Am I being petty? Looooong... Update pg 5

[TimeforMe]

No, I do not think you are being petty given the circumstances and this girl's track record. I think both you and your DH are handling this and responding to this appropriately. She sounds like a kook and the kind of girl who, given an inch, would take a mile. You're doing the right thing.

 

[LiberalPrincess]

LOL! Seriously, you have been married for six years and it is STILL an issue? That is about your trust for your husband, not anyone else. And as for the people recommending he change his cell phone? Really? Cheating has nothing to do with a number, it is the person that makes the choices. If I asked my husband to change his old number because of past women? That is MUCH more about me and my insecurities than about him. If you are in a committed relationship, what should a number matter? Out of sight out of mind? How sad.

 

[C.Ann]

I think your DH made a wise decision - no card and no intentions of attending the wake or funeral.. So I guess I'm confused as to why you're still concerned about it..

I would just forget about it - unless of course she calls or texts him again..

 

[HeatherH]

I think you both sound like mature adults who are handling this well. Your husband wants no contact other than polite, distant contact, and doesn't want to attend the services or send a card. I think that is completely appropriate. I think the fact that you have NOT insisted he change his cell phone or cut off all contact is completely appropriate too, that is a mature response to a spouse who is being open and honest with you.

I would just let it go and move on...which it sounds like you were already planning on doing.

 

[Mrs. Charming]

They are no longer friends- he shouldn't go to the wake or funeral- you are not being petty- he needs a new cell phone number.

This, exactly. I wouldn't even send a card, sounds like she might even get a wrong idea from that, even if it is signed "Mr. and Mrs." And definitely get a new cell #.

 

[MushyMushy]

Lol, if my fiance and I had that rule, we wouldn't be allowed to be friends with a lot of our friends .

Oh, same here, totally! I am SO glad my husband wasn't that insecure. It was never an issue for me because we live where I grew up.

 

[720L]

Go with your gut I always say.

 

[lacrosse_lady72]

Oh, same here, totally! I am SO glad my husband wasn't that insecure. It was never an issue for me because we live where I grew up.

Same here. The in the same core group of our 15 or so friends, we've known each other since we were 4-7.

 

[Sparx]

I don't think he should have texted her back saying he was sorry for her loss or anything. Maybe that makes me petty!

Seriously, I don't think you're being petty. It isn't that you're jealous of this woman. You just don't want her in your life and she seems like the type who would take a sympathy card as an invitation to continue speaking-which doesn't need to happen.

I would diligently ignore her. Don't speak to her in person, don't reply to texts/emails, etc. It worked up until recently, and it will work again. You don't want her 'haunting' you, like she did the mutual coworker she dated.

This isn't a jealousy issue and this isn't about you being petty. This is about you not wanting a very toxic person in your life.

Its sad her family member died. It really is. But, you do not have to go to the funeral of every family member of everyone you've ever met. This woman needs to be stranger to your family.

 

[ksjayhawks]

You are not being petty.

Your dh is open with you about her communications. However, it seems like it is time to block her number and end communications once and for all.

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Petty? Absolutely not. You are heading Trouble (capital T) off at the pass. She is toxic; she has proven that. This is not an "oh well it didn't work out move along" former relationship. This is an "I still have feelings for you and am loose enough upstairs to make your life miserable" person.

And I agree that he needs a new phone number.

 

[AtlantaSue]

In a word? Yes. Somewhat justifiably so, but still petty. Either you trust your spouse or you don't. That is not about her, it is about you.

I disagree. It is NOT about trusting her spouse, and it is DEFINITELY about the other woman-in particularly her past behavior. A wise couple would simply send a card (or not) and not knowingly give this woman any indication that she is welcome back in their lives. My husband and I would put our family first in a heartbeat above any person whose actions had shown in the past that they might not have our best interests in mind.

 

[hentob]

As for DH's cell phone number.... he has had the same phone number since 1994 and he won't change it, and I wouldn't expect him to. He shouldn't have to, I think. If need be, she can be blocked, but I sincerely hope it doesn't come to that.

Um, it “came to that” the minute your DH asked her not to text him any more and she did not respect his wishes (ie. continued to text him for birthdays and holidays)

Block her and be done with all of this nonsense The woman goes to work and bad mouths your DH to fellow co-workers? She harassed another co-worker when he decided to break it off? She texts him about the death of someone he doesn’t even know?

She just seems like a royal pain in the you-know-what. I would block her for that reason alone

 

[OceanAnnie]

I disagree. It is NOT about trusting her spouse, and it is DEFINITELY about the other woman-in particularly her past behavior. A wise couple would simply send a card (or not) and not knowingly give this woman any indication that she is welcome back in their lives. My husband and I would put our family first in a heartbeat above any person whose actions had shown in the past that they might not have our best interests in mind.

Agreed. It's about cutting off an avenue for unwanted communication.

 

[Mermaid02]

Have him block her number and see what happens- it's possible she will just call him from other phones. Guess it will prove HOW determined she is to try and "reconnect".

The poster who thinks this is all about not trusting your husband is wrong. It's about nipping it in the bud. The woman sounds like she could be stalker material- this recent loss could be what drives her over the edge (particularly since she texted a man she had little contact with in YEARS!)

 

[sbell111]

Good grief. This isn't a stalker, it's a person that he is/was friends with and he made the mistake of trying the 'friends with benefits' thing on and she got hurt.

Those of you that are making her out to be the debbil are off-base, in my opinion.

What he should do depends on his feelings for her. If he wants to maintain a friendship, he should at the very least send a card. If he doesn't, he should stop acting as if he does. Doing so only sets her up for more hurt.

Whether or not the OP's husband cheats has nothing to do with this woman. It has everything to do with him. If the OP believes that he will not cheat, there's no harm in his having female friends. If she thinks that he is a cheater, then she needs to take a closer look at her relationship regardless of whether this other woman is in the picture or not.

 

[Mermaid02]

Good grief. This isn't a stalker, it's a person that he is/was friends with and he made the mistake of trying the 'friends with benefits' thing on and she got hurt.

Those of you that are making her out to be the debbil are off-base, in my opinion.

What he should do depends on his feelings for her. If he wants to maintain a friendship, he should at the very least send a card. If he doesn't, he should stop acting as if he does. Doing so only sets her up for more hurt.

Whether or not the OP's husband cheats has nothing to do with this woman. It has everything to do with him. If the OP believes that he will not cheat, there's no harm in his having female friends. If she thinks that he is a cheater, then she needs to take a closer look at her relationship regardless of whether this other woman is in the picture or not.

Nobody is accusing the Op's husband of cheating- it's about a woman whom he is no longer friends with refusing to accept that and trying to start up the "friendship" again. Some things are just better off left alone and this relationship is one of those things, it makes the wife uncomfortable and the husband does not want it either. He must remain on decent terms because they do run into each other occasionally at work.

I think it's VERY odd that her loved one passes away and she texts a man that is no longer in her life. It says to me that she is looking for the sympathy "in".

 

[Boston Tea Party]

Good grief. This isn't a stalker, it's a person that he is/was friends with and he made the mistake of trying the 'friends with benefits' thing on and she got hurt.

Those of you that are making her out to be the debbil are off-base, in my opinion.

What he should do depends on his feelings for her. If he wants to maintain a friendship, he should at the very least send a card. If he doesn't, he should stop acting as if he does. Doing so only sets her up for more hurt.

Whether or not the OP's husband cheats has nothing to do with this woman. It has everything to do with him. If the OP believes that he will not cheat, there's no harm in his having female friends. If she thinks that he is a cheater, then she needs to take a closer look at her relationship regardless of whether this other woman is in the picture or not.

Nope. He told her to buzz off and she kept trying to make contact. Debbil.

 

[sbell111]

Nobody is accusing the Op's husband of cheating- it's about a woman whom he is no longer friends with refusing to accept that and trying to start up the "friendship" again. Some things are just better off left alone and this relationship is one of those things, it makes the wife uncomfortable and the husband does not want it either. He must remain on decent terms because they do run into each other occasionally at work.

I think it's VERY odd that her loved one passes away and she texts a man that is no longer in her life. It says to me that she is looking for the sympathy "in".

It tells me that she is hurting and needs some compassion. Given that he was in her life when the issue started and that they have been friendly recently, I don't see an issue.

 

[sbell111]

Nope. He told her to buzz off and she kept trying to make contact. Debbil.

The OP has never stated this. As far as I can tell, the only time he has confronted her is after some drunken texting when she was still clearly in pain from how he ended the 'with benefits' part of their relationship. According to the OP, at that time he only told her that the drunken texts were unnacceptable.