Another obstacle in life with a teenager

[diskids2]

MY DD age 15, (and believe me I use the term DD very loosely right now), accepted an invitation to go to a dance with her friend (girlfriend) two weeks ago. Her friend goes to a different high school. The dance is tonight and my daughter has decided at this minute that she does not want to go. It's 4:30 my time and she is to be picked up at 6:30.

A little background: the friend is a good friend. She just started going to this private high school this year and doesn't really know that many people, which is why she asked my daughter to go with her.

My DD says that she really doesn't have anything to wear (oh is that why your drawers and closet is bulging with clothes) and that she won't know any one and will be uncomfortable.

I've already told her that I think this is not right. I have tried to appeal to her sense of decency. It really bothers me that she thinks this is ok to do to a friend.

What do you think?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Make her honor the invitation. Her excuse is unacceptable.

 

[Annette_VA]

I think she's not being a very good friend right now. She promised her girlfriend she'd go with her. At least if DD went, she and her girlfriend would have each other to talk to, hang with. Now the girlfriend is left alone. And to back out just 2 hours beforehand is just plain tacky

 

[SC Minnie]

Make her honor the invitation. Her excuse is unacceptable.

She will know someone there. HER FRIEND.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I think that it's a lousy thing to do to a friend! I would strongly encourage her to reconsider. IE, strongly meaning that she accepted and if she chooses to dis the friend at this point, then she is grounded.

And I'm having a similar issue with my 15yo son this weekend. He was invited to a sweet 16 party, which he accepted. He didn't write the date of the party on my calendar and he's too ditzy to keep track of things in his own head (I know, not nice of me, but it's true and I'm frustrated). He asked if he could have friends over this Saturday and I told him he could. Yesterday he came home from school and said that he remembered that he invited friends over on the same night that he has this girl's party.

I told him that he'd need to reschedule his get together since it's an obvious conflict and her party was scheduled first. He told me that he didn't care about going to her party and neither did the other 2 boys who were invited to both events. I stood my ground and told him that he wasn't being fair to this girl, he couldn't now cancel on her after saying he would go to her party, and he shouldn't put his friends in a position where they would have to choose.

He can't decide he wants to do something else and how would the girl feel if she got word that he made other plans and didn't come to her party? Not the way it works with me and my DH agrees.

Good luck with your DD! I know that teens can be a real challenge sometimes.

 

[smilingmouse]

Before I post a reply, I need to add a disclaimer that I don't have any kids.....

I would definately make your DD break the news to her friend...I would also make her sincerely apologize. I would also forbid DD from doing something that she wants to do (like going to a future dance) as punishment for this bad decision....

These are only my opinions....

Please let us know how this turns out

 

[DisneyMomOK]

A1111111111111

 

[Wishing on a star]

I too would want to make her honor her commitment.
How does she suggest that she back-out... Just call and say, 'Not comin"


I would, however, want to be very carefull that there is not some underlying reason behind her sudden trepidation. You never know with young teenagers... Could there be something up, other than that chaperoned dance?????

 

[jbdreamer]

She needs to learn that she just can't back out of obligations. It's rude and thoughtless to her friend. I would make her go.

 

[C.Ann]

I think she should go - and if she doesn't, I would come up with some sort of appropriate punishment that somehow directly relates to honoring a committment.. However, I'm too tired right now to come up with any suggestions on what actually might be an appropriate punishment.. Sorry..

 

[diskids2]

Here's a quick update.....She called her friend and said that she was afraid she didn't have the right clothes to wear. This private school is very up scale and she thought that they would be wearing cocktail dresses, etc. She described to her friend what she had to wear and her friend said it was ok. So now's she's going.

I'm happy she is going, but I still am very disappointed in her behavior. I think it is wrong to have these trepidations right before the invite. Why didn't she iron this out before???????????ARG!!!!!!

 

[Am_I_There_Yet]

I feel your pain! I have a 15 year old too.

I'd make her go and tell her to put herself in her friend's shoes. How would she feel if it were done to her?

 

[Wishing on a star]

I'm happy she is going, but I still am very disappointed in her behavior. I think it is wrong to have these trepidations right before the invite. Why didn't she iron this out before???????????ARG!!!!!!

Because she is teenager, having a not-surprizing bout of anxiety!!!

I hope all works out well, and she has a good time!

 

[DisneyMomOK]

That is great! I am so happy for her friend and I hope they have a wonderful evening.

Sharon

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Teens are twice as finicky as cats aren't they?

I'm glad that your DD is going--it's the right thing to do.

 

[Magix]

I'm glad they worked it out! I had a friend for many years (grade school, high school, early college) who consistently did this sort of thing to me. We'd make plans for her to join me for something important to me and she'd back out of it every time. Usually, she wouldn't even tell me, until I called to ask where she was. Then, she'd say "You're not mad are you?" If only I'd told her all the things that were in my head every time! I just finally stopped inviting her... stopped talking to her at all, in fact. No point in having a single-sided friendship.