Am I the only one?

[MushyMushy]

I think that trying to keep 'ones memory' alive forever and ever and ever is a function of narcissism, man's desire to 'live' forever, and man's failed human nature. (will not go any further due to DIS guidelines)

However, I did post on one person's thread... The one who went to ground zero....

IMHO, THIS IS TOTALLY AND COMPLETELY DIFFERENT.
I am with those who think that what happened that day is an important, life and history altering, event. And is very unwise to be quickly forgotten. This is not memorializing a 'person'.... but a profound, and very important, event.

You're right about that. For me, it's not so much about our country memorializing a tragic event like that (like (9/11 and Pearl Harbor), but I personally don't do anything.

 

[graygables]

I understand how you feel. My mother (the bride at every wedding, the corpse at every funeral) makes a scene all the time b/c "nobody cares" and goes to the gravesites. It's not that I don't care, I just don't see the point. I want to remember my aunt laughing at her kitchen table, not staring at a headstone. I've told my kids, do whatever's cheapest with my body, cremate, donate to science, whatever, but DO NOT bury me and DO NOT go visit wherever you put me because I'M NOT THERE. I do want them to blow all the insurance money on more DVC points and go to WDW as often as possible and remember all the fun we've had.

As for 9/11, I have my own thoughts on that and keep them to myself.

 

[tvguy]

My dad died 43 years ago. I've been to his grave 3 times, including the funeral. My mom has been there 2 times, including the funeral. The cemetery is 100 miles from here, so that may be part of the issue.
I offered many times to take my mom, but, she like me, sees no value in going. My dad lives on in our hearts.
Only reason she went with me a couple of years ago I think is because she will be buried there too, and just wanted to see again her final resting place.
Because my dad died when I was young, my mom has always made a point of reviewing with me what her final wishes are. They are simple, and her affairs have been "in order" for over 40 years. She does that, because my dad, who had a lengthy illness did that. She found it very helpful.
That was underscored why my mother-in-law died unexpectedly. We had no idea what her wishes were. Her affairs were not in order, and it took 7 months of probate and cost thousands of dollars to settle her estate.

So my advice to those left behind is, there is no wrong way to grieve. Do what is best for you. And please take time to make YOUR wishes known to your family, no matter how young you are.

 

[PatsMom]

I am not much for memorializing. I am still on some family members bad person list because I chose to honor my father's request that he not have a grave marker. He wanted to be cremated and his ashes scattered off a mountain that is very near my current home. His grave marker from the VA is in my shed - the funeral home ordered it without me really knowing. We've talked about maybe putting it out by the stone wall but I don't think that's what Dad would want. I guess I think of him almost every day when I drive out to the main road and I can see the cliff we scattered the ashes from.

 

[RNMOM]

I also feel the same way. In fact, when I die my family has instructions for creamation and no services. Really, just toss my ashes in the compost pile and make me good for something positive. No one pays attention to me now why should they bother after I die?

 

[eliza61]

I think grieving is very personal. no right or wrong way. today I volunteered at a park beautification project. My community wanted to memoralize 9/11 in a more "positive" way. We know it is a somber, sad rememberance but we felt the best way to honor those lost was to ensure a happy place for kids to play.

It was a wonderful day.

 

[kathie859]

I've never been over-the-top in sharing my grief. As far as "visiting" graveyards--why?? I'm a Christian and in my heart of hearts, I know that the person whose carcass is in the grave isn't "there" but has moved on to another plane of existence.

As far as burials and memorials go, I think it's a good thing to remember the person/event/whatever in a shared environment as a comfort to each other.
But again, I am not big on the outward demonstration of sadness and can't support some of the elaborate services that some people plan.

Oh, and if anyone wants to send flowers when I'm dead---please send them now, I'll enjoy them a lot more

 

[LoriABil]

Oh, and if anyone wants to send flowers when I'm dead---please send them now, I'll enjoy them a lot more

I love that!

 

[kellydizfan]

You are not alone. I don't want to be buried in the ground. I want to creamated. I don't want a funeral either. Why - it just prolongs the whole thing of dying, etc. When my Mother In Law was in her final days, my DH family hung out in the room, parking lot, etc. at the nursing home. I couldn't do that and they also did it when my sister-in-law was brain dead at the hospital. They stayed for hours. It drove me crazy as I was also stuck with a 2 year old down stairs in the hospital out of state by myself. I just can't deal with it.

 

[disney1990]

Please bring me flowers now while I can appreciate them.

 

[punkin]

I visit my mother's, grandmother's, and stepfather's graves at least 2X per year. (they are all in the same cemetery). I have only been to my sister's grave twice since she dies 4 years ago. It requires a plane trip so it's more difficult. It makes me feel better to go, so I do it.

 

[3 MEN AND A BOAT]

I don't think it's strange, people deal with greife many different ways.

something that I always disagreed with was the placing of flowers and objects along the side of the road were someone died. this must be a creepy reminder for the people that live nearby, especially when loved ones show up and sit their, crying. I've sometimes wondered if they ask the families nearby if it's OK to place a marker in front of their yards. i know that the right-of-way is public property, but i wouldn't want it in front of my house. I would allow it for a short period, but after a while I would ask that they stop placeing things their.