After school for middle schoolers?

[Mickey'snewestfan]

My son will be in middle school next year, and will probably attend a new school (either private or public), and we will likely move to a new neighborhood.

One factor in the choice will be the question of aftercare. Up until this point it's been easy, he goes to school and then stays there for aftercare until I pick him up. But many middle schools don't have aftercare. Of course I'm not picking solely based on aftercare, but here are some of the options. DS is 10 1/2 and will be almost 11 1/2 when school starts. He's a pretty sensible, well behaved kid.

1) Stay at his current school and continue to send him to after care, pick him up at the end of the day (note walking home from his school will never be an option due to the neighborhood. This is also my least favorite option academically).

2) Stay in our current neighborhood and go to public magnet school. He'd have to ride the public (not public school, mass transit) but to school, but I could drop him at the bus stop, and then pick him up at school after school. This assumes he gets in, of course.

3) Public school in another area: Would ride the school bus and get dropped off/picked up a few blocks from the house. Would get home up to 3 hours before I did. I would be about 30 to 45 minutes away in case of emergency.

4) Another public school: Walk home (3/4 of a mile) then stay home alone (with dog), for up to 3 hours. I'd be 20 to 30 minutes away in case of emergency.

5) Private school #1: Ride school bus -- I could drive him to bus stop, but he'd have to walk home and be home up to an hour and a half -- 20 to 45 minutes away (note how much of a difference this makes). This is my favorite choice academically.

6) Private school #1, and play afterschool sports: ride shuttle to the subway, and then ride 3 stops alone (with other kids from his school on the same train). I'd met him at the last stop and we could walk home together, or drive home. Or, he could walk home on his own, arriving about the same time I do.

7) Private school #2: Requires a sport every day. Would ride their bus home, walking the last 6 blocks. Getting home about the same time I do.

Which of these did you feel like your child was ready for in middle school? How did they like being home alone? How did you like it? Should I rule any of them out?

 

[JerseyJanice]

I started allowing my son to come home by himself after school when he started 6th grade (11 years old). It's worked out very well for us, but we didn't have all those choices either.

I went back to full-time work half-way through 5th grade. At first, I had him going to a neighbor's house after school, but toward the end of the school year, it seemed that she didn't do much to supervise him. He'd go out with her son and she didn't even know where they were most days, so I thought, "why am I paying her?"

I am very proud of my boy. He's in 8th grade now and has done very well coming home on his own for the past 3 years. We have a big scary-looking dog (see my avatar) and that helps set my mind at ease. Nobody is ever going to break into our house with this beast on guard.

When we started, I got my son his own cell phone and made it a rule that he has to call me on mine when he gets home. Most days, he drops off his stuff, lets the dog out, and has a snack. Then he goes out to play with his friends.

He spent this summer on his own and did just fine. He was signed up for day camps most of it. First was a 6 week basketball camp at the high school and then he had 2 weeks of band camp. He got up and dressed on his own, then walked to camp, picking up his friends along the way.

So, my best suggestion is to get him a cell phone so you can stay in touch. (You already have the dog. ) Good luck with whatever you decide.

 

[shortbun]

My son is in the 8th grade this year. He stayed in an after school/latchkey program for the 1st half of his 6th grade year as we thought middle school was enough of a transition. Then he began taking the bus home, calling DH when he walked in the door and staying home alone for about 1.5 hours every day. He knew to do his homework after his snack and a 15 minute break. In 7th grade he began participating in a sport nearly everyday-practice or games in soccer(fall), basketball(winter) and track(spring). He gets an activity bus home at the end of the sport or one of us meets him. he's never alone at home more than 1.5 hours. We've left him for longer on many occassions and we've never had an issue. I would not feel good about leaving him for 3 hours daily at all, even at age 14 but many of his friends are doing it. We plan our days and our jobs to avoid his being alone for long periods of time. Imho, boredom begets trouble for this age group. My son doesn't have Facebook or MySpace pages either and just got a texting plan last summer-he only texts about 450-500 monthly so he's not into that teen type compulsive communication yet either. I'm greatful for sports; he's an athlete and loves the participation but it would be very difficult for a child who was not competitive or naturally a lover of all things physical. Good luck with your decision.

 

[aprilgail2]

Starting in 6th grade here they don't have any after school programs- The school policy is that by 6th grade they are old enough to go home alone. I would not bother changing schools, I would just let them come home alone.

 

[Mickey'snewestfan]

Starting in 6th grade here they don't have any after school programs- The school policy is that by 6th grade they are old enough to go home alone. I would not bother changing schools, I would just let them come home alone.

Just to clarify, we'd be moving for academic reasons. His current school, which goes through 8th is the only one that does have afterschool, but I'm not happy with it. All the other schools on the list would be new, and all but one would require that we move, either to be "in bounds" (there's actually a state line between us so absolutely no out of bounds options) or because of the logistics of getting him to and fro the private schools.

 

[mum4jenn]

Wherever you decide to send your child...let him come home and stay by himself for that time. It is a great way to start learning to be more grown up. Just set certain rules like no cooking, keep the door locked, etc.

Start getting him adjusted by leaving him at home while you go shopping. Start with about 1/2 hour times and then build up to longer times. If he is scared or breaks the rule then find another option.