Am I a bad mom?

[twinspluscade]

No, OP, I don't think you're a bad Mom for leaving your two year old. I would consider it myself if mine had a greater age difference (I have twins and then another 17 months younger, so it wouldn't have worked to leave any of them). Especially since it sounds as if you're planning to go back again someday. You could just make it a family "rule" that no kids under, say, age 4 at Disney...that way if your 2 year old someday asks why he didn't go then, you could simply tell him he wasn't old enough.

I do think though that you may be feeling a big guilty about not taking him (hence the "bad Mom" question)--and it's possible that could ruin your enjoyment of the trip somewhat. So I guess that's one thing to consider too--will you feel really bad when you get there and see other toddlers around?

We did take our youngest when he was 2 years 10 months--his sisters were 4--and it did work out great; Dh and I took turns riding the bigger rides with the girls while the other one stayed with our 2 year old. A few times we split up: dh with son, me with girls, and that worked fine too. So it is very managable with an older child/ren and a toddler.

Kelly

 

[NU2WDW]

I don't think this falls into the bad Mom good Mom category but personally I think you are not doing the right thing. It seems like you have more of a problem than a vacation. I can tell you that none of my kids would want to go to Disney or any vacation for that matter without their siblings. They certainly wouldn't be thrilled about it at all. I think you are sending the wrong message. We are a family and sometimes we have to make compromises. Why would your oldest miss out on anything? If you and dh are going one can take ds on whatever ride he wants while the other parent takes the baby to something they will enjoy. I don't really see how your son would miss out on anything. I'm sorry and I know I will get flamed for this but I think that it's the way that you handle it that makes a diference. You seem like you don't want the baby to go because it would be more work and your ds picked up on this. A 2 year old understands more than you know. I think you are setting yourself up for a situation that doesn't encourage your kids to get along. Not just by this trip, but by the overall tone that you are setting. You said that you take the baby everywhere to try to teach him to behave so I know you aren't keaving him in a closet somewhere, but you seem annoyed by the whole prospect of it. I could be worng but that's how it came across in your post. We would never leave anyone home. We just don't think it's right.

I think this is a very good summary of how those of us on the "all should go" side feel about it. To repeat, it's not an issue of good mom vs. bad mom, it's a matter of perspective and viewpoint. IMO, leaving the 2 yr old behind does set an example that he is somehow not as Disney-worthy. I know not everyone feels that way, I'm just looking at it from my own perspective. Telling some of my children that they can go because they won't be as much "trouble" but the other one can't because they would be.... I don't like what that says to either side!

That said, I don't believe families need to spend every waking moment all together, either. Certainly there are times when it's okay for an older child to do something the younger one can't. But for most people, going to Disney is a big event. It's not like going to the little amusement park in the next town that you can do any old time. In this situation, it's a 2-parent family, so I'm at a loss to see why there would be so much inconvenience. Switch off, take turns, whatever, as necessary. For me, it's a matter of viewing it as a family UNIT, not just "this individual wants X." As the pp said, part of being a family is making compromises. JMO

 

[DVCLiz]

No i don't find it appropriate. All 4 soon to be 5 of us go everywhere together if it's considered a FAMILY event. To ME Family means all of us. We have never left one child behind.

The thing is, I went back and read the OP's post, and nowhere did she say that SHE considered this trip to be a family event. Although lots of posters have piled on about leaving a child behind on a "family" vacation, that's not what she said.

I know Disney is a great "family" destination, but it's not carved in stone on the front of the Castle that you MUST always be there with all of your family. It's just a great vacation destination. You can say, and obviously many feel, that your family wouldn't go to WDW unless everyone went, and that you consider it a "family only" destination, but there is room for another opinion here as well.

My daughters are growing up and this summer I will have 3 weeks by myself while they are at camp/traveling when I could go to WDW. Should I not go because it's not a "family" outing? Should I make my DD13 skip her spring break trip because her older sistrer isn't going with us?

I think it's silly to assume that everybody should have the same opinion about WDW being a "family" destination. After all, there would be plenty of things for a 2 year old to do, if you made the same kind of schedule and activity choices, in New York City, but I doubt there would be this outcry if the OP had asked whether leaving her 2 year old with the grandparents while the other family members went to a Broadway show and toured the World Trade Center site was a good idea or not.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

The thing is, I went back and read the OP's post, and nowhere did she say that SHE considered this trip to be a family event. Although lots of posters have piled on about leaving a child behind on a "family" vacation, that's not what she said.

I know Disney is a great "family" destination, but it's not carved in stone on the front of the Castle that you MUST always be there with all of your family. It's just a great vacation destination. You can say, and obviously many feel, that your family wouldn't go to WDW unless everyone went, and that you consider it a "family only" destination, but there is room for another opinion here as well.

My daughters are growing up and this summer I will have 3 weeks by myself while they are at camp/traveling when I could go to WDW. Should I not go because it's not a "family" outing? Should I make my DD13 skip her spring break trip because her older sistrer isn't going with us?

I think it's silly to assume that everybody should have the same opinion about WDW being a "family" destination. After all, there would be plenty of things for a 2 year old to do, if you made the same kind of schedule and activity choices, in New York City, but I doubt there would be this outcry if the OP had asked whether leaving her 2 year old with the grandparents while the other family members went to a Broadway show and toured the World Trade Center site was a good idea or not.

My answer was in response to someone that asked about FAMILY events, NOT to the OP.

 

[mrsltg]

In this situation, it's a 2-parent family, so I'm at a loss to see why there would be so much inconvenience. Switch off, take turns, whatever, as necessary. For me, it's a matter of viewing it as a family UNIT, not just "this individual wants X." As the pp said, part of being a family is making compromises. JMO

In my situation, we've taken both children twice. It was difficult for my older dd who would have liked, just once, to go on a "big" ride with BOTH parents as opposed to one having to say, "Sorry, I need to stay with Caroline." She also would have liked to have been able to see Fantasmic or the fireworks with both parents as opposed to one of us saying, "Sorry, Caroline needs to go to bed. Daddy/Mommy will stay with you." It bothered her - not because she doesn't love her sister but because having a baby makes things more difficult in that they require a massive amount of planning and flexibility.

I understand doing things as a family- I also understand the value of treating children as people seperate and apart from "family" - they are individuals and have individual likes and dislikes that have nothing to do with their siblings.

 

[loriandmatt]

i can't and won't pass judgment on your "mom" abilities as i don't even know you or your child, so i don't know what your special circumstances are.

if you are asking would i (or other posters) do it or even consider it.....i personally would not. My DS (when he was that young) and my DD (who is also now 2) are pretty well behaved in public. we also (by the nature of my job, my husband's odd work schedule and my son's school/activity schedule) have to spend our day to day lives going in different directions a lot of the time. we grab onto any family time we can and our vacations at WDW are truely valued family time. My 12 year old would be sick at WDW, missing experiencing the parks/characters without his sister. We all appriciate seeing the true magic in her expressions/reactions at all there is to experience at WDW. He also is very cool with the child swap process where he/we can ride the more "grown up" items with a bit of time and understanding from all of us. He is a bit older than your oldest child though.

 

[girlsx4]

I haven't read the other responses yet, but wanted to say that I think it's terrible you would leave one child at home and take another. Seriously, I couldn't imagine leaving out one of my children. I think it's sad BUT, you have to do what you think is good for you.

 

[SamIAm21]

Just wanted to know what your opinion is I am married and have two sons age 7 and 2. We are going to Disney in may and we have decided to leave the 2 yr old with his grandmother. she is awsome with him and he loves it over there. Do you think I am a bad mom for not taking him? I think he is too little and will get too hot and melt down. He likes to run all over and won't sit in a stoller. He doesn't behave very well when we go to dinner, or shopping. We take him everywhere we go though to teach him how to behave. I don't think he will remember anyway and he will be scared to ride most of the rides, which might cheat my 7 yo out of alot of our attention. My 7 yo is absoultly thrilled we are going w/o the baby. I know he will have fun at his grandmas, and we are going back to WDW when he is five or six. So do you think I am a bad mom? Or a smart mom?

You are not a bad mom!! That's an awesome idea. You are creating a really great magical memory with your 7 y/o that he will remember for a very long time. He will have a week's worth of your undivided attention and in our busy lifestyles, that's a great gift. You can take your 2 y/o in a few years when he's a little more manageable. Two year olds are tricky and I think you're right about the heat, the stimulation and the inevitable meltdowns. I think the vacation will be enjoyable for all and you might actually feel like you were on vacation.

 

[RachaelRol]

We only have one child so we do not have this issue.

But I do think there is value in spending time with your children individually. DH and I do things with DS without the other parent. DS does things without us. He spends weekends at my sisters' homes and is happy to be rid if us. These are all opportunities for him o build relationships outside of our little bubble.

I think so much is made of this issue because its Disney. If OP was going on a ski trip, I don't think she would get the opinions that the 2 year old must go. Yes Disney is great for children, but so is quality time with grandparents.

Some of my best memories as a child are of summers spent in Puerto Rico and my grandparents house, just my older sister and me. My grandmother died 8 months after my son was born. I would have loved for him to have had the opportunity to spend a summer with her. Luckily, he and I flew to PR for a week, where she met and enjoyed him for 7 fabulous days. She died an hour after DS and I arrived back home.

My parents were not bad parents for sending us to Puerto Rico and OP is not either.

Rachael

 

[Mouse House Mama]

I just wanted to add a few things.

Some mentioned that they don't understand why people feel that family has to mean that we do everything together. I don't feel that we need to spend every waking moment only doing group activities, but Disney is not a trip to the grocery store or a special afternoon with Mommy. It is a vacation. I guess what I find most disturbing about the OP's post is that her ds is thrilled to be going without his sibling. What is going on that this child is that excited to be away from the sibling? I just feel there is more to it than the vacation. I am not calling her a bad Mom so put your flame throwers away- I just think there is more here than just a Disney vacation. JMHO. Also- as far as HollyB- while I find her posts to be abrasive as well, I do on some level agree with her. I just don't think she needs to be so harsh about it.

 

[SamIAm21]

Well I would just try to think back to what it might be like to be 7 y/o and having the opportunity to have all of your Mom & Dad's attention for 24 hours, let alone a few days in a wonderful place like WDW. Looking at it from their perspective, this little boy was the only child for five years and in the last two years has had to adjust to having a sibling. Having a sibling is a wonderful thing, but like so many others have said, that doesn't make them a set. I think some one on one time will be a very valued and treasured thing to this boy as he grows older. Why anyone would come down on this family the way they have is beyond me.

They are leaving the little one with Grandma, who I am sure is going to spoil him rotten while they are gone. Think about the fact that this little boy will also be given the gift of having someone's undivided attention for several days as well. And Grandma has the opportunity to spend a great deal of time with this little guy too. As far as I'm concerned, this is an everybody wins situation.

I would just make sure to return home with a couple really neato souveniers though. There's nothing like a big squishy Mickey plush!! Although from the sound of it, the little guy probably identifies more closely to Stitch!!

 

[BellaBuggy]

Our kids have been going to WDW since birth, pretty much - well actually they went along while I was preggo too. I think 3 months old was dd's first trip, and again at 6 months, 12 months, 18 months...you et the idea. It's FUN when they are that little - it's the only time the characters and the Disney magic is completely REAL for them, and I wouldn't trade that for anythin.

In September we will be taking all three kids - 4 years, 2 years, and 6 months. It's challenging sometimes, but hey - that's just life with little ones! I can't fathom leaving one behind. We don't make the older kids skip anything, we just get better at juggling.

As the youngest in my family, I would have been very hurt by being left behind. Even if I didn't understand it at the time (which at 2 I think I would have), I would know what happened one day and I would have been hurt by that. I'm glad that wasn't ever an issue in my family!

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

Hi gang! I'm closing this thread.

I want to thank all of the posters who gave their opinions for the op in such a nice manner. (Okay, now I feel like a preschool teacher.) Should we stop for snack time and then have naps?

I think the OP got some good information. I hope she has a wonderful trip!