Am I Anti-Social? Want to Eat with Just My Family

[Patsydust]

I'm not sure if it's a thing with the newer cruises or not. What was your last cruise on? My first cruise (Wonder), we were seated with another family. Every recent cruise on the newer ships (Dream and Fantasy) we were seated by ourselves. And the last trip it was just the three of us and we always had an empty seat. We may have requested it or it just might be more common for the newer ships to have different kind of seating! And your not anti-social. It can be weird to be seated with strangers and its a luck of the draw on how chill they can be! I mean this a time away from work, school, and life which keeps family busy and apart! Now its the time to get some real family memories, it might be a bit cramped with multiple families

 

[anonymousegirl]

I like sitting with my husband at a table for two because we are both light eaters and hate having to wait for our table mates to work their way through appetizer, salad/soup, main course, and dessert (sometimes multiples of those courses). We don't mind meeting other folks though, so we often choose anytime dining, freestyle dining, perfect choice dining (or whatever the open dining plan is called) and then a couple of nights we will join a larger table. Now when it comes to Disney, I will never get my husband on a Disney cruise (Disney is just not his thing). The two Disney cruises I have done were with large groups so I was always eating with a big table.

 

[mylittlebuttercup]

We have requested and received a private table for both of our DCL cruises. On the cruise we went on last week, our table was still really close to our neighbors' table, but private nonetheless.

I don't think there is anything wrong with requesting this personally.

 

[Jusacuz]

In the past, I would have been on the side of, "oh just try it, it can be fun sitting with strangers at dinner" because I had had several great table mates. However, my last three cruises, all on the Dream, have been completely uncomfortable. When I cruised solo, they sat me with a family of 7. Their father/husband was to have been the 8th seat, but he died before the cruise. They were really nice about it, but it was awkward for me. The next time, we sat with a family that only spoke Spanish. We were able to get our own table because the servers saw that we were all uncomfortable. This last cruise, we were seated with a family that only spoke French. I didn't see any other empty tables so I didn't request a move, but it was not really fun and we all felt weird about it. I understand why Disney made the match ups that it did, but there needs to be a language option on the reservation process somewhere. And of course, I need to work on learning other languages.

Next time, I absolutely will request a table for just my group. If they can't accommodate it, we'll deal with it, but I don't see anything wrong with asking.

 

[bumbershoot]

I think accommodations like this, given happily whenever possible, are prime examples DCL would give as to why they charge more.

Except that other lines will take the request into account as well.

We were literally less than 12 inches from another table in Royal Palace on the Dream - not only could the servers not pass between the tables, the father at the other table decided that we all should be best buddies when we weren't even seated together.

No doubt because those tables are meant to be together for more communal seating. We've been on the periphery of the central area, and while our table was pushed together with another to make a table of 8, other tables were "split" to two four tops. Same area. I preferred our way bc you know you're supposed to be together.

I'm an introvert where social interactions take a ton of energy. But there's something nice that I get from making that effort on cruises. We request TO be seated with others. We are the family of three that gets seated with families of 5.

I deal with my fear of social stuff by being anti-small talk. Small talk is awful. Let's talk about your life, instead. Let's listen to each other as fellow humans. Or let's talk about the excursions you did today and we will talk about what we did, and get perspectives of others! Might give us ideas for the next cruise!

And I promise you op, your 3 year old is not the most difficult 3 year old ever. Pretty sure it's in the contract we all signed before being born lol, that 3 year olds are irrational and goofy and hate to be still. Etc. I wouldn't let a 3 year old stop me from dining with others.

I do think it's antisocial, but if you're cool with it, request it.

 

[Dug720]

I will say, (in case someone goes hunting and wants to say "hypocrite") that when I cruise SOLO I do prefer to be seated alone, but that is because it seems that while Disney generally does a good job at matching families (so it's likely that a family with a three-year old would be seated with another family with a child of similar age and usually gender from most reports - NOT seating a family with a three-year old with a childless couple), when it comes to solo cruisers, they lump them together at a table. It happened to me in February - it was me and two guys. I'm extremely liberal and into all things creative, they were both ultra-conservative and into all things business and financial. It was NOT a comfortable first evening for me at all (they on the other hand had a grand old time discussing Florida real estate and other things). The next night I was already scheduled to eat at Palo. Night three I decided to give Cabanas a try, but it's like they took the menus and said "Ok, what are her LEAST favorite things? Let's put them all on the menu for Cabanas." I looked at the menu and decided to go and talk with the Dining Room Manager - I explained the situation, and she looked at things and was able to keep me on the same rotation but in a section where my table was with the same head server but a different table team, and not super close to my old table.

So. When I'm traveling solo and know no one else going, then in that case I request seating alone - and after February I'll be going to the dining changes area and checking about that. But if I am with a friend or family, I have no issues with sitting with others - because worst case, you still have your little group to talk with.

 

[squirk]

Except that other lines will take the request into account as well.

That's a good point, and one I did not consider. However, you just know that DCL would still present this as an example of "world-class Disney-level service" as if they were the only cruise line to do it.

 

[kollerbear]

I am so, so, so relieved to hear that my DH and I were not the only ones who did not have a good time being seated with others on our honeymoon! It was our first cruise and we were really looking forward to meeting people since we kind of felt like that was what we had to do (didn't know we could request to eat alone as a group of 2). Well, they put us with 3 other couples who were first time cruisers. One was on their honeymoon as well and the other two were anniversaries who left their kids at home. It was SO uncomfortable. Just so, so quiet. Like, literally dead quiet for 70% of the time the first night. My husband and I are ok at making conversation, but we must have really just had so little in common with these people--and it was kind of true four ways. We dodged the MDR for Palo and then at the last night my husband suggested a last minute reservation at Remy. Honestly, we don't really talk about it because we're glass-is-half-full kind of people, but I felt really bad because it was the only sore point in an otherwise beautiful cruise. In the future, I will try really hard to avoid being seated with others--it's too expensive of a vacation to worry about making small talk with strangers. We're happy to make small talk for shorter periods of time elsewhere, and if relationships blossom there that would be great!!

 

[cruisingtwins]

Thats why I love dinner buffets I don't even have to socialize with the dinner staff. I also like the my time dining that RCCI offers you can make a reservation at wahteer trime you preffer that way eveyone does not have to dine at the exact same time.

 

[hilarys]

I am the opposite of most it seems regarding the booths in Enchanted Garden. We love them. We like being right in the front and people watching. I actually feel that in many ways they are more private as you are not squished right against another table. On our first Fantasy cruise we were randomly assigned one of the booths. On our last cruise we specifically requested it and actually received the same one as our prior cruise. Requesting the booth is a de-facto way to get a table to yourself for your family of 4. We sat at the booth with a 10 year old and an almost 12 year old and it was fine. It was hard for the servers to reach over to the far side of the table, but we helped them out. We have been on four Disney cruises as a family of 4 and have always had a table to ourselves without specifically requesting it.

 

[lisamarie12]

Personally I would not mind sitting with others if is adults only. I have a 4 1/2 year old and as much as I try to be a good parent, she can still be unpredictable with her behavior. I just prefer not to subject others to that. And its hard to hold any kind of conversation with constantly having to stop and say "don't eat the butter, put that sugar down, leave the salt alone, get the napkin off of your head..."- you know what I mean.

And if I am having dinner without my kiddo, I don't really want to eat with someone else's kids. Maybe once my DD is older I will change my mind.

But back to the OP's point, on Fantasy we had second seating and there were a lot of tables for 4. We had our own table and it seemed like many tables near us were the same. There were larger tables, but those people may have known each other. We did not even ask for our own table. So, my point is, at least on Fantasy, I think its a decent chance to get your own table of second seating. I am not sure about early seating.

 

[NeverSayNever]

I guess we have been extremely fortunate. Our requests for private tables have always been granted, as a party of 6 on two cruises, extended family with us and then as a party of 4 - just us. It just works better for us, we put a high value on our family time on vacation and honestly our experiences in the MDR have been wonderful and have really helped to make our trips fantastic. From great servers to perfectly located tables and mainly our family time. Also, we have our inside jokes and chuckles and I think much of that would be lost if we shared with others as we would not be as comfortable.

As for the round booths, we had one last cruise, not requested, it was ok... Not my favorite, i have a bad back and found the shuffling and sliding not easy and being more pooh sized than not also found it to be. A bit tight. But we enjoyed the experience.

Bottoms line, do what you feel is best for your family and enjoy your vacation... Are you being anti social, in my opinion no, do what works for all of you.

 

[perditax]

Just wanted to mention that because I'd read it both ways, I emailed shoreside concierge to request a table for two. They told me that 1) I'd already requested it (sigh, poor memory) and 2) concierge guests are always seated at their own table.

I know that I've seen people say as much here regarding concierge, but I've also seen people say otherwise.

 

[JimmyV]

Once upon a time, all cruise seating was communal - it was an accepted and expected part of the experience. As we've moved more and more into a ME! ME! ME! society, people have demanded seating with only their party.

I think this places the emphasis, (or blame), on the wrong ideal. I don't think it is a "ME! ME! ME!" problem. At least not in the way this comes off. "Once upon a time", as you put it, cruising was a high-end, luxury endeavor where well-heeled passengers dressed in black tie most nights, and at a minimum, coat and tie every night. The menu had limited selections of luxurious foods such as Duck L'Orange, and Beef Wellington, and Lobster Newburg. There were no families on board, but even if there were, they were few and far between. One could go to dinner, be paired with strangers, and everyone would eat the same 5 course meals at the same pace, and have conversations with people with shared interests. When you shift from that paradigm over to the DCL paradigm where families with young children make up the majority of the guests, the "once upon a time" method of dining simply does not work anymore. It isn't a "ME! ME! ME!" problem. It is a "My children are shy, and after years of telling them not to talk to strangers, they get intimidated at a table for 8 where they don't know half the other people" problem. It is a "My child is a picky eater, and we need to ask the waitstaff for special accommodations when we dine and I hate holding up everyone else's dinner while our needs are attended to" problem. It is a "My family isn't interested in a five course meal, and all we want is a burger and milkshake, and I don't like the awkward pacing of the meal when one family wants two appetizers each and two entrees each, and two desserts each, when all we want is a quick meal" problem. Family dining is (or has become) very personal, and this simply does not lend itself to the "White Star Line" system of cruise ship dining. One can be sensitive to "personal" issues without crossing over into the realm of selfishness. At least, I think so.

 

[pag23]

We are a family of three adults and prefer to eat at a table for four. ONE we like to dress up for dinner and seating at a table with a bunch of folks in tshirts kind of ruins the effect. TWO would feel had to engage people in conversation, well in todays PC culture would be afraid to offend any one. SO after bookinfg a year in advance and our 7th DISNEY cruise will not hesitate to throw hissy fit if seated with others.

 

[Berger]

I would also like to have a family table available. Having solo or dinc folks dine together,would be a better fit together . Do I feel entitled,no just trying to save folks that don't have kids or not wanting to be around kids during a good ole fashion melt down( they do that from time to time ). It's a Disney cruise( family time), so folks wanting to eat dinner with just their family is fine with us. I think the ceo(dw) would be stressed ,worrying how our youngest would act.
Cheers,

It's not a me me me thing if you actually have a family ,it might be us us us or saving folks from being forced to eat with a family. If you were solo ,it might be a me me thing. Folks with no kids might rather dine together rather than being at a table with kids.

I just know when we cruised the first time in the 80s, there was not even a question of having your own table. You were seated with others and that was that.

Something changed across all lines between now and then, and much of it truly does boil down to the "it's all about ME" mentality - ditto the dress code slipping (my parents could tell tales about the fits my sister and I pitched about having to dress for dinner each night, but we did it because it's what was expected).

We were always a pretty "bonded" family - but we had activities during the day (no shipping the kids off to a club somewhere) and stateroom time (one stateroom, 4 people - and we all survived...even did as adults 2 years ago) so we weren't limited to an hour or two at night.

I can kind of see the reasoning, but that doesn't mean I don't wish things hadn't slipped as far as they have.

 

[ludari]

I'm a bit of an anti-social person as well and travel alone. On my past six cruises I have requested and received my own table so I don't see a problem with you getting one for yourself and your family, however getting one of those booths might be an issue but I guess it doesn't hurt to asks. Good luck.

 

[abja09]

I asked for a table for just myself and my daughter by calling a few months ahead to make note of the request on my profile. I did not check with guest services prior to my first seating, but we did get a table to ourselves. It was nice as we had time to talk which her since our lives were a little topsy turvey before the cruise. Can't beat that quality time !

Oh, and I don't consider myself anti-social but I do want to enjoy my dinner without having to deal with the unknown table mates.

My son and I always cruise alone and I request to be seated by ourselves for the same reasons. I don't care to eat with strangers. On 4 cruises the request has always been fulfilled.

 

[littleblackegg]

Well, that's more the cruise line's fault for overbooking and trying to squeeze more fares onto a ship than is comfortable for the guests, no? I mean, it's not like DCL launched the Dream-class ships with nothing but communal tables and then had to break them up due to guest demand, right? They knew going in that families (especially American families) would prefer to have discreet tables, and if they did not make the MDR big enough to accommodate that, then that's on DCL.

I don't think it's a "ME! ME! ME!" thing if your cruise dinner is personal bonding time for your family. Having to sit with others may be a "fact of life" when cruising, but I don't think the request for your own table is out of bounds at all. That having been said, if the cruise line can't accommodate due to logistical or safety reasons, people shouldn't throw a fit, either.

I think she speaks to the general and not to the specific. I don't think that any of us can dispute that our culture has become more individually-focused, with products and services that allow people to do things completely on their own (or with their family) and without the assistance, inclusion, or participation of other people. People want their personal bubble. This is a cultural thing. In the past, heck, even in the 1980's and 1990's, there really wasn't much of a personal bubble. Going out, eating out, vacationing, going to school, going to the hospital-all of these things were done within the context of the larger groups around us. The bubble has shrunk and shrunk. I could spend most days not interacting with anyone but husband. Much has been written about this. There are many factors. The result is the same. Americans tend to be uncomfortable when they must interact in groups. Particularly groups from other parts of the world. YOU may not feel this, but it is a well know phenomenon. We love that bubble!

 

[squirk]

I think she speaks to the general and not to the specific. I don't think that any of us can dispute that our culture has become more individually-focused, with products and services that allow people to do things completely on their own (or with their family) and without the assistance, inclusion, or participation of other people. People want their personal bubble. This is a cultural thing. In the past, heck, even in the 1980's and 1990's, there really wasn't much of a personal bubble. Going out, eating out, vacationing, going to school, going to the hospital-all of these things were done within the context of the larger groups around us. The bubble has shrunk and shrunk. I could spend most days not interacting with anyone but husband. Much has been written about this. There are many factors. The result is the same. Americans tend to be uncomfortable when they must interact in groups. Particularly groups from other parts of the world. YOU may not feel this, but it is a well know phenomenon. We love that bubble!

I don't disagree on any particular point. But I (and a few others, it seems) took Dug's "ME! ME! ME!!" (caps and exclamation points, hers) to mean more along the lines of "I am special. I come first. My needs take priority over others".

While I agree that, generally, there is a streak of selfish egocentrism in our society, I don't agree that wanting your own table on a cruise ship for time to bond with your family is symptomatic of that.

Now, throwing a fit because DCL can't accommodate you for logistical or safety reasons, or because doing so would be an undue burden on another guest? Yes, that's the ugly "ME! ME! ME!!" aspect of our culture that I wholeheartedly agree we could use less of.