Almost 4 won't potty train!

[scootch]

As far as number 2 goes, you have to be very careful, especially with a history of past constipation. There is a condition called encopresis and it occurs when kids start holding in their poop.. the bowel stretches and then it leads to the nerves not working and they dont' even realize they need to poop. There are varying degrees of it, from mild to very severe. So I would work on the number 1 and not push the number 2 for awhile. I would also restart the miralax. My dd started holding and was on the verge of encopresis. We finally just had to keep letting her poop in the pullup. She would actually put it on to poop... till she was almost 5.... drove us nuts, but the ped said otherwise she was going to end up with encopresis. She finally did get thru it.. and has no recollection at all of it(she just turned 10). When my neice wasn't potty trained by 3, she was the one saying, her mom should really train her.... lol. Hugs to you, I know it is very frustrating.

 

[AwaitingMagic]

My niece was doing this with my SIL - she would go potty on her terms only and she didn't care if she was wet or anything else. I had her for a few days and when I picked her up I told her we were going to go pick out big girl pants and that she was going to potty in the potty at my house. We went and picked out several kinds and I put her in them. I gave her a cup and every time she went potty in the potty, I gave her a coin (usually a penny). If she had an accident, she had to give me a coin. One time she truly had an accident and it was just a little bit (she was outside and busy) and she did let me know, we were just a bit late so I didn't have her give me a coin back, but I told her that next time that happened, she was going to have to give me one. I reminded her that AS SOON as she knew she had to go - she had to let me know. She tested me - I made her give me a coin - let's just say that's the only coin she gave up! She did ok when she went home - had a couple of accidents but overall, that was that. My SIL told me last time I saw her that she'd like to book a mini-vacation for my nephew with me this summer...........his turn! LOL

 

[barnaby1]

It is definitely tough love time.

1. Sit him down and tell him exactly how it is going to be from now on.
2. Get rid of those pull ups. Go out and buy some underpants with his favorite characters on them.
3. No more scheduled rewards except praise. After a week or 2 if he is doing better then suprise him with a small reward.
4. When he has an accident make hime clean it up fully (mop the floor, change clothes and put them in the wash etc). He stops whatever he was doing (TV goes off etc) immediately to clean up. Although people say their children don't mind being wet they do mind if their favorite activity is interrupted for 15 - 20 minutes each time.
5. Be matter of fact and appear unconcerned but follow through each and every time.
6. If he has an absolute favorite character you could also try a dress up costume for that character. Most children would be mortified to wee as spiderman etc and not be able to wear their favorite outfit while it was being washed.

Good luck and be strong. You will get there.

 

[hsmamato2]

When I put my ds in pullups,he peed in them. when I asked "why!?" my verbal 24 month old informed me,they weren't big boy pants, those were just diapers you pulled up.
Lesson learned. He wore underwear from that day on. (his decision at that age)
when my other ds was learning, the day he turned 3,and was completely verbal and intelligent,I told him the diapers were for babies,and he wasn't a baby. And I loved him dearly,but I wasn't changing big boy poopy dipes.
This one took a few weeks,but he knew he wasn't getting a comfy dipe to poop in, but underwear that created uncomfortable messes. No problem there either.
once he knows you mean business, he'll do what he needs to do.

 

[pklein09]

DD13 didn't train till she was 4 1/2. She had (and still has) and speech delay of about 18 months. They told me at her Special Services school that it was normal and to just back off. They also told me no pull-ups, only use diapers (size 6!). It was September, and we were headed to my mom's about an hour away to can tomatoes for the year. She came downstairs and said "Panties today." We shrugged and said, "Okay." That was it, like a switch flicked on in her brain that it was time. And there was never an accident, ever. As I was going through all this, my aunt told me something similar to a previous poster: She won't go down the aisle (for her wedding) in diapers. It also changed how I trained my next 3 kids: we didn't even try. We let them decide when they were ready, and it was painless. The younger ones watched the older ones, and peer pressure worked wonders.

Best of luck, and remember that this, too, shall pass. And when he's going through this with his child, you can nod and say, "Yes, I know exactly how you feel!"

 

[princessmom29]

You have got to completely take away the pull ups and make him responsible for his own bodily functions, at least during the day. He is totally capable of taknig care of them, but sounds to me like he is choosing not to. Put him in underwear and tell him he needs to go potty. If he chooses not to he gets to wipe it up and change his clothes. End of story. No anger or shouting. no attention negative or positive when he has an accident. Just tell him to clean up and change. At this point it seems to be about pulling Mommy's strings tan about the potty. If he gets no reaction it will become a non-issue. I had to do this with DD at 2 1/2 to get her to go in the potty. She knew full well how to do it, and that she neede to go. She was pushing Mommy's buttons. She had been dry at night for 6 moths at that point, and I can count on one hand the number of times she wet the bed after we went to panties. Those were usually when she was either sick or exhausted. She didn't want her bed to be wet so she didn't wet it. She had complete control over it, it was just convincing her that it was in her best interest to excercise it. Once she made that mental turn, there were no more "accidents". It was like flipping a switch, like a PP said.

 

[disneygirl338]

My daughter had this same problem. I beleive she was a week past 4 when she finally figured out it was easier to go #2 on the potty. It was very frustrating at the time. I would find I would put her in a pull up just so she would go. That way she would be able to go and the constipation would be a little less next time. But ultimately this is in their controll. Everyon kept telling me she wouldn't go to kindergarten in a pull up and they were right.
Good luck

 

[Disney_Tall_Mommy]

My daughter didn't potty train until 3.5. It was so frustrating for us. Sometimes she would go in the potty and sometimes not-with no rhyme or reason to it. After trying rewards of stickers. M&M's, mini marshmallows I finally bribed her with what else? A trip to Disney World.

I told her if you start going in the potty all the time and don't have accidents I will take you to Disneyworld. (She had never been, but knew about it from my travel books. Guess what? She was potty trained from the next day on. After a week of staying dry at bedtime too I just took away the pullups at nighttime and she only had one accident. (she happened to be sick with a fever) I booked the trip a couple weeks later. We went Halloween week and had a blast. My problem is she still asks for a treat (usually fruit snacks) for going potty in the mornings. She will be five in February.