Almost-Empty Nest Syndrome (I'm havin' a *moment*)

[minkydog]

*sigh* My kids are grown and they dont need me so much. I know it's normal--they're 17 & 24. It's time for them to spread their wings and fly. But I didn't know how much it would hurt. Anybody else feelin' the pain?

 

[carrie1626]

My daughter is over 1000 miles away at college, my son is a HS senior this year. Everytime I think of them both being out of the house I tear up.

Life goes on.... and I wish it would just "pause" once in awhile

 

[minkydog]

My daughter is over 1000 miles away at college, my son is a HS senior this year. Everytime I think of them both being out of the house I tear up.

Life goes on.... and I wish it would just "pause" once in awhile

I know! I'm driving down the road and suddenly I've got tears rolling down my face. My husband must think I'm a lunatic. I thought I would look forward to the day when the kids would grow up and make their way in the world. I mean, isn't this what I raised them for, to be responsible, caring citizens who are capable to managing their lives? So why am I having these constant memories of times gone by--baking cookies, going skating, teaching them to sew, Indian forts, panning fo gold. I could go on and on. I know they'll come around(at least, I think I know that.) I'm just missing being an important part of their lives, I guess.

Maybe I just need more friends. Or a cat

 

[bitohoney]

I feel it too! I have one and she's 17 and I'm single so I'm really gonna be hurting and lonely when she moves out.

 

[MickeySP]

BTDT - mine now has a home & child of his own. It was awfully painful the 1st year, then we established a relationship that is better than ever.

He is now 26 and a very good friend as well as my DS. We can talk on so many different levels that sometimes I have to think - this was th ekid on the Tonka big wheel hiding my keys in the sofa LOL!!

It is hard but we all have to get through if we did the job we set out to do when we left the hospital.

 

[johnsontrio]

Minky, you know from the other thread that I'm in the same boat... DD is a Sr. this year and I cried turning in her sports physical. I have made an effort to get more involved in other activities this year. I started doing Zumba in addition to the yoga that I love. I am also considering becoming more active with the local alumnae chapter of my sorority. My SIL and I organized a group to do the Memory Walk this month and I am doing lots of volunteer work. I am hoping to have a busy schedule in the Fall when she goes off to school. It will be a huge transition for me after being a stay at home Mom with her all this time but she needs to go. I am just praying she ends up back here after college.

 

[allison443]

This was written years ago by Erma Bombeck.

No More Oatmeal Kisses-January 29,1969
A young mother writes,"I know you've written before about the empty-nest syndrone,that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething:the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him, and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you?"

OK. One of these days, you'll shout, "Why don't you kids grow up and act your age!" And they will. Or, "You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do...and don't slam the door!" And they won't.
You'll staighten up the boys' bedroom neat and tidy: bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you'll say our loud, "Now I want it to stay this way." And it will.
You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you'll say, Now, there's a meal for company." And you'll eat it alone.
You'll say, I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?" And you'll have it.
No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothespins in the sofa. No more playpens to arrange a room around.
No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathroom. No more iron-on patches, rubber bands for ponytails, tight boots or wet knotted shoestrings.
Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby-sitter for New Year's Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn't ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.
No PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night. Having your own roll of Scotch tape.
Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility.
Only a voice crying, "Why don't you grow up?" and the silence echoing,"I did."

 

[disneydreamersx4]

Minky, I hope it gets easier for you

Thank you Allison for that post I emailed it to DH.

 

[Tinker74]

My Ds is 18 and will go to college next September...iam struggling already with this...We have persuaded him to come on one more family holiday to disney next July..I will try not to cry and try to enjoy those two weeks.

Thank goodness for my DD10....i still get kisses and hugs and I love you Daily!...People tell mr she will soon become a moody pre teen...but not yet please!

 

[donac]

No buddy says it better than Erma. Thanks for starting my day.

I have one who moved back home and one at college. I wish the one who was home would move out but that is not going to happen soon. I really miss the one who is at college. He and I did somethings together when he was in school.

The one in college still calls and texts about funny things. Tomorrow he is cooking pulled pork for about 20 people. We chatted last night about what he needed to buy (he was in the store when we talked), the price of the meat he was buying and what else he needed. I got a text from him a while later to tell me that crockpot liners were on sale. You got to love a son like that.

 

[minkydog]

This was written years ago by Erma Bombeck.

No More Oatmeal Kisses-January 29,1969
A young mother writes,"I know you've written before about the empty-nest syndrone,that lonely period after the children are grown and gone. Right now I'm up to my eyeballs in laundry and muddy boots. The baby is teething:the boys are fighting. My husband just called and said to eat without him, and I fell off my diet. Lay it on me again, will you?"

OK. One of these days, you'll shout, "Why don't you kids grow up and act your age!" And they will. Or, "You guys get outside and find yourselves something to do...and don't slam the door!" And they won't.
You'll staighten up the boys' bedroom neat and tidy: bumper stickers discarded, bedspread tucked and smooth, toys displayed on the shelves. Hangers in the closet. Animals caged. And you'll say our loud, "Now I want it to stay this way." And it will.
You'll prepare a perfect dinner with a salad that hasn't been picked to death and a cake with no finger traces in the icing, and you'll say, Now, there's a meal for company." And you'll eat it alone.
You'll say, I want complete privacy on the phone. No dancing around. No demolition crews. Silence! Do you hear?" And you'll have it.
No more plastic tablecloths stained with spaghetti. No more bedspreads to protect the sofa from damp bottoms. No more gates to stumble over at the top of the basement steps. No more clothespins in the sofa. No more playpens to arrange a room around.
No more anxious nights under a vaporizer tent. No more sand on the sheets or Popeye movies in the bathroom. No more iron-on patches, rubber bands for ponytails, tight boots or wet knotted shoestrings.
Imagine. A lipstick with a point on it. No baby-sitter for New Year's Eve. Washing only once a week. Seeing a steak that isn't ground. Having your teeth cleaned without a baby on your lap.
No PTA meetings. No car pools. No blaring radios. No one washing her hair at 11 o'clock at night. Having your own roll of Scotch tape.
Think about it. No more Christmas presents out of toothpicks and library paste. No more sloppy oatmeal kisses. No more tooth fairy. No giggles in the dark. No knees to heal, no responsibility.
Only a voice crying, "Why don't you grow up?" and the silence echoing,"I did."

Oh, great. Now I'm REALLY crying. Thanks for the inspiration anyway.

 

[MIGrandma]

I understand how you're feeling. My daughter and I have always been very close. We both cried and cried when she went to college. It was so hard to let her go. She ended up moving back home and just commuting after Christmas that year and it was so nice having her home again! Then a couple years later she got married and I had to go through the separation all over again. Again it was hard, but I was extremely thankful they had bought a house just a quarter mile down the road from us so I knew we would still see her often.

This was 10+ years ago. She has 2 children of her own, and I babysit for her quite often so have established wonderful relationship with my grandchildren. And she stops at least once a week to visit, on her way home from work. We visit on Facebook a lot. We all go camping together in the summer. Still have an awesome relationship with her. But you know, we got used to the empty nest and now we love it. It took awhile though. Time marches on and things change. We just have to accept them and make the best of them I think. Good luck to you though.

 

[punkin]

Oh, great. Now I'm REALLY crying. Thanks for the inspiration anyway.

me too

 

[The Princess]

Me too!!! Can't stand it!!! The other day I was making cupcakes and thought...won't be making cupcakes to much anymore...my dh won't want them which got me thinking.....eventually I'm going to have to cook for 2 people....how am I going to do that? Only 2 wow what an adjustment these next few years are going to be......now I find myself saying can't wait till the college years are over!!!

 

[Yankeemouse]

hey Minky, you're not alone...I'll hear a song that my oldest used to love a few years ago before he went to college, and burst into tears while driving around town...I too think of the good old days, I had three babies in four years, and what a madhouse it was...and I miss it too. Husbands don't understand the emotionality of it all!

You know, the empty nest and pre menopause should NOT happen at the same time!!

 

[LuvOrlando]

I really needed to read the Erma Bombeck to re-center myself, thanks for that. My kids are 11 & 12 and so much of her story is my house! I have a sheet over our sofa because my kids keep being kids. Every day I find myself picking up in their rooms because there is such a flurry to get out of the house in time for the bus. My DD keeps destroying my very expensive makeup as she experiments and it has been driving me up the wall so the lipstick with points really got to me. I guess I really need to remember to enjoy it more because we're getting closer and closer to them growing up.

My MIL said it best a few years ago when she said, "What stinks about being a Mother is knowing that the reward for doing a good job is being alone." ...sigh...

If your heart can take it look up "Trace Adkins - Then They Do" on You Tube... it always snaps me into the present. Makes me cry every time. My game plan is moving to NYC once mine leave for college, I love my home but I have a hard time thinking of being here all alone.

 

[disneychic2]

I can relate so well to you. We have been empty nesters for quite some time now, but I still sometimes get weepy. Two years ago, only one of the four could come for Christmas. First time not to spend Christmas with my "babies". THAT was hard! I got a job for the holidays to make myself busy to ease the pain a bit. But like a pp said, it helps to get involved, reach out to others and be a blessing to someone.

Also, my youngest daughter's best friend died at the age of 23 and I think: at least my children are all healthy and alive and I will see them again, even though they live far away. It puts a different perspective on it for sure. Hang in there and enjoy the time you have.

If you think about it, we begin from the day they are born to prepare them to leave us. So, you've done your job, and done it well, so take heart in that. Then you get the phone call with the "culinary emergency" or "I'm sick and just want my mommy" (at age 30) and know you still have a special place in their heart that time nor distance can sever. That makes it all worth it. Better days are ahead, but meanwhile, I feel your pain, my sister!

 

[KimR]

My oldest went off to college this year and even though I still have two at home and am 8 or 9 years away from an empty nest, it was a wake-up call for me. The time really does go by so fast and I truly hate the thought of being alone again. I guess it's time to start looking for some hobbies now so I'll be prepared when the time comes.

 

[disneychic2]

hey Minky, you're not alone...I'll hear a song that my oldest used to love a few years ago before he went to college, and burst into tears while driving around town...I too think of the good old days, I had three babies in four years, and what a madhouse it was...and I miss it too. Husbands don't understand the emotionality of it all!

You know, the empty nest and pre menopause should NOT happen at the same time!!

Couldn't agree more! (esp. the husbands not getting it!)

 

[PrincessKsMom]

I'm right there with you. DD is a Freshman in high school and an only child. My fault that I have made her the center of my universe for her entire life. My marriage is crap (but that's another story entirely). I'm just waiting for her to leave for college before I leave the marriage. She knows it, I know it and he knows it, so there are no illusions. Unfortunately, I haven't had friends in years, don't go out (except for work) and have no activities. I've entirely focused my life around her, her friends and her activities, I guess trying to fill the void that is my marriage. Now what? No one will be more proud or happ for DD when she goes to college, but what happens to me? Where does that leave me? I joke all the time that it's time for me to get a life, but I don't know where to begin. It's just so much easier to sit home and feel sorry for myself. If I haven't had a life for this long, what's the point now with only 3 years left before DD leaves? But you know what, come hell or high water, I'm getting a life when she goes and it will be the life I chose, with the happiness I deserve. I need to do that to be a better example for my DD. I was once a very independent woman and I will be that woman again.