Am I being a prude? Long, sorry!

[mpls_mm]

Last year we moved to a very small town, 650 people, and bought a house. We became friends with the couple we bought our house from and now we get together quite a bit. We have met quite a few people in town through them, including their relatives. We were introduced to his sister, "Lynn" and her new boyfriend, the boyfriend had just moved in with her after a couple of months of dating. Lynn has a son in our sons kindergarten class so I figured we would become friends. They invited me to a home party and I went, he stayed through the whole thing, I had never seen a guy do that before but to each their own. I had a "girls spa night" and invited Lynn, he came again and was the only guy. My DH was weirded out and even invited him out so he would leave, he didn't and the rest of the husbands went out for pizza. He was not weird or anything, just wouldn't leave her side. He then friended me on Facebook. I was logged in at work and he started a chat with me. He came out and asked if me and my husband would be interested in "swinging" with them. I said no in no uncertain terms. My husband was furious, but is three times the size of this little guy so he vented to Lynns brother since they are close friends now. Turns out this guy also asked several couples and one individual girl. Lynns parents act like I must have brought it on or else why wouldn't my husband just beat him up? I contacted Lynn and told her I was insulted and we are not that way, she apologized and said he was a creep and she was leaving him. Then they started posting all this lovey dovey stuff on Facebook, and he called my house tonight about coaching Little League with my DH. He must have just volunteered, now I don't know if he is trying to get me on the phone or if he has mended his ways. Do I act like nothing happened? Should I be more insulted? Less insulted? My DH and I just call them the Swingersons at home but I know she is really embarrassed because she teaches at the sunday school and is a social worker.

 

[donald&daisy]

You said no, her business is her business. As long as they don't keep pestering you about it, I would let it go. Otherwise, I would just stop communicating with her if it truly bothers you.

 

[flamingglobessigmund]

Last year we moved to a very small town, 650 people, and bought a house. We became friends with the couple we bought our house from and now we get together quite a bit. We have met quite a few people in town through them, including their relatives. We were introduced to his sister, "Lynn" and her new boyfriend, the boyfriend had just moved in with her after a couple of months of dating. Lynn has a son in our sons kindergarten class so I figured we would become friends. They invited me to a home party and I went, he stayed through the whole thing, I had never seen a guy do that before but to each their own. I had a "girls spa night" and invited Lynn, he came again and was the only guy. My DH was weirded out and even invited him out so he would leave, he didn't and the rest of the husbands went out for pizza. He was not weird or anything, just wouldn't leave her side. He then friended me on Facebook. I was logged in at work and he started a chat with me. He came out and asked if me and my husband would be interested in "swinging" with them. I said no in no uncertain terms. My husband was furious, but is three times the size of this little guy so he vented to Lynns brother since they are close friends now. Turns out this guy also asked several couples and one individual girl. Lynns parents act like I must have brought it on or else why wouldn't my husband just beat him up? I contacted Lynn and told her I was insulted and we are not that way, she apologized and said he was a creep and she was leaving him. Then they started posting all this lovey dovey stuff on Facebook, and he called my house tonight about coaching Little League with my DH. He must have just volunteered, now I don't know if he is trying to get me on the phone or if he has mended his ways. Do I act like nothing happened? Should I be more insulted? Less insulted? My DH and I just call them the Swingersons at home but I know she is really embarrassed because she teaches at the sunday school and is a social worker.

Facebook to block, Tom. And use caller ID. You are not required to interact with him or them.

 

[Jennasis]

It's not about being prude. You said no...then got blamed for bating this guy...now he's pestering you and you're uncomfortable. I would unfriend him, and not answer his calls. AND tell him no to Little League.

 

[dislaney]

If not wanting to swing is called being a prude nowadays then I guess I'm a prude too! I would try and ignore him unless he keeps pursuing the swinging thing.

 

[spacemermaid]

I hardly see how not wanting to have relations with not one but 2 other people at a time, when one is already married, would make one a prude. And I'm not exactly known for being old fashioned! It'd be one thing if they just took NO for an answer, and left it at that, but the pestering is what makes it creepy, IMO.

 

[celestialred]

As someone who is more open-minded about "alternative lifestyles" (haven't done it, don't intend to, but don't have any issues with others who do), that guy is a creep-o! It sounds like he is using a "swinger" cover to cheat on his GF, especially if he's hanging out at girls night out events and won't go with the guys. It's like he's scoping out other women. ewwwww.

I would cut out all contact with the guy as much as you can. As for the comment about the parents, it's a shame they see it like that, no one "brings that on themselves." Although it's a good thing to know your hubby could TCOB if he had to.

 

[scottishduffy]

I have a good friend who 'swings'. Early on in our friendship she mentioend what her and her husband do, and was sort of feeling me out to see if I would be into that. I told her right away that neither me nor my husband would be into that.

Afetr that she never mentioned swinging with us again. We are still buddies, she never has asked or pestered since. I know what she and her husband do, but they know we aren't interested and we just have a normal friendship. What they do in the privacy of their home is their own business.

If you think this couple is still a nice couple outside of this. Then just act normal. He may have taken the clue and will back off. However, if the guy is a total douchebag, or tries to keep pestering then end the friendship. Trust your instinct on him. He sounds like a dirtbag who wants to cheat and that Lynn may not be totally on board with the idea of 'swinging'.

Since you are more friendly with Lynn you may just want to unfriend the guy and keep the relationship with HER alone (if you think she is a nice person whom you want to remain friends with).

 

[disykat]

This guy has no reason to contact you at all, but he is. Major creep alarm. Sorry, but if she is not allowed to socialize on her own, I can't imagine you're going to be able to continue your friendship with someone who is the girlfriend of a guy who is that creepy.

 

[Gigi22]

Umm--the socializing with his GF when she is with other women makes me suspect that what he is really scoping out is another woman for -- how shall I say -- discreet meetings with both him and his GF. Just thought I would mention this as a possibility, and a heads up as it seems that he now wants to talk to you. I hope I have not offended you in any way.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would divest myself fo these people.
The whole thing sounds too weird and "staker-ish" to me.
First he wants to swing, then he hangs aroun wiht he girls now he's wanting to be LL coach with your DH?

Eeeww!

 

[luckyfin]

I'm not surprised the girlfriend said that, she was probably just trying to save face. Don't expect them to break up any time soon.

 

[OceanAnnie]

It's not about being prude. You said no...then got blamed for bating this guy...now he's pestering you and you're uncomfortable. I would unfriend him, and not answer his calls. AND tell him no to Little League.

All of the above. I wouldn't pretend like everything is alright. The guy isn't right. Avoidance. You don't need the trouble. And this guy sounds like nothing but trouble.

 

[Stacerita]

The guy is a creep. In circles where that type of lifestyle is accepted, no still means no. No matter what. Avoid him.

 

[LuvOrlando]

Well I guess I am a prude too because EWWWW. The new girlfriend's kid's kindergarten friend's parents are not an appropriate pool to go scoping out swinging partners. Out of all the people in the world you can find to run around with why bother the people around your kids that you need to see all the time? No respect, YIKES