Airplane tickets???

[ShayBells]

Very wise advise! Is it possible to go without your son to the wedding, then meet up at Disney? No friends you trust that want to go to Disney too?

Don't have any family in my area and no friends that have the time or money. Or I would leave him behind a couple days.

And I understand the cheerful heart. And I understand this is my sisters wedding her choice. I'm not blaming her and there's no one to be mad at me really seeing how she only invited me my mom and my dad no other family.

So it is what it is. Thanks for the advice but the only one who would be mad was my mom and maybe my sister not sure about that one.

But I'll probably go and than spend a few days at disney. I'm sure she'd understand that because they are gonna be drinking all weekend before the wedding. And I can't with a four year old so there's nothing to be mad at because of that haha

More than likely I'll go but either way thank you all for the advice. :

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[ruadisneyfan2]

I just don't understand this...if people want to plan and have a destination wedding, they need to realize that many friends/family can't/won't attend. There is no reason to be mad.

I agree. When our kids were small my BIL (dh's brother) was remarried at some adult-only resort in Jamaica. Dh didn't even ask me if I'd be interested; just told his db that we wouldn't be able to travel to a place where our kids can't come too.
Personally, I didn't mind having kids at our wedding & reception. I did request to our best man & bridesmaid (married to each other & their son was our RB) that they didn't bring their dd4 to the ceremony since her parents & brother were all in the wedding. I thought she'd make a scene or want to be up there too. Looking back now with mom-eyes, I think that's silly. Why would I care if she stood up there too? lol! It seemed so important at the time that everything be perfect.

So OP, if it's just you, your parents & your ds4 that's invited, who will be at the reception? It seems so small & informal to be age-restrictive.
I think she has you jumping through a lot of hoops (& spending a lot of money) for you to spend an hour with your family when she didn't even want you there in the first place. jmho.

Also depending where you are in PA, Baltimore may be a good alternative. I've often considered flying SWA from BWI as they consistently have cheaper fares than flying from Philly and more non-stops. Somehow we haven't come to that yet. Philly is 25 mins & BWI is 2 hrs for us so it would have to be big savings.
Just saying, it may be worth looking into.

 

[ShayBells]

I agree. When our kids were small my BIL (dh's brother) was remarried at some adult-only resort in Jamaica. Dh didn't even ask me if I'd be interested; just told his db that we wouldn't be able to travel to a place where our kids can't come too. Personally, I didn't mind having kids at our wedding & reception. I did request to our best man & bridesmaid (married to each other & their son was our RB) that they didn't bring their dd4 to the ceremony since her parents & brother were all in the wedding. I thought she'd make a scene or want to be up there too. Looking back now with mom-eyes, I think that's silly. Why would I care if she stood up there too? lol! It seemed so important at the time that everything be perfect. So OP, if it's just you, your parents & your ds4 that's invited, who will be at the reception? It seems so small & informal to be age-restrictive. I think she has you jumping through a lot of hoops (& spending a lot of money) for you to spend an hour with your family when she didn't even want you there in the first place. jmho. Also depending where you are in PA, Baltimore may be a good alternative. I've often considered flying SWA from BWI as they consistently have cheaper fares than flying from Philly and more non-stops. Somehow we haven't come to that yet. Philly is 25 mins & BWI is 2 hrs for us so it would have to be big savings. Just saying, it may be worth looking into.

She's got a lot of friends. And my not sure about her fiancé a family but I know she said no kids to everyone they invited. And the reception she wants in a bar.

I've never thought about Baltimore. I'll have to see how far away from it I am. I'm central PA. I'm a little over two hours from Pittsburgh but I hate Pittsburgh lol. I hate driving through it and the airport. I just liked Dulles better. I'm three hours from there so the extra hour was always worth it to stay out of Pittsburgh. But I'll look up Baltimore and see the price differences thanks! .

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[lauradis]

Don't have any family in my area and no friends that have the time or money. Or I would leave him behind a couple days.

And I understand the cheerful heart. And I understand this is my sisters wedding her choice. I'm not blaming her and there's no one to be mad at me really seeing how she only invited me my mom and my dad no other family.

So it is what it is. Thanks for the advice but the only one who would be mad was my mom and maybe my sister not sure about that one.

But I'll probably go and than spend a few days at disney. I'm sure she'd understand that because they are gonna be drinking all weekend before the wedding. And I can't with a four year old so there's nothing to be mad at because of that haha

More than likely I'll go but either way thank you all for the advice. :

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Personally I think its a crappy thing to do to her nephew and you too. So for what its worth I'm sorry she has put you in this situation

 

[ready123go]

Shay-

Are you sure you do want 4 nights in KW? I found a great deal on a timeshare condo rental on Ebay. Hyatt Windward Pointe.

(bargain for 4 nights, not so much a bargain for 2 nights)

 

[ShayBells]

Shay- Are you sure you do want 4 nights in KW? I found a great deal on a timeshare condo rental on Ebay. Hyatt Windward Pointe. (bargain for 4 nights, not so much a bargain for 2 nights)

Wow that looks so pretty but no lol. If I did that there would be no disney and we all know what's important here haha.

My mom is gonna stay in whatever hotel my sister stays in. I'll stay in her room so no fees for me

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[ShayBells]

Personally I think its a crappy thing to do to her nephew and you too. So for what its worth I'm sorry she has put you in this situation

I was real mad at first but I had to realize it's her wedding her choice. Thanks for the sympathies though. It's nice to know people realize I'm in a tough situation and I'm not trying to be a *****. :

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[ready123go]

Wow that looks so pretty but no lol. If I did that there would be no disney and we all know what's important here haha.

My mom is gonna stay in whatever hotel my sister stays in. I'll stay in her room so no fees for me

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[hops&dreams]

Op- did you see this resort pkg offer? Might save you some on the wdw part of your trip?
https://www.facebook.com/WaltDisneyWorld/posts/10152027653523274:0

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards. past trips: Jan 2010 at WL- our magical first trip, Feb 2012 at WL- our escape from the SuperBowl

 

[ShayBells]

Op- did you see this resort pkg offer? Might save you some on the wdw part of your trip? https://www.facebook.com/WaltDisneyWorld/posts/10152027653523274:0 Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards. past trips: Jan 2010 at WL- our magical first trip, Feb 2012 at WL- our escape from the SuperBowl

Wow! That actually sounds like a good deal but it only goes until March.

And my sister just texted me. She changed her mind. Now DS isn't allowed at the wedding at all. So. I have no clue what to do now.

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[disneymagicgirl]

Wow! That actually sounds like a good deal but it only goes until March.

And my sister just texted me. She changed her mind. Now DS isn't allowed at the wedding at all. So. I have no clue what to do now.

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WHAT!? OP, just take your son on a vacation and forget the wedding! I cannot believe she would text you and say that. She is the one that will regret it someday. Just go on vacation and have fun.

 

[ShayBells]

WHAT!? OP, just take your son on a vacation and forget the wedding! I cannot believe she would text you and say that. She is the one that will regret it someday. Just go on vacation and have fun.

I'm seriously considering that. While everyone is at the "adult" wedding. I'll be over at disney having fun. It sounds great.

But I just feel awful not going but dang. I don't know what else to do. I don't have anyone to leave him with and my sister said to bring someone along to watch him. And one I think that's so rude and two no one I know can afford it.

I think I might for now just put it out of my head and deal with it after the holidays.

Thanks everyone again for all your ideas an support. It means a lot to me!!

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[meajuly5]

Almost sounds like your sister is making it impossible for you to go. Is it possible that she would rather you not attend for some reason? I can certainly understand you wanting to be there but at this point, I would tell her you love her, wish her well, and tell you you are looking forward to seeing her beautiful photos but that you can not leave your son behind or bring someone to watch him

 

[ShayBells]

Almost sounds like your sister is making it impossible for you to go. Is it possible that she would rather you not attend for some reason? I can certainly understand you wanting to be there but at this point, I would tell her you love her, wish her well, and tell you you are looking forward to seeing her beautiful photos but that you can not leave your son behind or bring someone to watch him

It does sound like that but every time I even mention not going she gets all pissy. The one time she started crying. She doesn't know what she wants lol.

She is just the type of person that has always got her way an shes not a mom so she doesn't understand my side of it. She thinks it should be easy to just leave him with anyone or that I have tons of money lying around to pay for some one else to come.

But the way things are looking she's just gonna have to get over it.

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[Marionnette]

It does sound like that but every time I even mention not going she gets all pissy. The one time she started crying. She doesn't know what she wants lol.

She is just the type of person that has always got her way an shes not a mom so she doesn't understand my side of it. She thinks it should be easy to just leave him with anyone or that I have tons of money lying around to pay for some one else to come.

But the way things are looking she's just gonna have to get over it.

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Lay the cards on the table for her and the rest of your family who choose to make it their business.

1. You cannot leave your son behind in order to attend the wedding. So if you go, he will be with you.
   
2. You cannot attend the ceremony if he is not welcome as well. There will be no one to watch him while you do and he is too young to be alone.
   
3. You cannot afford to pay the cost of another person coming with you to act as a nanny to your son. And none of your friends are going to pay for the privilege of traveling to Key West so that they can babysit.

Let them all know that when you became a mother, you became a package deal. If they want you there badly enough, they will make it easier for you to attend. If they have very concrete rules about the wedding and reception that specifically exclude children, they will have to celebrate without you in attendance.

Sorry, but your sister is acting like a Bridezilla.

 

[ShayBells]

Lay the cards on the table for her and the rest of your family who choose to make it their business. [*]You cannot leave your son behind in order to attend the wedding. So if you go, he will be with you. [*]You cannot attend the ceremony if he is not welcome as well. There will be no one to watch him while you do and he is too young to be alone. [*]You cannot afford to pay the cost of another person coming with you to act as a nanny to your son. And none of your friends are going to pay for the privilege of traveling to Key West so that they can babysit. Let them all know that when you became a mother, you became a package deal. If they want you there badly enough, they will make it easier for you to attend. If they have very concrete rules about the wedding and reception that specifically exclude children, they will have to celebrate without you in attendance. Sorry, but your sister is acting like a Bridezilla.

I like the package deal comment. That's a good one! The last thing she said to me was that we'd talk about it after Christmas. So well see but unless she changes her mind. There's nothing I can do. I'm gonna let go and let God. No more worries.

And she is haha

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[OrangeCountyCommuter]

I have seen the other side. We had a family wedding that specifically excluded kids because my 20 plus year younger cousin was so ill mannered we knew it would be a scene. And her parents would have expected the entire wedding to accommodate the brat's behavior. They did threaten not to come and everyone was fine with that. Sadly the bride also had to exclude all kids so well behaved kids missed the event too.

 

[ready123go]

I like the "package deal" approach, too. I often phrase it in the "I would love to" approach. Using Marionnette's points here:

"I would love to come, but I cannot leave DS behind in order to attend the wedding. So if I go, he will be with me."
"I would love to attend the ceremony, but I cannot if he is not welcome as well. There will be no one to watch him while I do and he is too young to be alone."
"I would love to be able to, but I cannot afford to pay the cost of another person coming with me to act as a nanny to DS. And none of my friends are going to pay for the privilege of traveling to Key West so that they can babysit"

It softens the delivery somewhat, but it might get the point through. In addition to what Marionnette has said, I back it up with the "what would you like me do to" or the "think it through" approach. It works like this: After making the above points, when I am being pressured, I ask the offending party in a matter-of-fact tone, "Where would I leave DS" or "Who would watch DS" or "How would this work with DS" or "and use what money for rent"? Or something to that effect. If they keep insisting I go, I don't let them wiggle out of an answer, make them come back to the question(s).

It has been shockingly effective for me. It often makes people stop and reason through my position. The important point here is to ask in as "matter-of-fact" tone as possible.

I recommend practicing frequently until Christmas...

 

[ready123go]

It does sound like that but every time I even mention not going she gets all pissy. The one time she started crying. She doesn't know what she wants lol.

She is just the type of person that has always got her way an shes not a mom so she doesn't understand my side of it. She thinks it should be easy to just leave him with anyone or that I have tons of money lying around to pay for some one else to come.

But the way things are looking she's just gonna have to get over it.

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I am still surprised be the number of people who assume I can afford all kinds of things for them that I would rarely, barely or never afford for myself.

In my book, one of the best teachers for dealing with unpleasant and demanding people is Cesar Milan. That's right - "Dog Whisperer". Just watch they way he handles protesting dogs -he doesn't let them get their way. He's calm and assertive. Another one is "Super Nanny". Now, she knows how to deal with tantrums!

When people kick up a fuss I just think "What would Cesar (or SN) do?"

 

[ShayBells]

I am still surprised be the number of people who assume I can afford all kinds of things for them that I would rarely, barely or never afford for myself. In my book, one of the best teachers for dealing with unpleasant and demanding people is Cesar Milan. That's right - "Dog Whisperer". Just watch they way he handles protesting dogs -he doesn't let them get their way. He's calm and assertive. Another one is "Super Nanny". Now, she knows how to deal with tantrums! When people kick up a fuss I just think "What would Cesar (or SN) do?"

Omg! I watched super nanny once and I was so astounded by her patience. I have none and here we is with buckets. Sure I'm gonna sit with my very very stubborn little boy in timeout ALL day long. Lol.

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