Am I Obligated to Buy Another Gift?

[becka]

I don’t want to come off as hard-hearted about this issue but it has bugged me in the past and right now it is really annoying me just because it is coming up so much. If you are attending a child’s birthday party are you obligated to buy gifts for that child’s siblings and/or the other children attending the party? I don’t mean goodie bags that you do as the host/hostess of one of these parties but just as someone attending the party do you buy extra gifts for others?

My DS just turned 4 this past weekend and we had a party for him. My parents, my in-laws and my best friend all purchased gifts for my DD in addition to the gifts they purchased for my DS. Now my parents and the in-laws are grandparents and I can see them just wanting to spoil both the kids a little but they both wanted to get something because they were afraid that it would cause problems for DS to get a lot of new gifts and for DD to not get anything. Also, that does not explain my best friend nor does it explain the fact that my in-laws also bought a gift for my DH’s cousin’s daughter (their great-niece who is almost 5) who they brought to the party as a guest.

I guess I just grew up knowing that I got gifts on my birthday and not on other people’s birthdays. It was not expected that I should also get gifts on my sister and brother’s birthday. That was just the way the world worked. I really feel that is something that I want to teach my kids. Is it a bad thing to teach kids that sometimes it is just not your turn? You don’t always get toys at every party, etc.. It just seems like a life lesson that I should be teaching my kids. For example, I really don’t under why my in-laws gave a gift to their great-niece at DS’s party. Is she so spoiled that she has to get a gift for herself at every party or else she will pitch a fit? That is exactly the type of attitude that I do NOT want my kids’ to have. Is this the mentality that kids will develop when they are given a gift at everyone else’s party as well?

Now my best friends’ son is having his 4th birthday party this upcoming weekend and I feel like I have to buy her younger son a gift as well as buying for the birthday boy because she bought something for my DD. It certainly is not a money thing but I just oppose it on principle alone. Would it be rude for me not to purchase an additional present for the younger brother?

Also, as a separate question: Am I in the wrong here thinking that kids’ should not expect to be given gifts when their siblings/friends/next door neighbors cat has a birthday?

 

[ElizK]

I have never purchased gifts for siblings of the birthday child. Not a trend I would want to be a part of!

 

[lulugirl]

I have never purchased gifts for siblings of the birthday child. Not a trend I would want to be a part of!

Ditto.

 

[budbeerlady]

Also, as a separate question: Am I in the wrong here thinking that kids’ should not expect to be given gifts when their siblings/friends/next door neighbors cat has a birthday?

I am against gifts for next door neighbors cat and anyone else who isnt having a birthday at the said birthday party.

 

[RadioNate]

I have never purchased gifts for siblings of the birthday child. Not a trend I would want to be a part of!

yeah that.

The mega birthday party trend has already hit my area, I don't want this one to come too.

 

[lbgraves]

The only time I have given the older brother/sister a gift is when I take a good friend a baby gift. We do not take extra presents for anyone other than the birthday kid at a party.

 

[RUDisney]

As a matter of principle, you get one day every year that is just yours. The birthday person should be the recipient of gifts, not the others who happen to be living in the same house, or people who stop by for the party.

My ILs started this when our kids arrived. I don't like the practice and have told them so. It takes away part of the specialness of the day for the principle celebrant. They keep bringing gifts for both of my kids. I bring a gift for only the birthday person when we go to their parties.

 

[DISUNC]

We have done this with younger children. Usually if a sibiling is 2 or 3, and we are going to another one of the sibling Bdays, we bring a little something. And I do mean 'little". Also it is not that we see these children all the time. Just a 'token" gift.

However you are in NO WAY expected to do this! Nor should ANYONE expect this of you.

It sounds like the "sibiling too" gift giving has gotten a bit out of hand.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I have never purchased gifts for siblings of the birthday child. Not a trend I would want to be a part of!

I dont either.. unless its a combined party.

My youngest 3 kids are each exactly 1 week apart. I am only having 1 party since they will be 1,2 and 7. I rented out a park. I will make sure my invitations go out 4-5 weeks in advance lol.

Its mainly family and friends. If there are any friends of my 7yo I do not expect them to buy gifts for the younger 2.

 

[RUDisney]

The only time I have given the older brother/sister a gift is when I take a good friend a baby gift. We do not take extra presents for anyone other than the birthday kid at a party.

I agree with this concept. The baby doesn't know or care that it is getting a gift. The older siblings do and should receive some token gift, even if it is just a big sucker lolipop.

 

[Disneyrsh]

Wow, no way. Not ever.

 

[becka]

Well at least I am not out in left field here. I was afraid that maybe I was the only one who would feel this way.

I almost feel like I should buy a little something for my BF's youngest son since she did buy something for DD but maybe next year I just need to tell her that I don't want her to bring anything extra to the kids' parties. I almost feel like if I don't get the younger son a gift that I will need to explain my position to her so she does not just think I am being cheap and rude. However, an explanation like that might seem rude. But then is it rude to tell someone not to buy a gift if they really want to? Where is Miss Manners when you really need her?

All this drama for preschoolers birthdays.... What do we have to look forward to during the teen years!

 

[hlbtimes2]

I'm in the "not a trend I want to be a part of" crowd. My son turned 4 in March. MIL called shortly before his party. She mentioned she had a gift for dd. I rather bluntly said " DO NOT bring her a gift. It is NOT her birthday. There are other kids at the party not getting gifts, she will be fine".

 

[RealMickeysGirl]

My grandmother used to give my uncles step children presents (or just money) on my birthday (and my brother's birthday). We never got gifts on their birthdays. I asked my grandmother about it one time and she said that my uncles wife got mad if we got presents and her children did not.

 

[diznygirl]

MIL has given both children gifts on their birthdays. We explain and explain.... oh well, what are you going to do? I don't want the other child to grow up expecting gifts.... let them learn they have to wait.

Now, if we were ASKING for it, you know MIL would be telling me the same thing...

 

[CEDmom]

The only time I have given the older brother/sister a gift is when I take a good friend a baby gift. We do not take extra presents for anyone other than the birthday kid at a party.

I do this as well. I think gifts for non-birthday children is just feeding the "gimme mentality". It's hard for children to appreciate the things they have if they're always being showered with new stuff.

Also, Becka isn't you're DD only a year or so old? She probably had more fun with the paper and ribbon than with any gift someone brought her.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Also, as a separate question: Am I in the wrong here thinking that kids’ should not expect to be given gifts when their siblings/friends/next door neighbors cat has a birthday?

Not wrong on any of these points except for one, everyone should get gifts for the neighbors cats birthday..at least htat's what we do here

okay seriously, i agree with you...I CANNOT stand this practice at all! what make the party so special in the end then?? i just don't get it and will not hesitste to tell anyone that if it arises as the children get older.

 

[becka]

Also, Becka isn't you're DD only a year or so old? She probably had more fun with the paper and ribbon than with any gift someone brought her.

Yes - she is 15 months old. She would not have thought twice about not getting a gift just for her. Plus, even though she got gifts she wanted to play with DS's rather than hers (she thinks DS walks on water) and I actually expected DS to share a little with his sister and his friends! I guess I am just a mean Mom. I didn't force DS to hand over a new favorite he was playing with or anything but when he was playing with one toy I expected him to let DD and the other kids play with some of his other toys. Just because it was his birthday did not absolve him of having to do the right thing and to share. Of course, just for irony, the Dora toy that my parents' got for DD was probably a bigger hit with my DS than with her.

 

[darrose]

<whispers I do this with my own kids (dont expect anyone else to) and the both
love it on their birthday.
I "borrowed" the traditon from one of their aunts from when they were babies. One gets a token unbirthday gift, the other special birthday gifts on their birthday.
We also have a friend birthday party, separate from the family party (we are only a tiny family of four) where only the birthday person gets presents from their friends, not us (mom, dad, sibling) in case anyone is worried about "life lessons" that one must obtain by not receiving gifts at the same time.
When invited to a birthday party they only give a gift to the birthday person.

 

[mytwotinks]

This practice drives me crazy!!!! I want my kids to know that other people matter to. I want my kids to get excited for others and not just themselves. What a self centered world we are going to live in if this becomes the norm.