And don't call me sweetie

[turkeymama]

It really baffles me that some people find these terms disrespectful. I have always lived in the south so I've never known any different. Of course, all of this is situational. Still, to automatically assume someone intends disrespect just because the words "honey" or "sweetie" come out of their mouth confuses me. If I am ever disrespectful to someone, believe me when I say, my intentions and tone would be unmistakable.

To me, this is equivalent to someone from certain cities in the northeast referring to me as "hey you" or "hey lady". I might not prefer it, but I don't think I would automatically assume the person meant to disrespect me.

Quite frankly, the more I think about it, the stranger I find people's being offended. I think I'm best if I hang here in the Deep South where I was born and raised.

 

[disykat]

It really baffles me that some people find these terms disrespectful. I have always lived in the south so I've never known any different. Of course, all of this is situational. Still, to automatically assume someone intends disrespect just because the words "honey" or "sweetie" come out of their mouth confuses me. If I am ever disrespectful to someone, believe me when I say, my intentions and tone would be unmistakable.

To me, this is equivalent to someone from certain cities in the northeast referring to me as "hey you" or "hey lady". I might not prefer it, but I don't think I would automatically assume the person meant to disrespect me.

Quite frankly, the more I think about it, the stranger I find people's being offended. I think I'm best if I hang here in the Deep South where I was born and raised.

I guess to me, whether they intend disrespect isn't the issue, it's the fact that I find using Pet names to a total stranger disrespectful. I don't think anyone here has said they assume the person that uses those terms "intends" disrespect, just that they find it disrespectful. The "intends disrespect" was an assumption of one of the "anti-ma'am" posters claiming that anyone who uses the term in their area is using it in disrespect, which I also find pretty impossible to believe BTW.

It's pretty simple. If you live somewhere where it is acceptable to call strangers pet names, go ahead. If you go elsewhere, simply adjust your habits so you don't unintentionally offend someone. The same way if I go somewhere and call people ma'am and realize I'm offending them, I'll stop doing so. (Since the only time I use it is to say "excuse me Ma'am or Sir, you dropped your wallet etc. " I guess it's their loss!)

 

[turkeymama]

I guess to me, whether they intend disrespect isn't the issue, it's the fact that I find using Pet names to a total stranger disrespectful. I don't think anyone here has said they assume the person that uses those terms "intends" disrespect, just that they find it disrespectful. The "intends disrespect" was an assumption of one of the "anti-ma'am" posters claiming that anyone who uses the term in their area is using it in disrespect, which I also find pretty impossible to believe BTW.

It's pretty simple. If you live somewhere where it is acceptable to call strangers pet names, go ahead. If you go elsewhere, simply adjust your habits so you don't unintentionally offend someone. The same way if I go somewhere and call people ma'am and realize I'm offending them, I'll stop doing so. (Since the only time I use it is to say "excuse me Ma'am or Sir, you dropped your wallet etc. " I guess it's their loss!)

Ah, gotcha! I must have strayed off there on one of the posts.

I have a friend from PA who moved down here to Louisiana. She has adjusted quite nicely, but there was an adjustment period when she just wasn't sure about all these names and ma'ams.

 

[evoli]

Don't call me darlin. I feel so old.

 

[tasha99]

I used to work in a hospital here in Kentucky (which, apparently is not part of the south, who knew?) and during orientation we were told to never address a patient as Sweetie, Honey, etc. We were told to call them Mr, Ms, Miss, Mrs. Last Name.

I did an externship in a skilled nursing facility and I never called anyone there by a pet name. When I did a swallowing disorders practicum there a few months before, several of my younger cohort used pet names, and some talked about how "cute" the patients were. Our supervisor nipped that in the bud--treating elders as children is extremely disrespectful.

 

[glammadiva]

It only bothers me if I can tell by the tone they are being sarcastic. Then I give it back. What really irritates me is when a server says "Are you still working on that?" Ugh!!

 

[KristaTX]

I did an externship in a skilled nursing facility and I never called anyone there by a pet name. When I did a swallowing disorders practicum there a few months before, several of my younger cohort used pet names, and some talked about how "cute" the patients were. Our supervisor nipped that in the bud--treating elders as children is extremely disrespectful.

That is what I don't like to see/hear. I don't like being talked to or see someone else talked to in that almost baby-talk-like manner as if they're a pet, especially where it's the younger person talking to the older person in that tone. It's not usually a sarcasm issue for me. It almost never is about sarcasm for me, UNLESS it is in that "Bless Your Heart" tone! The main reason I don't like "sweetie" talk from a young person to an older person (even just 20 vs. 40 years old) is because it sounds like someone is being thought of as if they aren't very bright or capable or are being pitied or something.

If an older waitress in IHOP wants to call me honey or sweetie, then that's fine. Or a hairdresser or something where it just kind of "fits" (I'm thinking Dolly Parton or Kathy Bates types here). But not a young waitress anywhere. And definitely not some young medical assistant who is tending to my healthcare issues.

I am an RN, and I used to work with a young medical assistant whom I adored. But she would call elderly (to her!) patients "sweetie", and it made me cringe inside. I really should have said something to her, but I wasn't in the position of authority over her. I should have just said something to her as her friend.

 

[KristaTX]

What really irritates me is when a server says "Are you still working on that?" Ugh!!

That, and when they just come take stuff off the table without saying anything, like that basket of bread that you aren't finished with.

 

[mhsjax]

Nope, not in the deep south. It is especially a respectful address when said in the manner we were taught. Am not saying that it should be done to those in authority (teachers, business, etc.) but otherwise it is sort of like breathing, definitely not meant to be smarty or condescending.

This 'is' respect! Doesn't mean everyone is called that - there are times for sirs and ma'ams, but it's not a sign of declining respect as you seem to want to take it.

You are not from the south (yes, Kentucky says they are southern, but we moved to Georgetown for a couple years with my dh's employment and found out quick children's manners in general were different there than the area we were raised).

ok wait, you are saying that it is ok for a 14 year old to use sweetie to an elder? My family is from the south, as in Mississippi Tennessee and Georgia, and my parents would have knocked me into next week if I ever addressed someone older than me with a sweetie.

 

[mhsjax]

It only bothers me if I can tell by the tone they are being sarcastic. Then I give it back. What really irritates me is when a server says "Are you still working on that?" Ugh!!

Why? What in the world could be so irritating about that.

 

[KristaTX]

It's a minor annoyance, but for me it's when they ask me if I'm "done with that", but there's still food on my plate and I haven't lain the utensils on the plate indicating that I am. Also, for some reason I'd rather them ask if I'm "finished" with or even "done" with my food than if I'm "still working on that."

I guess that bugs me kind of like it bugs a lot of people on the DIS when a waitperson says, "How is everything tasting?". While I'd rather them say "How is everything?", "How is everything tasting?" doesn't really bother me except for the fact that now it always reminds me of threads like this on the DIS. No idea why some things bother one person, but not the next.

 

[tasha99]

I don't like it when waiters ask about taking my food if I still have a fork in hand and food on my plate because it feels like I'm being rushed out of there. I like to be able to enjoy a restaurant meal at a leisurely pace. I suppose the worst would be having someone say, "Are you still working on that, sweetie?"

 

[North of Mouse]

I am an RN, and I used to work with a young medical assistant whom I adored. But she would call elderly (to her!) patients "sweetie", and it made me cringe inside. I really should have said something to her, but I wasn't in the position of authority over her. I should have just said something to her as her friend.

Why would that make you cringe? I have been hospitalized on more than one occasion, and most all the nurses, aids (no matter their ages) have called me sweetie, honey, baby, etc. It was a very comforting term to hear when I needed it the most. I don't know any of my friends or relatives that have a problem with these type of addresses. I have really been shocked at how people resent these automatic (for us anyway) terms to others.

ok wait, you are saying that it is ok for a 14 year old to use sweetie to an elder? My family is from the south, as in Mississippi Tennessee and Georgia, and my parents would have knocked me into next week if I ever addressed someone older than me with a sweetie.

Well, guess you haven't lived in south LA. Our parents definitely would not have 'knocked someone into next week' for an innocent, normal usage of those endearments to anyone (again, not speaking of those in authority, or business situations).

 

[tasha99]

Why would that make you cringe? I have been hospitalized on more than one occasion, and most all the nurses, aids (no matter their ages) have called me sweetie, honey, baby, etc. It was a very comforting term to hear when I needed it the most. I don't know any of my friends or relatives that have a problem with these type of addresses. I have really been shocked at how people resent these automatic (for us anyway) terms to others.



Well, guess you haven't lived in south LA. Our parents definitely would not have 'knocked someone into next week' for an innocent, normal usage of those endearments to anyone (again, not speaking of those in authority, or business situations).

It's off putting because it is more familiar than respectful. People tend to call children and older people "hun" or "sweetie" and not use those terms with people they consider their peers. Not always, but usually. I know it's often not meant disrespectfully, but I think it's pretty inappropriate in a hospital or rehab situation. As I mentioned further up, we were not allowed to use those terms in grad school. The problem is, even if only a few people find it condescending, how will you know who they are until you offend someone? It's a lot more professional to give everyone the courtesy of using their name.

 

[donaldbuzz&minnie]

I find it interesting that there seems to be almost universal agreement that it is extremely offensive for a student to call a college professor "sweetie", but somehow calling a complete stranger/customer at a restaurant "sweetie" is just a regional or friendly greeting. I'd prefer the respect. Count me among those who find endearments condescending, unless they come from my husband!

 

[mhsjax]

Why would that make you cringe? I have been hospitalized on more than one occasion, and most all the nurses, aids (no matter their ages) have called me sweetie, honey, baby, etc. It was a very comforting term to hear when I needed it the most. I don't know any of my friends or relatives that have a problem with these type of addresses. I have really been shocked at how people resent these automatic (for us anyway) terms to others.



Well, guess you haven't lived in south LA. Our parents definitely would not have 'knocked someone into next week' for an innocent, normal usage of those endearments to anyone (again, not speaking of those in authority, or business situations).

Well no, but I have 2 VERY good friends from LA, in fact their entire families are still there and their kids have never used that term for an elder. An my parents wouldn't have seen it as innocent, but complete disrespect for an adult.

Sorry but it just isn't acceptable for a child or teen to call an adult "sweetie"

 

[Becky2005]

Never phases me when servers do it. I figure it's just their way of AVOIDING 'ma'am' but still calling you something since they don't know your name.

I had a guy at work always call me "Young lady" -- which I cracked up at!!! It was his way of saying "Hi" without having to remember names! Now, we have our names on our uniforms but I thought it was hysterical because I would also hear him use it with customers. I noticed not too long ago, he started calling me by my name when he says "Hi", so apparently he knows who I am now (I never said anything negative about him calling me "Young lady").

It takes a lot to annoy me though -- sometimes it can rub me the wrong way a little since it isn't terms used around here normally but as long as it isn't over the top & even then I figure, eh....they are just trying to be friendly & I guess it is better than a "Hey you idiot" or something like that. LOL!!!!

 

[bunkkinsmom]

I personally find it interesting what people get upset about. My mom can't stand it when someone says "You Guys". It makes her crazy.

Here's my theory: If you're going to get upset because I call you "hon" or "sweetie" and I'm not being condescending to you, then I am really at a loss. I am not going to spend my day walking on eggshells about what people think about me, nor should you around me. It's how I speak to people. I am polite and I am courteous. I am friendly. (I'm good enough, I'm smart enough......)

If you just don't like it and don't get bent out of shape, then I understand. Things happen to all of us every day that we "don't like". And I'm glad that you realize that I'm not intentionally trying to upset you. It may be just a nuance of my style that you're not into.

But if you are really going to get upset by it, then I think there's more going on. I think at one point it was probably regional, but now with so many non-natives (I hope that term doesn't offend anyone ) here in North Carolina, I'm sure I'll see the "well I have friends from NC and they don't talk like that" or "I'm from NC and I would never talk like that" posts. Well I'm from a small town in NC and I DO talk like that. It's not meant to offend.

 

[North of Mouse]

The majority of people that seem to be 'offended' by the friendly greetings that some of us use seem to be mostly from the north areas, or those that are not considered from the 'deep south' (where these greetings are mostly at). Or if from there have lived elsewhere mostly.

Everyone can have there opinions, but just don't expect things to change anytime soon down south. Sorry if these things offend you, but they are not meant that way. We have lived in a few states that we consider north (no matter they are south of the mason dixon) and for the most part people in general are more reserved than we were used to, but we understood that was a regional thing, and we sure didn't expect to change them (or get offended), 'but' we were glad to get back down south .

We're not going to change, y'all aren't going to change, and that's ok by me. Have a great day.

 

[Sam81]

I call every single man I meet Brosef, Champion or Sport's Fan. I refer to every single women as Senorita.

I've been doing this for years and I have gifted children. But I may be on the spectrum.