And you wonder why some kids are insensitive...

[Mskanga]

One of my DD's classmates in kindergarten suffers from a birth defect that has some parts of her body disfigured such as her face. Yesterday the kids had a spring party and right after that they had bunny race relays. I heard these two other mothers ( their kids were in other kindergarten classes ) talking about this little girl and wondering how kids treated her at school and why she didn't have cosmetic surgery.
I turned around and told them , the kids in the school don't treat her any different that any other child because we are all different, nobody has the same eyes or ears. It killed me because that child's mother is in the school often but nobody knows who she is because she's a very reserved person, I know if she heard that yesterday it would have hurt her feelings.
It just amazes me that grown ups don't realize those things and if that's what they say at school , what do they say at home??

 

[December99]

I agree - it comes from those that are older and know better!!!! I'm finding this out very quickly with a situation I am dealing with in one of my volunteer hats!

 

[Pooh93]

As

It just amazes me that grown ups don't realize those things and if that's what they say at school , what do they say at home??

That's why usually the apple does not fall far from the tree!

Good for you for setting them straight!

 

[binny]

I over hear a lot of things about Karissa and youre right it is extremely painful!!

While Karissas disablities are not neccesarily physical, if you watch her long enough you can see the delay in the way she moves. I hear so many things like " What do you think is wrong with her?" and " What happened to her?"




All any parent wants for their kids is to be accepted and loved and when that doesnt happen it hurts more than if they had done it to us!

 

[Mskanga]

Binny, what these people don't know is that the child DID undergo surgery not too long ago that did improve her physical condition as well as her cosmetic a little bit. All the kids made special get well cards for her and the teacher brought them to the hospital herself. The child's parents are wonderful people and do everything that can possibly be done for her, I know if I was the mother yesterday , I would have been devastated, I think that more than likely that's why the mother is so reserved in the school. She dresses this girl cute as a button , always with the cutest stockings, and she's a sweetie, she kept talking to me yesterday at the party, gave me hugs.....she just wrapped me around her finger!

All any parent wants for their kids is to be accepted and loved and when that doesnt happen it hurts more than if they had done it to us!

You are so correct on this one, you can do or say anything you want to me, but don't touch my children, that hurts more.

 

[d.kurz]

This is a subject that has fascinated me for a long time. When kids are cruel to other kids, I ALWAYS wonder ...what makes them like that??? And after a lot of years, I DO think it comes from the parents. Sadly enough.

Binny, I have long wondered another thing. When a CHILD notices a disability they don't know enough not to ask about it. My DD was a really curious kid and ALWAYS noticed stuff like that. And I would DIE A THOUSAND DEATHS when she asked about it. I know sometimes the parent overheard and sometimes I'd mouth "sorry" and sometimes I'd beat a hasty retreat, never knowing what was the right thing to do. And (good lord, this is really making me upset!) worst of all, MY reaction all those times has actually made her acutely uncomfortable around disabled people. At least I THINK that is the source of her anxiety. And I would sometimes (OK, now I'm crying) be angry with my DD for the situation. Please tell me....I never wanted those parents to be hurt....what should I have done in those situations? What would make YOU as the parent of the disabled kid not feel bad??

 

[ltldeb]

I am so glad you set them straight! I have a girl in my Girl Scout troop with no facial muscle control around her mouth. She has grown up with most of the girls in the troop and they are great with her. She also suffers from some gross motor skills deficiencies. If we go somewhere and some of the girls don't think she can handle it, they will help her along to make sure she is safe and okay. Sometimes I wish the parents took lessons from their children. They could learn a lot.

 

[binny]

d, I totally understand youre delima! I think weve all been there one time or another.
For me at least and I cant speak for others of course, but I would love if a child came up to me and said something even like" Whats wrong with her?" or " Why doesnt she talk right?"

To me thats so much better than teasing her or being afraid of playing with her. I would love the chance to explain to people that she isnt being mean to anyone by not listening ( the child does not have a mean bone in her body!) she just doesnt understand! She was almost deaf at birth and while she can hear now, she has a processing disorder. That means that things can go in her ears and sometimes they connect where theyre supposed to and sometimes they dont.

To a child I simply say " Sometimes she just doesnt understand what youre saying but she would love to colour, play, whatever you want to do, if youll just show her how" Karissa loves to play with kids and she can do anything they can do, sometimes she is just a little slower or doesnt do it quite as well.


To me, a chance to educate someone about CAPD is a wonderful thing! So few people know about it and so many more have it and dont know it.

I wouldnt mind at all if someone were to ask me about her. I so prefer that to someone just assuming there is something terribley wrong or worse yet contagious ( which is what many people think about anyone with a disabilty )


Anyway, I guess thats my answer, as long and drawn out as it was. Kids are curious at heart and not usually mean, they just want to know why. I think everybody knows that.

 

[d.kurz]

Thanks, Binny! I appreciate your response! Now if I can just figure a way for her to get over her anxiousness...

It's weird 'cause DS is completely opposite. Probably due to the fact that he's LD. He's in high school now and works with the disabled kids in a program they have called "Best Buddies." He's the type of kid you don't get much information from. One day I was pumping him for info on how he liked the best buddy thing, and how HE viewed their disabilities and he snapped (as only a 16yo can) "God's sake, Mom, they're JUST KIDS!" I wish he'd let his sister in on that little fact!!

 

[binny]

I dont know how old your dd is but perhaps getting her involved with your ds program would work? Or perhaps just letting her go with him one day to get an idea of how other people do things?

If that wouldnt work there are several really good books out there that might be appropriate.
Books like the Secret Garden



I didnt know about this one but Im ordering it!
http://search.barnesandnoble.com/bo...serid=370X8ZMXID&sit=T&isbn=1556434332&itm=10

Its from John Upledger who, in my mind, is a hero! He developed a technique called "Cranio sacral therapy" that did wonders for Karissa! I odnt know how good it is but I will let you know.

 

[Disney Doll]

You know, I don't really have a problem with a child going up to a disabled person and asking them what the matter. I don't think it's done out of meanness as much as natural childhood curiousity. But for 2 adults to be standing talking about a little girl, especially where they can be overheard...well that fries me!!!!

My neighbor is a teacher who students have different levels of hearing impariment, from mildly to profoundly deaf. DH and I have chaperoned several of their class trips. On one trip, we went on a tour of Yankee Stadium. It was the whole tour...the locker room, the dugout, the area with all the statues of famous past Yankees. The man who was giving the tour had one full arm and the other arm amputated at the elbow. Well, he gave this long tour, talking the whole while, and at the end of his "spiel", he asked if anyone had any questions. Well, of course, one of our kids(whose hearing was fairly well corrected with a hearing aid and also had good speech ability) raises his hand and asks the gentleman how he lost his arm!!!!!!!! The man was very nice and explained to the kid that he had been on the Yankee farm team and gotten into a car accident where he lost part of his arm and Mr. Steinbrenner told him then that he'd always have a position in the Yankee organization. Of course, we apologized for the question, and this man was very gracious, saying"It's not a bad thing to have a natural curiousity".

 

[d.kurz]

Disney Doll, that's a great story. Kind of reminds me of a story about DS. We were in Atlantic City and we saw a homeless guy begging on the Boardwalk. He was in a wheelchair and had no arms or legs. A few days later I brought it up in the car to see if the kids had any thoughts on this. DS says "Was he wearing a Yankees cap?" When I said I was so distracted by the guy's lack of limbs to notice the cap, and asked him what the heck made him notice the cap. He replied, "Well, I wondered how he got it on his head." Kids think so differently from adults, don't they?

Binny, I've asked her if she plans on trying to get into the best buddy program and she practically shudders in terror. She's 14 now. Hopefully she will become more comfortable as time goes by. All my fault.