Am I a bad mom?

[Mouse House Mama]

I don't think this falls into the bad Mom good Mom category but personally I think you are not doing the right thing. It seems like you have more of a problem than a vacation. I can tell you that none of my kids would want to go to Disney or any vacation for that matter without their siblings. They certainly wouldn't be thrilled about it at all. I think you are sending the wrong message. We are a family and sometimes we have to make compromises. Why would your oldest miss out on anything? If you and dh are going one can take ds on whatever ride he wants while the other parent takes the baby to something they will enjoy. I don't really see how your son would miss out on anything. I'm sorry and I know I will get flamed for this but I think that it's the way that you handle it that makes a diference. You seem like you don't want the baby to go because it would be more work and your ds picked up on this. A 2 year old understands more than you know. I think you are setting yourself up for a situation that doesn't encourage your kids to get along. Not just by this trip, but by the overall tone that you are setting. You said that you take the baby everywhere to try to teach him to behave so I know you aren't keaving him in a closet somewhere, but you seem annoyed by the whole prospect of it. I could be worng but that's how it came across in your post. We would never leave anyone home. We just don't think it's right.

 

[ameraumi]

I personally could never leave one of my children behind for a vacation, especially to one as family friendly as WDW is!

As for feeling left out and sitting with the stroller, you and your DH should be switching off who goes with the oldest. We did that last spring when we went. My kiddos were 12 and 4. Anything we went on that the 4 yr old could not/did not want to do we did the child swap and it worked out perfectly.

Why not ask Grandma to go as well as a helper (if it is in the budget)? When the 2 yr old gets antsy you can send them back to the resort to unwind. Plus the extra set of hands will be a huge help!

 

[pweyl36]

Your teaching your 7 year old that his sibling is not an important part of your family. If you wanted an only child why in the heck did you have another child. You are making up stupid excuses as to why your leaving your child behind, face it your doing it for the sole purpose that you do not what to be bothered with your own child. How sad is that? How are you going to be able to explain in a few years why only the oldest child is in the pictures. Are you going to say because big brother was much happier without you in fact we all were. I am sick and tired of people who are poor excuses for parents. Step up and be a mom!!!

Good god,why dont you just call child services! You sound as if she is leaving her child with monkeys! She is being a mom she is teaching independence.I just can"t stand when people like to give mean opinions.!

 

[DVCLiz]

Your teaching your 7 year old that his sibling is not an important part of your family. If you wanted an only child why in the heck did you have another child. You are making up stupid excuses as to why your leaving your child behind, face it your doing it for the sole purpose that you do not what to be bothered with your own child. How sad is that? How are you going to be able to explain in a few years why only the oldest child is in the pictures. Are you going to say because big brother was much happier without you in fact we all were. I am sick and tired of people who are poor excuses for parents. Step up and be a mom!!!

hollyb, you have such extreme parenting views. May I ask how old your children are? I disagree with almost everything you say, and I'm wondering if it's because you have very young children and not much experience yet with the long view. On the other hand, maybe your children are older and we'll just have to agree to disagree about this and any other parenting issue.

It doesn't make you a bad parent, or any less of a mom, to make a decision to leave a young child with grandparents and take an older child on a trip. I wouldn't have any problem saying, when asked about the pictures, "That was the trip we left you with Grandma and took your older sister by herself."

Because what I know as an older parent is that what goes around comes around. Sometimes being a good parent means making a better decision for one child at the expense of another. And almost always, unless you have twins or triplets, it means that down the road, the younger sibling is going to be the beneficiary of some wonderful family time that the older sibs will miss. I'm leaving for a week at WDW on Friday with my 13 year old daughter, and I'm not taking her older sister. Why? Because older sister is in college now. She had some wonderdful family trips with us, and will again in the summer, but her time for Spring Break family trips has passed. Should I say, "Sorry, younger sib, if the whole family can't go, no one is going?" Of course not.

I find over the years that most of what I felt so strongly about turned out to be either flat wrong or not nearly as important as I made it out to be. The ability to be flexible, and teach your children that there are many different ways to do something well, is what really makes a good parent.

 

[leighe]

Your teaching your 7 year old that his sibling is not an important part of your family. If you wanted an only child why in the heck did you have another child. You are making up stupid excuses as to why your leaving your child behind, face it your doing it for the sole purpose that you do not what to be bothered with your own child. How sad is that? How are you going to be able to explain in a few years why only the oldest child is in the pictures. Are you going to say because big brother was much happier without you in fact we all were. I am sick and tired of people who are poor excuses for parents. Step up and be a mom!!!

I am sorry but this might be the most ridiculous comment I have ever read on this board. I have a younger brother and sister and while we often took trips as a whole family, my parents also planned special things for just one or two of us depending on what was age appropriate, etc. When my brother was in kindergarten he got to go with my dad on a 2 week long trip touring the American west. I didn't get to go because I was in 2nd grade and my parents didn't want me to miss that much school. It didn't teach me that one of us was more/less important than the other. In fact, I don't even really remember thinking about it that much. My sister was a "surprise" and so quite a bit younger than my brother and me - we went on several trips without her when she was little because my parents wanted to give us a chance to get to do what we (older kids) wanted to do since she got so much attention at home as the "baby" anyway. Never once did I ever think she wasn't a real part of our family because we went to the beach and left her at my grandmothers. That is just ludicrous.

DH and I have been to WDW twice and left DD at home. In fact, we are going again a week from Sunday. DD is 15 months and DH really doesn't want to take her before she's two. We will be taking her next spring break when she is 2. Her little sister - who will be about 8 months old - will be staying home with Nana.

So OP - no, you are not a bad mom! Kudos to you for doing what is best for your family.

And I just have to add - I really don't understand the "we are a family so we have to do everything together" mentality. I'm not flaming - I'm just honestly curious. Do those of you who feel that way think it's ever appropriate to do activities that don't include the entire family?

 

[Mommytink]

Sounds like you feel guilty so why not bring grandmom along to help out? My in-laws are coming with us to help with my 5 and 2 year old (I will be 6 months pregnant too). Just an idea! I would miss my 2 year old too much as he loves Mickey! Hope it works out for you!

 

[livie1205]

it is NOT wrong to leave the baby if you think she is to young....and dont let people guilt you into it...my dd1 went with us in dec. for our family vacation and had a blast but not all babies can do well with all the people and walking around all day...we have to deal with this problem alot because we are a blended family...my son 9, his son 8 and our princess 1 they get to go on vacation with there other parents and with us and they are not always around when we go places but they understand that and when we go in sept. they wont be with us...but we always bring things back for them.i think it can also be a good thing to at least once take each one by themselves to get some one on one time..we have taken each one of the boys alone and we have taken all of them together and i KNOW i am a good mom and no one can convince me otherwise..i am not one of those parents that feels they have to make everything even all the time sometimes one gets something the other dont get and so on...but you know what they dont fight about it they now we love them all, so whatever you do DO NOT listen to someone that does not have enough sense to ask something as stupid as "why did you have another kid" (you know who you are) you are very rude,why did you feel the need to insult someone who just needed advice?

 

[AC7179]

Just some opinions from a mom who has been there.

I have a 2.5 year old (September 04) that we took to Disneyland last spring break. She was only about 18 months but she LOVED it and REMEMBERS it. She says, "Mama, member when we go on Small World and I get on that boat?" and she gets excited seeing Dumbo, etc. It was definitely a great experience for her.

That being said, my mom went with us and she and my daughter took long breaks in the afternoons, etc. while we stayed at the park with our 12 year old. It was a much harder trip with the two year old and without my mom there we wouldn't have gotten much done.

Would the two year old enjoy the trip? Absolutely.
Would the two year old know what he was missing? Probably not.
Would the seven year old enjoy the trip with the two year old? Sure, it's Disney.
Would the seven year old enjoy the trip MORE without the two year old? Pretty definitely.

So, the decision is ultimately yours, of course. I see pros and cons of both sides. I defiinitely do NOT think you are a bad mom if you leave the two year old. He will have a great time at gmas!

 

[LuvOrlando]

Just wanted to know what your opinion is I am married and have two sons age 7 and 2. We are going to Disney in may and we have decided to leave the 2 yr old with his grandmother. she is awsome with him and he loves it over there. Do you think I am a bad mom for not taking him? I think he is too little and will get too hot and melt down. He likes to run all over and won't sit in a stoller. He doesn't behave very well when we go to dinner, or shopping. We take him everywhere we go though to teach him how to behave. I don't think he will remember anyway and he will be scared to ride most of the rides, which might cheat my 7 yo out of alot of our attention. My 7 yo is absoultly thrilled we are going w/o the baby. I know he will have fun at his grandmas, and we are going back to WDW when he is five or six. So do you think I am a bad mom? Or a smart mom?

Obviously something is bothering you or you wouldn't have posted. I guess it boils down to whether or not you will leave the older kid home when he is 12 so he won't interfere with you enjoying your 7 yr old in 5 years.

If you'll do the same for your other kid your reasons are valid. If you will not make the same choice in favor of your youngest I'd look deeper into your own motives.

MY DD is only 1 yr younger than DS but since she dislikes all things fast or high this leaves many rides out for all 4 of us. Does this mean that I leave her home because she's inconvenient (and yes her pickiness is inconvenient)? No, it means DH & I take turns goofing around & getting to know DD while we sit in the shade sipping a Sprite as the other parent goes on thrill rides getting to know DS. As a family of 4 we don't often get time alone with 1 of our kids but this ride sharing gives each of us an opportunity to enjoy each child separately. It works for us.

PS-The fact that you posted this makes me wonder if its you that wants to leave the 2 yr old home or your DH?

 

[Beth E. (NJ)]

I opened this thread with great trepidation. I was so afraid that I would find a major rumble going on. I want to thank everyone who has responded with great informed posts on both sides of the subject. One bad apple's response aside I just ask that everyone continue to play nice and don't get pulled into anything that could result in infractions.

Personal opinion -- when my older daughter was 5 1/2 we took her to WDW. We left her little sister home with the grandparents. She was 2. she spent time with both sets of grandparents and loved it. Yes we missed her but she had a great time being spoiled. When she was older she went to wdw too.

 

[jodifla]

If you think it will work best for your family dynamic, go for it, OP! It sounds like you plan to take your youngest when he is a bit older and past the terrible 2s!

We did take DS at age 2, but he was an only....if I'd had an older child, I'd have been tempted to leave him with a grandparent, because he was a handful between 18 months and 1 1/2. I thought twice and three times about taking him anywhere!

Ignore the posters who feel like EVERYTHING must be done all together, and do what you think is right for your family.

 

[luvmy3jewels]

No flames here....I think that decision is totally up to you. Your 7 year old would probably enjoy having one on one time with their parents, and I'm sure grandma would spoil the 2 year old rotten One thing you didn't say was how long a trip you were taking (or maybe I missed that part). If you are going for a couple of weeks, then that might be a different story than a couple of days.

I have three children (2,4 & 6) and decided last summer to take the oldest two to Kings Dominion for two days. My two year old had just turned two and we were worried that she would be bored, hot, and cranky. Every day, I would see kids her age at the park having a good time and think...I really miss her and wish I had brought her with us. However, she stayed home with my parents, and I know she had a great time with lots of attention being "an only child" for a couple of days.

We are taking our first family trip to Disney next month and this time, we are taking the 2 year old and grandma with us!!

I think that you are in the best position to decide what is best for your family!! Good luck and have a great time!!

 

[tiff211]

Having children far apart in age is always challenging. If your 7yr were 4, you probably would take both or wait until they were both older. I don't think you are a bad mommy at all. You are doing what you feel is best for your family and that's what counts. I have a DD 18 months and we are going to WDW on Saturday so I just pictured her not going with the rest of us. I think I wouldn't enjoy my trip as much as I would see all the other little ones and miss her terribly. But then again, she is a VERY good baby, extremely good. If she were of the "terrible two's" sort, like you DS seems to be, I would probably want to the same thing.

I think you need to come to terms with your decision so the guilt doesn't eat away at you! Good luck!

 

[leighe]

Tiff211 - I just have to say your girls are beautiful! I couldn't leave that baby with those adorable pigtails at home either!

 

[taximomfor4]

I can only speak from experience with MY children. We went the first time as a whole family when youngest dd was 2. I was worried, of course! But EVERY LITTLE THING was soooo magical, I think my eyes welled with tears at least once every single day. My other kids were 5, 6, and 11 at the time. They each had things they liked, things they didn't. But the 2 yr old LOVED LOVED LOVED everything. We watched the parades, and she was enthralled the entire time. No, she didn't always sit in her stroller. I held her for most of the parade, and she was a character magnet...they would step to our side of the street and kiss her hand or whatever, then pat the heads of my other kids. We would split up sometimes, dd2 and I would have a rootbeer float while waiting for dh and the other kids to ride things she was too small for. That is how we found little details all around the parks.

We also tended to do our sitdown meals mid-day, before dd was tired out. We had CS meals in the evenings. We didn't watch fireworks shows, we chose to go to bed early and hit the parks in the early mornings.

YOu should have seen dd during Mickey's Philharmagic. We watched it FIVE times in 3 days, and just because SHE was so fun to watch, we never tired of it. The other ride is Figment at Epcot. She just pointed and laughed sooo hard at the upside down house that it is now a family favorite, based on the memories alone! We even had a good time in the Baby Care Centers! My kids would watch cartoons, chat & pintrade with the CM, and color pictures while waiting for me to change dd's diaper.

Whether you bring your own 2yo or not, it is a personal decision. But I would avoid making it based on "not remembering" or "too little for many rides." I just really would hate for you to go, and as the days go on, have those little thoughts "Oh man, he/she would have LOVED this!" So whichever coice you make, I hope you don't regret it! My biggest regret about the trip we took when youngest dd was 2 is that I never took the others when they were 2.

Beth

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

And I just have to add - I really don't understand the "we are a family so we have to do everything together" mentality. I'm not flaming - I'm just honestly curious. Do those of you who feel that way think it's ever appropriate to do activities that don't include the entire family?

No i don't find it appropriate. All 4 soon to be 5 of us go everywhere together if it's considered a FAMILY event. To ME Family means all of us. We have never left one child behind.

 

[DisneyMommyMichelle]

Sounds like you feel guilty so why not bring grandmom along to help out? My in-laws are coming with us to help with my 5 and 2 year old (I will be 6 months pregnant too). Just an idea! I would miss my 2 year old too much as he loves Mickey! Hope it works out for you!

FABULOUS idea! we're bringing my Father along this trip not that we need help, but he hasn't been since our wedding and loves his grandkids soo much, so we figured it would be a blast for all involved!!

 

[beattyfamily]

You aren't a bad mom; this is your family's decision but I absolutely couldn't leave one child home and take another one to WDW. That's just the way our family is. It's a family trip and it just wouldn't feel right for us.

Both my girls' first trips to WDW were at age 2. It was actually a very magical age for them at WDW, IMHO.

Not trying to change your mind, just giving you my own opinion.

 

[kinntj]

I don't think you're a bad parent for leaving the 2 year old behind. I don't have to make that decision because our children are close to 2 years apart and it's not a problem to wait it out until the youngest is old enough. If our kids had the age difference you guys have, I probably would do the same thing or at least think long and hard about it.

There's a lot of factors that goes into making a decision like that though. The personality of the child that's 2 (some are easy going and others-like mine--are not), If you plan on going again and taking the younger child when they are 3 or so, how long you're staying away, etc.

I'm sure your 2 year old will be happy at the grandparents and spoiled too. I know my DH's parents spoil the heck out of my kids when they stay over there. There's trips and presents waiting for them. Then they come home and face reality of their stingy parents.

 

[livie1205]

No i don't find it appropriate. All 4 soon to be 5 of us go everywhere together if it's considered a FAMILY event. To ME Family means all of us. We have never left one child behind.

wow, its not appropriate to do things without everyone in the family? i love to do things with my family, all of us together...but it is also good to do things without everyone...sometimes my dh takes just the 2 boys places, sometimes we take just the baby sometimes i take ds9 somewhere for some one on one time......the kids do like when it is just them alone sometimes....while it is importent to do things as a family it is nice to do things like sometimes we take the boys camping...now are we going to take the baby? no,because there is not alot for her to do ...it all depends on what we are doing.....now going to wdw we like to all go together but we cant do that everytime because of the fact we share time with other parents.