An Aunt's Dilemma (long....but need your advice

[MaryAunt]

I just read through the thread on taking kids out of school for vacation, and thought I'd ask the advice of fellow Diser's about my situation. We have made November trips to the world for the past two years. In 2001, our plans for an extended family vacation were changed, understandably by the events of 9/11. My husband's sister, and her DH, were in the WTC, and blessedly, were able to escape unharmed. However, the situation forced them to cancel their trip, but the four of us (me, DH and 2 DDs) went and had a great time. 2002's trip was with my DB and SIL, and 2 nieces, one of whom missed 1 week of first grade without a problem.
OK, sad part now...my DH died suddenly and unexpectedly this past January, and I very much regret that we did not make Disney memories with my niece and nephews (ages 7,9,& 12). So, what's a little life insurance money for??? I decided to treat my SIL's family to a November 2003 trip, all expenses paid for them....no, not deluxe, but a wonderful memory making trip can be done with all the advice on these boards!!! Jim's birthday was November 1st, and I arranged to have mass said for him, and would like to leave the next day for a week with POR as home base...Strategy here was dates, surprise trip for the kids, only would miss 3 days of school, as they live in NJ and have 2 teacher conf days off that week, and important for me, was the dates.
Now the dilemma....BIL has this thing about his kids missing school unnecessarily...and is open to the trip (only?) if we leave Wed evening and come back Sunday...To me, this is too short and would cause us to do Disney "commando style", and this is not what I want for these memories...This is really bumming me out, and is bringing me down at times, and trip planning has been keeping my spirits up for the most part.... We have all been through way too much and I don't want to make this a huge issue, but it's important to me that we have enough time to enjoy ourselves, and have the trip attached to Jim's birthday...
So what do you think...should I stick with MY plan, or back down and settle for a long weekend? Strategies for selling the former would be greatly appreciated, and arguments for the latter will be considered
Thanks for listening....MaryAunt

 

[tinaluis]

I would stick to the original plan and try to convince your BIL that a longer trip would be a better option. I believe school is important, but I believe family time is MORE important. They will only be missing 3 days (we usually take our DD out for 2 weeks at a time 2x a year) and any work can always be made up. Besides, as the kids get older they will remember the great trip to Disney not how they missed 3 days of school in November. Because of your DH's untimely death, you know there are no second chances so I would try to stress that to your BIL and make him understand. My oldest DD (6) suffers from severe ulcerative colitis and we do as much as we can when she is in remission so we can reminisce and laugh through the tough times. I would also stress that you need this trip as much, if not more, than the kids, and tying it to Jim's birthday will make it all the more meaningful to you. Good luck and let us know how it turns out.

 

[Baloo]

Awww geez Mary Aunt your post has brought tears to my eyes.I'm so very sorry for the lose of your DH. I'm sorry for all the trauma your family has suffered. Joe's family is in Staten Island and we've all been touched by 9/11 too.

I want to say this gently to you...I know this is your trip but those are his kids.I'm afraid if you tried to fight his decision it might put a damper on the WHOLE trip no matter who got their way.

That having be said...me the lover of WDW and thinking a long weekend IS too short for a special trip like this...has some ideas!

Do you see any way that your sister could talk him into changing his mind? I know woman can be very persuasive. Could your Sis check with each child's teacher to see what they say about the kids missing 3 days? If their teachers have no problem with it maybe that would swing BIL to your side.Could you talk to him and tell him what this trip means to you?I know you want Jim's birthday as part of the trip.I can understand WHY you'd want to be at WDW then.Tell your BIL these reasons.Maybe he'll understand too.

Mary come here anytime you want.I know how planning trips to WDW has gotten me through some terrible times too.There are all sorts of people here with MANY different ideas and opinions,hopefully you'll find the answer to your problem!!

Keep us updated!!!

 

[BibbidyBobbidyBoo]

OH there is no way I could add to Baloo's post! She said it all, and ditto everything she said!!! I think all the ideas Baloo gave are great and just might work. I wouldn't really push the issue too hard or he might say they can't go at all or something... but the ideas she gave might work and aren't too "pushy" in my opinion.

I'm so sorry about your DH. It really does remind us all that life can be short and we should enjoy every minute to the fullest!

 

[disneyjunkie]

Would it be possible for your sister's family to be there Wed.-Sun. and you and your daughters stay for the rest of the time?

That way you get the share WDW with your sister's family, your BIL won't have to deal with pulling his kids out of school, and you
and your DDs will get to spend the rest of the trip at a slower pace.

 

[cinmell]

Originally posted by disneyjunkie
Would it be possible for your sister's family to be there Wed.-Sun. and you and your daughters stay for the rest of the time?

That way you get the share WDW with your sister's family, your BIL won't have to deal with pulling his kids out of school, and you
and your DDs will get to spend the rest of the trip at a slower pace.

I'm so sorry for your loss.

Disneyjunkie's suggesition is what I was thinking too! Maybe your brother in law and his family could go Wed-Sun and you and your daughters could stay for the entire time you planned??? Good luck with your planning and enjoy your vacation!

 

[eek40]

Heres my opinion on this. First let me say I am sorry for your loss.

As far as school goes I think it really depends on your bil's kids, are they good students? I think that travelling is sometimes highly educational because it opens up new cultures to a child. I would point out that the children can spend time at the World Showcase, and talk to the CM from the different countries and do a little report on what they learned there. WS has excellent cultural information and all the cm are from different areas and the children would prob learn more there than in school. Also normally the week before a 2 day holiday very little gets accomplished. The teachers know that the kids arent going to accomplish much being excited for a break. Maybe pointing this out will help aslo. Good luck ... I am an aunt taking my nephew to WDW on Nov 13th, just the two of us
Aimee

 

[BethC1952]

If your BIL won't change his mind, why do you have to go "commando style"?

You'll make much happier memories if you use the trip as a "highlights trip" and plan for future trips to see other things. That way, he'll get the understanding that there will be future trips, and you'll all have a much better time.

As a former teacher, I always encouraged my students to enjoy family vacations. Kids learn so much more when they're having fun. I always did a little research about the family's destination and gave the student "homework" about it--simple things like what do you think is the most important thing about this place and why? Especially for families going to WDW, I had a package made up with questions to answer like how do they control the crowds (even little ones can figure that out after they've waited in a few lines), did you hear any music and what kind, tell me about your favorite country at Epcot...I never had a student who didn't answer all the questions and give me lots more information than I really asked for.

Beth

 

[Gillian]

I think you should try to plan what works for your family & let BIL make his own decision. It's hard to change someone's feelings about school.

I'm sure you're aware that that wed-sun will be pretty busy at WDW! It's a popular weekend for NJ people, plus the following Monday is a National holiday. You may need to kind of do commando style just to see the basic stuff.

I hope it all works out & you have a wonderful trip!

 

[clutter]

Perhaps you could compromise with the bil? He may be concerned with the older children, not the younger one(s). So maybe your family could do the week, your sister and one or two younger ones could come down mon or tues night (so they only miss one or two days of school), then bil can come with the kid(s) he's most worried about on wed night.

And I agree, you don't have to do commando. Just pick what's most important to the kids and highlight that! We've had wonderful 3 and 4 day trips. Sure you don't get to see all of it, but it's still enough to make it wonderful.

I hope it works out for you and your family.

 

[crisi]

I like the "they join you for the part of the trip they can" idea.

It would be nice if you could talk you BIL into a longer trip, but he and your SIL are the parents. If she isn't willing to make it her battle, than you are stuck with a shorter trip - at least the part that their kids can attend. And I don't think its exactly fair to play the "you know how short life can be, we need to make memories" card to someone who was actually in the WTC that day. If his priority is still on not missing school unnecessarily after that - I can't think of an argument that is going to convince him otherwise.

Another idea is to postpone the whole trip until a more lengthy school break. We've been in early June, as soon as school lets out and, while I'd rather travel in the truly off season, it wasn't too bad. You and your SIL could head down for a few days around your DHs birthday, as a rememberance (and to help you get through it).

Sorry about your loss, and your family's trauma.

 

[susy]

For cryign out loud, he's worried about his kids missing 3 days of school during the teacher convention week??? I'm not saying that school isn't important (I will be going for my master in elementary Ed this fall), but I would not be at all surprised if his kids would be among the VERY FEW kids that show up that week and the teacher just does some review or fun stuff. They will probably (as I would be) be busy packing for their own weekend getaway and not want to "do much" that week. I'm just coming from a teacher's stand point. You don't plan major projects, tests, and the introduction of new, hard material when something else is going on. It's just too much...

 

[cpl100]

I am very sorry to hear all your family has endured in the past two years. What a wonderful idea you have and how generous of you to share with your family.

I know I may be in the minority here, but I also don't believe in taking children out of school for vacation so I can totally understand your BIL's reaction. For me the reason is to emphasize to the children (who are now 13 and 16) that school is important, and we are serious about it. I also do not let them take 'mental health' days off from school. I agree with the poster who suggested that their mother talk to the teachers to gain insight as to what will be lost and the teachers' feelings about it. If I knew my children would not miss much, it would sit better with me. (And let me state up front that it is not because I have struggling students; they are excellent students.) If any of the children are struggling students, I would not take them out of school. Then, the splitting up method may work out best for you. Hope that shed's a bit of light on the 'other side's' thinking.

No matter how it works out, I hope you have a wonderful trip.

 

[LibraryGirl]

I'm also from NJ. Many families take these days off. They won't miss much -- teachers know that they will have low attendance that week -- and the teachers usually have lesson plans etc for the kids to do while they are away. Before making a decision, check with the school.