Am I a horrible parent if I use a harness?

[pstepka]

I was at a local pizza place last night with my older son's baseball team. For about 30 seconds we did not know where my youngest son was and we were kind of freaked. I can't imaging how I would feel if I couldn't find him at a place like Disney. Don't hesitate for a moment doing whatever you need to to keep your son safe.

Pam

 

[jlieblaw]

zillow...

The harness I have I got from walmart in the baby section. It's the chest kind that fastens in back with velcro. My daughter can't reach it to unfasten it.

 

[EthansMom]

zillow,

I also have the chest-type harness (from Safety First), with the velcro in back, which I have used on my two year-old son. I highly recommend it. We received many admiring comments on our DisneyLand trip in March -- no negative ones. (I believe I paid about $8 for it.)

EthansMom

 

[todddebtd]

I am going soon and have purchased the leash...my 17 month old is fast and curious....I have my stock answer of "My child is more important to me than your opinion" Mostly I have been saying this to my disapproving DH

 

[diz_princess]

This is what I plan to use for my child once he/she starts walking. (Currently pregnant)
http://www.4coolkids.com/carriers/tether.html?gTetherSection=1
I think it's cute and child might enjoy wearing it.
Good Luck!

 

[Aubrey]

LOL, well, if it gives me any credibility, I am a child psychologist (as well as a former character in the park who saw lots of lost toddlers) and I used an actual retractible dog lead clipped to loop at the back of my son's overalls when we were in crowds. My son is now a charming person, apparently unscathed by his leash experience. Both as a mom and as a therapist, I see no psychological harm in harnesses or child leashes. Just offer him the two options of "stroller or string..." Even kids who don't initially appreciate the restraint will accept it more quickly and with less frustration if they feel they have that choice.

 

[wdwdvcdad]

Am I a horrible parent if I use a harness?

I'd have to say yes. You asked, so don't take this as an attack. I feel it is my responsibility to raise my children to know boundaries, and to be constantly vigilant in making sure that they stick to them. Every time I see a kid on a leash, I see a parent who won't take the time or responsibility to do his or her job. It is the easy way out, & it turns my stomach. I'm sure many over-sensitive parents who are filled with self-guilt becausae they know that they are doing the wrong thing are going to flame me, but oh well, we know I'm right..

 

[dlrhine]

I have to disagree with wdwdvcdad and would like to ask a question about his opinion? Please help me understand how when you are alone with a child who is 2.5 and one who is 13 months and both can walk how you do that alone and really get anything done. The 2.5 year old can unbuckle the stroller and just get out. That means at all times I have to be looking right at her, then what about the 13 month old so to can walk, and needs my attention, should I just not ever leave the house with them NO!! I would like to know how many children wdwdvcdad has and who did most of the work him or his wife. My husband disagreed with me also, until the 2.5 unbukled the stroller straps in a store and took off running. Granted she lost privileges for not not listening to daddy, but what if someone would have grabbed her? I can't replace them. My kids mean more to me than any dog I ever owned. God blessed me with them it is my job to do WHATEVER it takes to take care of them.

 

[beattyfamily]

Originally posted by lindaso
I've honestly found that the only people offended by harnesses are people who are not yet parents.

Not always true! I'm a mom to a 3 and 6 year old...

 

[wdwdvcdad]

I don't know why you wanted to get personal, but I am up for it.

I would like to know how many children wdwdvcdad has and who did most of the work him or his wife. My husband disagreed with me also, until the 2.5 unbukled the stroller straps in a store and took off running. Granted she lost privileges for not not listening to daddy, but what if someone would have grabbed her? I can't replace them. God blessed me with them it is my job to do WHATEVER it takes to take care of them.

I have 3 daughters, 7, 5, & 2. We do equal amounts of work. I work during the week, my wife works on weekends, as we decided against day care because of the whole 'responsibility' thing. I bathe them, dress them, do their nails & hair, and take them out all of the time. I am a wrestling coach, & I even take them to matches when my wife has to work. They stay where they are told because they were taught to listen and to know their boundaries. Before you start questioning my parenting abilities, you ought to question your own.

should I just not ever leave the house with them NO!!

No, you should parent them. They need to learn boundaries from the beginning. A leash doesn't teach them boundaries.

My kids mean more to me than any dog I ever owned.

then why treat them like dogs?

 

[pstepka]

How nice to see ANYTHING can be turned into a heated topic. I was getting a little bored because there hasn't been any '5 to a room' or 'towel animal theft' threads lately!!! So, much to my surprise, there is now a "child restraint debate" thread!!



Pam

 

[wdwdvcdad]

For the record, I am not at all "heated". I am right, and confident in both my opinion, and in the results of my parenting. I think the people who get heated are the ones who fell guilty depp down...as Shakespeare said, "Methinks thou dost protest too much" is the tact taken by those who are in the wrong.

 

[BevS97]

They need to learn boundaries from the beginning. A leash doesn't teach them boundaries.

No but it keeps them from under the wheels of an oncoming bus. All children disobey from time to time, I don't believe you if you tell me that yours never have. All it takes is for them to be disobedient at the wrong moment and you have one dead child. Personally, I don't think anything is worth that risk.

bev

 

[wdwdvcdad]

So does a cage.

 

[zurgswife]

Originally posted by lindaso
I've honestly found that the only people offended by harnesses are people who are not yet parents

I also have to disagree....

i have 4 children 12, 11, 10, and 6 and I have never used a harness and never even considered it ....my children are my children and not my pets....It always made me think of dogs on a leash...

I agree with WDWDVCDAD

They stay where they are told because they were taught to listen and to know their boundaries

My children by no means where passive at the toddler stage but they new there boundries and my DH and I made it very clear....

No, you should parent them. They need to learn boundaries from the beginning. A leash doesn't teach them boundaries.

I even had a scare once at Great Adventure when my oldest was 3 and my second was 2 and my third was 6 months....my 2 year old wandered behind a scenary thing and we had to search for a few minutes to find him...but even after that I would never had considered a harness...only that I must be more diligent in my observation. After this I was more clear about my toddlers boundries with them....

 

[BevS97]

Do you ever walk anywhere where there is traffic? Ever? We walk through a busy town every day where there is plenty of traffic, buses, lorries, cars etc a 2 minute scare where I can't find my toddler is likely to mean she is dead. I am sorry but for me the harness is as important a piece of safety equipment as a carseat. You would berate me for not using a carseat, well, as far as I am concerned the harness is equally important.

My children are are also taught to listen and obey, but they are children and they make mistakes. It is my job to make sure that those mistakes don't cost them their lives.

Bev

 

[wdwdvcdad]

There are hands at the end of your arms. They are much more dignified than a dog leash.

 

[zurgswife]

WDWDVCDAD

My thoughts exactly when I was reading the post about streets...that's where my kids held my hands and when I was solo they held each others to my inside....

My 2 mins scare was in an amusement park in the kiddie part no fast cars just scenery and a climbing area....I wouldn't have dreamed of not have my kids hold my hands while walking down the street....And even today my 10 year old ...very accident prone...holds my hand in parking lots.....

 

[wdwdvcdad]

I think that parenting decisions are "non-negotionable". If you make it that way from the start, it makes the day to day tasks of parenting much easier. If they know that "no means no" and that outside of the yard, I hold your hand (and many other rules), they are far less likely to act in a way that you do not want them to act. I think that harnesses and such are just ways to keep lazy parents lazy, and release some of their responsibility, and what they believe to be burdens.

 

[dlrhine]

What is funny about this harness thing, is that I haven't used one but I wouldn't be opossed to it if someone has. I actually don't own one. What I don't approve of and have a hard time with is that "I'm right and everyone else is wrong and lazy" opinion. What about crazy busy with two very young walkers who scream to get down because they are tired of sitting in a stroller and also my poor back to bend to their level to walk for any distance I'd be walking like I'm 90 years old bent over that far. I don't think either style is right or wrong, I think it is what you have to live with. I'd much rather see a parent with a harness and have their child alive and well, then dead or missing. There is also the opinion of letting a child explore a little and still have them within a close distance, that is boundries but also independence (which is something my parents taught also, and I have handled responsiblity well from a young age). I don't want to always have to be yelling no, children are curious little people, and want to explore, this gives them a safe way to do that also. I hold hands, as I said I don't even own a harness but it is something I would consider and most of all in a place like WDW. We go to Hersheypark as we have season passes and I haven't used one there but again if the need is there I'm not against it. Just remember you're not ALWAYS right and I'm sure just as no one here is the perfect parent or a parent that has perfect parenting skills.