Amy's Journal: Comments Welcome!

[Amy&Dan]

Hi everyone. My cold was much better today, I never really got it full force (thanks to Airborne, love that stuff). I still feel sort of tired and achy and a bit stuffed up but not too bad. DS is better too. I talked with my mom today as usual and she was more upbeat. One good thing about Alz., she forgets things so can't stay worried too long! They are putting her on a new oral med and will do another pet scan after the first of the year. I think they are hesitant to pull out the big guns given her other condition. So we'll keep our fingers crossed and hope this medicine helps.

Food today was much, much better. Felt more in control, got a lot done. My knee still hurts but is better. I think I will be fine to work out tomorrow. This happened once before. I went to the doctor and he basically said "you're fat, of course you knee hurts". Yeah I know that. Not in a hurry to hear that again. So I just did what I did last time (this was result of hurting it at a step class). Iced it, took advil and wore a knee brace for support. And didn't exercise which lets face it, I haven't been doing anyway. If its not better tomorrow, I may go to the rec center and swim as that won't put stress on my knee right?

Food today:
Breakfast: Atkins shake (3)
Lunch: Lean cuisine (6), pudding (1)
Snack: Brownie (4)
Dinner: 3 pieces pizza (12) salad (1)
Total: 27
1 point over but so much better than the last few days. Might have overestimated on the pizza, I think I cut my pieces smaller than Dottie's site was indicating. So it might be only 9 points for the pizza. Did drink 80 oz of water, 16 oz. of herbal, caffeine free iced tea and 8 oz. of diet Pepsi. Thanks for reading!

 

[toystoryduo]

Hi Amy,

I'm sorry to hear about your mom. She and your family are in my thoughts and prayers. I'm just a PM away if you need to talk WISH-sis.

I'm glad to hear that you are feeling better. Please be sure and get plenty of rest and vitamin C and drink lots of fluids. That Airborne stuff sounds good! I'll have to pick some up at Walmart the next time I go.

I hope you have a great Tuesday!

 

[lovinaz]

That's a great plan to go swimming if your knee is not 100%! I am really bad about pushing things too far and not letting my body heal before I get back into working out. I am getting better, but it's tough! So LISTEN TO YOUR BODY and don't do anything that you are not ready to do! And I think it's better to overestimate than underestimate on the pizza, right? Sounds like you had a great day and put the weekend behind you. Great job!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Hi everyone. Yesterday did not go at all as planned. I did very well at breakfast and lunch but when my dh came home he was very, very upset. A friend/coworker had passed away the night before. Dh knew he had been sick and it was not hopeful but to get the news was a shock anyway. This poor family, the wife died in a housefire a year and a half ago and now the husband has died too. Dh thought he was in his late forties. He was his boss awhile back and treated Dh so well, he had great respect for him, esp. in light of what he has been through with current mgmt. So dh was wanting to just go out to dinner, he is not really very happy at work and then this news just put him over. So off we went. Went to a favorite restaurant that serves nothing but junk. We split an order of cheese nachos, I had a 23 oz. Coors Light and then a grilled cheese sandwich (with tomato because hey, I am a Weight Watcher right?) about 10 fries and a diet coke. What a disaster. We were both just depressed and sick of life in general. So once again, I turned to food for comfort. When will I learn. Got back on track today so far.
Breakfast: Atkins Shake (3)
Lunch: Lean Cuisine (5), granola bar (3)
Snack: 1/2 sandwich (5)
Have drank a ton of water trying to flush the salt from last night out of my system. I am really discouraged about my weight loss (or lack thereof) efforts. I just seem to have lost my way. I should have gone to ww this morning and just didn't, knowing that last night and some bad decsions over the weekend would have me showing a gain AGAIN. I am still down around 25 pounds total I think so that is good. But I sense that if I don't get a handle on things PDQ, its all over. And the holidays and our WDW trip (with that blasted DDP I wish we didn't have) are just around the corner. Sometimes I really wonder if I want to be thin and healthy anyway. I mean I have been overweight in a large way (no pun intended) with anywhere from 50-100 pounds to lose for the last 13 years. That is a very long time to be fat. I spent the entire decade of my 30's fat. I don't want to lose my 40's to being miserable with my body as well. I frequently blame my weight on stress and yet the whole world is stressed and the whole world is not fat. I have no excuse. I began binge eating when I was 7 years old and it caught up with me when I was in my late twenties and here I sit. Well, enough ranting, its time to just do something about this. I guess I have, I mean I am 1/4 of the way there but its just not enough.

And my knee still hurts. I did Walk Away the Pounds yesterday. I haven't even been updating my exercise totals because I know I am not going to make it anyway. I should nuke that thing off my sig. It only depresses me! I am ready for October and a new challenge. And my son's birthday cake. And Halloween candy. AGGGHHHH .

 

[lovinaz]

Whoa, someone is in need of some

DON'T GIVE UP! We have all been there, hit rock bottom and wanted to throw in the towel. But you are strong and you can get through this rough patch. Just think of how much weight 25lbs is. It is a LOT! You have accomplished so much, it is easy to want to slack off. But you need to get rid of those excess lbs to be healthy and be around for your kids (and Benjamin!). Don't let this bad week break you, get back up and dust yourself off and keep chugging along. You are always giving me pep talks and I seriously couldn't do it without you, so I hope I can at least motivate you one sliver of the amount you have motivated me.

Hang in there and I hope you are feeling better about things tomorrow! You got it out of your system, now you are ready to kick some butt (well, when your knee is better anyway!)

 

[toystoryduo]

Amy,

Oh sweetie.... You and Dan are going through so much right now. I'm sorry to hear about his friend at work. What a difficult situation to have the wife and husband die within a couple of years of each other. Did they have any children? Our thoughts and prayers go out to you, Dan, and the family of this man.

Amy, I completely understand why you are frustrated right now. Please don't give up! You have made some wonderful progress and changes in your life. Remember sweetie.... this is a journey that we are all on. It has it ups and downs... It's good days and bad days. This has been a tough year and through it all Amy, you are still standing! That is wonderful! Things will get better.... This journey will become easier... Just keep on keeping on because you CAN and you WILL accomplish any goal you set your mind too.

In the meantime, cast your cares on the Lord because He will sustain you, Amy. Let Him carry you through this. My thoughts and prayers are with you. I am here if you need me.

 

[traceycooper]

Hope your feeling more positive today
That is such terribly sad news about your DH's friend, i would have eaten too!
Try to take positives from the negatives, makes you appreciate what you have thats for sure.
Please dont give up & be disheartened, just take each day at a time.
Hope your knee is feeling better.
Sending lots of hugs & positive 'vibes'
Tracey

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Amy, Tracy and Tracey. Today was so so food wise. Not so great but could have done worse. I ate too much of this chicken salad I buy at Sams. Naturally its made with mayo so its pretty high in fat. I have no idea why this became such an issue for me and I finally ended up throwing the rest of it out. I do that sometimes, suddenly start mowing through some food item that has never been a problem for me. Awhile back it was peanut butter. Now I have a jar and I haven't taken a taste out of it in probably two months. Go figure, my own weird issues with food never cease to amaze me anymore. Had Burger King for dinner tonight, went for the kids meal with a small diet coke so that was good. Did not drink enough water today. Did not have fruits or veggies.

The shock of Dan's friend dying I think threw us for a loop. Even though I did not know him personally, he was just a really nice guy and as you all can relate, when the hubby hurts, you hurt too! This happening, the news with my mom (so much never ending bad news where she is concerned, we should be used to it by now but somehow never are) and then this school shooting outside of Denver where we live. Just a weird week that makes you realize how fragile life can be.

I am really praying that I can turn things around. For now I am just trying not to binge. Today I realized that in the old days I would have been hitting the drive thru's. That was always my old standard. I think about all the sad lonely times I drove around alone in my car eating fast food. Now I might overeat but I guess some chicken salad on triscuits is a better food crutch than Big Macs. I am happy to say that after a decade of eating sometimes 3-5 Big Macs a week I haven't had one in months. I think one since January. I always ate them on the sly as I didn't want my kids to see me do that and pick up the habit. Now we eat fast food once in a blue moon like tonight. Tomorrow night is Country Buffet Night with my parents. I am getting where I hate that place, partly because I see too many people miserable and overeating. It is so sad, I see so many really, really, obese people there. I saw this one couple last Friday night. They were so young and I would say 200 pounds overweight each. They just kept going back to the buffet to refill and they both looked so sad. That could very well have been me had I not stopped the insanity of gaining 10 pounds every year. 10 more years and I would be there, 200 pounds overweight instead of the 100 I was (now down to 75, small hollow victory but victory nonetheless). I pray to God that at the very least I keep off what I have lost. I am afraid if I gain this 25 back there's no stopping the trend and I'll end up either dead of a heart attach or hitting the buffet line like that poor, sad couple. She was on oxygen, I would say she was maybe 25 years old. I heard some people making fun of them, if I heard they heard. I gave her a nice big smile later, I hope those people making fun of her never become overweight or they may suffer the same humilation they put forth to others.

Okay enough moody posting! I feel better tonight than I did last night. My knee now hurts in the back and the front . I think I have somehow pulled a new muscle. Maybe because I am walking funny trying to not put too much weight or strain that knee. I am going to wrap it tomorrow and go for a walk if it kills me. I am spending the day with my mom. She wants to go buy Christmas pillows. I cannot convince her she already has Christmas pillows so whatever, off we will go! I told her we could have a salad at Wendy's for lunch or Subway, her pick. No Big Macs or Mexican food (my other food drug is Mexican)!

Food today:
Breakfast: Fiber One cereal with skim milk
Lunch: Lean Cuisine, granola bar
Snack: Chicken salad on triscuits. Probably 10-15 crackers with a dollop of chick. sal on each. Down the disposal!
Dinner: BK cheeseburger kids meal, diet coke.
60 oz. of water, one dc and 12 oz. of herbal ice tea

Thanks for the support and reading my journal!

 

[lovinaz]

You have come such a long way! Yes, chicken salad on Triscuits is WAY better than fast food. That is really sad that people think they can just make fun of someone else like that in a public place. That is one thing I stress so much with my kids. DO NOT make fun of people because how would you feel if someone was saying that kind of stuff about you? What a shame... Good for you giving them a smile, I'm sure that little gesture helped a lot.

Glad to see you are in better spirits today. You WILL NOT gain that 25lbs back, I won't let you! I'll make you come down here in the summer and that'll probably melt another 25lbs off you right there...

You are having a tough spot, but soon you will be in a better mental state and the food and exercise will follow and those lbs will start dropping off again. A whole new month starts on Sunday, I bet you can start your whole new outlook on that day too. HANG IN THERE and whatever you do, keep chugging along and you will succeed.

 

[CACruisin']

Amy, I am sorry to have been away for so long. What awful news about your DH's friend. My thoughts are with your family and his. . Do use it to appreciate the little things in your own life. Give your kids and DH a hug just because. Alz is so hard and the cancer must make it even worse. Just try and appreciate the good days/hours you have with your mom. Use those to get you through the tougher ones.

You are such a wonderful inspiration and support for me. You are definitely going through a rough time right now, but you will get through this!! We have talked about how hard the fall and holiday seasons are, but we are going to get through them together remember? It will be tough. There will be not so good days and probably some really, really bad days, but each day is a new day, and we will each get back on track and help each other to get back on track. Hang in there!

25 lbs is a huge accomplishment! Yes, you have a long ways to go, but just break it into small steps. You have come so far, you can keep going. Instead of losing 25 lbs you could have gained, but you haven't. You lost 25 lbs and you will lose more. Look at how you have changed your eating habits with fast food and buffets. You were good to that couple at the buffet, and know that you don't want to be that couple. You recognized that the chix salad had become a problem and threw it away! Good for you!! (now can you send some of that resolve over here? I have such a hard time throwing away food that tastes good!)

Remember our birthday challenge? You still have 12+ weeks. It is a big challenge, but you have strength. You are going to make it or you are going to get darn close at least!!! Just keep trying! That is what really counts.

Hang in there!!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thank you Anna and Amy, I really needed to hear that! Okay Anna, 12 weeks is doable to make it at least most of the way there. I guess I could say that technically I could always make my 42 lbs. goal by January 7, because thats when I was due so that should be my birthday! That gives me two weeks leeway if I don't make it! But I'm still hopeful for that 42 by December 25 goal! And Amy Benjamin does need me to be here, healthy and strong. Who else will clean up all his pee stains?!

Yesterday was okay. I did end up going for Mexican with my mom yesterday. She had her heart set on it and we have our favorite spot where the waitress knows us and my mom's condition and doesn't bat an eyelash if my mom has a "moment" or two! I decided I need to learn how to survive a Mexican meal without going hog wild. And I did it! Got a chicken burrito (all white meat chicken) with vegetarian green chile and no guac or sour cream. Skipped the rice and beans. Did eat one roll with one teaspoon of butter (this place is Italian too and serves chips and rolls). Had some chips and salsa. So not the best lunch in the world but didn't know I could leave that place without completely blowing it. Went to Country Buffet last night, did okay, I was full from a big lunch. I did have too many carbs but tried to mostly load up on salad and roast beef. Had some dessert but only bites.

Today has been much better. I exercised for 40 minutes: 30 Walk Away the Pounds and 10 on the treadmill at as fast pace as I could stand. My knee was hurting a little but feels fine now. I feel so good I worked out. Went to the movie and took my own popcorn and got a diet Dr. Pepper. Had a few mouthfulls of Dan's buttery movie popcorn and 8 tortilla chips with cheese sauce. Tonight Dan and the kids are wanting pizza after church. I am hoping and planning to have one of my Lean Cuisine flatbread pizzas. I have already set out chicken breasts and chicken sausage to thaw to grill for tomorrow's dinner. And we are having Subway for lunch. I am realizing that my big problem has been lack of planning. I have completely thrown out my good skills of planning my meals and snacks for the day and the next day which is what I do when I am doing well and losing. I think that since the cruise I have just been waiting for my waiters Mladdin and Ion to bring me whatever instead of doing the legwork myself! Its time to get back to the basic skills I know how to do but for some reason have not been doing. My goal is to have 14 cheat free days. That starts today. Then on October 14 which is my son's 12th birthday, I can say I made it two weeks, eat a piece of his cake and hit the next 10 before my own birthday/42 pound goal. Day One and I haven't fallen off yet. And by cheat free that means staying within my daily point/flex point total. I'll allow myself treats and the occasional Coors Light but no more eating to such excess my flex points for the next 6 months are used up in one meal!

Thanks for reading. I'll get to journals tomorrow, right now I need to get everybody inside and cleaned up for church!

 

[lovinaz]

Those are awesome goals and I know you can do it! You are getting much better making healthy choices while eating out too.

Planning is SUCH an important part of staying healthy. Every weekend I plan out every single dinner for the week, write it down and post it on the fridge. And I stick to it (95% of the time anyway)! I can look at the list and know what needs to come out of the freezer to be ready for what day, etc. I make my grocery list from that weekly menu, then add in the stuff I need for lunches and breakfast and that is it. Yes, the cupboards and fridge are a little bare by the end of the week, but we don't run out of food and that is the way I like it! I think you will find it so much easier to stick with your program with proper planning.

Great job getting that workout in! I might be able to check in while I am in the UK, but in case I don't, have an awesome, healthy week!

 

[traceycooper]

Hi Amy
Your goals sound great & getting back into the habit of planning your meals will definatly help, its something i need to do too, so thanks for reminding & inspiring me
Well done for getting the exercise in & eating sensibly in the face of all that temptation i dont think i could have done it!
I think its awesome you are now eating healthy options instead of the fast food you used to have, chk salad is a great way to fill up, so dont feel guilty!!
hollow victory losing 25lb's????
Thats fantastic, you should be VERY proud of yourself, you are now having a much healthier lifestyle, dont put yourself down you should be celebrating
Keep positive
Tracey

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Tracey and Amy! Tracey you amaze me that with all you have going on you still visit my journal (and others) so consistently. You put me to shame and I thank you!
Amy: I miss ya already!

Well, I logged all my food and lost the log. . I have a tendancy to clean with a vengeance and threw it away most likely. Saturday was (I think) as follows:
Breakfast: I think I slept through it
Lunch: Two mini bags of ff popcorn (4 pts) some nachos with cheese sauce and two mouthfulls of dh's popcorn with butter. I am counting 9 points total.
Dinner: 1/2 Lean Cuisine Pizza (3), 2 Chicken tenders (5), 1 Coors Light (2), Chips and Salsa (8), salad (0)
Total for the day: 27

Sunday:
Breakfast: Kashi with skim (4)
Lunch: 1/3 of a burger and half a small fries (7). Was supposed to eat Subway but skipped that, drove up to the mountains to see the foilage and now we are starved, no Subway, had McD's. But survived it okay.
Snack: Chips and Salsa (4)
Dinner: Chicken Breast (5), steamed cauliflower/broccoli with lowfat cheese sauce (1), Salad (1), rice (3) ff pudding (1) 1/2 Coors Light (1)
Total for the day: 27

Both days I was over one point but I am okay with that. I had some flex points left most likely since my biggest moment last week was on Tuesday, before my official new start of the week began on Wednesday.
Exercised 40 minutes over the weekend. Drank my water.

Today:
Breakfast: Atkins Shake (3)
Exercised 40 minutes. I will add the rest of my food later as it happens! Thanks for reading. I am feeling better since I survived the weekend for a change of pace! Thanks for reading!

 

[traceycooper]

Here again
i should be doing 'stuff' but then i get online & before i know it the evening has gone!!!
Food sounds pretty good
Great exercise, have a great week

 

[lovinaz]

That's great that you are staying on track, even while eating out! It's hard to do, I know! I have really blown it already and I am so stuffed and feel rotten. But I am going to be like you and put the bad day behind me and jump right back on track!

You are doing great, keep it up!

 

[Amy&Dan]

So here is the rest of the day's food:
Lunch: Lean Cuisine (6), steamed broccoli w/ lf cheese sauce (1), ff jello (0)
Snack: Wheat Thins and oreo (4)
Dinner: whole wheat pasta w/ chicken sausage, tomatoes, olive oil and parmesan: (9)
Total for the day: 23 (still have two points left, I may have some ff pudding later)

 

[SunFloridaDisney]

Hi Amy,

You've got great goals, and are doing well!!

Keep it up.

 

[lovinaz]

You are doing great staying within your points! I think October is going to be the month where you start seeing that weight go down, down, down. Keep it up!

 

[Amy&Dan]

Thanks Kate and Amy! Amy, I hope you are right, I need a good month in a bad way.

Today has been hectic. I had company tonight. In my new zest for preplanning and not getting myself into situations I can't succeed in, I decided to just have everyone over for dessert only. I just don't have the time with the kids' schedules to cook a big meal and I knew these good friends would be fine with that. They are old friends of my mom's/the whole family so I suggested my parents take them out to dinner and then come here afterwards. I found a recipe for Slim Chocolate Cheesecake. I made this once before and its delicious. I made two, one with Splenda and one with sugar. W/out sugar its 3 points per piece, with, its 4. Its really good (made it before). Again, I must ask myself, why don't I do stuff like this all the time? So I had the sugar free kind and a glass of ice tea and didn't blow it too bad (BK not a good choice for dinner but oh well) the night before weigh in.

No time for exercise today but thats okay. My knee is still really giving me fits so I need to not overdo it. Food today:
Breakfast: Atkins Shake (3)
Lunch: Lean Cuisine and salad (6)
Snack: ff/sf pudding (1)
Dinner: Burger King: 2/3 dbl cheeseburger, 1/2 small fry (12)
Snack: 1/2 piece of sugar free cheese cake (1.5)
Total for the day: 23.5

Would have liked to have made a better choice at dinner but it was within points at least. In fact, I came in 1.5 points under. But then again, knowing me, I probably took a bite or two out of something so its always good to have a little room for those points! Thanks for reading! Weigh in is tomorrow, I am dreading it because I haven't been in two weeks and TOM is approaching and I think this will not be great news. But I am going anyway and its good I am telling you guys so I can't chicken out!