An Interview for Mothers... Please!

[Miss Kelly]

Mothers,

If you have a minute, could you please fill out this interview. I'm doing a project about starting a family. Your help is greatly appreciated!

Thanks!


_________________________________________

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?


What is the biggest myth about having a baby?


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?


Should a mother stay at home with her children?


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?


What is the best way to raise a child?


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

 

[Miss Kelly]

*Bump*

 

[DisneyPhD]

Those are big questions, it is going to take me a while to think about them and come up with answers. What is it for?

 

[MerryPoppins]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? The changes in your marriage. I mean, I think it made my marriage better, but we went from being centered on each other to having a demanding family member. It changed things.


What is the biggest myth about having a baby? That you have to have lots of money first. They are expensive, but in my opinion if you wait until you have "enough" money you'll never have a child.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? Advantages of private can be smaller classes and a protected environment. Public school is more like the real world and it's less expensive. We've gone with public schools because ours are very good and we think there's less culture shock in college. Both are good options though.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? Learning to sleep when he slept for a while. He sort of had his days and nights mixed up and I'd have never slept if I didn't.


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst? The overwhelming love you feel is the best thing. The worst is when they are sick and you can't fix it.


Should a mother stay at home with her children? That's a tough one. I worked when DS was small. I stayed home with DD. Both are acceptable if you give your child lots of attention and love. If I had a choice, I'd stay home.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child? Mid to late twenties.


What is the best way to raise a child? With love and structure.


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? I'd do it again in a heartbeat! If I would change anything, it might be to push for a third if I was a bit younger.

 

[Miss Kelly]

Thank you so much MerryPoppins!!

DisneyPhD -

Take your time.

To answer your other question: I'm enrolled in a Multidisciplinary Studies Class (required for Seniors) and we had to pick a subject that we intended to do after we graduated. A lot of people chose going to graduate school, starting a business, finding a job, etc but I chose the topic: to start a family (getting married and having children). To make a long story short, we have to survey a group of people in the know (pertaining to our subject) and I thought I would get a lot of responses here. (BTW, all of this is confidential. I'm not including names or screen names.)

Thanks again!

 

[CherCrazy]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?
Figuring out the right way to raise them. I think it helps if you have family nearby to help you find your way.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
That it's all easy and wonderful. There are many difficult times like sickness, injuries, etc.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
We feel that public school is the way to go. DH went to private schools and hated it. We feel public is most like the real world, people from all different walks of life, not like private where it's predominately rich kids. Our public schools here also have many more educational and extra curricular opportunities than the private schools can support.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
Gosh, there were many. I guess the absolute hardest was leaving him to go back to work when he was 3 months old. Luckily, my mom took care of him, that was wonderful for all of us. She was his second mom, not just his babysitter. Working was so difficult that when my other children came along, I became a SAHM...working only part-time jobs on and off.


What is the best thing about having a baby?
The incredible love you feel that you didn't even know you were capable of having.
The worst?
First child...not having the experience to know what you are doing. By the time #2 comes along, you are a pro.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
Yes.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
When you are mature enough to properly and completely care for another individual.

What is the best way to raise a child?
Don't sweat the small stuff. Use an authoritative voice. Watch super nanny.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?
I absolutely would have children again. I think I might space them a little farther apart, but then, they are all such good friends due to their age closeness, that maybe I wouldn't. I really wish that I had more money when they were little to really dress them up better.

 

[DisneyPhD]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?
I read it in someone’s signature and I think it says some like “The decision to become a parent in monumentus, it is the decision to forever have your heart walking around outside your body.” (Sorry I forgot who, it is someone here on Dis.)

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
Pregnancy is 9 months. Hello 40 weeks is 10 months. That last month feels 4 times longer then the others. And as hard as pregnancy is, it is the easy part.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
It really depends on the schools. DH went to private, I was a product of public. He can spell better then me, but I think that has more to do with genetics!


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
The fact that you are responsible for so much more then yourself.

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
Too many to answer. If I would have to pick one I would say breast feeding. I love the fact that not only did my body grow this baby, but it knows how to feed it too. The worst? It is hard, but that all really just fades away at the end of the day. Once again if I had to pick something I guess I would say “The loss of you. You really have to work not to lose yourself in being a parent, but still give yourself to the job 100%. “

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
That really depends on every situation and family. I have worked part time and am currently a SAHM. There isn’t a right or wrong answer, but I am grateful that I am able to be at home right now. You don’t get these years back and they go by so fast. However that isn’t something that all parents can (or even should) do, you do what is best for your family and you.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
When you and your spouse are ready. It doesn’t have to do with age as much as maturity and where you are in life. You should be able to take care of yourself and your spouse (emotionally and financially). You should be at the point that you don't have many things you want to do for yourself, and if you gave them up you would regret it. I think it is very important that under idea situations every child has a mother and father that loves them and each others. (However life is full of less then idea situations and we make the best of them.) I always say that I gave my DD the best I could, I am the best person I can be and I gave them the best dad. There is no better gift then that. The best thing a dad can do for his child is to love their mother.

What is the best way to raise a child?
Books are written on this subject, and even then they don’t cover it all. Once again different for every person and every situation. (Even different for different children in the same families) However I think that with love, support, encouragement , understanding, limits and boundaries and flexibility too is a good start.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

Yes. No. We live we learn. When we stop learning we stop growing.

 

[Saphire]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? That your time is no longer your own. That you now have another life to think about, nurture, help develop into a wonderful person. That responsibility is awesome! It is no longer 'all about you'.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby? That it will bring a marriage closer.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? All my kids went to public, so it is hard to compare when you are unfamiliar with the alternative.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? Days were chopped up according to the baby's schedule, not yours. You get much less done in a day!

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst? Best...you see God and the world in a whole new light...you have new hope and optimisim, and your capacity to love expands! Worst...you are no longer free to live with few responsibilities.


Should a mother stay at home with her children? Yes, if possible.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child? Sometimes a child comes into the world unplanned and unexpected, and is an enormous blessing. Sometimes you plan and plan and then struggle with parenthood. Who knows?


What is the best way to raise a child? With unconditional love and discipline.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? YES, I would do it again, and I would only change some small things. When I look back on their childhood, I can honestly say I tried my best and loved them unconditionally.

 

[kasar]

These are very broad questions and I don't know if I'll be able to answer them completely, but I'll try.....

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? The most challenging aspect is that your life is never the same - that's hard to deal with for some people. You're just not the same person after having a child.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby? So many..... hmm.... I think the whole instant bonding thing is a big myth that can make many new moms feel inadequate. Another myth is that you'll be a happy family, a baby is wonderful but puts a lot of stress on couples.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? I think that's a very personal decision. We like public school because it offers more opportunities and experiences but understand the lure of private schools and smaller, more personalized classes. We live in a town with great schools so we don't have any fears or reservations about public school.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? Putting someone else's needs before your own.

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst? Way too many bests - the fact that I made two human beings is just astonishing to me and to have them be so awesome and so different from each other and so beautiful just takes my breath away sometimes. The worst? The worrying. The emotional drain.

Should a mother stay at home with her children? Big one for me and my thoughts aren't very popular. It's my opinion that unless there are dire circumstances, young children should spend more time with their parents than with anyone else.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child? When both parents are ready.

What is the best way to raise a child? There is no BEST way. I've always been a fan of getting out in the world, learning by doing, being social. We weren't the dark room, nap in your own bed kind of parents. Our kids have slept through most the United States - that's what shoulders are for, right?


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? Of course I would have a child over again (not MORE, just in theory, right?). It's the best thing I've ever done. There's lots I would change but it's a work in progress and I'm trying my hardest so not many regrets.

 

[Sonya]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?
For me it was adjusting to someone who was dependent on me. We had been childless for so long that this was a big adjustment. The lack of "me" time and down time was hard at first.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
That you will bond with them from the start. You don't even know this person! Yes you fall in love but to truly bond takes time for most people.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
It isn't important either way for me. I teach in public school so I think this is where my child will go, but if the money became availible we might send him to private.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
The lack of sleep! Of couse I also had to adjust to someone needing me 24/7. I couldn't shower, sleep in, read, or go out shopping whenever I wanted. I also had some health problems after he was born, so it was really hard, I couldn't take the time to get well. I had to be there anyway, even if I didn't feel good.

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
Best: you don't fully realize the depth of your love. It overwhelms you and takes over you. And it's incredible to see this being that you help create, grow and learn.
Worst: the lack of private time. However you do appreciate the time you do get to yourself.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
It is different for everyone. If I stayed home with my child I would go crazy. I get incredibly bored from lack of adult stimulation. Raising a child is so rewarding but doing it every day kind of scares me. However there are so many who are made for this and who love being with their child all the time and fully devote themselves to motherhood. This is great. But if you are not one of those people it is better to go to work and be a happy person and a good roll model to your child, rather han being miserable and resentful to the child.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
in your 20s.

What is the best way to raise a child?
I can't answer that, I have just started. But if I had to guess I would say with lots of love and patience. And of course be a good roll model and use dicipline wisely.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?
YES! But I would have had mine earlier. I was 33 and if I had known it was this fun I would have started earlier!

 

[Wish I lived in Fl]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?
A. No time off, ever! Most jobs are 8 or 10 hours a day. A colicky baby was 'round the clock

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
A. That it will cement a marriage.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
A. Attending a public school makes them a part of the larger world. Private schools can give more individual attention.
(attended private,public and catholic schools)


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
A.Moms get all the blame, none of the credit.

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
A.The best is the joy in watching them be happy and grow. Remember watching and cheering firstborn as he learned to rollover.
A.The worst is when they are hurt physically-(the ER visits) and emotionally-ordinary heartbreaks of life.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
A.Think the perfect thing would be part time work when kids are small and then 3/4 time.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
A.25 to 35 years. Had second and last child at 40 and hope i won't be too old to be a good parent for a teenager and that i live long enough and in good health to see her into young adulthood at least.

What is the best way to raise a child?
A.Authoritative. Rules that are followed by kids and by parents. So parents aren't arbitrary and kids know what to expect and what is expected of them.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?
A. Would definitely have kids again. We were too permissive with first child so that he thought he was our equal. Would teach from the beginning that kids are kids.

 

[graygables]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? Learning that someone else's needs come first and then financing those needs.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
That you will instantly bond and be filled with overwhelming adoration.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
Neither. I homeschool. I taught in both public and private. Private schools tend to have a lot of public school cast-offs, so they can have a population that includes not only the bad kids, but the rich bad kids. Public and private schools are less and less about education and more and more about baby-sitting and getting kids "through" and out of the house.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
Not being able to just pick up and go, without picking up a portable bed, a carseat, a diaper bag, a swing...

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
The best was when that feeling of mother-love arrived. The worst was the complete loss of control over my own life/body.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
Yes. If you bear them, they are yours to rear. It is not someone else's job to raise your kids. Much of the problems in the schools mentioned above are caused by parents who allow others to usurp their parental authority by virtue of dropping them off at daycare. If you aren't going to rear your own children, why bother having them?

A caveat here: if one is single by divorce or death, then obviously they have limited choices about staying at home (BTDT). Working to escape the children or to live a lifestyle of entitlement is wrong, in my opinion.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
early to mid 20s. Believe you me, the old gray mare ain't what she used to be at 30 (BTDT, too)

What is the best way to raise a child?
I don't quite understand this question. The optimal way to raise a child is in a loving, 2 parent home, where both mother and father are authoritative without being authoritarian. A home where meals are shared together and everyone is listened to and respected, but where everyone understands their role within the family structure. There is a process of letting go through the years so that when the child becomes an adult, they are fully capable of functioning on their own.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?
Yes, I would do it again. I would have the last 2 when I was younger so my parenting fatigue would be confined to a shorter period of time. I would also homeschool the older 2 from the start so as to have avoided a lot of pain and difficulty with their education.

 

[DisneyAddict_M]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?
I'm not a wife. Why is that all mothers must be wives? Geeze! The most challenging aspect is having to deal with two children. Your baby and your husband. Luckily, I got rid of one of them and it wasn't the baby.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?
That they won't turn you insane.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?
I wuz publik skooled and I iz smarte!

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?
Getting divorced and raising her as a young single mother.

What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
Best - luckily, she looks like me.
Worst - she still pisses her pants.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?
Only if she wants to.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
After you're done being one.

What is the best way to raise a child?
Throw the books out the window and trust your instinct.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?
I would have waited longer.

 

[JVL1018]

Mothers,

If you have a minute, could you please fill out this interview. I'm doing a project about starting a family. Your help is greatly appreciated!

Thanks!


_________________________________________

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?

For me, my biggest challenge was..and is..needing to have a wealth of patience.


What is the biggest myth about having a baby?

Hmm...I can't think of any.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?

We choose public school because that's what we like, we want our children to have a pride in their town, to have that sense of community that comes with knowing people in your town.
Of course, we think our schools are very good, if I didn't, I would send them to private. Though in this neck of the woods the private schools are mainly Catholic or Jewish, and we are neither(we're Presbyterian). The non-religious schools start at around $20,000 year for elementary school--not worth it in the slightest in my opinion.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?

Oh the lack of sleep! What I wouldn't have given back then for 8 uninterrupted hours!!!


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?
The best..that amazing love you feel..and for me, along with that, realizing how much your parents loved you.
When I had my first child, my wonderful Mom walked into the hospital room to see us and I burst into tears and told her that for the first time in my life I REALLY knew how deeply she loved me-I couldn't know until I felt it myself for my own child-it was humbling.

The worst..from the second I found out I was pregnant I worried, and I don't think that ever stops. It's a parent's lot in life.
I read things about children being sick or being hurt or being kidnapped..and I always, always have that split second of imagining what if it was our child in that situation. It's scary to have a baby and have someone that important to you out there in the world, where you just hope and pray that they will remain healthy and happy and safe. But it's worth it!


Should a mother stay at home with her children?
Oh, well, I stay home, but I don't think that makes me a better or worse mother than someone who works. It just makes me a mom who stays home.
I prefer it for myself, but I also know I got very very lucky and am in a situation where we don't have to pay rent or a mortgage because of my FILs amazing generosity..so I know that if it weren't for that, I'd be working because we wouldn't be able to afford me not to.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
Late twenties, early thirties.


What is the best way to raise a child?
With love..and discipline!


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

I would do it again a million times over. The only thing I would change is to worry less and enjoy the moments more, they grow up so quickly! My son is only 4 and I can barely remember him as a baby!

 

[paigevz]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? That you have no idea what you're getting into and absolutely nothing or no one can prepare you for it.......it's absolutely unknown territory.


What is the biggest myth about having a baby?That you'll be madonna-like..........you'll suddenly have infinite patience and screaming for hours, no sleep, crazy hormones, and isolation will not affect you.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school?
Mine goes to public school, so obviously, I don't think it's important to send them to private school.
Are there any advantages or disadvantages? Disadvantages to private school.....in some private schools.......teachers are not as well prepared or experienced in general (because they don't pay well or have same requirements), homogeneous (I like my children to get to know all types of people), often don't have same access to materials/texts/experts, and parents have to pay with money and time while still paying taxes for the public schools.
Advantages to some private schools..........all the kids will probably come from families similar to yours, fewer learning and behavior differences so your child gets more attention/time, often academically accelerated (can also be a disadvantage), and opportunity in many cases to have religious training at school.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? More family time, less time out with others.


What is the best thing about having a baby?
Well, having the baby! Babies are so adorable, so precious, so cuddly. For me, I already "knew" who my baby was. It sounds so funny, and hard to explain, but once I had him, it was like I realized who he was and that he'd been missing up until then, and I was so happy that he was found. I felt like, well, it's a cliche, but like our family really was complete now.
The worst? No sleep. You can never get away........that baby is your responsibility at every second........it's hard to even take a shower or eat. You just realize you never knew it would be like this.........and it continues as they get older. And the worrying! I never realized...........you worry ALL THE TIME! Is he hot, is he cold, is he getting sick, is he eating enough, can he hear, can he see, is he tracking, what does the book say, mom says he should this, I think he should that, what school does he need, what neighborhood, what does he want for Christmas, will he get the "good" teacher, are the kids being nice to him, is he big enough for this, should he have that, how do I decide..................................


Should a mother stay at home with her children? Mothers have a responsibility to make sure their children are given the optimal of everything possible. She should do what she can to ensure that. In my case, I work, and my son has an in-home caregiver...........first son went to a church daycare. Both were the optimal I could provide at that time. Both are perfectly normal and happy and very appropriately attached to mom and dad.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?
When you think you can not live without one, then you will be able to withstand the pressures.

What is the best way to raise a child?Wow. Way too broad. What on earth does that mean? A child should be raised knowing he's loved. Children know they are loved when their basic needs are met, when they are played with and read to and bathed and fed..........as opposed to given food, told to go bath, told to go play..........they know they are loved when they have limits and consequences when the limits are breached...........as opposed to having no limits which makes them worry that no one is in charge or cares enough about them to make sure they are safe, or having consequences that are too great for the situation, too little, or too random.


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? Well, I have done it again, and I do hope to do it yet again, so obviously, I would. Besides, now that I know who that child was, how could I ever deny him this chance in the world? I would change nothing. I've made some mistakes, but that just helps him learn to adapt and that it is okay when he makes his mistakes. I would change nothing.

 

[Nancy]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?

Basically understanding that once you are pregnant there is no going back and realizing that you will be a parent for the rest of your life.



What is the biggest myth about having a baby?

That you will raise the perfect child, that never misbehaves in public and does everything you ask them too. Guess what, babies and kids have minds of their own. Also, there will be days when you wish they would just go away and leave you alone...but they don't last. My girls are teens now, some days I really don't like them but I always love them.


How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?

I fully support public schools if you have a good district. Remember you will have good teachers and bad teachers in both types of schools.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?

Realizing we just couldn't pack up and go out on a moments notice. Going out meant at least a week of planning to line up sitters.


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?

The best thing is the unconditional love that flows both ways. The worst...when they get sick. My youngest was in the hospital at 5 weeks, I was never so scared about anything in my entire life.


Should a mother stay at home with her children?

It depends on the person. Some women just are better Moms because they work. Sometimes there is no choice, money comes into play. I did both, I don't feel my kids were raised any better because I was home for a few years. My youngest has had a working away Mom since she was 8 months old. She is my easiest and most independent child.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?

When you are pregnant. That is a serious answer. If we all waited till the most perfect time to have a baby I'll bet a lot of us would not have had kids.


What is the best way to raise a child?

With love, parience and understanding. With firmness and gentleness. Follow through on what you say. Don't worry that you are going to damage their fragile egos if you say no. The word no never killed anyone. Also, you do what works for you and your family, you don't have to the perfect Mom or parent, you just have to be THE Parent.


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

I would do it again in a heartbeat. My children have given me some of the best moments of my life. Change: I wish I would have had my kids when I was younger. I was 30 when I had my first. I wish I would have met my DH sooner so we could have had our babies sooner.

 

[Bashful2]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? To me, the most challenging aspect was the responsiblity of caring for someone 24/7. All of a sudden, there was very little me time and many sleepless nights. It was what I wanted, but still a challenge.


What is the biggest myth about having a baby? That you automatically know what to do.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? It depends on the school system in your area. We sent our DD to a private Catholic school because we thought she would get the best education. By 3rd grade, she was miserable and we weren't very happy with the school. We pulled her out in 4th grade and sent her to public school. My only regret was that we didn't do it sooner. She was so much happier and learned so much more. By middle school, we had a different situation. She didn't do well at all & there were a lot of problems in the school. We ended up taking her out again & my BGF homeschooled her. By the time she went back to public school she was far ahead of most of her peers. As far as advantages & disadvantages, I can't answer that. Again, it depends on the schools.


What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? To answer that, I have to go back to my answer for question #1. The biggest adjustment was having someone to care for 24/7 & putting your own wants aside for the needs of your child.


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst? The best things about having a baby are the love between a parent and child and seeing the joy in your child's eyes when she's happy. The worst thing is seeing your child hurt, physically or emotionally.


Should a mother stay at home with her children? I think there are a lot of advantages to staying home with your children. You don't have to worry about how someone else is caring for them, you get to be there for them when they are sick, you get to spend much more time with them and, when they go to school, you can volunteer frequently. I got to stay home with DD until she was almost 4 & it was wonderful. Then, I went to work & she went to daycare, but I found I just couldn't keep up. I know some people can handle it, but I wasn't one of them. I then went to work part-time until she was about 12 and it worked out much better.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child? IMHO, you shouldn't have a child until you've experienced a lot of life for yourself and are ready to settle down.


What is the best way to raise a child? A child needs love, attention, support, security and consistency. We've always kept the lines of communication open & let our DD know she could always count on us. When she hit puberty, she started having a lot of emotional problems, problems with severe depression and was finally diagnosed with bipolar disorder. There were times when we blamed ourselves and thought we had done everything wrong. She has since told us that if we hadn't had the kind of relationship we did, she wouldn't be here today.


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? Yes, I would do it again. The only thing I would change is that I wouldn't have sent her to private school.

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Last edited by Miss Kelly : Yesterday at 09:44 PM.

 

[poohandwendy]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?

The most important aspect is finding the right person to have children with. They will be in your life as long as you live.

The most challenging thing is to decide when is the optimal time for having a child (and that is just as challenging, if not more, with subsequent children). There really is no perfect time or circumstance, I think that is important to remember.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?

LOL, that you will forget what labor feels like...As soon as I found out I was pregnant with my second child, I remembered very quickly. I can still conjure up what it feels like, if I ponder it long enough.

I agree with a previous poster...that babies are expensive. Not true, they become increasingly expensive as they grow older. That is the Gods honest truth.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?

For me, it is important to live in an area that I don't need to worry about the public school system, if a community values education...they usually are a nice place to live. I would, however, not hesitate to send my kids to provate school if need be. I think there are advantages and disadvantages to both. I think it really just depends on what you are looking for.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?

Learning to juggle being a woman, a wife, a mother, a friend, an individual, etc. It's finding a way to nurture all of the roles you play without losing your identity. Remembering that a mentally and physically healthy 'you' is imperative to succeed as a mother.


What is the best thing about having a baby? The worst?

Best= Being humbled in the presence of a miracle. There are no words to describe the love you have for your child. It's so intense that it borders on painful.

The worst thing is the very first time you cannot comfort your child, no matter what you do. You have to watch them work through it, doing what you can...but knowing you are not a miracle worker all of the time. The upside is that MOST of the time, you are all they need.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?


A mother should do what works for her family, depending on their specific circumstances. I was fortunate to be able to stay at home until my kids were in school full time. There were sacrifices, but they were worth it. There really is no 'right way' that works for everyone, IMHO.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?

mid 20's.

What is the best way to raise a child?


With unconditional love, with fair and objective discipline, with 2 parents who are committed to loving and supporting each other and the family, by showing your human side to your children...by valuing them as individuals and nurturing their strengths. By remembering that there is a goal in this...a healthy, independent and respectable adult who can handle the world without you.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)?


YES, I would absolutely do it again and NO, I would not change a thing.

 

[AnaheimGirl]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family? The fact that you will never be alone again (for 18 years or so, anyway). The kids' needs must always be taken into consideration. 10 minute trips to the store will turn into hour-long events. Even if you get a sitter and go out, the kids are still on your mind and your choice of activities might be swayed by the fact that you have kids.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby? That there is ever a "right time". If everyone waited for the right time to have kids, no one would ever have any.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages? Very personal choice. Since we have good public schools where we live, I see private schools as completely unnecessary and a waste of money. Others obviously see it differently, because they do exist and people send their kids to them.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child? Carrying everything but the kitchen sink around in a huge backpack, rather than just my wallet and chapstick in a cute, stylish bag. Well, that and every outing taking 6 times as long with a baby/toddler in tow.

What is the best thing about having a baby? The unconditional love you give and receive from them. The worst? Being puked on and pooped on. Not really, that seems bad before you become a mom, but it's really no big deal once you are. Worst is probably when your child gets bullied and you can actually feel your heart breaking when she cries to you about it.

Should a mother stay at home with her children? If she wants to. This is another very personal decision. Some woman are better moms when they work, some are better when they SAH. For some it makes no difference. Every woman should do what is best for her family, and that isn't the same for every family.


When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child? When you are mature enough to put your child's needs ahead of your own wants.

What is the best way to raise a child? Child-centered. Meaning that there is no one best way to raise a child, because all children are different. Figure out what makes your child tick, what types of discipline and support work for him, and raise him that way. Of course, love, patience and understanding are important for anyone.


Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again and if so, what would you change (if anything)? Definitely would do it again. Can't think of a thing I'd do differently.

Good luck!

 

[Rella Bella]

As a wife and a mother, undoubtedly you understand the challenges of having a child. What, in your opinion, is the most challenging aspect of starting a family?

Not fully realizing that your baby will be an individual. He/she will not be 'into' fulfulling you. Babies are all about themselves. I know this sounds like what you've heard before, but experiencing it can be another thing.

What is the biggest myth about having a baby?

That you can do it all. By that I mean it's almost imposible to become "Super Mom"; something has to give. Either you give up a high time/stress job, extra curricular things you like to do or you continue to do them with 'MOM GUILT' and let someone else raise your child. I'm not saying you can't work... or that daycare is bad. I'm just saying thinking you'll have the same amount of time/energy/emotional commitment is not facing reality. When you have a child you really want to be with your child... it's a very strong emotional pull.

How important is it to send a child to a private school vs. a public school? Are there any advantages or disadvantages?

This depends totally on your school district... and possibly your faith. In some areas the public schools are great, in others they are so poor allowing your child to attend isn't even an option. Our public schools weren't even accredited when my son started school. We had two choices: move, or go private. You can find out how your school district is doing by talking to the parents in your area... just ask, there is little a parent finds more interesting than either gloating or ranting about thier child's school.

What was the biggest adjustment that had to be made after you had your first child?

The first big one was how long it took to go anywhere. As a couple we were used to just running out the door. With a baby you have to 'pack', double check that you have everything, get the baby ready, get the baby in the car seat... after a while it becomes a rhythm but at first it seems like a lot.

What is the best thing about having a baby?

The way they look at you. The trusting innocence in thier eyes. The HUGE emotional swells that come from deep inside you... it's like you never knew you could feel anything so intensely. Oh, how I LOVED the night-time feedings! They dont' last very long, just a few months. But it was such a precious quiet intimate time. Wonderful! My DH & I used to race to see who "got to " get up with him.

The worst?

You know it's really hard to say there is a worst. Sometimes things were hard, inconvienent, or messy... but they were SO out weighed by the awesome, the funny and the beautiful. I always thought it would be gross to change all those diapers... but with my own child it was no big deal at all. I guess the hardest part is that although we discussed at length how we wanted to raise our son, in the heat of the moment, it is very difficult not to respond the way your parents did. There is something that snaps you back to the way things 'should be'. This is uncomfortable when it happens to you, but at least you know what's going on. When it happens to your spouse it's out of left field... it seems so illogical. There is A LOT you learn about yourself and your spouse after you have kids.

Should a mother stay at home with her children?

That is a very personal decision. Some moms are miserable if they don't, some are miserable if they do. Personally, I think if you can stay home, even for a year or two, stay home. If you have to work don't beat yourself up about it... Mom's have been working for a long time and kids do fine.

When, in your opinion, is the optimal time to have a child?

Sooner than later. You never really know how long it will take to get pregnant. Some are lucky and it happens right away. We had to work at it for 10 years. If you wait until 'you're older and every thing is perfect' and you end up having to work at it, you may have wasted the best years of your fertility. It also makes a difference if you want 'a baby' or want to 'start a family'. You might be able to wait and have one, like we did. But if you want 2, 3 or 4... you might want to get started.

What is the best way to raise a child?

WOW! What a question!! My first response: love them! But practically the best I can do is point you to a WONDERFUL child rearing seminar/web-site that we highly respect. It is by a lovely elderly couple who have run a daycare for YEARS. They have awesome practical advice for loving discipline, it's called "Discipline Without Damage". The web address is: www.dwd.com This site is packed with great advice and experience.

Finally, if you were given the choice to do it all over again (having a child), would you do it again

ABSOLUTELY!! I love being a Mom! Children are the joy of life! Once you have one the world makes sense in a whole new way.

and if so, what would you change (if anything)?

I would start earlier (my son was born when I was 40), and I would have more than one child.
Hope this helps...