another chapter is "as the playground turns"

[Briar Rose 7457]

I am so glad we have only 3 more days of school. these 5th grade graduation parties are becoming a real "joy". some of those girls...

so yesterday my dd was invited to a graduatiion pool party in the afternoon and a birthday/graduation party in the evening. when I picked her up at the end of the pool party she told me that tina had been mean to her -- things like accidentally on purpose hitting her during a game of Marco Polo, stuff like that. (last year Tina was on eof her best firends, but this year they weren't as close -- but they never argued before yesterday.) she basically blew it off when Tina was picking on her, but Tina was also invited to the birthday party last night. so in the car we had a discussion about what to do if Tina continued to harass her at the birthday party. did she want to fight with Tina and make a scene at the party or did she want to try to diffuse the situation? but nothing happened at the party last night.

but today's party...well, I'm glad we had a talk about how to react. most of the girls who were at the two parties yesterday were invited to two more parties today. one was in the early afternoon andthe other was in the late afternoon/evening. dd went to the first party, but is NOT at the second party.

this evening's party is being hosted by Amber. this is the girl who was one of dd's best friends in 4th grade, but decided not to invite dd to her birthday party in september. in fact, Amber made a big deal about not inviting my dd - basically trying to make her feel left out. after the party Amber told one of her guests "I invited you only because my mother made me do it." (turns out that a lot of dd's friends have an "Amber being mean"story.) dd decided that Amber wasn't her friend, and from that point Amber didn't really exist as far as dd was concerned. by january Amber practically begged my dd "can we be friends again?"

so my dd had a party and invited all her friends, and included Amber. (Amber came and had a great time, i think.) but when Amber did her guest list for today's graduation party, she didn't invite my dd. and she made people promise not to tell my dd that she was having a party, telling them that my dd would be "mad" if she found out. at first dd was hurt. she was also very subtle. walked up to Amber one day and said "I lost my invitation to your party, Amber. " Amber did NOT say "I didn't invite you" or "I can't invite you." Amber e mailed an invitation to my dd. (I wouldn't have encouraged dd to push the issue.)

at this afternoon's party, Amber played "drama queen", crying and weeping. she was "so upset" because "too many people were oming to her party" and that "she had to uninvite one perosn" -- my dd. she couldn't even do it herself, she asked two other girls to tell my dd. she played the victim the whol time.

if she didn't want her at the party she should have said so instead of inviting her. or if she'd changed her mind she should have told dd privately. insteead, she made it all into a drama about Amber. and, oh yes, Tina sided with Amber.

so she ruined this afternoon's party for my dd.


anyhow, dd and her freind Britanny were planning to hang out together for the hour and a half between parties. after the scene with Amber, Britanny decided she didn't want to go to Amber's aprty, and the two of them went out together instead. just as well. I think there were too many parties going on this weekend anyhow.

I don't remember this much melodrama going on when my older dd was in 5th grade. she went to the parties and had a good time, and there was nothing much to say. she had some goings-on in 7th grade with a few girls, but I think I expect it more with older girls.

 

[CEDmom]

This is all too much for me. I considering convent school for DD (3 1/2)

Seriously, girls can be so mean to one another. Your DD is probably better off having minimal contact with some of these girls. I shutter to think what their parents must be like.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

you know, I actually like Amber's mom. she's not phony or superficial, seems genuinely warm. but I think she's very uninvolved with Amber's life.

 

[Spinning]

wow that is tough! I can't even imagine! Do all kids have a graduation parties from 5th grade?
Making the break with friends is so hard. I remember when it came time for one of dearest friends and I to go our seperate ways. That was in 10th grade!
Good luck and who knows next year maybe bring an end to all of this and they will each find their new set of friends

 

[snoopy]

Sounds to me like you need to encourage the friendship with Brittany and discourage the friendship with Amber.

Actually, though, your daughter will probably come to realize that Brittany is her loyal pal, while Amber is a manipulative girl, and will make up her mind all by herself.

And I have to say how happy I am that I have BOYS! My boys never argue with their friends - boys I guess are the type that wrestle each other to the ground, and that is the end of it.

 

[cinmell]

I'm so glad I'm not in school anymore!

 

[Kteacher]

I've been going through this with my DD too. She is finishing up 5th grade, and some of the girls have been really mean to her this year. It was so different with my boys when they were that age-they could be fighting with kids one minute, and the next minute shooting hoops or playing baseball with the same kids. {{{ hugs }}} to you and your DD .

 

[Blondie]

Originally posted by snoopy
And I have to say how happy I am that I have BOYS! My boys never argue with their friends - boys I guess are the type that wrestle each other to the ground, and that is the end of it.

Amen to that Snoopy! I'm glad I don't have to deal with half this crap! I've always wanted a daughter, but after reading and hearing some of the things lately, I think I've been blessed with sons for a reason!

Good luck BR! Sounds like the start of a very dramatic next couple of years for you!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

snoopy, you don't know the half of it!


dd and Britanny went to the mall, and out to eat, and then to Ralph's Italian Ices -- local hangout. and ran into one of the boys from school. so they made their own party. and had a great time.

I think dd will be writing off Amber.

 

[Mjasp]

Yep, 5th grade is when it really starts. Had the same problem last year with my DD. I always wanted girls and have 2. 6th and 2nd grader. I think you are right when you say boys don't do this.

My 2nd grader was just complaining to me tonight about her little girl friends.

Who cries, who don't talk to you today and then does tomorrow. UGHHH

Good Luck

 

[Buckalew]

I think you are right. Too many parties this weekend.

 

[jamsmom]

Originally posted by cinmell
I'm so glad I'm not in school anymore!

AMEN TO THAT!

My niece that is going into the 7th grade just started having these type of problems this year. The little girls can be so mean.

 

[bsnyder]

After having two boys, and now a girl (who's fast approaching that age where they're all mean to each other) I can say I'm amazed at the differences in their relationships with their peers.

I think you're on to something, Snoopy, about the "wrestling each other to the ground" thing. Boys learn pretty early on that there's a line that can't be crossed, verbally, without it leading to a physical response, like a punch in the nose. Since girls are much less likely to resort to physically taking each other on, that line is much less clear.

 

[Regina]

I have two DD's, one is now almost 21, the other 18.

I've always had a good relationship with them, and they've had plenty of these little melodramas over the years.

IMHO, your DD's approach was far from subtle in getting invited in the first place. She put the girl in an awkward position by saying that she "lost" her invitation. While her motivation for forcing the issue may have been to hurt Amber, it backfired.

It's all part of learning who your friends are. What I've done in these situations is to be a good listener, and gently steer my DD in the direction of the girls who I knew were the better choice.

 

[CookieGVB]

I'm so happy that 1) I have sons; 2) they're not very popular, and don't get invited or need to go to every single party in the county; 3) they don't graduate until 8th grade; 4) did I mention I was happy I had boys???

There's enough melodrama in my house without all this petty party b.s. Gives me plenty of time to focus on who's trying to make who get into trouble when it's time for bed...along with all the other happy little arguments.

 

[disneyjunkie]

With all the problems from the parties, do you think the parents can get together the next time (that will be 8th grade right) and have one big party of everyone?

I'm so glad this will not be an issue for DS. He did not have a 6th grade graduation(this year)and he won't have an 8th grade graduation. The principle has already told us SHE wants to foot the bill for ONE party when they gradutate from HS. (DS attends a public, college prep 6-12 school. His class will be the first to graduate in 2009)

I think if the parents work together, there would not be so many party issues.

DS and one of his classmates birthdays are in October. The girl's
mom and I was talking about parties a few weeks ago and she asked if I'd mine having the kids parties together. There are 60 students in their grade level and there will be 60 in the 6th grade. If we do the party together we can invite all the students, no hurt feelings.

Sounds like a great plan to me.

I really want a daughter but when I read these threads, I think I must be nuts.

 

[Evil Princess]

Originally posted by Briar Rose 7457
snoopy, you don't know the half of it!


dd and Britanny went to the mall, and out to eat, and then to Ralph's Italian Ices -- local hangout. and ran into one of the boys from school. so they made their own party. and had a great time.

I think dd will be writing off Amber.

GOOD! Ralph's can cure anything, especially some peanut butter cookie dough ices Now where am I gonna get Ralph's in Boston next year?

Obviously your DD is getting hurt, but she seems like a very strong girl. I would never at that age, or even today, have the guts to go up to Amber and say that "i must've lost my invitation". I would have just sat in my room and cried. After all that has happened, your DD seems like she has a good head on her shoulders.

Pixie Dust for middle school, those are the WORST years!

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

lol, yeah, Ralph's can cure almost anything.


the dynamics will change in middle school. there are 125 students in the 5th grade. there will be 350 in the 6th grade next year.

you now, every class has its "winners" like Amber, but it seems that my dd's grade has more than its fair share of "winners."