Angelrose's Journey

[minniecarousel]

ah, Angelrose, I've been thinking of you, knowing that the one-year mark is coming up. You are such an inspiration. You have great strength. Get through next week, then you will have that "milestone" behind you.

Hang in there. You continue to be in my prayers.

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you Julie. I appreciate your kind words and prayers. That's what gets me through the day. Just knowing I have friends who care and don't mind me crying on their shoulders.

I tried to keep real busy today and that helped. This afternoon I got in the pool and talked to Ron. I know he hears me and that helps me deal with him not being here. I still keep saying "IT'S NOT FAIR". Of course it isn't fair. I know I'm not the only woman who has lost her husband. Or who has suffered another loss. I just never knew how hard it would be. I still say goodnight to him before bed. I really miss the way he would rub my back and neck every afternoon. I would rub his back at night and he would rub mine every afternoon. It was a good deal. LOL I always felt so close to him doing that. And it was heaven when he would rub my head. Funny how you miss those little things.

 

[Angelrose]

Today was hard for me. And right about now, one year ago, he was breathing his last. My poor love.

Chuck called me today "just to tell me about Jesse going to Sesame Place". I know he was trying to cheer me up. It worked for a little while.

Thanks everyone for your kind words of support and prayers. I don't know what I would do with it. It really makes a difference.

 

[minniecarousel]

You've gotten through this day! It's now behind you.

You are a strong woman - don't ever doubt that!

 

[4nana]

Know that your many Dis friends continue to hold you in their hearts and prayers Angelrose . Your love and devotion for Ron, your faith, strength and courage, is an example to be truly admired. Sadly you've endured a lot of heartache this year sweetie, yet found the courage to grow in many ways, and I'm betting your soul mate is proudly smiling from above how far his girl has come. May God bless and guide you and show you the way as you continue one day at a time to enjoy life surrounded by your loving family, sweet DGS and one on the way, and your friends. Godspeed

 

[minnie56]

Lots of good thoughts heading your way Angelrose...and many hugs

God Bless

 

[snapppyd]

AngelRose, you inspire me. My Dh and I have been married for 28 1/2 years, we don't have any children. We are best friends, but sometimes I take him for granted. I'm not always as nice as I should be. When I read about you and Ron it makes me remember that this life is fleeting and I should not take my Dh for granted. Thank you for that!

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Oh, my friend....wish I had some words of wisdom and hope...but I can say how much I admire your courage, strength and love. You are an inspiration - Ron must be so very proud of you each and every moment of the day. yours is a beautiful love story and story of love.

Am holding you ever so near in my heart and prayer - think we all wish we were closer so we have a nice lunch together and share some tears.

 

[Angelrose]

Oh my dear friends, I can't thank you enough for all your support and love. I know I've said it many times, but that is what gets me through this terrible time.

Now I have another worry. My sweet Karen is in the hospital this evening with preterm labor. She is 27 1/2 weeks pregnant and only around 87 more days to go. They also had to up her insulin again. We could use some prayers for her and baby Zoey Lynn. I think she just overdid it the other day. She took Jesse to Sesame Place all day and I think it was too much for her.

I'm really hoping she is OK. This baby is very precious to us all.

I had a pretty good day today (until I heard about Karen). I tried to keep my mind occupied while swimming. I keep think about how and when I'm going to lightly sand the deck and repaint it. I'm thinking maybe wait until just before I close the pool. I know I can't get out there in the heat and humidity and work. I know I could get Chuck to help me with it, but I would rather I do it by myself. I want Ron to look down and smile at me painting. I never would do it before. Ron always said it was a one man job anyway. And I was a lazy bum and let him do it. I did bring him a cool drink and stayed out on the porch in case he needed me for anything. He called me the Supervisor. LOL

 

[Minnie&Nana]

Oh, angelrose...hoping and praying you hear good news from Karen and Chuck very soon. Precious Zoey Lynn must be safe. I know what a concern it is - my cousin is diabetic (from childhood) and had very difficult pregnancies.

Of course you know we all will be holding dear Karen and Zoey in our hearts and prayer. Keep us posted when you are able.

Well, I can just see you being the supervisor as Ron worked on the deck! Isn't that a very difficult job to sand, then stain the deck? MY daughter just had the house painted and deck done as well - I could never stain and/or paint a deck! You are BRAVE!!! If only I lived closer...would show up with a cold drink and keep you company - you could tell me stories about Ron while you work and I watch.

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you Christine. I haven't heard anything yet, so I assume everything is OK and she is resting.

I just have to lightly sand the deck. Just rough it up a bit and get the flakes off. That will be the hardest part. I will just do a bit at a time. The staining will go a lot faster. I can do a few sections at a time until it's done. It may take longer than when Ron did it. He did the staining all in one long afternoon. He did it with a brush. I have a pad that I will use. Not sure how that will work out. It may be easier to just use a big brush. I'll have to see. Now it will be Ron's turn to supervise! I would love to have you come and keep me company. If only all those extra states weren't in the way.

 

[pixiefairy]

I just came upon this thread this evening. I wanted to extend my deepest sympathy to you and lots and lots of . I wish I could do or say something to make you feel better, but just know that some strange lady in Illinois is thinking of you and wishing you well. I'll keep thinking good thoughts for Karen and please keep us updated.

Your thoughts and experiences have really helped me realize how very lucky we are when we are with our "knights in shining armor". I had a few very scary experiences this year...the first being an emergency situation with my husband of 11 years. He was in a lot of pain one morning on the way to work and I had to call 911 while on the phone with him, not knowing what was happening. The EMT's told me they'd call me when they got him settled at the hospital, but for 2 hours I had no idea. That was terrifying. He was in the emergency department for several hours, then needed emergency surgery to stop his intenstines from strangulating his bowel. I have 5 kids...and trying to keep it together was the most difficult thing I've ever had to do. Luckily, he did well and is still here with me. Life gets in the way some times...but I'm NEVER going to take things for granted ever again.

I'm sorry to jump in here with this....but I realize I still have some unresolved issues. I'm still scared every time he doesn't feel well. I've read this thread with tears and laughter....you are an inspiration and everyone around you, whether they be family, friend, or internet buddy is lucky to know you.

 

[minnie56]

Oh yes indeed, Angelrose has made a profound impact on us all. We never know in this life where paths will cross with extra special human beings that make a difference in how we view life and each other do we? She has wonderful Karma and amazes me with her strength and faith every day. She is a better woman than I! Of this I am sure.

How is Karen today Angelrose? My name is Karen..so I often think of her too!

I am praying that little Zoey stays 'put' for a little while longer!!

Have a lovely day all!

 

[Angelrose]

Thank you pixiefairy for your condolences and hugs. And thank you for the story about your DH. You just give him an extra hug every once in a while for no reason. I'm so glad that Ron and I did that. It helps me now.

You are so right in saying we never know when our loved ones can be taken from us. Just make the most of the time you have with them.

Karen is much better today and even went back to work this morning. The cramping has stopped and little Zoey is behaving herself for the time being. This one is going to be a handful I can tell! Thank you all for your prayers for her. I'm sure they helped.

The kids invited me out to dinner tonight at Olive Garden. I know they wanted to do something special for me this week. We had a great time and lots of laughs and I got to spend time with Jesse. He was so excited to see me and gave me a big hug. After we got back home, I got to read him three little books before his bedtime. I got another big hug and he said, "I love you Miss Grandma." I think that is so cute. He gets that from daycare where his teachers are Miss something.

Thank you both for the compliments. I don't know how I can live up to them though. All I can do his try to survive and be happy for the years we had together.

minnie56, you are the second friend I have whose name is Karen. How strange is that? What's even stranger is that Ron's first wife was named Karen. The name Karen must be in my destiny.

 

[pixiefairy]

Angelrose....I'll definitely take that advice. It's my dh's birthday today...and I hope to make sure that he knows how much I love him and how special he is.

And I believe that we are stronger than we even realize...especially when life happens. And we just don't really know how we can handle things until they happen. I was a mess with my dh's illness and hospitalization. I felt like I was coming undone. A month later, my son was hit by a car walking to school. By the grace of God...his only injury was a broken shoulder. I was calm and collected after the initial shock...and I'm still not quite sure how I was able to be so clear headed. My dh was a mess though...and he commented quite a bit that he was proud of how I reacted.

SO glad to hear that Karen and Zoey are doing well....keeping the prayers coming!!!

 

[minnie56]

See Angelrose? We have a connection indeed

So glad to hear that Karen (the other one is doing so much better and little Zoey is being a good girl now! I hope she can take it easy as much as possible...

You don't have anything to live up to..just be you. That in itself is enough to set the bar pretty high!

 

[Angelrose]

Oh my goodness pixiefairy, how scary to have your son hit by a car. I'm so glad it was only a broken shoulder. Although that is bad enough.

Sometimes it's the little things that we remember the most. I remember one time I was making lunch and Ron came up and gave me a hug. At the time, I started to get annoyed because I was "busy". Then I thought, "how crazy am I to be annoyed by a hug?" I turned around and gave him a big bear hug back. We both laughed and we had a good snuggle before I went back to making lunch. That happened only a month or so before he fell. I'm so glad that I gave him that big bear hug. We had a lot of those hugs and kisses for no reason. You can never have too many. You never know when they will be gone forever. What I wouldn't give for a little hug and kiss right now.

We would come up to one another and say, "I have a huggie deficit." Then the other would make sure that the huggie stock was refilled at once. Those are the fun things I remember most.

 

[hellokitty86]

Hi Angelrose, I'm Ashley. I'm not sure if I've posted in here before, but I read often and also think about you often!

I recently had a loss of my own. My Grandfather passed away suddenly from what we think was a heart attack. He was only 65. It happened 3 weeks ago. His 66th birthday was today and tomorrow is Father's Day so the whole family is having a rough time this weekend. I go through different stages, some where I feel like I'm in denial and some when I'm crying alot. It's the first major loss I've experienced (I'm only 23) so it's been hard. But, I guess this is never easy is it?

Anyway, just wanted to tell you people you don't even know are thinking of you & wishing you well!

 

[Angelrose]

Hello Ashley and welcome. I'm so sorry for the loss of your grandfather at such a young age. My Ron's birthday is this Thursday and he would have been 75. You are so right about it never being easy. It's the hardest thing we have to do in this life is to say that final goodby to our loved ones. Just know that your grandfather is always with you in your heart. It's never enough, but it is something. Remember all the wonderful times you had with him.

I know at first my memories were so painful that I would cry at every memory. But little by little I got to where the memories sometimes bring a smile. I have so many great memories.

Thank you for your well wishes and kind thoughts. I can never say it enough, but DIS friends are the best in the world.

 

[Angelrose]

Hello my friends. I've been spending a lot of time in the pool. It keeps my mind occupied and I feel closer to Ron there.

I had another dream of Ron. It seems all my dreams are of him in bed with me. I knew he was next to me, but his body felt so hot, like he had a fever. So I asked him if he was OK. He turned over and smiled and said he was fine. I said OK but don't go away. He hugged me and smiled and said ,"Oh I'm always here".

Isn't that something? This can't be just a coincidence. I know he is always here with me. That makes me feel so much better to know that. Sometimes I feel so lonely here all by myself. I know I can talk to the kids or my cousin, but it's just not the same. Now I know that when I talk to Ron, he really is here with me.