after reading some threads about picky eaters in a family...

[mjbaby]

Our family guideline is that you (including adults! my husband and I try to set a good example in this way) must try everything on the table before seconds of whatever you like are available. If you choose not to eat that bite/taste of Food X then there will be no seconds. No one has to eat - there's no forcing - but my feeling is that if my children aren't so hungry that they can't work their ways through the taste of whatever food is in question then they're not really all that hungry. They can leave the table (or stay and chat with us, whichever) and the meal is over for them. They'll be another before too long and no one will starve during the wait.

Along those lines, the meal is the meal. Anyone can elect not to eat but no special items will be made. Absent certain medical conditions, missing a meal in the pursuit of an important life lesson will hurt few of us.

When I plan meals I make a point not to make entire meals that I know any given one of us doesn't like and I will ask for special requests for the meal plan all the time. In this way, my husband has learned to like eggplant and I can stomach BBQ. I think our method has paid off for us - my kids eat spinach, kale, okra, foods from all over the world, and we can take them anywhere without embarrassing them or our hosts with ridiculous food demands since they're quite good at eating small amounts of even things they don't like without making a stink about it.

 

[brymolmom]

AMEN! I also have a very picky eater and a younger child that will eat anything. It is so much more about personality than parenting. My cautious eater is cautious about everything in life. He thinks things through and isn't impulsive. My brave eater is totally fearless about other things in life, too. She will try anything and definitely does NOT thinks things through before trying them. (This translates to bravery at Disney parks, too!)

Not everything our kids do is due to parenting.

While I am a picky eater (extremely so when a child) and I have 1 (out of 2) picky eaters...I will agree with this to a point only. Yes, some is genetics but I have seen (and done on occassion myself) a lot of parenting that goes into kids' diets. I have friends who will bring a PB&J to every dinner outside the home at others' houses for their child (who by the way has no medical allergies or other concerns). I'm pretty sure that child will forever be picky.

It is much more difficult, I agree wholeheartedly, to parent meals for a picky eater vs. one who was born eating lots of different things. But it is similar, IMO, to being more difficult to parent (ie: dicipline) a child who is born more 'spirited' than one who is naturally quiet and obedient. It is more difficult parenting, but it is still parenting that should, IMO, and needs to be done.

Offering lots of healthy options, not giving in to whatever their taste is on that particular day and making their own meal, not allowing sweets or juice or snacks to put them in a position to being hungry enough to eat what is in front of them - not all fun things, but often necessary.

I might sound like I put brussel sprouts and liver on the kids' plates every night, but no - you also have to be reasonable. No separate meals in this house - but if dd doesn't want the broiled fish we're having (which, BTW, she IS learning to like with time) she can fill up on the strawberries, cucumbers, broccoli and cheese, corn and other healthy options on the table - and she can have a 2nd roll after she has had her 2 - 3 mandatory bites of whatever she doesn't like or hasn't tried before.

She is way, WAY better than I was at her age now. She likes some CHinese foods, tacos are her favorite and she will eat pork chops and some grilled chicken (but isn't thrilled about it usually). Breakfasts are tough. Here was a GIANT parenting mistake I made that I am still paying for. I should never have had sugar cereals in teh house - EVER. The only reason they are here is that since I'm a picky eater too - they're the only thing I will eat. But live and learn - I should never have allowed it. It is difficult to find healthy breakfasts she will eat and since we're usually in a hurry to get out the door to the sitter's - it makes it even more difficult. But we're trying. I do make her have oatmeal once a week at least - working on getting that up to 2.

So I think that some of it is 'nature' but definitely a lot of it too is 'nuture'.

 

[2disneyboys]

I'm guessing my "power trip" works as well - my youngest (similar to a pp) will eat a napkin if it had gravy on it, and ask for seconds! My older has 1 or 2 "odd" things he doesn't like (lucky for him nobody else that lives here does either so its never served.)

Regardless, my kids will say they "hate" something once before they realize that all future comments about their food will be polite and they'll really "try" new foods by eating the small amount given to them w/o passing judgement until its gone. And even then that judgement will be "polite".

I see firsthand (through relatives) how coddling your kids (with regards to food choices) can really limit them in the future. I would never make my kids a "special" meal outside of whats being served.

I'm sure it would be harder if I served things like Liver & Onions but there's not a whole lot of "dislike" happening in my house that serves meat/potatoes/pasta and other "basic" foods 99% of the time. "Taco night" is about as wild as we get

I agree totally with this. I have several nieces/nephews that are the decision makers in thier family (Mine have a voice, but ultimately, decision is mine & dh's) and I tell you, it's PITIFUL to see a 17 year old child (or are they adults then? I forget ) have to cut up her green beans into TINY pieces and swallow them like a pill with Milk just to get 3 greenbeans down or the one who has to cover EVERYTHING in ketchup (and i do mean COVER).. yuck

 

[disneyfan2kids]

... it's PITIFUL to see a 17 year old child (or are they adults then? I forget ) have to cut up her green beans into TINY pieces and swallow them like a pill with Milk just to get 3 greenbeans down or the one who has to cover EVERYTHING in ketchup (and i do mean COVER).. yuck

ETA: I have a few similar relatives PLUS a 30-something year old man who still goes meals at others houses and expects a separate meal made for him because he dislikes anything with spices. He'll actually ask "did you make me something special?" and gets surprised when I say "No."

This is the same 30 year old that still goes over his mom's house every night for dinner and she STILL makes him a "special" plate. He's still single...whodathunkit?!

 

[daddyof2]

Sorry, but that is just sick. I don't have picky eaters, I have one that I have to work around because he is very sensitive to dairy, (he throw up after screaming for 2 hours) is I really don't allow for being picky. That being said, I don't like the word hate and tell my kids no to use it, but I would never put more on a plate just because they said they hated it, sorry buy that is just cruel. I am sure you have things that you don't like and maybe even hate.

I can assure you that I hate fennel, and if you tried to make my eat more of anything with fennel in it, I think I would through it in your face. Sound like a power trip to me.

I dont think it is a power trip

I think HATE is a very strong word and should NOT be used very often

I think people OVER exagerate things and she is teaching her children to not over dramatize things

I dislike sausage

so if I said I hate it and got more and my sister next to me said I dont like these carrots and didnt get more next time I would say I didnt like it


and Im sure it is a well known rule in that house that HATE should not be used lightly

 

[disneyfan2kids]

I dont think it is a power trip

I think HATE is a very strong word and should NOT be used very often

I think people OVER exagerate things and she is teaching her children to not over dramatize things

I dislike sausage

so if I said I hate it and got more and my sister next to me said I dont like these carrots and didnt get more next time I would say I didnt like it


and Im sure it is a well known rule in that house that HATE should not be used lightly

Thanks - You said it much better than I did!

 

[mhsjax]

I'm guessing my "power trip" works as well - my youngest (similar to a pp) will eat a napkin if it had gravy on it, and ask for seconds! My older has 1 or 2 "odd" things he doesn't like (lucky for him nobody else that lives here does either so its never served.)

Regardless, my kids will say they "hate" something once before they realize that all future comments about their food will be polite and they'll really "try" new foods by eating the small amount given to them w/o passing judgement until its gone. And even then that judgement will be "polite".

I see firsthand (through relatives) how coddling your kids (with regards to food choices) can really limit them in the future. I would never make my kids a "special" meal outside of whats being served.

I'm sure it would be harder if I served things like Liver & Onions but there's not a whole lot of "dislike" happening in my house that serves meat/potatoes/pasta and other "basic" foods 99% of the time. "Taco night" is about as wild as we get

I agree with you on the word "hate" and no they shouldn't say it. I just don't, IMHO ,see how giving them more of that particular item would work in my house. For my kids it would be with holding bread until they ate a least a portion of the item that they claimed they "hated". Then they would get it, total bread eaters here. I would absolutely tell them that the work hate isn't appropriate at all. Just simply say "i don't care for it, thank you" all is good.

Speaking of tacos, I have to go, that is dinner tonight and I need the shells.

 

[disfan07]

I think there is a difference between a kid being picky because they truly dont like something and being picky because their parents cater to them and allow it.

I think that if a child has at least tried different foods and after many tries ( like a pp said, it usually takes about 18 introductions of a new food) and they STILL dont like it, I consider that to be just different tastes.

But baring any medical issue, I am sick of hearing about the kids who will only eat chicken nuggets, or pizza, or french fries. Much of that is teh parents catering to the child and not wanting to deal with a kid not eating something, etc.

We saw it all the time at preschool. We had 2 snack times/day. once during preschool and once after naptime. We always had healthy snacks that inlcuded fruits and/or veggies. We had kids who never had fruits or veggies in their lunches and when we would mention it to the parents, they claimed that their child wouldnt eat anything besides peanut butter sandwiches, chicken nuggets and pudding. Amazingly, they would eat the snack at preschool. Snack was usually something like cheeze-its and a veggie or crackers and a fruit, etc. So at snack time, we would give them a few crackers and a piece of fruit or veggie. Before they could have anymore crackers, they had to at least TRY the other snack on their plate. If they tried it and still did not like it, they could have more crackers. But much of the time, after a few different times of tyring that food, they would eat the entire thing during snack. But their parents claimed that they refused to touch any fruit or veggies at home. In that case, it was definitely much more the parents fault and the parents catering to their child.

 

[mhsjax]

I dont think it is a power trip

I think HATE is a very strong word and should NOT be used very often

I think people OVER exagerate things and she is teaching her children to not over dramatize things

I dislike sausage

so if I said I hate it and got more and my sister next to me said I dont like these carrots and didnt get more next time I would say I didnt like it


and Im sure it is a well known rule in that house that HATE should not be used lightly

I understand this, but to what end. If I gave my child more of something he hated and forced him to eat it, then 1. he would probably throw it up, and no he doesn't normally do this, but probably if he hated something.

2. Forcing food is just a way to develop eating disorders. Just any any professional, this isn't the way to do it.

I would with hold something they liked until they tasted the food that they hated and then explain that "hate: is not a word that I want them to use.

to each his own, but, I stand by my view, it is wrong.

BTW. again, my kids eat just about anything. So am not totally clueless and not giving in to my kids about food either. I do not make extra meals except for the one with allergies.

 

[mhsjax]

I think there is a difference between a kid being picky because they truly dont like something and being picky because their parents cater to them and allow it.

I think that if a child has at least tried different foods and after many tries ( like a pp said, it usually takes about 18 introductions of a new food) and they STILL dont like it, I consider that to be just different tastes.

But baring any medical issue, I am sick of hearing about the kids who will only eat chicken nuggets, or pizza, or french fries. Much of that is teh parents catering to the child and not wanting to deal with a kid not eating something, etc.

We saw it all the time at preschool. We had 2 snack times/day. once during preschool and once after naptime. We always had healthy snacks that inlcuded fruits and/or veggies. We had kids who never had fruits or veggies in their lunches and when we would mention it to the parents, they claimed that their child wouldnt eat anything besides peanut butter sandwiches, chicken nuggets and pudding. Amazingly, they would eat the snack at preschool. Snack was usually something like cheeze-its and a veggie or crackers and a fruit, etc. So at snack time, we would give them a few crackers and a piece of fruit or veggie. Before they could have anymore crackers, they had to at least TRY the other snack on their plate. If they tried it and still did not like it, they could have more crackers. But much of the time, after a few different times of tyring that food, they would eat the entire thing during snack. But their parents claimed that they refused to touch any fruit or veggies at home. In that case, it was definitely much more the parents fault and the parents catering to their child.

YOu see a lot of this on the Dis food board. My kids are picky, they only eat chicken fries and pizza. I have a relative like that, she will tell her son that it isn't good because she doesn't like it so her son won't try it, the sad thing is, it is healthy food that she is dismissing. He is older now and has figured it out . He will try almost anything now.

 

[mhsjax]

I'm guessing my "power trip" works as well - my youngest (similar to a pp) will eat a napkin if it had gravy on it, and ask for seconds! My older has 1 or 2 "odd" things he doesn't like (lucky for him nobody else that lives here does either so its never served.)

Regardless, my kids will say they "hate" something once before they realize that all future comments about their food will be polite and they'll really "try" new foods by eating the small amount given to them w/o passing judgement until its gone. And even then that judgement will be "polite".

I see firsthand (through relatives) how coddling your kids (with regards to food choices) can really limit them in the future. I would never make my kids a "special" meal outside of whats being served.

I'm sure it would be harder if I served things like Liver & Onions but there's not a whole lot of "dislike" happening in my house that serves meat/potatoes/pasta and other "basic" foods 99% of the time. "Taco night" is about as wild as we get

So there is something that you don't like and you don't serve it. NOw what if someone came along and made this dish and because you don't like it (hated it) you had to eat more.

Sorry but there are things that you can hate, I don't like the word but there is a spice that I hate, actually 2 of them, and I do HATE them. These are about the only 2 things in the food world that I do hate, I don't even really dislike many foods at all. (guess that is why I am somewhat over weight)

 

[disneyfan2kids]

So there is something that you don't like and you don't serve it. NOw what if someone came along and made this dish and because you don't like it (hated it) you had to eat more.

Sorry but there are things that you can hate, I don't like the word but there is a spice that I hate, actually 2 of them, and I do HATE them. These are about the only 2 things in the food world that I do hate, I don't even really dislike many foods at all. (guess that is why I am somewhat over weight)

Honestly - I'd prefer to let this die. You initially responded that "this is sick" and I was "on a power trip" - neither of which is a very nice response to someone on a message board that you don't know. I have my big girl pants on and I'm OK with your not so nice response...and I've moved on.

Others understood my response was directed a the behavior of telling anyone you "hate" their food. You didn't understand, that's OK...but I don't see a need to keep rehashing it.

 

[mhsjax]

Honestly - I'd prefer to let this die. You initially responded that "this is sick" and I was "on a power trip" - neither of which is a very nice response to someone on a message board that you don't know. I have my big girl pants on and I'm OK with your not so nice response...and I've moved on.

Others understood my response was directed a the behavior of telling anyone you "hate" their food. You didn't understand, that's OK...but I don't see a need to keep rehashing it.

No problem, I will stop. Until someone else brings it up.

 

[crisi]

Seriously.. the leap from allowing choice and promoting respect at the table to.. is ridiculous.

So is calling someone "sick" who makes their healthy child eat what is in front of them. Really? Sick? Because someone chooses to parent differently than you do.

 

[daddyof2]

This post in my opinion is to ask for peoples ideas and sugestions on what works for there familly

this is by no means a DIS rule book for parenting and any suggesion or idea should be taken with a grain of salt

if you agree fine if not feel free to give your reasoning and some other form of advice

but there is no need to attack, belittle anyone for what works for there family


again Ideas pros, cons lets be freindly

and give OP what they asked about

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

Let me put it this way... would you eat something you don't like? How would you like being FORCED to eat something you can't stand?
I am picky and I fully admit it. I am learning that I like things I never thought I would. BUT the mere thought of putting fish in my mouth makes me gag. I tried. I really did. Just a couple of months ago. I just couldn't do it. I looked at it, thought about it, and gagged. I decide that fish is still just not for me.

I will add another thing for parents of picky eaters. There was a study done recently on kids that have a very limited diet. It stated that they were not lacking in any nutrients so parents should not worry so much about it. They are still getting the nutrition they need. I forget where I read the article but I was super interested since I can only get DS to eat certain meats and only a handful of different veggies.

I will comment....

There is a HUGE difference between loathing a food and simply not caring for it.

There is a difference between force feeding a food mommy dearest style and requiring a bite be tried.

And while kids may not be deficient in nutrients, there is other information ut there that has proven that it can take multiple exposures to a food before it is palatable. Additionally, over time, our palates change and we can tolerate or even enjoy food once hated.

I have a really short list of foods that I will NEVER eat again. Anything coffee flavored and egg plant. I also cannot stand curry of any kind.

I don't force my kids to et anything. But I can't make just their favorites all the time. They are expected to tolerate the occasional appearance of their least favorite foods. They are under no obligation to consume Them. But I am under no obligation to allow dessert if they don't. I haven come acoss a food yet that makes my kids want to throw it up except my son and fruit. When that does occur, they are permitted an alternative (fruit for veg or veg for fruit and we do allow meat-free...my oldest didn't like meat for the longest time, so I made sure her foods were complete proteins).

Within reason, one can work around most food issues. When there is true disgust for something, I do feel it is my job to work around that. But I'd they are just saying they don't like it...that isn't enough IMHO.

And I was required to eat nasty fried eggplant that stung my tongue like a bee and my family didn't care and made me eat it. I won't do that to my kids ever. My son has chosen to not eat a meAl. And we are okay with that.

But he can't go through life ignoring two major food groups that are a major source of vitamins and fiber. All we expect is that he tries things
and we are fine if he chooses not too. That doesn't mean that I will stop offering it.

That is us. YMMV with other kids. Noone can understand the struggle unless they have dealt with it and if we support instead of judge one another,
the world would be a much better place.

 

[pigletto]

So is calling someone "sick" who makes their healthy child eat what is in front of them. Really? Sick? Because someone chooses to parent differently than you do.

Then perhaps you could use my entire quote.. and while at it realize I didn't use the word "sick" and that wasn't my post so you are addressing the wrong poster.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

I will comment....


I don't force my kids to et anything. But I can't make just their favorites all the time. They are expected to tolerate the occasional appearance of their least favorite foods. They are under no obligation to consume Them. But I am under no obligation to allow dessert if they don't.

Ahhh the withholding of dessert is a miraculous tool especially for a child who declares himself full but yet when told then he must be too full for dessert too is somehow able to eat a few more bites of dinner Food is not supposed to be a reward or a punishment but seriously if you can fit dessert you can fit dinner..if you are full you are full...And like PP said if you dont want to eat anything that is served there is always the next meal...not a special meal ordered up..I am also having a hard time believing that kids cannot find one part of the meal they like. Brussel spouts or liver is the only thing on the plate?? My inlaws serve a xmas eve meal that is non traditional for me...I am not keen on most of the food but I just pick out what I like and eat more of that... Nothing derogatory is said to the cook and certainly no request has been made to make something "special" for me.
There was a dear abby the other day where the guest with special sodium restrictions wanted the entire holiday meal at her hosts house to be made special for her. Dear Abby said bring a dish she knew she could eat but the world didnt need to cater to her special diet..........

 

[crisi]

Then perhaps you could use my entire quote.. and while at it realize I didn't use the word "sick" and that wasn't my post so you are addressing the wrong poster.

I know you didn't, but that was what I was reacting to that you reacted to.

 

[SandrA9810]

Ahhh the withholding of dessert is a miraculous tool especially for a child who declares himself full but yet when told then he must be too full for dessert too is somehow able to eat a few more bites of dinner

Sounds like my grandmother. When we go out to eat, she either wants to share off one of our plates. Or orders "the same" even though she has no idea what she's getting. She'll eat a plate smaller than a child's portion most the time. But bring out the dessert and she's all for a full heaping portion of it.

Dear Abby said bring a dish she knew she could eat but the world didn't need to cater to her special diet..........

I love Dear Abby.