Angelrose's Journey

[minnie56]

Oh Michelle...I am sorry
I hope you get some answers and more importantly-some relief soon...constant pain can really wear you down

It's very draining...poor you. Just want you to be on the mend too.

 

[chell]

Thank you. Sometimes it eases it. I've noticed that stress makes it a lot worse. Sometimes at work I get stressed out because we have someone who is real loud. That bothers me because I can't concentrate on what I need to do. When that is going on I start hurting more and get really, really nauseated. I need to remember to tell the doctor that stress does make it worse. Oddly spices don't bother me at all.

Thank you for your concern. You are so sweet. Have a great trip! I've got to get to bed now. See you back here soon.

 

[minnie56]

I am not sure what your job is? If you mentioned..I am not known for my memory!!! Can you wear an I-pod or similar to help tune this person out? Just a thought..it's hard I know. You don't need the added angst it sounds...that's a tricky situation

Nite, sleep is good.

 

[Angelrose]

Have a great trip minnie56. I will love seeing those pictures of fall colors. Our trees here, just get brown and die. We haven't had a beautiful fall in ages.

Michelle, I so hope you start to feel better soon. I hate that you are hurting.

I called the volunteer manager again this morning. Of course she was at a meeting. I left a message and my phone number. I didn't get a call back as usual. Now that is just rude. When I went there they were all saying that they always needed more cuddlers. Now all of a sudden they are all full up? I will definitely call right at 9am tomorrow. I need to know if there is some reason they find me unsuitable. If they have a reason, I'm sure it is some kind of mix up. Probably over the spelling of my last name. Or someone put in the wrong number on my drivers license. But I want to know! As you can tell, I am rather pissed. I really want to volunteer. I can read to them, I can hold them. Anything like that. It's funny. I wasn't sure about this for a long time. Now that I know it's something I want to do, I'm finding roadblocks. Oh well, if it's meant to be, it will happen. Maybe God has other plans for me.

 

[Angelrose]

Michelle the Yum Yum sauce is light pink in color. I'm seriously thinking of bathing in it. LOL It is so good.

I finally got in touch with the volunteer lady this morning. She said I am going to orientation on the 27th and then have a meeting with her the next day to get set up for my MMR shot and tb test. Then I will start work on November 2! I am so excited now. I think it will be good for me as well as giving the kids in pediatrics something to look forward to. I love to read. Jesse is still too young to read to. I get two pages in and he is OFF. Maybe next year.

I was in my big living room tonight reading. The big living room was supposed to be a two car garage but we decided to have the large room for a reading and music room. I just started crying. Ron loved this room so much. It was "my" room. He would come downstairs and give me a hug and we would talk. He would tell me how much he loved my decorations and how he would love to come in this room at night even when I wasn't there because it was "me". After I got the room decorated for Christmas, I would take him by the hand and drag him in there. He would always say WOW! He so loved all the ornaments and lights. I miss him so much. Right about this time of night he would be finished with his computer and come into my computer room and give me a hug from behind. He would tell me he was going downstairs to watch tv. I would always have something to show him, funny pictures or cute animal pictures someone would send me. Then he would give me another hug and go downstairs. I know he is here in spirit but I miss those hugs. It hurts so much. How am I going to get through the holidays? After I get everything decorated, there will be no one to tell me WOW and give me a hug. I have my kids, but they can't be with me all the time. I have our trip to Disney to look forward to, but that is going to be hard too.

I'm sorry to keep on whining. It's just a bad night tonight.

 

[chell]

Oh Angelrose you aren't whining. If I could come up there and look at your Christmas decorations then hug you I would! I know it wouldn't be the same but I would do it. You are still going to have difficult times and it is okay. It is normal. You are still very early in the grieving process. Your dear Ron hasn't been gone from here all that long. Don't be too hard on yourself. Don't think you should be completely "healed" by now because you shouldn't. If you were then you wouldn't be the kind, loving, wonderful woman we have all come to know and love so much. To add to it all you & Ron had a very special kind of love and an amazing relationship and you don't find that every day. You have more to grieve than some others do when they loose their partners. Gosh, I hope this doesn't bring you down again. I don't mean for it to. I'm just trying to help you see why it is okay for you to still feel down. You are having good days and that is GREAT because you should. You need to have good days. You have to go on. But you have to deal with all of your feelings and it seems you are doing that. You seem to be doing what you should.

I'm glad you finally got to talk with someone at the hospital. It's about time they got you scheduled.

The Yum Yum sauce does sound like our shrimp sauce. That stuff is awesome!

Minnie56 I know you are on your trip right now but I do listen to my iPod on the worst days. Sadly sometimes she is so loud she overpowers my music. Now THAT is bad! I'm not going to turn my music up so loud that it damages my ears. Oh well, maybe one of these days someone will get through to her that she can't act that way.

I hope you are having fun!

Angelrose I'm sorry you don't get the pretty fall colors there.

 

[Angelrose]

Thanks chell. We did have such a good marriage. I miss him so much. Some days are just harder than others.

 

[chell]

You are welcome. Like I said earlier please don't beat yourself up so bad when you have a rough day. You need to remind yourself that you are allowed to have bad days. You have to in order to heal. No matter what know that you are surrounded by people who love you and support you. I've told you before that you feel like family to me and that I love you like I've known you for years. If there was anything I could do to ease your pain I would do it in a heartbeat.

 

[Angelrose]

Oh chell, you are so sweet to me. I feel like we are family too. That's funny, isn't it? We've only chatted online for a few months and we have all become so close. I really appreciate your love and support.

 

[chell]

It is something how close we have become in such a short amount of time. God brought us all together for a reason. The circumstances were very unfortunate, but I am glad we have become friends. I just wish I could do more and take your pain away.

 

[Angelrose]

You help and that's all I could ask for. Time will do the rest. I know it will be a long, long time. I also know that the pain never really goes away. You just survive another day.

 

[chell]

I hope you had a great day today.

Tomorrow we are watching the boys again. We will be working on their countdown project. I'm excited to work on that with them.

 

[Angelrose]

I cleaned upstairs today and then, OK now don't laugh, I put out some Christmas decorations. I hear you laughing!! I got my bedroom all done and my computer room almost all done. It made me feel good and reminds me of how close our trip is getting. Only 54 more days.

 

[chell]

Do you want to come clean my house now? Not laughing at all! It is funny though because just yesterday I was thinking that I want to get mine out soon.

Hope you had a great day today.

 

[Angelrose]

I had a lazy day today. I did the bare minimum of house cleaning. Then I sat in front of the tv all day.

It's funny how things work out. I have been thinking about calling my neighbor across the street to ask him if he wants Ron's hand weights. I just never seem to be able to do it. Well, this afternoon, Terry called and asked if I wanted a loaf of her homemade pumpkin bread. Woman do you even have to ask?? She sent her husband over and he gave this huge loaf. I asked him if he wanted the weights and he said yes. He brought over his Jeep and took them all. There were 8 lb, 15 lb and 25 lb weights. He said he didn't think he was going to be able to lift the 25 lb any time soon. Ron used to work out every other night. He would watch tv and start with the 8 lbs and work up to the 25 lbs. I'm glad that Chris will be able to get some use out of them. I also gave their boys their Halloween bags because I will be at the kids house that night. I gave them each two Pez (Toy Story) and some chocolate bars. I'm sure that will keep them happy. I had to have a slice of her pumpkin loaf. OMG it was sinfully good. She put a tiny drizzle of icing on the top and that made it even better. I could just sit down and eat the whole thing.

 

[chell]

Lazy days are wonderful. When you come to clean my house will you bring me a piece of pumpkin loaf too? I love pumpkin anything. Friday my friend at work brought me a Pumpkin Latte. That is about the only time I drink coffee because I just don't like the taste of it, but add pumpkin stuff to it and it is good enough for me to drink!

 

[Angelrose]

How about if I mail you a piece? For sure, not going to be cleaning your house. Don't even want to clean my own!

 

[chell]

It might not survive the mail. Guess you will have to eat a piece for me.

Dang, I can't find anyone but Larry to clean the house for me. Bless his heart, he really does try to do a good job. He just doesn't understand the concept of dusting. That is something I can't do because of my allergies.

Has the cold hit you yet? It has here.

 

[Angelrose]

Not real cold. We've had a high of 45 the last two days. We've had a nor'easter and had about 2 1/2 inches of rain and some wind. Not too bad, thank goodness. It's supposed to get warmer on Tuesday and Wednesday.

 

[chell]

We are supposed to warm back up then too. I hope the wind doesn't get too bad. Stay safe and dry and warm!