Another DH v DW - etiquette or just plain rude? LONG

[diskids2]

Mostly I'm posting to get other's opinions. Plus typing it out will make me feel better

On Saturday I took my DS, age 11, to a baseball evaluation clinic. (Just as a side - everyone plays in this league, but they evaluate to make the teams even).

My DH works on Saturdays....I do not mind bringing my son at all....In fact, I really like it....I enjoy watching sports and sport-related activities.

Having said all this....Here is the battle..

My DH has a friend, let's call him Stan. Stan has a son, a year younger than my DS. DS and Stan's son, let's call him Stan Jr. get along and have played baseball together in the past.

Stan is a very worrysome father. I can't put it another way. He asked my DH if DS could go to the evaluation with Stan Jr. He thought Stan Jr. would feel more comfortable this way (Stan Jr. is 10). My DH said "sure". Then he asked me if it was ok (after the fact.....but I'm over that). I really didn't mind.

Two days before the evaluation, Stan calls DH and says that Stan Jr. has a baseball class from 12 - 2. The evaluation is from 12-2 (you don't need to be there the whole time - you get evaluated and then leave). He doesn't know what to do. My DH tells him the evaluation is also on Sunday. Stan asks if we would wait until Sunday. We can't Mom's 70th birday party. Stan begins to worry. Ok, he says, he will take Stan Jr out of the baseball class early. Fine. I'll meet him at the school where the evaluation is being held at 1:30.

On Saturday at 1:05, Stan calls and asks me to meet him at the baseball class, so that AND I QUOTE .... his son can get the most time out of the baseball class. I agree to meet him at 1:25 even though I have to go about 10 minutes out of my way to do this.

Then, I get to the baseball class, my DS goes in to let them know we are there. My DS comes out and says one minute. Ok I say. DS goes back in...5 minutes later he comes out...It's now about 1:30. DS says Stan says one more minute. Ok I say. I'm reading Kite Runner no problem, I think to myself.....After another 5 minutes, no Stan, STan JR. or DS. I go inside the gym.

They are having a ceremony...giving awards...it was the last day of the baseball clinic. I go up to Stan and he says 10 more minutes...It's already 1:40. I tell him, I'll meet him at the evaluation site. I'm fuming.

My DH does not think this was rude in any way.

 

[AprilShowers]

IMHO.....Stan is a jerk. He was VERY rude, and you were very nice to even go over there in the first place.

 

[SC Minnie]

Yes, they were rude.

But the lesson to be learned-- don't do anymore favors for Stan.

 

[mytwotinks]

I would be !!!!!

 

[diskids2]

Yes, they were rude.

But the lesson to be learned-- don't do anymore favors for Stan.

I agree!

 

[agnes!]

Chalk it up to lesson learned.
Stan Sr. definitely has a problem with being considerate of other people's time, so keep this memory socked away for future reference. What did he expect you to do...accomodate their schedule and then be so late to the clinic that your son wouldn't have been evaluated?

If your DH is the one who's friends with this guy then *he* should get the pleasure of handling all scheduling issues concerning the Stans in the future .

agnes!

 

[diskids2]

I would be !!!!!

Oh I was.....talking to myself....quietly so DS couldn't hear me. I forgot to mention, the thing that made me the most upset....was that my DS was worried the whole way to the evaluation that he was going to be late and miss it.

I just don't understand why my DH, shrugs his shoulders and says to me "That's just Stan....You know how he is...."

 

[diskids2]

If your DH is the one who's friends with this guy then *he* should get the pleasure of handling all scheduling issues concerning the Stans in the future .

agnes!

I think this will be the way to go in the future for sure.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

You are definetly not wrong. I would have been ticked.

What is wrong with Stan? Is he that worrisome he just couldn't take his own son without you and your son to the evaluation? Thats weird.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Stan is so rude and DON'T help Stan again.

 

[diskids2]

You are definetly not wrong. I would have been ticked.

What is wrong with Stan? Is he that worrisome he just couldn't take his own son without you and your son to the evaluation? Thats weird.

You go to the cafeteria in the school. Let them know you are there. Then they take the boys, by groups of ten, to the gym for the evaluation. Parents don't go into the gym (They can, if they feel they want to).

Stan Sr. didn't think Stan Jr. would be comfortable going into the gym alone. AND Stan Sr. didn't want to look like an interfering Dad by going into the gym with him. Also didn't want Stan Jr. to look like a baby. MEN!

 

[mickeyfan1]

I wouldn't say Stan was trude, but what I would have done is this: You were at the appointed place at the appointed time. After the first 1 minute delay, I would have said, "Look, I really need to get DS to the evaluations. If you are not ready to go now, I will see you there" and left. Period. No other explanation needed, and no other analyzation of Stan's parenting either. People are responsible for others in this situation olny if they allow themselves to be. Maybe Stan does it all the time, maybe he doesn't, but you had the responsibility to your son to get him the the evals with out having to wait for anyone else.

 

[Hannathy]

That is so unfair to your son! He was probably fretting I know I would be and maybe didn't do as well as he should have at the eval. You were so nice, If I knew the child had a way there (he did his Dad) I think I would have only given one I'm leaving, there is no way I would have upset my own kid for an inconsiderate jerk. I hope your son got there on time and did ok. Now keep your fingers crossed they aren't on the same team !

 

[VSL]

As another poster said... I would be

Just plain rude, IMO. No more help for the Stan's.

 

[diskids2]

I wouldn't say Stan was trude, but what I would have done is this: You were at the appointed place at the appointed time. After the first 1 minute delay, I would have said, "Look, I really need to get DS to the evaluations. If you are not ready to go now, I will see you there" and left. Period. No other explanation needed, and no other analyzation of Stan's parenting either. People are responsible for others in this situation olny if they allow themselves to be. Maybe Stan does it all the time, maybe he doesn't, but you had the responsibility to your son to get him the the evals with out having to wait for anyone else.

After the first delay, I was trying to be accomodating and nice.....What is it that they say about No good deed goes unpunished....

I'm not judging Stan's parenting abilities. I'm just stating the facts of what happened and why he did not want Stan Jr. to go alone.....I really feel every parent has a right to parent in their own way....What upset me was that he did not give those same considerations to me.... and did not care about my time, schedule, or the needs of my DS.

And, I left at the end because I wanted to get my son to the evaluation which, thank you for reminding me, is my responsibility.

 

[DLBDS]

I would have been LIVID. Very rude. The guy is a drip. Don't be so accommadating next time. You'll feel lots better!

 

[cepmom]

very rude!!! I would have been po'd.

So did Stan ever get his son to the evaluation??

 

[diskids2]

very rude!!! I would have been po'd.

So did Stan ever get his son to the evaluation??

Stan came to the evaluation about ten minutes after I arrived. My DS was already in the gym, so Stan Jr. went in another group.

Stan Sr. said absolutely nothing about the "waiting" on way or the other. We just talked about the two baseballs leagues are sons are in this year.