Am I overreacting?

[pospisil]

DS9 (will be 10 in Sept) rides the bus to my grandma's after school, and stays there for a couple of hours until DH or I get off work. Grandma lives in a very small town, maybe 500 people. We live out in the country, on a pretty busy road, so he has been having a ball going to neighbors houses (there are several kids his age in a one block radius of Grandma's house), and riding bikes and scooters up and down the street and around the block. Grandma is 85, though still gets around well, and my uncle and cousin, both bums, are there, so there's not a lot of supervision, but there's always someone around.

In this little town, there is one business, a convenience-type store, they sell hamburgers and gas, and miscellaneous stuff. It is about 50 yards or so from Grandma's. You cross a railroad track, and a fairly busy 2 lane road, to get to it.

He and I were sitting on the porch last week, and I asked him if anything exciting had happened that day. He said one thing, that he got to go to the store by himself. My cousin wanted a coke, so he gave DS money to buy them each one. I asked if he had looked both ways, he said he had, and that it was fun going alone. I told him that's great, it sounds like he did a good job, but I would really rather he not cross that street by himself until he's a little older. He said okay, and that was that.

I have this horrible fear of him getting hit by a car, so I'm not sure if I'm just feeding into my phobia, or if I'm being reasonable. Opinions?

 

[Donaldswife]

DS9 (will be 10 in Sept) rides the bus to my grandma's after school, and stays there for a couple of hours until DH or I get off work. Grandma lives in a very small town, maybe 500 people. We live out in the country, on a pretty busy road, so he has been having a ball going to neighbors houses (there are several kids his age in a one block radius of Grandma's house), and riding bikes and scooters up and down the street and around the block. Grandma is 85, though still gets around well, and my uncle and cousin, both bums, are there, so there's not a lot of supervision, but there's always someone around.

In this little town, there is one business, a convenience-type store, they sell hamburgers and gas, and miscellaneous stuff. It is about 50 yards or so from Grandma's. You cross a railroad track, and a fairly busy 2 lane road, to get to it.

He and I were sitting on the porch last week, and I asked him if anything exciting had happened that day. He said one thing, that he got to go to the store by himself. My cousin wanted a coke, so he gave DS money to buy them each one. I asked if he had looked both ways, he said he had, and that it was fun going alone. I told him that's great, it sounds like he did a good job, but I would really rather he not cross that street by himself until he's a little older. He said okay, and that was that.

I have this horrible fear of him getting hit by a car, so I'm not sure if I'm just feeding into my phobia, or if I'm being reasonable. Opinions?

I don't think you are being unreasonable, and handled it very well. You didn't scream and throw a fit, just stated that you were uncomfortable with him crossing that busy intersection and asked him not to. He is still allowed to ride bikes and scooters with the neighborhood kids, so I don't see a problem.

 

[mjkacmom]

I know that when I was a young child, I was sent to a store almost daily, and had to cross a busy street. I have the same fears, but I try to keep them to myself, since all my kids walk to school. We don't live on a busy street, so they've been practicing how to cross alone since the age of 4 or so. I drive DH crazy because if we're walking, and the light is green, but the light that indicate it's safe to walk isn't on, I won't let us cross, even if there isn't a car in sight.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Does the train tracks have the red blinking lights and an arm that goes down when the train passes?

 

[FredinFL]

I agree, I think you did a great job. I can see being fearful of him being hit by a car on a busy road. It happens all the time. People don't pay attention when they are driving sometimes. Maybe you could tell him why you don't want him to do it and explain about drivers not being careful, I've found that if you give a child the reason you don't want them to do something, they may still not like it, but they get it and remember.

 

[DisMN]

Overreacting a little, yes I think. If he were 6 it would be one thing but he's 9 going on 10 years old. This was probably good practice for him to do it and he should be doing more of it.

Bad things happen. People do get hit crossing the street. I understand the fear and worry about letting him do dangerous things.
Danger or not children should know how to function in the world and crossing a "fairly busy two lane road" should be on his able-to-do list if not now then soon!

 

[MIGrandma]

I don't think you're being unreasonable at all. I'm a Grandma, and I babysit for my grandchildren quite often and I do worry about something happening to them while they're in my care. I would feel terrible of course, if anything happened to them no matter where they were, but even worse if I was caring for them. So I think I'm even more overprotective of them than I was with my own children.

 

[mickeyboat]

Getting hit by a car is one of my biggest fears for DDs 10 & 11. My kids walk, scoot and ride all over our neighborhood, but they are not allowed to cross the two busy streets alone - they have to stay on the sidewalk and continue to go around the block. In my defense there are no signals for them to use to cross, and people don't always stop for pedestrians in the cosswalks.

A couple of weeks ago DD11 almost got hit by a car because she didn't look both ways when she rode her bike out of the driveway. Good thing the car stopped and DD10 yelled at DD11 to stop.

I would make sure to practice with them a few times before I would be comfortable letting them cross alone.

 

[pospisil]

Does the train tracks have the red blinking lights and an arm that goes down when the train passes?

No, but the track is hardly ever used anymore, Grandma says maybe once a month. I can't remember the last time I saw a moving train on it, although there are cars just sitting on it sometimes. It's kinda sad, when I was a kid, there were trains twice a day. We used to tape pennies to the track so the train would flatten them out. And we went to the store all the time by ourselves. The street wasn't as busy then, though.

I just don't want to hold him back from things that he's perfectly capable of doing, but at the same time, he thinks he's invincible, kwim?

 

[LuvOrlando]

Do you have a rule about the street? I do, I have always had rules about stuff and just let my kids do whatever they want as long as they stay inside of the lines. If you don't like the idea of him being on that particular road just yet I think you are perfetly reasonable to make it a rule, your rule. He's 10 not 17 and you are the parent.

Just out of curiosity, have you had a talk with DS about the fact that you don't quite trust the judgment of these 2 grown-ups? I've been pretty open with my kids their whole lives about the fact that my rules should always apply even when I'm not around and that its ok to tell grown ups no if they are asking one of my kids to break a rule of mine. Just a thought, considering the situation you have described, it might be a good idea to start him up on autopilot now so that when they ask him something that is a really bad idea he'll be comfortable with saying , "No, that's against one of Mom's rules."

 

[scrapquitler]

I don't think you are being unreasonable at all.I was hit by a car when I was 10. I'm STILL scared every time I cross a street (even in a crosswalk, with the crossing light on). I am super vigilant with my kids near the road as a result, and I would not be at all comfortable with my 9 year old riding a bike across a busy road and a railroad track without someone watching closeby.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I don't think you are necessarily being overprotective. The busy 2-lane street would bother me. Did they make sure he has street smarts before asking him to go? Seems bad decision making on their part if not. And did they run it by your grandmother first?

BTW, I think you handled the situation very well!

 

[kamik86]

I guess it depends on what you consider fairly busy. I'm thinking of roads in my town and nearby work and there are some that scare me now to cross and there are some I was doing at 10 with no problem.

Really I think its just a parents judgement call. Since he said ok I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe just talk to the person who sent him to not send him alone anymore.

 

[GinnyEmma]

10 is old enough to get around and be careful. Wouldn't be an issue here.

 

[Took]

I know that when I was a young child, I was sent to a store almost daily, and had to cross a busy street. I have the same fears, but I try to keep them to myself, since all my kids walk to school. We don't live on a busy street, so they've been practicing how to cross alone since the age of 4 or so. I drive DH crazy because if we're walking, and the light is green, but the light that indicate it's safe to walk isn't on, I won't let us cross, even if there isn't a car in sight.

Ditto. Actually, our road was 4 lane. I crossed it from about age 9 or so.

 

[a1tinkfans]

I don't think you are being unreasonable, and handled it very well. You didn't scream and throw a fit, just stated that you were uncomfortable with him crossing that busy intersection and asked him not to. He is still allowed to ride bikes and scooters with the neighborhood kids, so I don't see a problem.

I agree
Now a days never mind the street crossing, having a nine year old off and alone in an area that you would not know where he went is enough for me to say, sorry, be with a group or stay at grandmas.

 

[GinnyEmma]

I guess it depends on what you consider fairly busy. I'm thinking of roads in my town and nearby work and there are some that scare me now to cross and there are some I was doing at 10 with no problem.

Really I think its just a parents judgement call. Since he said ok I wouldn't worry about it too much. Maybe just talk to the person who sent him to not send him alone anymore.

I agree
Now a days never mind the street crossing, having a nine year old off and alone in an area that you would not know where he went is enough for me to say, sorry, be with a group or stay at grandmas.

It is across the street in a town of 500. P

 

[merekc]

I think it is difficult to say what we would do when we are not familiar with the street. Speed limits, volume of traffic and people's tendency to speed/not speed would impact my opinion. I do lean towards a town of 500 probably being a safer area to cross but hard to say.

In our area, some of the main roads on routes to elementary schools have lost their crossing guards due to not enough kids crossing these roads to justify the cost. So there are a handful of kids, crossing four lane roads in a fairly well populated area 2x a day. Personally, I would hate that if it were my kids.

I would talk with him about the train tracks though. To a certain degree, that would worry me more than the street. Most kids have been fairly well trained growing up to watch for cars on the street. However, a train track that isn't used regularly can be an easy place to let your guard down, especially if they are slow moving trains coming to a stop in this area (not as loud).

There is an area I occasionaly go where the train tracks are very rarely used, there are no crossing guards/warning lights and I have at least once almost been hit as I drove over the road. Luckily slow moving trains, but it is easy to not be as attentive when you don't see them regularly. It was the wakeup reminder I needed.

 

[Cheshire Figment]

I grew up in New York City. By seven I was walking the five blocks to school alone. By ten I was riding the subway alone to go to a museum or somewhere. My parents may have worried about me, but did not restrict my travel. (Of course, the block I lived on had about 600 apartments in three buildings; definitely not a small town.)

 

[Rora]

You may be overreacting a bit but I think your fears are justified.

I'd go over street saftey and tell him you'd really prefer he crossed the street with another person.

That being said, I crossed many busy streets in cities, by the time I was that age, alone.