All parents are evil abusing monsters

[Hercules10]

"Time-out is the most popular discipline technique used by parents and the one most often recommended by pediatricians and child development experts. But is it good for kids? Is it effective? Not according to the implications of the latest research on relationships and the developing brain.

Studies in neuroplasticity—the brain’s adaptability—have proved that repeated experiences actually change the physical structure of the brain. Since discipline-related interactions between children and caregivers comprise a large amount of childhood experiences, it becomes vital that parents thoughtfully consider how they respond when kids misbehave. Discipline is about teaching – not about punishment – and finding ways to teach children appropriate behavior is essential for healthy development.

So what about time-outs? In most cases, the primary experience a time-out offers a child is isolation. Even when presented in a patient and loving manner, time-outs teach them that when they make a mistake, or when they are having a hard time, they will be forced to be by themselves—a lesson that is often experienced, particularly by young children, as rejection. Further, it communicates to kids, “I’m only interested in being with you and being there for you when you’ve got it all together.”

The problem is, children have a profound need for connection. Decades of research in attachment demonstrate that particularly in times of distress, we need to be near and be soothed by the people who care for us. But when children lose emotional control, parents often put them in their room or by themselves in the “naughty chair,” meaning that in this moment of emotional distress they have to suffer alone.

When children are overtaxed emotionally, they sometimes misbehave; their intense emotions and the demands of the situation trump their internal resources. The expression of a need or a big feeling therefore results in aggressive, disrespectful, or uncooperative behavior—which is simply proof that children haven’t built certain self-regulation skills yet. Misbehavior is often a cry for help calming down, and a bid for connection".

FULL Article:
http://time.com/3404701/discipline-time-out-is-not-good/#3404701/discipline-time-out-is-not-good/

Screw it. Let's just hand all the kids over to the Feds and be done with it.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Screw it. Let's just hand all the kids over to the Feds and be done with it.

Well, I wouldn't quite go that far.

And I'll preface my answer with "Every child is different, and different things will work for different children."

But, in general, I do think that time-out really only makes sense for certain types of offences. It's only a logical consequence if it's used in a way like "If you play too rough, you can't play." If it's a consequence for poor effort during homework or something, there really isn't any connection, and it certainly doesn't help get the initial task done.

I also agree with the article that it's more useful if an adult stays with the child. - It's just that it's not always practical if that adult is also the only supervision for the other children still allowed to play.

I believe that the end goal of external discipline is to lead the child toward internal self-regulation. So I do think it should be more about teaching than punishment. Though there are certainly times when punishment does teach - "something bad happens when you do ___" can be a necessary lesson - I think assistance in calming down and then instruction in what would be OK to do next time definitely has it's place too.

 

[NHdisneylover]

Well, I wouldn't quite go that far.

And I'll preface my answer with "Every child is different, and different things will work for different children."

But, in general, I do think that time-out really only makes sense for certain types of offences. It's only a logical consequence if it's used in a way like "If you play too rough, you can't play." If it's a consequence for poor effort during homework or something, there really isn't any connection, and it certainly doesn't help get the initial task done.

I also agree with the article that it's more useful if an adult stays with the child. - It's just that it's not always practical if that adult is also the only supervision for the other children still allowed to play.

I believe that the end goal of external discipline is to lead the child toward internal self-regulation. So I do think it should be more about teaching than punishment. Though there are certainly times when punishment does teach - "something bad happens when you do ___" can be a necessary lesson - I think assistance in calming down and then instruction in what would be OK to do next time definitely has it's place too.

Here I was all set to respond and it's already been said perfectly

 

[PatsGirl]

I'm not a believer of time-out, except in instances where a child needs quiet time, either because they are being too rough or can't control their anger, that sort of thing.

Natural or logical consequences works. "For every action, there is a reaction".

 

[wilkeliza]

Seems like you can't discipline at all these days. When we got bad grades we were "grounded" not a time out but grounded meant taking away fun things like trips to the mall, video games, television because if you didn't have distractions you had no excuse not to study. My mom also believed that we were expect to always do our best. If you struggled in Math and only got a C that was ok since she would usually know what we were good at and not. However, gifted in English and only make a C your grounded. The system worked for my family.

We usually got time outs for things like fighting, bad language, disrupting others or things like that.

 

[RainbowBrite]

For goodness sake. That is why there are so many undisciplined children these days.

 

[Andtototoo]

For goodness sake. That is why there are so many undisciplined children these days.

There are so many undisciplined children these days because parents don't want to do the actual WORK of parenting which necessitates being the bad guy sometimes, being persistent and consistent (i.e. being self aware and thoughtful in your parenting), being willing to set boundaries and stick to them, teaching your kid (which involves letting them fail and living with it), because they're afraid of the kid being mad at them.

I am regularly shocked at how people let their kids talk to them or treat them. I've lost count of the number of parents I've known who let their kids bite and hit and kick them or scream at them with no correction or consequences. No respect. And if your kid doesn't respect you, they're not going to respect anyone else.

 

[U2_rocks!]

There are so many undisciplined children these days because parents don't want to do the actual WORK of parenting which necessitates being the bad guy sometimes, being persistent and consistent (i.e. being self aware and thoughtful in your parenting), being willing to set boundaries and stick to them, teaching your kid (which involves letting them fail and living with it), because they're afraid of the kid being mad at them.

I am regularly shocked at how people let their kids talk to them or treat them. I've lost count of the number of parents I've known who let their kids bite and hit and kick them or scream at them with no correction, on consequences. No respect. And if your kid doesn't respect you, they're not going to respect anyone else.

 

[eliza61]

and yet another reason why I absolutely don't listen to one word any of these "gurus" supposedly say.

I don't do time outs so no horse in this race but I wish I had a dollar for every thing that is so called "bad" for children's development and their poor little psychy's oh poor baby, he can't handle isolation or rejection. it's toooo much for their little minds. waaaaaaa.

Sorry I hate these people with a passion, they don't know the first flipping thing about anything besides pushing their books and making new parents feel like crap if they dare to discipline their kids.

Personally I vote to put all the authors of these "studies" on a slow boat to china and keep them in isolation.

 

[usnuzuloose]

I find that a few swats on the behind is not a bad thing. Kids need to know there are limits and that the parents are in control not the child. As they get older the means of discipline change.

Leaving marks on your children is abuse. Time outs are good as well, as not everything made need a swat on the backside.

 

[Arielle22]

When my DDs were young I used to tell them they had a time out and had to think about why their behavior was wrong.

One day my older DD (about 7 at the time) went to her room yelling "I will go to time out but I won't think about what I did"! Still cracks me up thinking about it.

I think children need to know that behavior has consequences. A parent will always love a child but may not like a child's actions. That is what I used to tell my girls.

I am not sure where the idea came from that children need to get through childhood without ever suffering disappointment or feeling upset. It seems we are supposed to have them arrive at adulthood with only blissful thoughts and the idea that they are the most important person in the world.

I preferred to prepare my girls for reality.

 

[jenm2878]

My son is only 2 1/2, but time out seems to work pretty well for him. Usually if he's revved up enough to be getting in trouble, time out gives him the time he needs to calm down so we can explain why he shouldn't do x thing. Other times it's more effective to take something away from him. It all depends on the situation.

 

[HM]

Time out worked with my son. It did not for my daughter. She would not stay where she was put. I can't remember how we ended up handling her bad behavior....maybe took things away from her?