Am I being too picky?

[Keli]

My dd is going to be late for her curfew again. She just called and let me know that she and her boyfriend have just left the resturant and are on their way home. Trouble is she only had 18 minutes until curfew and it will take them at least 30 minutes to get here. She does this all the time. She almost never makes curfew on time and it irritates me to death. It's usually 10-15 minutes past curfew when she rolls in. I can't ever decide whether I should be fussing at her or just be thankful that she calls.

 

[browneyes]

I'd be fussing and thankful.

 

[MonaCK]

Hey - at least she called....
You never know - they might have3 been delayed at the restaurant for something... things like that.

I can remember being at odds with my mother when she would tell me to call if I wasn't going to be home... and then yelling at me for waking her up.

She called.. and if she's only 10 - 15 minutes beyond her curfew, I'd take it as a blessing. Have you talked to her about this before?

 

[kaabost]

I wouldn't give her a hard time if it happened rarely, but it seems as though she has made it a hibit and essentially has extended her curfew herself. If it's a habit, I would become a little less forgiving.

 

[dmfuru]

You can do whatever you want as long as you are in charge. Personally I would NOT accept repeated curfew violations. If she breaks curfew again and again, she may lose respect for it in general (such as, "don't worry, my Mom never gets mad or does anything if I'm late.").
I tell my kids to be in the habit of being 5 minutes early rather than 5 minutes late. What they do as an adult is THEIR business, but since they are my responsibility now, they do as I (and my wife)say.

Let me ask you this; what would you do if your SO repeatedly arrived late for dinner/dates/etc?

To me, it's a matter of RESPECT. If people can be on time to a movie, an airplane departure, a job interview, then they can be on time for YOU.

 

[LunarLady]

I'm presuming the curfew is midnight. Fine. If she can't make THAT curfew, bump it back to 11:30. If she can keep the 11:30 curfew for at least a month, then she's earned the priviledge of going back to a midnight curfew.

However if she continually comes in 10-15 minutes late on the 11:30 curfew, then bump it back to 11:00 and give her ANOTHER month to straighten out her schedule.

I think you've set reasonable limits for your daughter. I know she has a social life but, darnit, so do YOU mom...and you need YOUR sleep as well. Just because she doesn't think anything YOU'RE doing on Saturday morning isn't as important as what SHE'S doing on Friday night, doesn't make it a fact. Your activities are just as important.

I also agree with the other posters in regards to being punctual. Professors and (later on) bosses aren't going to be as forgiving as you are when she's habitually late.

 

[epcotfan]

Since she is calling you I would't worry too much about it. 10-15 minutes late isn't that big of a deal. If it was hours then you might have a problem.

 

[shortbun]

I like that she calls. The repeat calls are not ok.
Tell her to hone up her on time performance.
I assume her curfew is reasonable. How old is she
and when is it? I'm thinking it must be pretty early
if a restaurant caused her to be late. Maybe
you could discuss earning an occassional later
curfew for successfully managing the current time
requirement-positive reinforcement rather than
negative consequences might work better! Is
her boyfriend the cause? Talk to them both in
a friendly way.

 

[gina2000]

I believe the phone call shows respect for you and the curfew. The lateness shows the enjoyment she is experiencing as a young adult.

For the 10 or 15 minutes she's late, I wouldn't sweat it.

 

[Cindy B]

I lived by a 12 curfew for so long.. I remember hearing my dad say, 12... not 1201, 1205 .... not a minute after... be early!



I can still hear that in my head... about 15 years later!


If we were late, my dad would get in his truck and start looking for us!

 

[LucyStorm]

It appears to me that if she is frequently late, that she is testing her limits. I like what Lunar Lady suggested, but then my other thought is that if she is late that often, does the curfew need to be later? I would look at the reasons for being late, look at the curfew, and if the reasons aren't acceptable and the curfew is reasonable, I would do exactly as Lunar Lady suggested.

But do praise her for calling.

 

[ripleysmom]

I also like Lunar Lady's idea.

 

[JulesMom]

Occasionally late--no problem as long as she calls.

But, if it happens to often, then I would have a talk with her

 

[holycow]

This sounds to me like a control issue...although she calls she is still always late, right...she is just letting you know who really controls the curfew....believe me I have a DD who does the same thing...she is a wonderful girl but...respect is respect....I would go with Lunar Lady's suggestion....I think it is the best idea...

good luck to you!

Lisa

 

[CathyCanada]

To me, the important thing is that she has the sense to call you. At a restaurant, she can't dictate how slow/fast the service is and how fast the bill comes. But a little chat with her about repeatedly being late might not be a bad idea. It's all about respect.

I have a daughter who calls too and her friends' Moms can't get over it. Meg encourages her friends to call their Moms when they're late too, "so they won't worry".

CC

 

[SonjaB]

An occasional 10-15 minutes wouldn't be a big deal to me, but consistently breaking curfew would. I think most restaurants can have you fed and out the door by midnight, LOL, and she might want to reconsider patronizing the ones that can't.

Thank goodness she has the sense and consideration to call, but if this has gotten to be a real habit, I like LL's idea.