Am I A Bad Parent???

[MidgeD79]

Would you want her first visit to a funeral home be one for her Dad?

 

[C.Ann]

I think it's highly unlikely that a group of children will be going without an adult present.. How would they get there?

 

[tasha99]

Yes, I would allow my child to go, and I would go as well. We'd probably also take some food over to her friend's house.

 

[EpcotBeauty]

Yes, I would let my child go.

 

[zurgswife]

Another Yes.

 

[Steffi]

You're not a bad parent for not wanting your child to go, you're just trying to think of what's right for your child.

I, personally, would let my DD go. A friend is a friend, even if it's a new one, and it's nice that your DD wants to be there with him. My nieces lost their mom when they were adolescents, and I know it would have made it at least a little easier on them if their friends had been at the funeral. And I agree with the poster who said they'd drop some food off at the boy's house as well; not having to worry about cooking at times like these is always appreciated.

 

[imabrat]

If my child wants to go to support the boy - absolutely I would let them go. I would sit down and give them a graphic detail of what they may see(although I would disgourage them going to see the body) and I would be next to them the whole time.

I think it's GREAT that your child wants to go - please reconsider it - I am sure that poor boy could use all the love and support he can get How horrible.

ITA!

OP, by any chance are you in PA or NJ? I could've sworn I saw the same exact story in the paper the other day.

 

[lvanleer]

Yes, I would let my child go to the funeral home and I would either go with her or at least be nearby while she was there.

 

[phinsphan]

Yes I'd let her go but I would go with her just to make sure that the kids don't get too social and loud. I have a dd (she's 15) but I know how loud kids that age can get so I'd go with them and make sure they were respectful.

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

I think it's highly unlikely that a group of children will be going without an adult present.. How would they get there?

There may be one mom driving a group of 5 or 6 kids to the funeral home.

 

[AtlantaSue]

I don't think you're a bad parent, but I know everyone is different as to their thoughts on kids and funerals. When my father died, my kids were all there--ages 8, 6, and 3. My sister did not let her son go, who was 11 at the time. That was her choice, and we all respected that.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Absolutely!!!!! No way would I deny my child to go and comfort his classmate. I would go with my child and not with a group of friends however.

 

[creativelady]

I actually lost a couple of very close people in my life when I was a child. I did go to the funerals and it was a very important part of closure and understanding for me. I do NOT however think you are a bad parent no matter what you choose. I can see how this would be a tough decision for any parent.

 

[C.Ann]

There may be one mom driving a group of 5 or 6 kids to the funeral home.

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Right.. And I think it's pretty safe to assume that the adult would go inside with them.. It's not like they're being dropped off at a party..

 

[creativelady]

I just re-read your post and realize I misunderstood. I thought the CHILD died. But I would still let my child go in that situation.

 

[Angelhalo]

Of course I would let her go. Why wouldn't I let her go? It's not like she's 5 years old. Children need to learn about death. I see no harm in it whatsoever.

 

[NMAmy]

Yes, I'd let my child go although I'd probably attend with her, and I'd be grateful that she was showing compassion to a friend even though it's a difficult situation. We'd also be taking food over for the family.

Some people just don't know how to handle funerals or what to say to a friend when a loved one dies. I'd look upon this as a teaching experience--a chance to show my child that it doesn't really matter what you say or do as long as you say or do SOMETHING to show people you care.

 

[PatsGirl]

You know your child best so go with your gut. Personally, I'd drive her myself and let her go in by herself (if she chose not to have a parent there) and then I'd wait in the car for her after carefully explaining what she was about to encounter just in case she needed me/became upset. You might also explain to her what is/is not appropriate in these circumstances. At 11, she most likely already knows....

 

[MichelleVW]

Of course I would let my child go. I'm not sure why you would be opposed to it?

 

[jackskellingtonsgirl]

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Right.. And I think it's pretty safe to assume that the adult would go inside with them.. It's not like they're being dropped off at a party..

Depends on the mom who is driving.
Even if the mom escorts the kids inside there is no guarantee that she will actually keep an eye on all of the kids she came in with. Especially if she starts chatting with the other adults.

I am just thinking about the moms I know around here. Most of them are busy, they have multiple kids going in different directions, etc. I could totally see one mom packing up her Suburban and driving a bunch of kids to the funeral home and then coming back to get them later, after she runs a couple of errands.

Obviously that would be deplorable behavior, but it would not surprise me.

I know for me, if DS12 announced he wanted to go to a funeral home I would think really carefully about whether or not it was appropriate for him to be there. If he knew the child fairly well then of course DH and I would take DS to the funeral home! If it was just a child DS knew of but wasn't friendly with then I don't think we would attend. We would send a note to the family offering condolences, but we wouldn't attend any of the services.