agree to disagree? gray areas everywhere

[jodifla]

Not directed at anyone in particular, but people in general. If a husband missing a few non paid days off from work is going to cause financial hardships, and cause child care problems, maybe having children should have been better thought out.

I agree as well. We waited a long time...until we were financially secure...before we took the step of having children.

But there's been more than one thread where people admit that they didn't put any though at all into the costs of having kids! They had no idea of what childcare costs, and hadn't sat down and budgeted before they started having children.

 

[wtrmlnlabs]

I did not read all the replies, some are getting quite nasty and all, but had to put in my two cents on one thing:

The difference with the SAHM and the working mom is that when you are working you ALREADY have child care for the day set up. Not that it won't be a financial hardship if you lose that check vs SAHM losing money having to pay a sitter or spouse staying at home, but the real issue is finding the care. As others have stated, some areas make that difficult. Here, if you don't do daycare all the time, you don't get in. No one day services. I myself have family and friends to lean on if I were called, but I can see maybe some don't... not the issue. I am just hoping to calm some working moms anger of SAHM feeling they are better or more important. I see how that's what it seems but to me it's more the fact that you already have plans if you are working, not necessarily so if you stay at home.

Oh, and after glancing above this, going on vacation, having a mommy day, these are are things that can be planned AROUND work or vacation days taken off, jury duty comes up whenever it wants! I agree, you should have an emergency plan, but these things don't mean the person has one.

 

[Michelle and crew]

lol, wtrmlnlabs, is your name really watermelon labs, or are the stupid migraine meds making me see things? That is so cute!

 

[wtrmlnlabs]

lol, wtrmlnlabs, is your name really watermelon labs, or are the stupid migraine meds making me see things? That is so cute!

yeah kitchen decorated in watermelons. LOVE the colors, and we have labs, (used to breed them) DH came up with the name combo

 

[Michelle and crew]

yeah kitchen decorated in watermelons. LOVE the colors, and we have labs, (used to breed them) DH came up with the name combo

What fun. I love a good name. We have a foster lab right now, and she is a doll baby.

Now you all can go back to saying people shouldn't have had kids, etc. We'll ignore the fact that circumstances change, and even with solid planning all hell can break lose. I'm pretty sure some of you believe that you are prepared for everything, which is nice for you. I hope it is never challenged.

 

[Swimalie]

Jury duty aside, I think it's a poor idea to have NO backup plan whatsoever for your children's care.

Suppose you become sick? Suppose you're sick enough that you need to be in the hospital? Suppose your husband is getting an award at an adults-only evening event (I use that example because it happened to us -- and the award ceremony was on the other side of the country)? Suppose you need to visit your lawyer, accountant, gynocologist, whatever, and it's really better not to take the kids to that appointment? Suppose you want to take one child out somewhere for a special "just me and mom" day? At some point ALL OF US have some sort of need to get out of the house and do some really important task.

If you don't have relatives whom you can trust for a day's childcare, it's really in your best interest to seek out like-minded friends with whom you can exchange the occasional day of child care.

I'm not saying that this is something that you should use all the time, or even something that you should absolutely love. But at some point we all have a need to do some adult chore, and it's better to have that back-up plan in mind before an emergency happens.

Again, people are taking about 1 day or situations involving a few hours. With jury duty you have to plan to be gone for up to weeks. What you mentioned above - doctor's appointment, special date, awards evening, etc involve more than a few hours and can be planned way ahead of time.

A day is no big deal for most stay at home moms that I know. But weeks? That would be hard on any one, yet alone a stay at home mom to find someone to watch their child unless they have a family member around (which I don't) or day care they have contracted with (which I don't).

 

[allison443]

Again, people are taking about 1 day or situations involving a few hours. With jury duty you have to plan to be gone for up to weeks. None of what you mentioned above - doctor's appointment, special date, awards evening, etc involve more than a few hours.

A day is no big deal for most stay at home moms that I know. But weeks? That would be hard on any one, yet alone a stay at home mom to find someone to watch their child unless they have a family member around (which I don't) or day care they have contracted with (which I don't).

I agree that if it was a few weeks it would be much more difficult. However, there were posters here who said they couldn't get someone for ONE day to even go to the court on their summoned day and explain it to the judge. They would go with their kids in tow, etc. I think that is what seems unreasonable to many other posters. It sounds like we agree on that one day should hopefully be no big deal. Inconvenient, sure, but doable.

The times I have had jury duty the courts were very reasonable. If someone showed up and respectfully explained their hardships they were excused. Some people here do have extenuating circumstances why they couldn't serve on a lengthy trial, and I have found the courts take that into account.

 

[kelly1218]

you know...if you have a felony or misdomeaner on your record...you don't have to serve

 

[allison443]

Just wanted to add, I got summoned once when my kids were younger, I was working an hour away from home and my babysitter was near my work. The courthouse was 45 minutes in the other direction. Also I normally got my school aged kids from school in the afternoon, but I wouldn't be done with jury duty in time for that. I also only got paid if I worked. It was very inconvenient even though I was working, not a sahm at the time.
I found the court very understanding of people's situations but it went much more smoothly if people were respectful. Having worked in the court system I have found they tend to not like being disrespected.

 

[Swimalie]

you know...if you have a felony or misdomeaner on your record...you don't have to serve

Traffic tickets don't count as misdemeanors.

 

[kelly1218]

Traffic tickets don't count as misdemeanors.

no....but a criminal mischief charge from senior year of high school does.

And actually...I've never had a traffic ticket. I can still point that out to my husband....oh...and he's the one with the record. I was a good girl

 

[Swimalie]

no....but a criminal mischief charge from senior year of high school does.

Well.. do tell. As a probation officer and a victim advocate, I've heard them all.

 

[jodifla]

I agree that if it was a few weeks it would be much more difficult. However, there were posters here who said they couldn't get someone for ONE day to even go to the court on their summoned day and explain it to the judge. They would go with their kids in tow, etc. I think that is what seems unreasonable to many other posters. It sounds like we agree on that one day should hopefully be no big deal. Inconvenient, sure, but doable.

The times I have had jury duty the courts were very reasonable. If someone showed up and respectfully explained their hardships they were excused. Some people here do have extenuating circumstances why they couldn't serve on a lengthy trial, and I have found the courts take that into account.

And most trials are one or two days, not the weeks long events we see on TV. Almost EVERY adult who isn't retired is going to have hardship with a trial lasting weeks.

I think I got called for jury 4 times while we lived in the Fort Lauderdale area, about 20 years. Twice I just sat in the big room all day, reading, then was excused, once I got picked for a trial that was about 4 days long, and the last time I was excused because pregnancy and having young kids were legitimate excuses at that court, and I was pregnant at the time.

 

[kelly1218]

Well.. do tell. As a probation officer and a victim advocate, I've heard them all.

It was DH and a group of friends.....they climbed up on top of the old Eagles Practice dome....I guess at 3am it was a good idea?

Ironically....he works in a government job...has all kinds of security clearances.... yet still can't do jury duty because of that old charge. At least in our county I guess I should say. Maybe not all counties/States are the same?

 

[Swimalie]

It was DH and a group of friends.....they climbed up on top of the old Eagles Practice dome....I guess at 3am it was a good idea?

Ironically....he works in a government job...has all kinds of security clearances.... yet still can't do jury duty because of that old charge. At least in our county I guess I should say. Maybe not all counties/States are the same?

Interesting. My husband also works for the government and has top security clearance but no good stories from his past. heehee

 

[kelly1218]

Interesting. My husband also works for the government and has top security clearance but no good stories from his past. heehee

We blame his older brother

 

[Marionnette]

I received jury duty notice, and sent in my regular excuse--non-employed, caring for 3 small children. I was told by the clerk that this is not an excuse in federal court. I am awaiting response to a letter I sent to court, explaining that my baby is receiving services for developmental delays and a parent (not a babysitter) must be present for the instructors to come to our home.

If I go, DH will have to take the day off of work (we're living on one income), and if I get chosen to serve, it will cost me a lot for childcare! Anyone ever experience this, and any advice?

Please note: I do believe in jury duty and will gladly serve--when my youngest is in school full time!

I dont think that someone who is the sole caretaker of a special needs child is playing the mamma card. But that might not be an acceptable excuse when the federal government is concerned. Ive found that local courts are much more lenient when it comes to making exceptions than the federal courts are. My aunt was called to serve on a federal grand jury and it meant months of service (not daily). There was no excuse for not appearing on the first day. The judge heard there excuses then. She was seventy three at the time and not in the best of health. Yet she was compelled to serve and had to schedule all of her doctors appointments around the court dates. I wish you luck but dont be surprised if they only defer your service for a couple months in order to allow you to make the appropriate arrangements.

 

[surfgirl]

Just like it is okay to take an older boy into the girl's bathroom but not the other way around. That is still how this society works.

I know, I'm waaaaaaay OT... but huge difference here called STALLS.

Boys can go into the ladies w/o seeing any anatomy. Girls can't go into the men's w/o seeing a trough/urinal and someone using it.


ok. back to regularly scheduled arguing.

 

[Michelle and crew]

I know, I'm waaaaaaay OT... but huge difference here called STALLS.

Boys can go into the ladies w/o seeing any anatomy. Girls can't go into the men's w/o seeing a trough/urinal and someone using it.


ok. back to regularly scheduled arguing.

Seeing a person's privates isn't about sexism. If you don't care that you daughter might see a person's junk, take her in. Last I noticed you see basically nothing anyway. it isn't as though they are in their flailing them about!

It is an analogy that doesn't work.

 

[rigs32]

In NY, having a criminal conviction does not automatically get you out of jury duty. And some "traffic tickets" are misdemeanors or felonies - knowingly driving on a suspended or revoked license for one. And you can get jail time on speeding tickets, though I only know of one instance where that happened and it was deserved.