Another take on the "charging your kids rent" question..opinions please!

[pat fan]

The facts are this....our DS graduated in June from HS and has had a part-time job. Has no plans to go to college or join the service. We told him and his brother (who is in college) that when they were 18 and graduated from HS they had to either go to college, join the military or get a job. If they got a job, they needed to start paying rent in the fall after graduating, if they planned on living at home. Sitting at home with no job and hanging with friends was NOT an option.

Well, he just got a full time job so we said next month he has to start paying rent. $100 a month. He is having a fit. He wants to move out (things will be so much easier living on his own he says ), but until he does, I think $100 a month is more than fair. We will be setting this aside for him to help him set a place up, but he doesn't need to know that. We've told him no one lives for free and if he is an adult, he needs to contribute. He sure won't be able to live free anywhere else!

So what do you all think. Mean parents? Or preparing him for reality?

 

[GingerJay]

I think its fair- my mom had me contributing to the household as soon as I started working at 16...and I had to learn to budget for my own personal expenses like car, insurance, etc. It's the right thing to do and they have to learn responsibility sometime.

 

[mmorrison]

My parents made me pay rent to them when I graduated from College and moved back home. They charged 500 dollars and they saved it and put it in a drawer. I had no idea. A year later my husband and I went to buy a house and my dad gave me 6,000.00 as a down payment!!!! It was money the money that I had paid him every month. I am so blessed to have such a wonderful parents, they taught me to be financially responsible and were helping me out in the long run.

Your doing the right thing. He will thank you for it later.

 

[pat fan]

Thank you! I was starting to think we were crazy!!

 

[scrapquitler]

Well, he just got a full time job so we said next month he has to start paying rent. $100 a month. He is having a fit. He wants to move out (things will be so much easier living on his own he says ),

Yeah, it will be so much easier living on his own without having to pay you a whopping $100.

 

[RitaE]

fair?

My guess is that $100 doesn't even cover how much he costs you in food. Offer to rent the UHaul for him if he's so convinced that life out of your house will be so much easier.

 

[sunnyday123]

Yeah, it will be so much easier living on his own without having to pay you a whopping $100.

He'll do what my brothers friend did, and mooch off another family. I don't think in this instance it's wrong to charge him rent-as long as it is something that is affordable. And I do agree that he should either work full time or go to college. If he feels so defrauded by you in paying $100 a month, sit him down and help him find a place to live. Go over all the bills he'll have, and make sure to tell him to save his change for laundry. Nothing says freedom like having to sit in a stanky laundry room watching your clothes for a few hours.

 

[Hannathy]

fair?

My guess is that $100 doesn't even cover how much he costs you in food. Offer to rent the UHaul for him if he's so convinced that life out of your house will be so much easier.

Oh I so agree with this!! You could also pull up the Craigslist of rooms to rent and let him see how much it really is, But it would so much more fun to let him find this out on his own!

You are doing the right thing.


PS if he does move out because $100 is exorbitant I wouldn't rush to make his bedroom into a sewing or game room...........

 

[golfgal]

Life lesson time-tell him he is more than welcome to move out and help him start looking for apartments. It will take him about 3 minutes to figure out that $100 is a BARGAIN. . If he does move out and makes it on his own with whatever he is making, that is great too .

 

[MushyMushy]

I don't believe in it personally. If one of my kids needs a place to live, and I have the means to give it to them, they will always be welcome under my roof. It would be different if we were struggling financially; then I'd like a little help.

My son is currently living with us. He buys his own food, but that's his own choice. I offer to get him what he wants, but he turns me down.

Let me just say, that's what works for us. Your mileage may vary.

 

[daisyduck123]

OP, I think you are teaching your DS some valuable life lessons here - keep at it. I will do just as you do if needed, when the time comes.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I've never really liked the kids paying for rent thing unless the parents had to have it to pay for all their needs, but I DO like the idea of putting it in savings for him to use when he gets his own place.

If you told him that's what you were doing, do you think he'd feel better about it? Oh, and if he has a full time job and is not paying child support, utilities, or any other obligations (except maybe a car payment), I think $100 a month is more than fair.

 

[pat fan]

Life lesson time-tell him he is more than welcome to move out and help him start looking for apartments. It will take him about 3 minutes to figure out that $100 is a BARGAIN.

He knows what they cost, he's been looking for the last few months. That's why I'm scratching my head over his fit. His theory is that if I make him pay $100, that's $100 less a month that he can save for 1st,last & security. Oh well, it takes you 2 months longer to leave. I'm so sad....NOT! (I like having him here)

PS if he does move out because $100 is exorbitant I wouldn't rush to make his bedroom into a sewing or game room..

So true! His room will stay as is for a while. We did change his brothers last year when he made it quite clear he'd rather die than move back home (all we really did was paint it, so he could move back in if he wanted to).

Seriously, you'd think we were awful parents the way our kids can't wait to leave! and we're NOT!!! Really!!!

If one of my kids needs a place to live, and I have the means to give it to them, they will always be welcome under my roof.

Absolutely! I've already told him if he finds he can't afford it, or just doesn't like being on his own that the door is open and there is no shame in coming back home. I think most kids do it a couple times before it sticks!

 

[Suz725]

we are doing the same thing for my DD who graduated in June and isnt going to college. She started paying $100 a month the 1st of September. I gave her the summer to make a decision about what she wanted to do..she works part time and her only bill is car insurance..we are also putting it away for her but she doesnt know that

 

[KittyHellstrom]

When I was in my teens/ early 20s and living at home, I didn't pay rent but I did have to buy all my own food, toiletries, and clothing which is kinda the same I guess.

-Kitty

 

[pat fan]

Oh, and if he has a full time job and is not paying child support, utilities, or any other obligations (except maybe a car payment), I think $100 a month is more than fair.

Child support I never thought of that at 18!!! No, no child support thank goodness!! He pays for a cell phone (text only plan, $25 a month) and his car insurance which he saves from doing cemetery work all summer. He pays it off every Oct. when it comes due so he doesn't have a monthly payment. The $100 would be his only "payment". Child support, give me a heart attach!!! I don't even want to imagine all that scenario would entail

 

[FlightlessDuck]

So what do you all think. Mean parents? Or preparing him for reality?

That depends on how much you are actually acting like a landlord. If there are no consequences for being late (late fee) or not paying (kicking him out), it's not really preparing him for reality.

But then again, in general, I think doing business with family is a bad idea. Be that working together, or treating a family member like a tenant. But if it works for you, than whatever.

 

[Liberty Belle]

Child support I never thought of that at 18!!! No, no child support thank goodness!! He pays for a cell phone (text only plan, $25 a month) and his car insurance which he saves from doing cemetery work all summer. He pays it off every Oct. when it comes due so he doesn't have a monthly payment. The $100 would be his only "payment". Child support, give me a heart attach!!! I don't even want to imagine all that scenario would entail

lol I have a 17 year old son and the thought of child support is pretty frightening and it's not something we have to deal with, but it's been known to happen.

It sounds like he's pretty industrious. What is the reasoning behind not letting him know that you'd be putting the money away for him? Maybe he's having a hard time transitioning into adulthood and feels that you guys are kind of "throwing him to the wolves." Maybe if he knew it was going into savings, he'd feel better.

 

[Gigi22]

I have a completely different view of this. You told both your DSs your terms, college, military or get a job and pay rent, no hanging with friends in your house on your dime and doing nothing.
One DS is now in college. Your other DS who stayed at home is flaunting your rules. I would definitely charge him rent, you are favouring him over his brother if you don't.

 

[wdwmom2]

Our rules were, as long as you are in college, you can live here rent free. But you must pay for your car insurance and cell phone.

If you choose not to further your education and are out of high school, then you must pay "rent". DH and I love our kids, but there is no such thing as a free ride. Now, if someone would have had a hardship such as losing a job, we would let the "rent" slide, as long as they would go out and seriously job hunt. Out of our 4 children, only one remained at home for a while after college. We gave her the electricity bill to pay. It ranged from anywhere around $90 dollars in the winter to around $150 in the summer. She was more than happy to pay it!!! She realized what a deal she was getting.