Amy's New Start : Comments Welcome!

[eyor44]

Oh Amy I'm sorry you have been feeling this way. I think you are tired and the coming season just adds to it. So sorry about your stepdad. He is your last real tie to your mom, but you still have your brother and sister and your kids. They all have a part of her in them as you do. I'm glad you could remember good memories while you were at the mall.

I am very proud of you for trying something new. Don't give up just from one day (unless you totally hated it). If you enjoyed it, or think you will, give it another shot. Something new you need to get used to.

and can I say.....I Subway.

PS - I'm glad you aren't near the fires.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Lisa, you hit the nail on the head as far as my stepdad. He is a link to my mom and there was a time when he was truly like a father to me. But I think our relationship with him was bound to change after my mom died because although we felt like family when she was alive, in the end, once she was gone it was hard to figure it all out. Plus his kids despised my mom all the years he was married to her and of course now that she's out of the picture he spends more time with them which is only natural.

I swear, were it not for the fact I am clearly about through menopause, I would have thought I was having pms today. All day I was just weepy and depressed. However, I went out to dinner with two friends from church tonight and it really did me good. We had a great time, I had a noodle bowl at this Japanese place and it was probably high in carbs but oh well. I could have done worse I suppose! I should have gotten the salad my friend ordered, it looked very good and was loaded with salad greens and almonds. Way healthier than noodles! But the good conversation and just being out with friends was worth the carbs. I feel so much better and hey, sore buns or not, I am heading back to the gym tomorrow! I have to say, I am proud that in the last month I have tried out two new machines at the gym, taken two new classes and think this may give me a kickstart and spice things up. I just hope my rear end toughens up! I am seriously thinking of digging out my old sanitary pads and lining my rear with them for some cushion!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Much better day today! I went to the rec center this morning, walked for about 20 minutes then did aquasize. My friend went with me, it was sort of nice to have me be the old hand at this class vs. spinning and zumba where I had no idea what I was doing. I think she was a bit surprised at how hard we worked at aquasize. She seemed to enjoy it so that was good.

I finished up dd's birthday shopping, now I need to wrap gifts, get the house organized and then tomorrow I'll just have to cook her birthday dinner.

I did call stepdad today. Poor dd asked me this morning "Did Grandpa call back about coming over for my birthday this weekend?". It broke my heart, she misses him and has never had a birthday without him being around. So I called AGAIN, left a message and said "Maria wants to know if you are coming to see her over the weekend for her birthday". That finally got his attention, he called me back and said he wasn't sure if he had time or not, he has a busy weekend. I held my tongue and said "can you please check and call me tonight, her birthday is tomorrow". He thinks he may be able to swing by on Saturday in the afternoon. He did mail her a card that should get her today in time for her birthday tomorrow. I did tell him that if this weekend doesn't work, can he maybe check his schedule for next weekend that his grandkids would enjoy seeing him. Which is the only reason I even bothered to call. If he doesn't then I guess I'll just have to tell dd the truth that he's busy and can't make it over. Which will stink but she probably has already figured this out anyway. If my mom were alive, she'd be mighty ticked at him for being this way. Of course if she was alive, this wouldn't be happening!

And one funny note, he said "I have been meaning to call you, I am thinking about going to Dallas in November and need you to book my airfare and then mark your calendar so you can take me to the airport". I almost died laughing.

So I came home from the rec center and Sams and decided to eat lunch on my deck. Very nice. However, I see a huge wasp nest has been created right on the roofline above the deck. Which explains why Daisy now always goes down the yard the other direction. Ds will have to handle that one for me, Dan is petrified of wasps! That is just the sort of thing he'll enjoy, spraying some kind of toxic gunk into a wasp nest. Boys are generally happiest when they are destroying something.

Here is my food for today (I so seldom bother to keep track anymore):
Breakfast: protein shake
Snack: 1 oz. almonds
lunch: small baked potato, 1 cup of chili and 1/2 cup fresh salsa
100 calorie bag of popcorn
Dinner: 5 oz fish fillet, 2 cups broccoli, salad with vinegarette

Weigh in is tomorrow. I have done well starting Tuesday but last weekend was pretty much a diet disaster so we'll see what happens!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy - i'm so sorry you sat alone in your car feeling so upset
My mum & i had words the other night & we never fall out, she called back the following night & we're ok now, but reading your post makes me realise how lucky i am, she also mentioned she'd visited the cemetry & at that moment i realised it was the anniversary of my grandmothers death & i'd forgotten i was heartbroken the 1st time ive forgot & can you believe its 6 yrs ago now, where has the time gone!
I hope stepdad does make the effort for DD's birthday & i hope you gave him the number for a cab for the airport

please give spinning a couple more goes it does get easier on the rear end i promise & its quite addictive once you get into it

 

[toystoryduo]

Amy,

I'm glad that you're having a better day today, WISH sis. I'm sorry you've been hurting the past few days. I know how much you miss your mom. Always know that she is with you in spirit and that her memory lives on in you and your kids.

I'm sorry to hear about your stepdad. I hope that he decides to come to your house for your DD's birthday.

Way to go on the spinning class!!! I'm so proud of you for trying new workouts! Keep up the good work!

Have a nice evening, WISH sis.

 

[toystoryduo]

Happy Birthday to your DD! I hope she has a great birthday and a wonderful year ahead!

How did weigh-in go? Your food and exercise look great!

I hope you have a nice weekend, Amy.

 

[eyor44]

Hi Amy
I hope your weekend was good. Happy Belated birthday to your DD. I hope it was a great weekend for her also.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Lisa and Tracy (Tracy, where are you, I thought you had left!).

Dd had a very nice birthday, I cannot believe my baby is 14. Stepdad did come over which made her happy. Ruth his girlfriend brought her a really cute Christmas ornament and a Tinkerbelle card. She is so thoughtful, she knows dd loves Christmas and Disney so she got both bases covered. She also brough four bags of Truffles and can I just say I wish she hadn't! The milk chocolate ones were to die for.

We had a nice weekend, it was nice not to be in Colorado Springs. My food was spotty. I was up almost 3 pounds at WW and I am just bummed and angry at myself. I really need to get it together.

I started organizing for Disney today. I have a bin I keep our various stuff in (lanyards etc) and when I hauled it out, there was a bathing suit I had put in six months ago, convinced I would lose weight and fit into it. Not the case. I have never worn it, I bought it probably 7 years ago on clearance and it still has the tags on it. Maybe another trip.

Food today was good and I avoided fast food so that was something!

 

[eyor44]

Glad DD had a great birthday and so happy that Step-GranDad decided to visit.

Sorry about the swim suit. Maybe for Disneyland?

 

[goldcupmom]

Hang in there, Amy! Swimsuits are just plain EVIL anyway!!

Glad DD had a good birthday. Can't believe it's already time to start getting out the stuff for your trip. Exciting!

Hope you have a great rest of the week! Is it getting cool up there?

 

[eyor44]

Hope you had a good day today Amy.

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Julie and Lisa.

I had a good week. I worked out four times and did well with food. I didn't lose anything (I think, my scale is wacky) and I didn't get to WW. DD overslept and since we have to leave 15 minutes earlier than ususal (she can hang out in the cafeteria at school up to one hour before school starts so its fine to drop her off early) it didnt' happen. I had a talk with her about that when she's late, it makes me late. Oh well. I could have gone to the later meeting but then I would have missed Zumba which I didn't want to miss. So its was all okay.

I am just blah with all of this. Tired of not being successful due to my own issues/lack of motivation and determination and desire. But I am forging on.

I leave in less than five weeks now! I can't believe our trip is this close and I can't believe that at long last, I am getting to partake in free dining. I could get used to this.

We have a very busy weekend which is good and bad. I enjoy seeing friends, but honestly also need a quiet weekend somewhere here in the near future. Maybe next weekend!

I did Zumba today and its getting easier and less awkward. As I zumba'd along with all the other ladies, I realized I was by far the heaviest woman in there. The instructor gave me some thumbs up, I can tell she's happy to have me in there. But it makes me sad and a bit embarrassed to be the fattest girl in the class. On other hand, I am holding my own. I guess there are always two ways to look at things.

 

[eyor44]

Amy, I hope you had a good weekend. Busy, I so understand. I am liking zumba more each time I do it. Still don't have many of the steps down, but I am trying to keep up and when I can't figure out the steps, I just try to do something similar.

5 more weeks!!!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Lisa. Some of the Zumba steps are a bit lost on me but I do really enjoy it! It goes fast doesn't it?

Not much to report. Did lousy with food on the weekend, did very well today. I did not work out today, I was waiting around for the cable guy to come fix us up. We lost internet and phone on Saturday. He finally figured it out, something got disconnected in the outdoor cable box which is in our neighbor's yard. Boy I miss the days when I just plugged in my tv and phone without all this high tech stuff!

I will walk on the treadmill and do aquasize tomorrow.

I leave one month from tomorrow!

 

[toystoryduo]

Only 1 month until Disney!!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Tracy, I am definitely doing the one month dance about 12 hours a day at least!

I walked for one hour on the treadmill today. I really set a hard workout for myself and the good news is that I was drenched with sweat (or is that gross news lol).

My new goal is to be at 20 pounds total by October 20th (day before we leave for WDW). That has me losing about 12 pounds in four weeks. Very lofty goal but I am going to give it a whirl. For one thing, I have been stuck on a plateau for awhile and I am starting to feel like my body and appetite are adjusting to these harder workouts. Typically when I start up a routine of intense (for me) exercise, I eat more. Now I am starting to settle in and I am just hoping for a really nice loss this week on the scale. We'll see. I would hate it if I didn't at least make it back to my 15 pound loss I had in March when I left for WDW the last time! This yo yo thing I have been doing for 30 years is so extremely stupid and so extremely unhealthy.

I am off to Bible Study. Started that back up for the first time in years. Its funny, my mom has been gone for soon to be 3 years (January will be the anniversary) and its taken me this long to sort of get the life back I had before she got sick in 2001 and everything changed.

And on that same line, I got an email from stepdad's sister saying she's all worried about him and "so glad he has me for his daughter". Okay, nice sentiment but I am not his daughter. He has two sons. I sent her one back saying I am concerned about him, he's fuzzy, feeble and frail (sounds like a law firm) but that I am not the one she should be talking to. I told her his son needs to be informed of her concerns and that if he was my dad I'd want him to stop driving and start thinking about Assisted Living (he's almost 86). I do not want this responsiblity and frankly I do not think I should have to be put in this position. I am only a daughter when the going gets rough, the rest of the time, I don't even register on the family radar. I loved taking care of my mom for six and a half years, but I am not doing it for stepdad. I love email. I could have never said this to her on the phone but writing it down was easy enough, I said what I had to say then I hit send. End of story!

 

[eyor44]

One month!!! I'll dance with you.

I hear you on the plateaus. I just figured that out myself, about the eating and working out. Once you hit one, you've got to do something different and kick it up a notch. You can do it Amy. You really can.

Good response to your stepdad's sister. It would be different if you all were super close. You are right, his sons need to step up.

 

[toystoryduo]

I'll dance with you too! We'll call it the Under 30 Days Dance!

You've got a good weight loss goal in place, Amy. I know you CAN do it!

Woohoo on the Bible Study! What book are you using?

I agree with Lisa...That was a good response to your stepdad's sister's e-mail. Did she ever respond back?

I hope you have a great day today!

 

[goldcupmom]

Under 30 days!

Your workouts are really good! Don't feel bad about being the biggest at Zumba. You are getting fit and likely are actually fitter than some of the smaller people there. Size isn't always relevant!

Sorry about the issue with stepdad. You are right to pass it to one of his sons.

Glad you are back in Bible study. I'm still working on that one!

Have a great weekend! I keep seeing the cheap fares from here to Denver & thinking I need a weekend trip!

 

[Amy&Dan]

I am actually even closer to my trip than I thought! I keep looking at my ticker but its actually only reflecting my CBR arrival. We actually get in one day before CBR and stay at Pop Century. So four weeks from today I am THERE!!!!!

I did 30 minutes on the bike and then an hour of aquasize. I now have my workout schedule set:

Monday: walk for an hour on the treadmill doing sprints and 5,6,7% inclines, five minutes each.

Tuesday: Bike for 30, aquasize

Wednesday: same as Monday

Thursday: same as Tuesday

Friday: Zumba

Now if I stick with this and keep my food under control there is no reason I will not lose weight. Its the food that I need to be most careful with. As usual.

The kids are out of school tomorrow. Ds will be staying home catching up on homework and dd and I are going for pie at Marie Callendars then do some shopping. Dd gets her homework done so doesn't have to spend her off days catching up! Then Dan and I are meeting some friends for Happy Hour for their anniversary and Saturday we are going on a picnic up in the mountains. The Aspen are turning and we will go the spot where we did Dan's dad's ashes back in June. I am so excited for this weekend. For the first time in weeks, we have some time for fun and some down time and not one thing I am not looking forward to. Seems like lately our weekends have been to the point we are all looking forward to Monday.

Today was a lovely fallish day. Mid 70's, sunny and a nice breeze. Just heavenly! We had a lot of rain all over the state last night so hopefully that will help with the fires and fire danger.

I taught my first Wednesday night class last night. I am with first grade girls and I teach with two other women. I am looking forward to this. I did Sunday school last year and I think the Wed. night thing will work better. I just need to lose weight, all that getting up and down off the floor was killer on my knees.

As for stepdad, I got a nice email back from his sister saying she will talk to his one son. I tried to be as honest as possible without dredging up too much junk and drama. She agreed the sons need to step up but we'll see. The thing that kills me is that stepdad will never hesitate to drop me and my family if something better comes along, but he never forgets me when he needs something! I really do still care about stepdad a great deal in my own way. Its always been a complicated situation. And I also realize that in the end, there's no one solution that will make everyone happy so I am just going to do what's right for my family and myself. I swear, blended families have struggles the whole way through. Here my mom has been gone almost three years and we are still trying to sort these things out!

Tracy: We are doing Max Lucado's "fear" book. So far I love it and I am really enjoying getting to know some of the other women. Our church is huge so if you don't find a small group, you don't ever really get to know anyone! One of my friend's from my old Alzheimer's Support Group is doing it too and that makes it even better.

Julie, you do need a weekend trip! Come see me, there's a Cheddars near my house (I never am above bribing lol).

Lisa: Kicking it up a notch is what I am all about lately as far as workouts. Now I need to kick my food down about four notches!