Am I too sensitive about this?

[Rebelmom67]

No you are not being dramatic and yes, I would expect my spouse to be a "parent" on their days off. Thankfully, my husband and I are on the same page.

 

[abdmom]

Sounds like your spouse is an introvert. 30% of people are. Top 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts An introvert needs significant alone time. Being around other people is draining for introverts. It's energizing for extroverts.

Personally, I would not choose this battle. There will be other more important issues where you may disagree with spouse. Baby is not being harmed by being in daycare a few extra days a year. You may do harm to your relationship by trying to dictate what spouse does on their "days off". Just MHO.

 

[PEANUT1]

do you still have to pay when your child doesn't go? my friend still has to pay for all 5 days a week for day care. This may have something to do with it.

I think it is sad that you can't talk to your husband about this. That is a real problem too. Good luck to you with your decision but I would talk to him...and soon.

 

[sk!mom]

I agree that it is sad, to me, that your spouse never wants to spend extra time with the baby. It's a shame, to me, that he never picked up the baby early on Fridays during the summer. DH and I love spending as much time as possible with our children so I would agree that your DH is missing out.

That being said, I don't think tht you have any reason to be angry. If your DH doesn't want to spend extra time with your child then that's OK. If he needs time to himself then that's what he needs. What I would do or what you would do is not right but only our way. If you want your DH to pick your child up on those days since he's off earlier or altogether then ask him to do so but don't get mad at him for not doing something that you haven't requested.

Remember to let him parent. Your way isn't the right way. I had to learn that as a first time mom.

 

[holly7347]

I could see him wanting to use some of that time for himself but I agree that at least some of that should be spend getting some one on one time with the baby. But I also think it depends on what he is doing with his time off. If it is just sitting at home watching TV then I would say yes take child out of daycare. If he is doing yard work, home repairs, painting, or cleaning or something like that I can see where that would be easier with a young child not around.

Honestly I am counting the days until DD#2 starts preschool for the year. I have all kinds of stuff planned for my 6 hours a week of alone time. I want to sew, scrapbook, go to the grocery store alone , and workout. But I'm also doing stuff that I've put off like seeing my OB/GYN which I haven't seen since my check-up following birth of DD#2 who is now 3 1/2 years old and I also need to go to the eye dr. and see the dentist. Those things aren't things I can easily do with two children in tow and grandma still works so I've put off taking care of myself.

 

[Kaler131]

I would tell your spouse that the baby should only be in daycare when you guys are at work.

 

[abdmom]

Sounds like your spouse is an introvert. 30% of people are. Top 5 things every extrovert should know about introverts An introvert needs significant alone time. Being around other people is draining for introverts. It's energizing for extroverts.

Personally, I would not choose this battle. There will be other more important issues where you may disagree with spouse. Baby is not being harmed by being in daycare a few extra days a year. You may do harm to your relationship by trying to dictate what spouse does on their "days off". Just MHO.

Sorry, the link was bad in my first post and I didn't catch it until I could no longer edit. It's fixed now.

 

[emma'smom]

Actually, when my kids were in day care, I wouldn't pick them up early/drop them off late when my scheduled changed because I didn't want to disrupt their routines. They had set nap and meal times and I found that pulling them off of a routine just made it more difficult the next day.

Now, whole days off are a different story....

 

[christa112]

My DH does stuff like this too sometimes. Like when he is sick he brings the kids to his mom's. When I am sick I suck it up and keep them home with me. It drives me nuts. To me if you are sick enough to stay home, then stay home, don't get up drive the kids to your mom's and then come home and rest. Must be nice!!!!

But on the other hand if he is trying to get stuff done around the house and he brings the kids to his mom's to keep them out of his hair, then I am fine with that, because maybe he will actually get something done. LOL!!!

I would think your spouse would want to spend time with the baby, but I could also see the logic in--we are paying for the daycare whether or not the baby is there, I might as well send the baby. But that doesn't make it right in my eyes.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Since this is your first child, maybe your husband is just not comfortable being out alone with him/her. For example...he may think that he wouldn't want to interrupt the hair dresser if the baby was crying/ needed to be changed, or what to do with the baby while the car was being worked on. Maybe that just seems a little akward for him, if he is doing it on his own. I say this because a friend of mine had a similar situation with her DH, and found out that he was cool with having the baby at home, picking up, dropping off, but going into stores, etc. he was just clueless! It took some practice with her before he was comfortable. I know this won't help for the days where he just wants to relax (although, maybe, he needs that every once in a while) but maybe it can help a bit.

 

[raysnkaysmom]

My DBF does that at times too..and it REALLY aggrivates me. I'm RIGHT there picking baby up when I'm off....and as much as I'd like some 'down time' to sleep... I'd rather be with the baby... He has his moments where he does...but I get so upset when I think it just doesn't seem as important to him....

You aren't over-reacting at all.... and you're handling it better than me. I blow up...lol

 

[squirrel]

I have a daycare. I have children that come everyday-even when they are sick and should be at home.

I don't really care if the children are with me when the parents are off. What does bother me is if parents brings their child later in the day (lunch time) and then the child has no time to play with the other children as then it is story time and then nap time. I don't have any problem with parents coming early - I really prefer them not to come during nap time as it is disruptive.

I would talk to your husband about his free time. Everyone would like to have time to do what they want. But being part of a family means you work together. If you are working more days and doing more work around the house then he should be helping more with your child or helping you with things around the house. Then you would have more time to spend together as a family.

 

[badblackpug]

Totally just realized that you are so right about that! I went back and it doesn't say anything about the sex of the person writing. In fact, the word spouse was exclusively used. Nice catch on that one. And I thought I had an open mind...

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." Ghandi

Soryy..couldn't resist..."Gandhi"

 

[kcdoodles80]

You are right and should discuss with your spouse! Just an FYI he can think about - teachers talk about parents that do this! My sis worked at Kindercare for years and the staff did there, maybe that will make him reconsider - Good Luck!!!

So, I'm a long time poster, but afraid spouse will see this, so writing under another name.

Spouse gets more days off than I do - and our baby, born this year, is in daycare. On the days off spouse gets that I don't, spouse still has baby in daycare instead of spending time with baby. Today is the third time that has happened b/c spouse gets four day weekend. It really bothers me b/c (a) I think baby should be out of daycare and with family as much as possible; and (b) I would, and it would be expected, that I would keep baby out of daycare if I had off. Spouse also has 1/2 days off on Fridays in summer and spouse did not get baby out early in a single one of them.

I haven't broached issue with spouse b/c I want to know if I'm being overdramatic about the whole thing first. And I know you Dis'ers will tell me!

So, what are your thoughts?

 

[cinmell]

I will never understand why when men take care of their children it is considered babysitting and we are all supposed to be so very impressed and when women take care of their children it is just expected.

I don't understand it either.

I once made the comment, well if I can keep the house clean, cook for everyone, drag everyone to every appointment and be sure the kids get to all of their afterschool activities then I can get to go to work too. Lucky me! Once I said that to DH he really started to step up more and helped with the evening activities after he got home from work. What a relief it was to know I could get some stuff done around the house and he would do a quick dropoff at 7 and pick up at 9--all he said was why didn't you ask sooner! So talk to your spouse he may not even know you are feeling this way.

Regarding the part I bolded, my response would have been, I shouldn't have to ask!

 

[bzzymom]

I can understand. I am a nurse who worked every Sat, Sun and Mon 12 hour shifts and then I did an 8 hour shift on Wednesdays. I only had to take DD to sitter who watched kids in her home 2 days a week (DS is school age) , and I could have her all the other days. There were some Tuesdays that I was so drained and exhausted that I asked the sitter if I could bring DD there so I could nap/rest. It usually wasn't a problem, but she didn't charge in half days, so I had to pay for the full day.

DH had the kids on the weekends, and he felt "trapped" because he worked Mon-fri and then had to have the kids the weekend, and he felt that he didn't have time to himself. Now, he was in a golf league on Tues evenings from May-Sept, and a bowling league from Aug-April on Thursday nights, so I felt like it was him "time away". DH didn't see it that way at all, he just felt like he couldn't "do anything".

Things have drastically changed because I was injured on the job over a year ago, and I have been off, and i feel that DH hasn't been around to help me as I would like. He has spent several Saturdays golfing and some Fri nights and I feel that he hardly even interacts with the kids. He doesn't read to DD or play games with her, he and DS barely speak. It seems like he only talks with them when they get in trouble. I am trying my best to get him more involved with the kids and not himself

 

[rangermom]

Have you actually had a day off and taken the baby to daycare? I ask this because you stated that it would be expected for you to keep the baby if you were off. Has spouse actually told you this? Or so you just feel that a parent should keep baby with them whenever possible?

Does spouse spend anytime at all with baby, so you can get me time? If you want time without the baby for yourself, then should speak with spouse and set up a day that is regularly yours to take and spouse stays with baby.

You need to speak with spouse and find out his feeling and tell him yours. If not then they will just fester.

 

[steelebug]

I don't know. I have children in daycare and when I was off I left them there but did try to pick them up early. Routine is good for children. It is often harder on children to go in and out of daycare. I always took them in at the regular time but might have picked them up at noon or after nap. Then I would take them if they were old enough to do something special. I think I would discuss it and see what the reasons are. Mine were it was an opportunity for me to get my haircut, grocery shop, etc. Just my opinion

 

[Camno's Mama]

"Be the change you wish to see in the world." Ghandi

Soryy..couldn't resist..."Gandhi"

I think I missed something here. Are you making fun of me for admitting my mistake? Or for making the mistake at all? Either way, I'm not sure how Gandhi has anything to do either thing. And if it's just because I misspelled something, maybe you could have pm'd me instead of calling me on it in public.

 

[patsal]

I think I missed something here. Are you making fun of me for admitting my mistake? Or for making the mistake at all? Either way, I'm not sure how Gandhi has anything to do either thing. And if it's just because I misspelled something, maybe you could have pm'd me instead of calling me on it in public.

I think the poster may have looked at your siggie line and made the correction since you were already correcting your spelling? I agree a PM would have been a better way to do this!