Am I a Bridezila?

[justhat]

You're definitely not a bridezilla. Though I paid about $160 when I was a MoH in April, the BM dresses from my wedding were $210. I did not pick them, however, I let my bridesmaids decide it amongst themselves. We all went to the store (well, everyone but my MoH cause she couldn't make it) and I let them pick out several options, they all tried them on, narrowed it down to 2 choices and we sort of took a vote. One BM wouldn't budge on her choice (no one liked that choice) so I finally had to cast my vote to make the decision final. So though it was expensive, they had full reign of the store and chose the dress and price they liked best. I wasn't wearing the dress so I really didn't care much what it looked like. I did pick the color though (they were celedon).

About the hair though, even though you said you don't want them to have to go to a salon, I would have to. I would honestly have no idea where to even begin with an updo. I've never had one done so I know nothing about them. I can't even French braid so that option would be out for me too.

 

[barkley]

For what it is worth...here is my opinion.

1) $169 is reasonable for a dress...in fact I would have kissed any of my friends if they had picked out a bridesmaid dress under $200!

2) Telling them to wear their hair up is not out of line. If they choose to have it professionally done, that is their choice...but you are being quite reasonable by asking them all to wear it up. It creates a sort of unifomrity in the wedding party.

3) From the beginning, When anyone is asked to be a bridesmaid in a wedding....right than and there, they know it is a commitmnet financially......so if they think that money is going to be an issue, they should state that up front.


I used to work in a bridal salon and my brother is a wedding photographer....yes, I have seen some "bridezillas"...but honestly, I have seen more "bridesmaidzillas!!!!" (and mother-in-law-zillas....but that is another story!!! LOL) I don't think that anything you have requested is unreasonable at all.

For what it is worth, I have been in many weddings, most of the dresses i have disliked....come on...anyone that thinks that they will "cut the dress down and wear it again" is out of their mind! I just sit back, know that what counts is that it is the BRIDE and GROOMS day...and if my wearing a purple/green/and aqua Scarlett Ohara dress with orange shoes is their dream wedding...than so be it! I will gladly pay for it, wear it that day, smile....and than.....trash it the very next day!!! LOL!!!! but to make my friend's wedding a little less stressful by doing what she feels (within reason) will make her happy....that is what really counts!

Ok....waiting for the flames......

no flame-i promise!

i worked as a wedding coordinator prior to my wedding-i just saw so many people overextend themselves financialy and emotionaly that i made a promise to myself that i would keep mine as reasonable and mentaly untaxing as possible (it's enuf stress on the bride and groom why add to it?!). we tried our best to keep as few people involved in "the process" as possible (we were paying for it ourselves-our choice in part to have as little "in-put" as possible).

we still ended up with (a couple of the "highlights"):

the best man and a bridesmaid (his "wife") taking it on the lam to avoid creditors a couple of weeks prior to the wedding,

guests that were invited as a "couple-as in 2 people" r.s.v.p.'ing for 8 (and a m.i.l. to be who refused to contact/provide a contact number to address the situation), and

the "new" best mans hair turning from brown to "howdy-doody" orange the day of the wedding due to a "highlighting malfunction".

almost 15 years later we look at our wedding photos and remember the day-not the dresses, the hair, the "attitudes", we watch the video and say "if we survived the wedding we can survive anything".

 

[Chicago526]

the "new" best mans hair turning from brown to "howdy-doody" orange the day of the wedding due to a "highlighting malfunction".

Highlighting malfunction! I love it!

Glad your wedding day worked out in the end!

All I expect from my reception is that the Best Man doesn't use foul language during his toast (nice guy but has a bit of a mouth on him). After that, I'm so totally not worried about it. I'm paying way too much money not to have fun at my own wedding!

 

[scanne]

This thread is so interesting. Some feel $169 for a dress is a lot, others don't. I think it depends what part of the country you live in!

When I got married almost 6 years ago, my bridesmaid dresses were $180. Hair was $65 per girl. I live in NJ - right outside Philly, a major metropolitan area. If you live in a rural area, the costs will be less.

To the OP:

I think you sound very gracious and accomodating. Not Bridezilla-like at all. I hope you have a wonderful wedding and a magical honeymoon!!!

Best wishes to you.

 

[AdventurerKat]

I got married in Vegas with my one best friend as my maid of honor/bridesmaid. She got to choose whatever she wanted to wear.

I was in a wedding many years back of a friend of mine. She asked me to be in her wedding and I was honest with her, at the time, I could not afford it. I was making minimum wage, going to school, etc. She offered to pay for the dress. While I think your friends had plenty of time to speak up about the cost of, and save for, the dress you chose, if you really want your friends in your wedding, just pay for their dresses.

 

[missypie]

I got married in Vegas with my one best friend as my maid of honor/bridesmaid. She got to choose whatever she wanted to wear.

I was in a wedding many years back of a friend of mine. She asked me to be in her wedding and I was honest with her, at the time, I could not afford it. I was making minimum wage, going to school, etc. She offered to pay for the dress. While I think your friends had plenty of time to speak up about the cost of, and save for, the dress you chose, if you really want your friends in your wedding, just pay for their dresses.

DH and I paid for our own wedding. We each had only one attendant. At the time, my sister was unemployed, impoverished and probably clinically depressed. I paid for her dress and sent her money to buy shoes. I paid for plane tickets for her, her two kids and her boyfriend from Austin to Chicago. I paid for new outfits and shoes for her kids. My mom and dad paid for her hotel room. We knew she wouldn't be able to pay a cent for anything, so it was just part of the budget.

 

[cinmell]

Not sure if it's too late or if it would even help but I noticed you wrote that all your bridesmaids got dyeable shoes and your dresses from David's. If they bought the shoes from David's they will dye them for free. I was in a wedding last weekend and the dress was from Davids and since the shoes were bought there, they dyed them free of charge along with the purse if you bought that there as well. My dress was $129.00 and my 4 year old daughter's flower girl dress was $99.99.

 

[robinb]

Now, I spoke to one of the BM's today. Two out of the 4 bridesmaids complained (behind my back, AFTER the dresses were bought, paid for, and altered) that they thought they were too expensive, the third said it was a bit high but not too bad (she's the one I spoke to about this). Don't know what the 4th thinks.

No, you are not a Bridezilla. They were probably talking amoung themselves about the dress and the price. It's too bad that the BM you talked to (who covered her butt with you) had to rat out the others.

I wouldn't worry about it. You gave them plenty of time to voice their objections. I'm sure the dresses are beautiful and they will look lovely.

 

[lil mermaid]

I don't think you are a Bridezilla at all! As a matter of fact, I think the BM that spilled the beans is a Bridesmaid-zilla. The girls were probably just talking among themselves, and never dreamed that it would get back to you. They probably thought the dress was expensive but decided to just pay it and keep quiet because they are your friends and care about you.


$165 doesn't seem expensive to me. It sounds about right for a bridesmaid dress.

 

[SpecialK]

Don't think you're a bridezilla, but the hair thing would tick me off. If you can't afford to take them to your salon, why not treat them to up-dos at the $59 place? If you're requiring a certain hairstyle, I think you should be paying for it. I'm guessing the complaints about the price of the dress are directly related to the hair thing.

 

[jehender]

You are not bridezilla!

From my experiences, I think anything under $150 is a good deal, $150-$200 a little high, and anything over $200 is expensive. If the dress is simple and can be reworn I am ok with it costing a little more.

The worst wedding I was in... A true bridezilla...

The bridesmaid dress was $250 and this was in the early 90's. The style was early 80's - poofy sleeves, long formal gown type and way out of style. The wedding was outdoors and the day before they decided it was to hot to have a floor length gown and the girls mom took a scissors to it and cut it short in front longer in the back. She just took a scissors to it and cut - no measuring, no heming, or anything!!! There was one girl who was a little bigger and they cut her dress way to short in front it looked awful. I objected to cutting the dress but they said all the others were already cut and I had to do it.
Then the shoes - they just bought me shoes (didn't ask my size) and expected me to pay for them. They were very expensive, too small, and to high of heels. I literally had to hold on to the groomsmen as we walked down the aisle or I would have fallen over.
Then we had to get our nails done at this expensive place. I had to have my hair and makeup done too, but I think one of the other bridesmaids did this for us. My mom come to the wedding and she litterally did not recognize me at first - it was that bad.

Here's the thing that really sent me over the top. The bride was really cheap on all her stuff. The wedding was very informal and just thrown together. Rehearsal dinner was an after thought - at KFC. I know she got her dress on sale. The day of the wedding we went to the mall and she had her makeup done at the dayton's makeup counter - she litterally just walked in and asked to have her makeup done for her wedding for free. We also went to the music store and picked up a cd that morning so she would have some wedding music for the ceremony.

Did I say anything to her? - nope. I could afford it and I figured it was her special day. It was just the principle of the thing. I did learn a lot though and made sure my wedding was bridesmaid cheap and had few requirements for hair/nails.

Whenever I am asked to be in a wedding - I don't stress about the dress/shoes/hair anymore. I have learned that everyone is looking at the bride and no one cares what I look like. Except maybe my husband and he has already seen me much worse. When I tell the bride I will where whatever dress, shoes, hair she picks out no questions asked - it seems to make things go much smoother. Maybe I've just grown up in the last 10 years?

 

[RadioNate]

you know what. we need photos.

photos of the dresses in questions and photos of all the horrid dresses we've worn over the years

 

[ElizaB39]

Okay, does anybody else think of bowel movement when they see BM? This is killing me!

My mom is a nurse and I grew getting asked if I had had a bm lately, if I was regular and etc.

 

[Chicago526]

you know what. we need photos.

photos of the dresses in questions and photos of all the horrid dresses we've worn over the years

This is the back of the dress, but this is NOT the color

This is the front of the dress (except it has spaghetti straps) AND the color

And here is my dress, if you're interested

 

[missypie]

The dresses are all beautiful!

 

[JenDaveBrendan]

To the OP - you sound exactly like me!! For my wedding 2 years ago, I was exactly the same way, very laid back about everything.... however, BM's still complained
I was also a BM in a wedding a few years ago.. the day before the bachelorette party I was in the hospital with pancreatitis (thanks to my infected gallbladder) - I called one of the BM's to tell her I would not be able to make it - boy did she get MAD!! Then proceded to yell at me that I owed her $60 for my ticket (to a show we were taking the bride to) and if I didn't pay her she would sue me! (she was in law school at the time- must have been on a high horse or something) I never even said I wouldn't pay her... some people are such %itches. It was just totally unneccesary.
Anyway,I came to the conclusion that weddings just bring out the worst in people!! I was relieved when the wedding (both mine and the one I was in) was over.
Good luck! You will get through everything and have a great day!
Jen