Am I being Unreasonable? Personal Rant.

[ashmarie06]

A little background info
-- I've been to Disney about 15 times in my life with family, and even more times to magic kingdom
--Disney is my "happy place"
--i suffer from OCD, Anxiety and Depression

Anywho, the last three years my dbf and I have been visiting his father in Sarasota every year. Which in turn means skipping MY FAMILY VACATION. Which the trick is, since im an adult, i have to pay for my family disney vacation. Where his dad picks up our tab on 99% of what we do. After a particulary awful trip I told dbf we were doing it my way this year. That we were doing Disney with my family. Well my family cancelled their annual trip this year, so i said we were doing it by ourselves.

He finally agreed and I have booked and started planning our August vacation. DBF has only had 2 day trips to MK and doesn't understand why someone should start planning this early. (hence the OCD) he also doesn't understand how this makes me happy. He also told me we shouldn't schedule ADR's in Feb when we won't know what we want to eat.

He completely doesn't care about the planning, and told me it was my thing to just plan it and "he'll go." I thought it was maybe because he was mad about not seeing his dad this year, so i even threw in a visit to see him, which means we now have to rent a car and drive the 15 hours down and back to save $$. That still didn't help.

My question is, do most women plan the trips? Mind you we don't have kids and my dbf thinks i'm crazy due to liking Disney so much. I want his opinions and his help, especially with the dining.. Would most women be happy to plan the entire trip, or am i being unreasonable that i want his help?? He says there is no need to plan this early. And there is no use to get excited about something that is 7 months away What would you do? Or am i just being a baby.

 

[Jaybird6]

When DH and I went in August I had expected him to be just as excited and involved as I was. Boy, was I mistaken. He said pretty much the same thing as your DBF, "You plan it, and I'll be happy with whatever you pick." I was really upset at first, as well. Then I realized that he just wasn't as excited about the planning process, and he just wanted me to plan it my way so he knew I would be happy. I wouldn't take it personally, just plan the trip how you would like and I'm sure he'll have fun, too.

As for dining - I know how frustrating that can be. I hate it when DH doesn't give me input on food, because I know a bad meal can ruin the day for me and I would hate for that to happen for him. So, what I did was to pick restaurants that had at least one thing I knew DH would like (can't go wrong with a steak, for him).

Hopefully this will help you a bit, and remember not to let it get to you. You will have an amazing trip, no matter what, I'm sure

 

[Feckless]

I started planning my trip 9 months out, so I totally understand where you are coming from. My DH knows that I get a ton of enjoyment from planning whatever trip we take, so he is indulging me! LOL The anticipation (as long as I don't get my expectations for the actual vacation too high - that's the trick) really adds to the enjoyment. Plus he gets the added advantage of just showing up and having a fabulous trip planned for him!

However, I've been trying hard to make this not only about ME and what I want to do, but to make sure that I'm taking my family's wants and needs into account as well. I've also looked into some stuff to do that I KNOW that DH would enjoy, like a morning of golf, and the Exotic Driving Experience (he's going to LOVE that). I've sent him links to the links (LOL) and to some of the videos that have come out for the driving experience to get him excited about the trip as well. Is there something like that you could plan just for him that might make him more interested in the trip?

Sometimes you just have to accept that your spouse is not going to be as into all of the planning and the Disney experience. Mine will be fine with the CL beer and the proximity to the Rose and Crown for Guinness.

Make your ADRs with him in mind, thinking of some things that he would like. At least then you will have them and you can change closer to the date of the trip if need be. I booked one per day based on an idea of where we might be each day, but where we are staying in an Epcot resort, made it so that it didn`t matter if we were in a different park most of the time (booked mostly WS TS meals).

Good luck, and don't let his lack of excitement stress you out! We are all different and I`m sure you will have a blast once you go.

 

[Happy Mom2]

I planned our first Disney trip for 18 months. DH was never excited. In fact, he was annoyed. He hated when I asked him questions about Disney. In truth, he really didn't want to go, but knew he had no choice. I had waited long enough and was going come hell or high water. I told him that he could stay at home, but being the dutiful husband and father, he went. Our first night in Disney, he gave me a big hug and said, "Thank you." He realized that all my planning was worth it, and we had a great trip. He knows our trip was successful because of all my planning.

Fast forward to today... I'm planning our second trip for later this year. Is he helping? No. Is he excited about the planning? No. Will he go and have a good time? YES! Planning is my thing. I enjoy it. Who am I kidding? I LOVE IT!! I know DH will be happy with whatever I plan.

Since DH doesn't like to be part of the planning, I make everything a surprise. No ones what park we are going to each day, what ADRs we have, etc. except me. I surprise everyone each day with an itinerary for the day (park, night time activities, etc), and invitations for ADRs.

Don't let your BF's lack of enthusiasum bother you. Figure out a way to make the planning enjoyable to you.

 

[DMGeurts]

Part of the enjoyment of the trip, for me, is the entire planning process... I love it. I spend way too much time obsessing over every detail... especially which parks on which days and meals.

DH will occasionally give a bit of an idea of what he wants, but mostly he leaves it up to the girls and I. We had a wonderful trip last time, but because of DH's PTSD issues, he does not enjoy traveling, noise or crowds - had I been more aware of this on the last trip, I wouldn't have forced him to come with us. This time, he truly has no desire to go, and that is fine - I understand. And yes, he rolls his eyes most of the time when I bring up the trip, but when I am asking his honest opinion (like last week when I was debating a Photopass share or not) - he is willing to give it.

I love PP's idea of surprising the family each day - how fun!!! I don't think I could get away with that now (my girls are too old, have their own opinions, and I have too much of a big mouth)... But when they were younger, that would have been so much fun!

I say, try to keep meals in mind that you think he'd like and try to spread some pixie dust his way... He may really enjoy it.

D~

 

[firemanchip]

I`m the DH and the one that is obsessed with Disney. I do all the planning for our trips. DW and I start talking about our next trip( a year off) durring our drive home. We discuss what we want to do again and what we don`t. We discuss things we saw and might want to try next time. We don`t have any kids at home but we usually go with different family members each time we go. I really enjoy the planning process and yeah, she thinks I`m nuts. I realize that I can`t please everybody all the time but I usally do OK. For the most part everybody seems happy with the choices I make. I personally think that the restaurants do a pretty good job with their menus. We`re not going again until next Dec. and I`m planning for 7 people ages 8 thru 74. I`m also already thinking and making notes for our trip in 2013.

 

[2Pirates2Princesses]

Part of the enjoyment of the trip, for me, is the entire planning process... I love it. I spend way too much time obsessing over every detail... especially which parks on which days and meals.DH will occasionally give a bit of an idea of what he wants, but mostly he leaves it up to the girls and I. We had a wonderful trip last time, but because of DH's PTSD issues, he does not enjoy traveling, noise or crowds - had I been more aware of this on the last trip, I wouldn't have forced him to come with us. This time, he truly has no desire to go, and that is fine - I understand. And yes, he rolls his eyes most of the time when I bring up the trip, but when I am asking his honest opinion (like last week when I was debating a Photopass share or not) - he is willing to give it.

I love PP's idea of surprising the family each day - how fun!!! I don't think I could get away with that now (my girls are too old, have their own opinions, and I have too much of a big mouth)... But when they were younger, that would have been so much fun!

I say, try to keep meals in mind that you think he'd like and try to spread some pixie dust his way... He may really enjoy it.

D~

This is me The planning process was a big part of the fun for me. My DH doesn't like anything that involves extensive planning and a lot of details because it makes him feel pressured and anxious. He says that he does more than enough research and project planning at work When it comes to vacations, he likes to be able to just go with the flow and enjoy a carefree vacation and happily leaves all the planning up to me. OP, I think you will find that what you are experiencing with your DBF isn't uncommon. Of course there are going to be guys out there that love planning stuff extensively; but in my experience, taking on the planning process for things that involve a lot of details (e.g., weddings, vacations, decorating, birthday parties, etc.) just isn't enjoyable for a lot of guys. I like the suggestion of trying to include some activities and dining reservations in the trip that you know your DBF would enjoy. WDW is a magical place and I am sure he will come around and really enjoy the trip once you are there. My once Disney-reluctant DH says he definitely wants us to go back . I hope everything works out for you. Sending some pixie dust your way