. Everyone kept saying basically what your husband is saying. Now she is in 6th in middle school and really all the kids bounce off the wall so she really fits in well now.

So what I am saying it is better to get it found out now because this is when your DS will need it the most, in elementary.

Good Luck

 

[fklhou]

A diagnosis of ADD or ADHD is not the end of the world. MY DW and both of my daughers have ADD. There is a computer test called the TOVA test that helps to determine if a person is ADD. While not definitive, the TOVA does measure impulsivity and attention to detail. My older DD and my DW describe the test as the most boring thing that they have ever taken.

There are some new medications on the market now that can help a great deal. One DD is on Concerta and is doing well. My middle DD is on Adderall XR and a new drug called focolyn that appears to be very effective (focolyn is one half of the Ritalin molecule that is suppose to have all of the good effects and none of the bad side effects).

Good luck with your DS and you might suggest the TOVA test as one way to confirm the diagnosis.

 

[Kallison]

My friend has two out of three sons who are ADD, they are both gifted. FYI her husband still denies there is any problem and one is in high school. I can't say it's been an easy road for her, but it is manageable. I work with a lot of add kids and you can really tell the difference when they are on or off meds. Usually the kids go off the meds in summer, so it takes the whole month of Sept. for them to calm down. Don't be suprised if you never get support from DH, I think it's a man thing, they like to be an ostrich!

 

[BWVDenise]

My dd (5) has LOTS of signs of ADHD. Recently, we changed her diet and removed all (or nearly all, as far as we can tell) the red food dye. Let me tell you, this is a different child! She is SO much easier to live with since we have started this. Before, she couldn't even stand still to talk to us-- she would hop, bounce, jump, etc. Now, she can stand still, she remembers to ASK when she wants to do something instead of just doing it (she has always been VERY impulsive).
I'm not saying this is every child's problem, but it seems to be making a huge difference in OUR lives.

 

[DISNEYFANRI]

Hi Tiggerlover - just thought I'd let you know of my recent experience. My DS is 13 (will turn 14 Dec 29) - his preschool teacher said "classic case of ADHD" and wanted him tested - I refused - thinking I won't use this as an excuse for bad behavior - he'll learn to behave - he'll grow out of these things - well here we are so many years later and things have slowly gotten worse - I truely believe my son has no control over this (what kid would want his parents to be mad at him or punishing him all the time?) - I have taken him to his Pediatrician and initiated testing - am picking up the paperwork tomorrow - it was not until I read a web site that listed ADHD traits that I realized I was reading a description of my son - and yes - like you I am doing this not only for him but for my own piece of mind - good luck with your son.

Paula

P.S. when DH read the list of traits he told me he saw alot of them in himself!! We are mid 40's and ADHD was unheard of when we were kids.

 

[mamajoan]

Hey there Debbi, DS-22 dx at 6 for ADD, DD-13 dx at 3 with severe ADHD. Both had symptoms controlled with Ritalin.. different dosages etc. TOVA testing is an excellent resource.
There are many avenues to help ADD/ADHD. Medication is one of those avenues.. but there are others. Physiciatric counsel, Occupational Therapy, Recreational Therapy, Educational Intervention have been found to be successful alone or combined with each other. I have found it best to work at having the teachers NOT LABEL my kids ADHD/ADD. It stigmatizes them.. into
"PROBLEM KID" area. Neither of my kids are aggressive or problematic in the class room. DD is highly impulsive, unfocused, inability to complete tasks, inability to stay ON TASK and extremely hyperkinetic. DS on the other hand had trouble with focusing on assigned tasks and inability to complete tasks.
Working with the doc we adjust the dosage of medication as needed. DD takes Ritalin twice to three times a day.. she is on high dosages. The only side affect being decreased appetite. She can see the difference when she does not take her medication. The rest of the family knows too... So she is consistent with her usage of meds.
Now DS was a whole different story... when he entered HS he refused to take his medication.. he went from being a B student to graduating by the skin of his teeth.. He always hated taking the medication but his educational tasks were completed in better time etc when on the medication. It was one of the perils of adolescence for Mike... Once he was in college and the Army he realized that he needed the Ritalin.. Army refused to let him use medication.. so he struggles but has learned compensation techniques to help him do his job well.
Having ADD/ADHD is not the end of the world. In fact it can be a blessing to be able to know what is giving your child problems. A bigger blessing to know that the problem can be treated fairly easily.
Best wishes.. pm me if you want.. The military doc system takes a little more manuevering than the civilian doc system.
Joan

 

[Deb in IA]

Originally posted by The Mystery Machine
I am under the understanding that a psychiatrist was really the only person to "offically" diagnose a kid.

Actually, Mystery Machine, we DEVELOPMENTAL PEDIATRICIANS do a pretty good job at this also . . .

 

[Boots]

{{{{{{HUGS}}}}}}

 

[jldriscoll]

no advice...just a lot of {{{{hugs}}}}

Carol couldn't say enough good things about your son......it sounds like he has a wonderful caring mom behind him!!!

 

[piratesmate]

Trying to keep this short...it's been 13 yrs since we went through the initial phase of diagnosis with DS & things may have changed, but ...

We were told that only a psychiatrist could prescribe meds. The school told us that he had ADD, but they couldn't provide help at the time & wanted to label him LD instead - & skip the ADD diagnosis. (They also said he was "very bright, but not gifted." Later testing showed him to be profoundly gifted.)

Nearly every child I know with ADD/ADHD has had one of their parents say "He/she's just being a boy/kid."

An outside psychologist told us it was often hereditary. After speaking with us, he said DH had it also. However, when we were in elementary (the 60's) classes were structured so that more kids were able to compensate. He also said that when it's hereditary the spouse who also has it usually denies seeing it in the child.

Meds were contra-indicated for DS. His symptoms were only ever a problem at school. We never found a school, public or private, that was able to develop a plan & follow through - but that was 13 yrs ago. (Eventually, I homeschooled him. I have a degree in Education.)

Deb

 

[FINFAN]

Hi, we are going thru a similar situation..this board is a great support base! Long story short, DS was tested by both his public school system and private psyc. Both results ruled out any ADD/ADHD or LD's. There are other issues involved....way the school chooses to discipline etc., but even with DS test results some at his school still feel he is ADD and has LD'S. yes, he also has a high i.q., HE IS ALSO VERY YOUNG FOR 3RD GRADE( B-DAY 2 WEEKS B4 CUT OFF) which maturity level does come into play, yet school says his lack of attention is unintentional...not behavioral....I think that this is a very tough area to diagnose. I would go aead with testing as we became much more informed of everything once that was done, and we actually learned much about ADD/ADHD even tho tests ruled it out. Good Luck.....it is a draining time for you but you are there for DS nad he knows it! Hugs to all of you!

 

[LIDisneyFan]

Actually, the diagosis of ADHD for DS (7) was a blessing. He's been on meds for 6 mths, it has really madea diffference - we start Behavioral Mod this week.

There really are no clinical guidelines for ADHD - it is a diagnosis based upon survey and observation. My one piece of advice - don't be afraid of meds - I fought it (mentally), but DW convinced me to give it a shot - I'm glad she did.
Our son is significanlty happier now that 'he doesn't get in trouble anymmore'. He was also 'borderline' - more of the Hyperactivity and impulsiveness, less Attention deficit. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter - just work with trainied profesisonals (the schools are a good starting point, and you can often insit on some testing that will cost you lots of $$$ privately), but you really need a doctor to work through the meds and the BM. You will find te right combination of behavioral and medical solutions.

Good luck - there's lots of people here with good advice and good wishes.

 

[Lars624]

Tiggerlover-I'm so sorry that you're going through this {{{hugs}}}
From my previous PM you know what our family story is. Feel free to PM me anytime if you need support or just someone to talk to.

 

[mrsbigglesworth]

IMHO you should think about getting him tested privately, although it seems that y our school system has a good handle on recognizing the problem, even if they did drag their feet a little in telling you.

Long story short, my son is now 18 and a great student. In 3rd grade he was diagnosed adha/ and ld reading. As soon as he took his first dose of medication, he became a different child, but the damage socially was already done. One thing about Adhd kids is that they don't read social clues very well, and they tend to step into other's "space", which makes them a little more prone to becoming a bit of a pariah, in the social scene. It was a long road getting him back to social acceptance, and he had some residual emotional scars for a while. I guess what I am trying to say, is that had he been diagnosed properly in first grade when I had him tested by the school, he would have avoided alot of damage in the two years when social relationships were being formed. By third grade there was already a perception by the other kids that he was 'different'.

Luckily, we moved after 5th grade, so he started middle school in a new town where no one knew him, and this shy child who was afraid to speak up in school for fear of ridicule slowly became a social butterfly. The transformation was nothing short of amazing.

But I know he still harbors a little bit of sadness for the early days, when he felt so different and such an outsider. My best and most sincere advice to you is to get him tested both privately and in school, and get it don as soon as humanly possible. Don't wait and make your child struggle. Think of it this way, he is rowing a boat now with only his bare hands, and the struggle every day is mighty. Now, think of medication / and or behaviour mod/ as wooden oars. They wlll make his life so much easier. He will still have to row, but he will have better tools. God bless you and your family, and I hope it all turns out well for you. I wish you could see my DS then, and see him now. He is amazing. Creative, funny, clever, and empathetic. And, and A student!
Good luck to you.

 

[tiggerlover]

Wow, I am overwhelmed by all of your responses. I was feeling very alone yesterday, especially with DH's refusal to acknowledge there could be a problem, but this morning I don't feel so alone and for that I thank you all.

First I would like to add a little more information to answer some of your questions or comments. DS will be 6-1/2 next week and he is in first grade. At this point the only route we can follow is through the school system, we can not go privately because we live in a foreign country and do not have a complete command of the language. DS attends a Department of Defense School so whatever other testing is required needs to be referred from the school itself. I first noticed a change in his behavior after we moved to Italy in March and of course at that time we were blaming it on such a huge upheaval in his life. As summer approached we saw an increased change in his behavior, we blamed that on being in a remote area, very little american children to play with, the language/cultural differences of trying to play with the Italian children, also living in a small american community the he was interacting with a ton of older children and the fact that there are no boys his age were all excuses we used for his behavior, but I can no longer use those excuses.

Joan and fklhou, I have heard of the TOVA testing, a friend of mine emailed me a web link last night (her two boys are ADHD) and she said she wished she had known about the test sooner. So this is something I will ask the psycologist about today.

Denise, I am very intrigued with the red dye link and will research it further. DS never drank soda before moving here, he always drank milk, but the milk here in Italy is different so DS has been drinking a lot of Fanta outside the home because we can't access milk he will drink and I have a suspicion that fanta has the red dye. Definitely one avenue to persue.

Jennifer, I did talk to Carol about my friends suggesting DS may be ADHD and she didn't think that was so and I was convinced of it as well. But the newest information from the school has definitely changed that opinion. I am happy she spoke so highly of him, he is a good boy, but he definitely has his moments.

Deb, I was wondering about the hereditary link. To my knowledge no one on either side has been diagnosed or even acts like they would have ADHD or ADD. I wonder what causes a person to have these issues.

All of this is new to me, can anyone explain what LD's are? I have seen it mentioned a couple of times, but I am clueless.

Thank you again for your support and the information here. I meet with the school psycologist at 3:15 today (9:15 EST) and I will let you all know what the outcome is.

Debbi