Am I overreacting?

[Scurvy]

Of course spouses can have friends of the opposite sex.

But the op is apparently not comfortable with this particular relationship, and in my mind, the bf should respect that and distance himself from the old friend.

I disagree. Partly, at least. If this particular friend was the problem I would agree that the OP's boyfriend ought to back away from her. (Assuming his relationship with the OP is more important to him than the friendship) However, it sounds like the OP would have a problem with any close relationship her boyfriend had with a female. I don't think it's reasonable for anyone to expect that her boyfriend would forgo all close friendships with other women just because she has issues from a past relationship. (Which is not meant to imply that the OP doesn't have a right to feel the way that she does, because of course she has the right to her feelings.)

I usually get along better with guys than girls. If my husband didn't want me to have friendships with guys I would have very few close friendships. But this is something that we discussed while we were dating, and if we weren't compatible enough about things like this we probably wouldn't have gotten married. If a couple agrees with each other on what sort of outside friendships are acceptable then that's ideal. If they don't, I don't know that it's fair for either of them to expect the other to change that significantly.