aggravated maid-of-honor

[disgirl88]

I've been lurking these boards for quite some time. I really want to have a disney wedding when I get married. I'm one of those girls that had planned their wedding at 12. haha.

But anyways, the reason that I am posting this is because I don't know if I am being reasonable or not. Ok, my friend is getting married July 4 of this year. She got engaged maybe 6 weeks before the wedding. I forgot to mention she is only 17. I am only 17. She has made me the maid of honor. She knows that I don't have a job and that all my money comes from my parents. My parents just finished paying for parts of my brothers wedding that was in May so they aren't loaded right now (to say the least.) She practically put it upon me to host the bridal shower. She knows I don't have a lot of money right now. I paid for everything for the shower. Just that, completly broke me. I didn't get her a present for the shower because I figured she would understand about me not having any money 2. I mean come on the freaking bridal shower was enough for a 17 yo. Later in the shower, she said something about me not getting her a present. I was nice and didn't say anything. But was *fuming* inside. After she opened her presents she is like "you should get my my place settings on my registry." I was like what the h**???? You are telling me what to get you??? Now, I am planning to buy a wedding gift and actually already have. It is from the registry. Oh, she gave me absolutly NO CREDIT for hosting the bridal shower. NONE. nope zilch!!!!! At my brothers wedding the bride thoughtfully sent a check to curb the costs for the bridesmaid dress as well. Of course, I didn't use it but it was a nice thought. What does this bride do?? Nothing!! She expects me to pay for the dumb thing right here and now. Ugh. One more thing, she doesn't have a freaking drivers license so she EXPECTS me to choeffur(sp?) her around. Keep in mind we live in a small town and the closest city is one hour away. She tells me I am driving her. I have to pay the gas money. She doesn't even offer. SORRY IM JUST VENTING!!!!!! This wedding came at a terrible time. I am almost just thinking she put me in this position because I am a trustworthy person and she can use me!!!!!

SOrry this is incredibly long. Do you think that I'm overreacting?

 

[Rustyflwr3]

Hello!

Im really sorry that the bride is treating you like this. I think that's terrible. You were a really great person for the shower. I dont know what to tell you except that you may need to stand up for yourself! I know I have a problem standing up for myself a lot of times, but after I actually do once in a while, I feel much better. On the other hand, her wedding is almost here, and it will be over with sooner then you think! Good Luck!

 

[Laurafoster]

I agree, i know she is obviously stressed with the wedding but turning into a bridezilla is not good. I would sit her sown and explain that you are not made of money and whilst your happy to help her out there has to be some boundaries!

 

[marjie8230]

I agree with the other posters. You have a right to be upset. At a time when there is nothing going on you need to explain in a non-confrontational way that you are unable to go to your parents for money and that you cannot afford to pay for the things she expects of you. Explain how much your friendship means to you and make her feel like the most important person in the world but that you simply don't have the money.

I don't know what her deal is as to why she is getting married at 17 but I expect there may be something going on. She is probably under a lot of pressure to have everything else just perfect, and maybe she's a bit spoiled. Sit her down and explain your situation. She has no way of understanding how upset you are until you do.

This may sound like a bible-thumper but say a prayer before you speak with her. He will guide your thoughts and your heart and protect you from anything hurtful she may say to you. God knows your heart and if you perform all things with love in mind you will be protected and uplifted.

Good luck with all this weight you have to carry. I will pray for you personally that you possess the maturity to carry yourself in a friendly way.

By the way, it wasn't that long ago that I was young like you, oh, wait, it was totally long ago - my memory is failing me these days with the dementia and all.

Good luck to you with all of this and I hope YOUR wedding is beautiful when you marry your future best friend, Prince Charming.

 

[dee slack]

Oh you poor thing - sounds like she's taking your friendship too much for granted. I agree the the others that you really should say something to her - but take a deep breath first, stay calm but firm. Start by saying that the conversation is not easy for you, as your friendship means a lot to you, but that you think that she's asking a bit too much under your circumstances. Explain to her that you are happy to 'help' but not be walked all over. I think if you can remain calm and rational and explain things, if she's a true friend she'll understand.
Good luck!!!

 

[princessblueeyzes]

I would have to agree with everyone here. You need to talk to her and let her know your situation and that you are trying to do everything she wants done but that sometimes it is not possible to do everything and give her everything that she wants.

If I were you I would let her know that your friendship is important but that if she keeps acting the way she has been that you don't feel that you would be able to handel the responsibility of being her maid of honor ( especially since she is using you).

Good luck and I hope you have a better day!

 

[heatherlynn444]

first, of all, IMO, 17 is a bit young to get married. I'm not saying it cannot work, bu the chances are slimmer than if they would wait at least a year or so. also, are there other bridesmaids, or just you? b/c they should have helped with the cost of the shower too. Just like everyone is saying, be upfront with her. if you keep your feelings pent up, they will just get worse and you will get bitter (well, maybe you already are!) it is VERY rude to ask for a gift, I wouldn't dream of doing that. you ahve done plenty, and if she doesn't appreciate it, then she doesn't deserve you as a friend, you are better than her!

don't let her use you as a personal driver either, just say you are busy (I hate lying but say you have something to do b/c that could be anything!)

if I were there I would give her a piece of my mind! at least the wedding is almost here and it will soon be over!

 

[JJClemson]

Oh my goodness! You poor thing. Talk about bridezilla! I cannot believe your friend is treating you this way. I agree with everyone else, you NEED to talk to her. I understand how difficult it can be to stand up to a friend, especially someone like that. However, you cannot let her take advantage of your friendship, which is exactly what she is doing.

Doesn't she have other friends, or a parent, who can drive her around? This should not solely be your responsibility. You need to tell her you cannot afford to keep taking her places. I would hope she would respect your money situation. About the bridal shower, I am so sorry she treated you that way! I cannot believe she demanded a gift and did not thank you for all your hard work. You need to tell her how much that hurt you.

I know she is your close friend, but it sounds like she is using you. Some people do this to their "friends". If your friendship means as much to her as it does to you, hopefully she will understand your side of the story. If she becomes angry when you confront her, you need to take a step back and ask yourself how much you want a friend like that. People who use others are very emotionally draining, and it sounds like this girl is financially draining as well.

I wish you the best of luck in this difficult situation.

 

[disgirl88]

All of you girls made me feel so much better!! I know what you mean about getting married at 17. I would never dream of getting married at 17! I was talking to my parents the other night and they were getting to be a bit upset with the whole situation. They kept telling me that they can't believe her parents are allowing it. I have hinted a few times that I am upset but I don't think she is getting it. I keep telling myself that soon it will come and go. I am afraid if I try to talk to her I will get to angry and then I won't be in the wedding at all and then everything will have gone to waste! The wedding is in less than a week. Oh, is it the duty of a moh to make calls to like the video person? She said she was busy making calls today (i don't think all day) so she asked if I could call these different video people who I have no clue who they are. She wants me to call them at their houses! She doesn't even know if they really video weddings or not. Wahhhh I WILL BE SO HAPPY WHEN IT IS OVER!!!

thank you for all the kind comments they made me feel better.

 

[dznymom3]

You sure are a sweet friend. You seem to have such a caring & giving heart! Here's a big hug for you Hang in there.

 

[Rustyflwr3]

Oh, is it the duty of a moh to make calls to like the video person? She said she was busy making calls today (i don't think all day) so she asked if I could call these different video people who I have no clue who they are. She wants me to call them at their houses! She doesn't even know if they really video weddings or not. Wahhhh I WILL BE SO HAPPY WHEN IT IS OVER!!!

To be honest, I really don't think its your job to be calling vendors! Honestly, what is it with this girl? Is the groom not helping at all?? I know the MOH is responsible for some things, but seriously... You're a good friend and it will all work itself out, but good luck to you!

Just think though...you will have so much practice... by the time you get married, you will be a wedding pro!

Jessica

 

[DaisyLynn]

I have been MOH three times and bridesmaid in more than a few weddings. (Familiar with the saying "always a bridesmaid, never a bride"? Hehe...it'll be my turn soon enough!)

The only things I ever felt responsible for organizing was the shower and the bachelorette party...and that's what I did. Organize and then all the girls would pitch in money for these events. It certainly helps when there are five pocketbooks instead of just one. I've never been expected to call vendors and do any planning of the actual wedding ceremony/reception! I would absolutely talk to you friend about this. Hopefully she will be willing to listen to your concerns and then maybe take a step back and see how she's been acting towards you. If she does, then you should be receiving an apology from her. And if you don't, then maybe you should ask yourself what kind of friend you have. I don't mean to sound harsh, and I'm not sure all of the circumstances and I have no doubt that all involved are stressed at this point. I just like to see things work out for the better! July 4th is almost here. You'll wake up on the 5th with a very large boulder removed from your shoulders...and man, won't that feel great!??!??!!

 

[Stacerita]

You are not over reacting.

You are way to nice. I would have told off that friend a few times over. Very rude of her to tell you that you had to have her shower. A shower is given because someone wants to honor the bride. Not feel obligated to do so. And for her to ask for a gift on top of that. What a brat. I threw my best friend her shower a few months ago. And I did not get her a gift on top of the shower. The shower was my gift. Although, when I went to another shower that was given for her by someone else, I did bring a small gift. Very tacky for her to ask for a gift though and then to tell you what to get her for her wedding.

I suspect she is the reason why there is no one else helping her out by driving and such. She sounds like a complete self centered brat. You shouldn't be expected to drive her around. If you offer thats fine, or if she asks and you agree. But for her to just tell you is wrong. And you shouldn't be calling the vendors. Thats not the job of MOH.

And WTH is a 17 year old getting married for anyways? And to only be engaged for like 6 weeks? Something is out of whack here.

You are being a good friend. I would have let her have it long time ago. Its almost over. Good luck!

 

[Tinkerbellz]

I just wanted to check in to see how you made it through the wedding. Here's hoping it went well,with no additional drama!