Am I wrong?

[mylightshines]

My DS and his wife have decided to move to a town about two hours away so he can go to school there in January. The problem is, they both still have jobs here. His wife has job interviews down there this week. So their plan was to live down there on the weekends and stay with us during the week. I wasn't really happy about it, but we agreed to help him out. They have two cats and a pit bull (I think) dog. So I told him they could stay, but that I couldn't have the animals at my house. (We already have three dogs and a cat). We have a very small house (1200 sq ft and 1 bathroom).

So, I come home from work Friday afternoon. My cat is locked in my bedroom. I really don't think much about it. My son has put his bed into the bedroom and I thought he probably just locked the cat up while he was moving everything. On his bed he has a bunch of clothes just laying on the bed. Now, the bedroom is where my dogs stay during the day.

So, I call him Friday evening (I have came home, left my cat out), and left to go somewhere and won't be home until about 9:30. He then tells me he has left his two cats at my house. I am very, very upset. He locks my cat up (with no food, water, liter box). Leaves his cats loose in my house that they don't know. So I tell him to go to my house and put my cat up so they don't hurt each other. He also doesn't leave any food, water, or a liter box for his cats. I guess he thought they could use my cat's stuff. I can't leave his cats loose in my house with my dogs/cat. So I have to go out and buy a litter box, cat liter for his cats and put them in the spare bedroom (not the same room as the dogs). I also went out and bought a $70 waterproof mattress pad in case the dogs had an accident on their bed, I didn't want it ruined.

So, last night he shows up with his dog. My husband and I are very upset. I specifically told him not to bring his animals. He had said, that's okay, they're going stay with my sister. (His dog attacked one of my dogs one time when we were watching him). My dogs are like 20, 15 and 5 pounds. Very, very small compared to this dog. I can't leave them alone while I'm at work. I don't have a dog house outside. I don't feel comfortable even letting the dogs go out with him. I was also very upset because he didn't even ask. I don't mind helping out, but he could have called and said I can't find a place for the cats/dog, can I bring them to your house.

So, they got mad at me and said I had no right to be upset. Then they were upset because in the stack of loose clothes on the bed was a dooney & burke purse that one of the dogs ended up chewing on. Like I said, I came home for 5 minutes on Friday night, didn't get home until late and then left at 8:00 saturday morning and didn't get home until 9:00 Saturday night. (I did come home several times during the day to let the dogs out and I bagged up the clothes).

So, do you think I was wrong to be upset? They left mad at me last night and I hate it.

 

[addicted_to_WDW]

Your son is very selfish.

 

[DMickey28]

I don't think you are wrong to be upset at all.

how old is your DS and his wife? They sound like a young, immature 18 year old couple. It seems they are expecting you to twist your life inside out while they make this move, which doesn't even sound well planned out or the smartest idea in the book in the first place. Then they go and ignore your requests and take advantage of what you did agree to help them out with in the first place.

I don't have any advice on where to go from here, but I want to give you a HUG and tell you that I don't think you are wrong!

 

[sue1013]

No you are not wrong. Your DS and DIL are very, very wrong. You already told them you would help them out but the animals could not come. They decided your word didn't matter and did what they wanted in your house.

 

[mylightshines]

how old is your DS and his wife? They sound like a young, immature 18 year old couple. It seems they are expecting you to twist your life inside out while they make this move, which doesn't even sound well planned out or the smartest idea in the book in the first place. Then they go and ignore your requests and take advantage of what you did agree to help them out with in the first place. QUOTE]


He's going to be 22 next month and she's 26. You're right, the move is not planned out at all. There's a lot more to the story about that.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I hope you have created some house rules or agreements. This animal thing could be the first of many arguments. I hope it goes well for ya'll but I would be plenty upset about after specifically telling him no animals he brings them anyways. That doesn't set a good precedent.

 

[Daxx]

You have every right to be angry! Your son came into your house and took control and did what he wanted to do w/his cats.

You were kind enough to offer your home, you told him no pets and he didn't even have the courtesy to leave his cats and dog somewhere else!??! And, he locked your cat up w/o food, water or litter box but let his cats have the run of your place? And, you had to go out and buy all these extra supplies for his animals?!?! You have every right to be angry!!!! I'd hand him the receipts for the new litter pan, plastic sheet, etc. and tell him to pay up! There's no reason why you should've provided those things.

 

[Tinijocaro]

So, do you think I was wrong to be upset? They left mad at me last night and I hate it.

You are being walked on- no way I would let them ignore your very specific requests. If you aren't used to being direct with your son, now's the time to begin. Have a family meeting- ask them if they remember you saying that the animals were not welcome, and why are just ignoring your request. You are doing them a favor by letting them live with you in a tiny house. They should be falling all over you to honor your requests.

By buying the litter box, you basically said- sure, your cats can stay here.

 

[agnes!]

Family might be "family", but your DS sounds lke a jerk. Sorry, but that's the way I see it. I think you need to have what a friend of mine calls a "Come to Jesus" talk with him.

Family or not, if he & his cannot follow house rules, he's OUT. Frankly, I would give him a week & then I'd throw him out.

agnes!
PS - None of my business, really, but why do they get to live with you for free if they can afford a D&B purse?

 

[Oreo Cookie]

You have every right to be upset, they are being selfish.

I would address the situation ASAP. Their lack of planning should not be a disruption to your life. I would tell them that you love them, and for the sake of your relationship with them, it is better that they re-examine their plan, and find other living arrangements.

 

[mylightshines]

Family might be "family", but your DS sounds lke a jerk. Sorry, but that's the way I see it. I think you need to have what a friend of mine calls a "Come to Jesus" talk with him.

Family or not, if he & his cannot follow house rules, he's OUT. Frankly, I would give him a week & then I'd throw him out.

agnes!
PS - None of my business, really, but why do they get to live with you for free if they can afford a D&B purse?

Well, they left last night with the dog and didn't come back. I'm sure they went to stay with her mother. I'm sure the purse was a gift from her family. So, if they decide to come back, I'm going to demand an apology and set some rules.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would tell the son and all his animals to find another place to live. They violated the agreement and now they are not staying.

 

[DMickey28]

Your son sounds like my brother when he was 22. Just very immature and still treating my parents house like it was his own.

I would sit down and have a discussion with them. I guess it depends on the relationship you have with your son on how this would go. Would he respond if you asked if they remembered the conversation when you said the pets could not come?? Or would he get defensive and turn the blame around somehow? If he would have an agreable conversation than that would be the best way to go. Otherwise you can either kick them out, set a strict timeframe or let them walk all over you. I know how tough it can be. I saw my mom trying to deal with my brother when he was that age. You couldn't talk to the kid without an arguement. It was horrible .. he finally just moved out this summer. And he's grown up.

I would be worried that if they technically have until January to be there then this could go on for wayy too long. Also, who finds jobs on the weekend? Wouldn't they need to be there for interviews during the week? Provided they are working typical M-F 9-5 days. What happened to the place they had in your town?? Were they renting? Are they renting in the new town already?

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I'm glad to hear that they left, at least temporarily. When you hear from them, I would say something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, this just isn't going to work out. The two of you clearly have your own lifestyle that isn't compatible with ours right now." Then, offer to help them move their things out.

That many people in that small a house, even without the animals, would be difficult. Add the assortment of critters and you're talking disaster!

In answer to your question, no, you're not wrong. Please speak up now or your DS and DDIL will feel free to move back in a few years down the road, when they've added a baby or two to the mix. They may only be thoughtless (as opposed to selfish and disrespectful), but that doesn't give them the right to make you uncomfortable in your own home.

 

[Kath2003]

Nope, sorry. "You may not bring your animals" MEANS "you may not bring your animals". If your son is old enough to leave home, he is old enough to understand what those 6 words mean AND show you some darn respect.

I know that if I ever got a cat or a dog, I couldn't bring it to my parents house because simply their cat would not tolerate it and they wouldn't want to stress out their pet. Since it's THEIR home, THEY get to decide what animals they have in it. I'm 22, too, by the way.

 

[Froggyswife]

You have every right to be upset. I would be. Sounds like your ds needs a trip to the woodshed as we say in the south.

 

[darlak]

Nope, I don't think you're wrong. I would just be enjoying the peace and quiet right now. Your son and daughter-in-law need to realize that although, as the parent, you wanted to help them during this transistional time, you do not owe them anything. You were doing them a favor. If a friend of their's had done them the same favor, would they have tried to take advantage of them this way?

 

[kimmikayb]

I agree with everyone else. You are in the "right" here.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

You are not wrong at all! You need to stand up for yourself. You made it clear AHEAD of time that the animals were not welcome. This is YOUR house and you make the rules, not matter how old he is or what he thinks is right or fair. He needs to grow up.

Good luck

 

[TinkerbellMama]

Your son is spoiled and selfish. I'd kick him out. Yes, I would. Absolutely. You were VERY generous to them and they have walked all over you. Buh-bye.

ETA: I just read your subsequent post in which you clarified that they have not come back. Good. Peace at last! I would not only NOT feel bad about it, I'd be rip-roarin' angry with him and demand an apology.