after reading some threads about picky eaters in a family...

[disneyfan2kids]

My kids have to eat what is put on their plate. If they say they "hate" something, they get more of it. They're more than welcome to eat the (small amount) of a new food that we put on their plate and then tell me that "it's not their favorite" or something of that nature. And if they don't like it, I'll not put much (or any) on their plate in the future. BUT, if they were to try something and tell me they "hate" something I cooked for them...they'd get another serving put on their plate. Apparently, I may be the meanest mom ever ...but saying you hate something that someone else just took the time to cook for you is a no-no around here.

When they are old enough to supply their own food, they can eat cereal for dinner it that's what they want. But I would never cook my kids "special" meals. (Barring special circumstances ie: allergies and/or autism)

 

[JamesMom]

I can relate to many posters here.

- I was considered a picky eater growing up. The reason? My mom wasn't a good cook and put onions, celery and whole tomatos in most everything she cooked: 3 foods I still don't like.

- I have an eight year old who is an adventerous eater. He eats fruits and vegetables with no problem and will try new foods (he even likes onions!). My five year on the other hand has sensory issues and feeding him is a challenge. He goes through food phases, currently cheese pizza, biscuits & cheese itz. He refuses many (almost all) foods. I can probably count on both hands his limited palate. We encouage him to try to new things, but with his issues it can only go so far.
I know that my mom's generation would not have tolerated this. I remember plates being kept from dinner and put out for breakfast because I didn't eat X. Can't do that to sensory kid.

- My husband is a meat and potatoes type of guy. The only green thing he will eat is lettuce and corn is his "vegetable" of choice and no beans of any kind (pinto, refried, string, black-eye, etc)

I make meals that the majority of my family will eat. I make veggies for DS8 and myself knowing that DH and DS5 won't touch them. DS5 gets a choice between dinner I fixed or cereal & milk. The latter usually wins. We make do and vitamins are a nightly staple

 

[4HppyCamprs]

People judge the parent because lots of times the parent is at fault when it comes to picky eaters. Cooking two different meals, letting kids say something is icky when they haven't tried it, clean plate club, not eating a wide variety of food themselves...
I applaud the OP in this thread. It sounds as if her family has manners at the dinner table. No one should be allowed to denigrate the cook when the person cooking has put time, effort, and money into a meal. It is so rude, whether it is your mom or not.
Something else people need to learn is that every meal of your life will not contain all your favorite things.
I was raised that I had to try everything...if I didn't like it I didn't have to finish it. My mother made one meal and that was that. But...if we went to someone's house we had to eat whatever they served and act in such a way that the cook thought she'd made the best meal ever. I still do this. I've never been served anything I couldn't force myself to eat, which makes me wonder about the PP that say they just can't eat such and such. I've eaten some really yucky things and am still here, still polite.

We had this rule in our house too and my best friends mom had a rule that if you took it you ate it..fair enough..but I always forget that i do not like corned beef...for some reason I always thought steak when I heard this so I always took it...and had to eat it...it didn't kill me. I still do not like corned beef but her mom never knew!

Even now I have a friend whose mom cooked for me through my early adulthood and I probably would have starved without her..anyways we went to a restaurant and I mentioned I didn't like spaghetti and she said I never knew that...you ate it all the time at our house!

the truth is if somebody is kind enough to cook for you then you shouldn't complain..cook your own meal if you do not like it. I am grateful for the people who cook for me.
Also I truly do not understand why people go to restaurants and then try to get a whole new menu customized for them. ?? I have never been to a create your own meal restaurant. Buffets are the closest.

 

[mjkacmom]

I have a husband and child who will pretty much eat anything, a child who won't eat normal kid food (won't eat hot dogs, chicken nuggets, anything with cheese - but loves all seafood, tofu, veggies, anything asian or indian), a picky child who's favorite food are grilled chicken and salad, with feta or romano cheese, an average child who likes kid food, plus steak, chicken, some veggies, potatoes, and now snails, thanks to the cruise. My pickiest eater, who was very limited, now likes potstickers, and some sushi. As someone who will literally eat anything (and I don't like typical kid food), I've found that the older they get, the more they will eat, but picky eaters are born that way - it's nature, not nurture (didn't get this until I had #2, and confirmed it with #5, who will eat anything).

 

[pigletto]

People judge the parent because lots of times the parent is at fault when it comes to picky eaters. Cooking two different meals, letting kids say something is icky when they haven't tried it, clean plate club, not eating a wide variety of food themselves...
I applaud the OP in this thread. It sounds as if her family has manners at the dinner table. No one should be allowed to denigrate the cook when the person cooking has put time, effort, and money into a meal. It is so rude, whether it is your mom or not.
Something else people need to learn is that every meal of your life will not contain all your favorite things.
I was raised that I had to try everything...if I didn't like it I didn't have to finish it. My mother made one meal and that was that. But...if we went to someone's house we had to eat whatever they served and act in such a way that the cook thought she'd made the best meal ever. I still do this. I've never been served anything I couldn't force myself to eat, which makes me wonder about the PP that say they just can't eat such and such. I've eaten some really yucky things and am still here, still polite.

I don't understand with these threads, (and yes there have been a few) why it is always an either/or thing. Either you have a child that "eats everything put in front of them with a smile" or one that "throws tantrums at the mere sight of a vegetable". There really is other types of eating out there.
I have one child who would eat her napkin if you put gravy on it and love it. She tries just about anything and loves all types of food.
I have a son, who will always try, but really can't tolerate some things. He was in tears before his school Thanksgiving lunch because he was worried he would get in trouble if he couldn't eat what he was given. He was 5.
We have a one bite rule, he will always try, but it just doesn't sit well with him.
Nobody in my house "yucks" or complains or has poor manners when someone presents them with something.
My Mil clucks and shames and rolls her eyes when he can't finish something. You know what.. that is HER EGO. Nothing more nothing less. It's funny that at 5 he knows better than to force his tastes and feelings on someone and she doesn't.

Bottom line, not all "picky" eaters are rude, spoiled, catered too children. Some people just like and dislike different things. Imagine that!!

 

[kkmcan]

I think part of my kids pickiness is my fault. I was still picky when I had my dd and I didn't have a clue about what foods to introduce when so she ended up eating kid type foods only for a long time. But there are lots of kid friendly foods that we introduced early as we are not fancy eaters (tacos, spaghetti, pizza, hamburgers and hotdogs- none of which she will touch today). Ds on the other hand loves hotdogs, pizza, and spaghetti. My dd is not a risk taker in life and doesn't like to try new things at all.

I totally agree about the amount of times it takes someone to "like" something new. It took forever for my kids to like potatoes, rice, cheese quesadillas but those are some of their favorites at dinner time now. Now that they are older though, I cant get them to try something once let alone 18 times

I don't believe in the you can't get up from table until you've tried xxxxx. Been there, done that. Never worked. they sat for hours and it made me feel awful!

Thinking back to my childhood, I still to this day do not like the things that my parents made me eat- green beans, swiss steak-

 

[scbelleatheart]

I guess we were all picky eaters at some time. My DH introduced me to some things and I did the same for him. Some I liked, some he liked. Our kids were picky. I made seperate food for them. I was not going to make them eat liver and onions like my DM did!

But there is hope! DH has tried a lot of food he would never eat before and my kids? You would not believe the things they eat now. They still hate fish and I still won't eat venison but they come home and cook the most unbelievable dishes. They love stir fry w/ lots of veggies and spices. Working at a restaurant in college helped them all.

Let them be picky as long as they get some food in their bellies!
I will never go along with the clean plate thing or just one taste! If you have made up your mind you won't like it, you won't. I think it promotes eating disorders. Moving food around on the plate to make it looks like you took a bite. Taking one taste and pretending to cough in your napkin so you can get the food out of your mouth? Having to sit at the table long after everyone is done because you didn't finish your food?

 

[mhsjax]

My kids have to eat what is put on their plate. If they say they "hate" something, they get more of it. They're more than welcome to eat the (small amount) of a new food that we put on their plate and then tell me that "it's not their favorite" or something of that nature. And if they don't like it, I'll not put much (or any) on their plate in the future. BUT, if they were to try something and tell me they "hate" something I cooked for them...they'd get another serving put on their plate. Apparently, I may be the meanest mom ever ...but saying you hate something that someone else just took the time to cook for you is a no-no around here.

When they are old enough to supply their own food, they can eat cereal for dinner it that's what they want. But I would never cook my kids "special" meals. (Barring special circumstances ie: allergies and/or autism)

Sorry, but that is just sick. I don't have picky eaters, I have one that I have to work around because he is very sensitive to dairy, (he throw up after screaming for 2 hours) is I really don't allow for being picky. That being said, I don't like the word hate and tell my kids no to use it, but I would never put more on a plate just because they said they hated it, sorry buy that is just cruel. I am sure you have things that you don't like and maybe even hate.

I can assure you that I hate fennel, and if you tried to make my eat more of anything with fennel in it, I think I would through it in your face. Sound like a power trip to me.

 

[crisi]

In terms of fault, I thinkg generally, its a little of both. Kids are picky, but parents permit - in some cases, encourage - the pickiness beyond reason. At some point its ok to say "I don't like" - at some point Mom has got to stop coddling it by cooking multiple meals (and this is obviously past four, and obviously later if your kid is special needs to start with).

We have the peanut butter sandwich rule - don't like dinner, you can make yourself a peanut butter sandwich - but you have to make it, you have to clean up after it, and there is no after dinner snacking. Or the "I am not a short order cook, if you want it, you make it, you clean up after it."

Upshot, my twelve year old son throws rice in the rice cooker or fries himself up a hamburger patty out of the freezer, my daughter will scramble an egg or make herself pancakes. And my husband has learned to eat fish and vegetables.

 

[crisi]

Sorry, but that is just sick. I don't have picky eaters, I have one that I have to work around because he is very sensitive to dairy, (he throw up after screaming for 2 hours) is I really don't allow for being picky. That being said, I don't like the word hate and tell my kids no to use it, but I would never put more on a plate just because they said they hated it, sorry buy that is just cruel. I am sure you have things that you don't like and maybe even hate.

I can assure you that I hate fennel, and if you tried to make my eat more of anything with fennel in it, I think I would through it in your face. Sound like a power trip to me.

Personally, I don't think so. I think its teaching kids an appreciation for food. 1 in 5 AMERICANS don't eat adequately. Hunger in the world is a real issue. There are a lot of people right here on this board trying to feed entire families on $100 a week or less. If your budget is limited - or you just want to teach your kids to respect sustenance - expecting them to eat what is in front of them is part of that. I can get really upset with my kids when they whine "I don't like that" - because to me it shows that they don't even understand how lucky they are to HAVE that. (And, as I said, we have a peanut butter sandwich rule).

Allowing a child to be picky is a luxury. It isn't a luxury all of us can afford - or a luxury all of us choose to encourage.

There are a lot of things in life that I need to do even though I hate it. I don't like to clean bathrooms, poopy scoop the yard and some days go to work. That's life. Not cruelty. What's cruel is teaching your kids that if they don't like to do something, they don't have to do it. That doesn't prepare them for life, that prepares them to be spoiled adults who can't hold jobs.

 

[mhsjax]

Personally, I don't think so. I think its teaching kids an appreciation for food. 1 in 5 AMERICANS don't eat adequately. Hunger in the world is a real issue. There are a lot of people right here on this board trying to feed entire families on $100 a week or less. If your budget is limited - or you just want to teach your kids to respect sustenance - expecting them to eat what is in front of them is part of that. I can get really upset with my kids when they whine "I don't like that" - because to me it shows that they don't even understand how lucky they are to HAVE that. (And, as I said, we have a peanut butter sandwich rule).

Allowing a child to be picky is a luxury. It isn't a luxury all of us can afford - or a luxury all of us choose to encourage.

There are a lot of things in life that I need to do even though I hate it. I don't like to clean bathrooms, poopy scoop the yard and some days go to work. That's life. Not cruelty. What's cruel is teaching your kids that if they don't like to do something, they don't have to do it. That doesn't prepare them for life, that prepares them to be spoiled adults who can't hold jobs.

I never said allowing a child to be picky is ok. And how does forcing your child to eat MORE of something that he doesn't like all of the sudden turn into having spoiled kids that won't work and be productive members of society. I will tell that to my neighbor who is extremely picky and yet very productive and very intelligent and has been employed for the past 12 years at the same place. . wow. Guess she must be ok.in spite of being picky about food. (for the record I teas her about it all the time and tell her she is crazy). And the pp stated that she only put more of the food that they hated if they said the word hate. This isn't about picky it is about the use of a word. She said that is her kids didn't care for it then they only had to eat a small amount. That is crazy to pile on more food because they hate it. YOu hate cleaning bathrooms, fine so maybe in punishment I should make you clean your neighbors bathrooms also, or maybe clean them twice a day just because you hate it. NOw really, how is that doing any good. My son hate taking out the garbage, he does it, but I don't make more just because he hates it. they also hate taking the dog out, but they do and I don't make them take extra trips because they do. If you hate your job does that mean that going and putting in your 40 hours isn't enough, you need to give them 60 just because you hate it and you should be taught a lesson about being grateful that you have a job.

I don't do picky eaters, but giving them more of something they hate isn't going to make it better. By the way, my kids eat just about everything, except for the one that can't have dairy.

 

[scbelleatheart]

Personally, I don't think so. I think its teaching kids an appreciation for food. 1 in 5 AMERICANS don't eat adequately. Hunger in the world is a real issue. There are a lot of people right here on this board trying to feed entire families on $100 a week or less. If your budget is limited - or you just want to teach your kids to respect sustenance - expecting them to eat what is in front of them is part of that. I can get really upset with my kids when they whine "I don't like that" - because to me it shows that they don't even understand how lucky they are to HAVE that. (And, as I said, we have a peanut butter sandwich rule).

Allowing a child to be picky is a luxury. It isn't a luxury all of us can afford - or a luxury all of us choose to encourage.

There are a lot of things in life that I need to do even though I hate it. I don't like to clean bathrooms, poopy scoop the yard and some days go to work. That's life. Not cruelty. What's cruel is teaching your kids that if they don't like to do something, they don't have to do it. That doesn't prepare them for life, that prepares them to be spoiled adults who can't hold jobs.[/QUOTE]
Right with you on that! There are many things I don't want to do but I do them. Making my child eat liver and onions, forcing veggies down that they hate. They do develope tastes they enjoy but do not force feed because they are "better" foods. Read about eating disorders and then try to deal with it.
"Allowing a child to be picky is a luxury. It isn't a luxury all of us can afford - or a luxury all of us choose to encourage."

Have you ever had to deal with a child with an eating disorder? I want them to eat, no matter what.

 

[pigletto]

Personally, I don't think so. I think its teaching kids an appreciation for food. 1 in 5 AMERICANS don't eat adequately. Hunger in the world is a real issue. There are a lot of people right here on this board trying to feed entire families on $100 a week or less. If your budget is limited - or you just want to teach your kids to respect sustenance - expecting them to eat what is in front of them is part of that. I can get really upset with my kids when they whine "I don't like that" - because to me it shows that they don't even understand how lucky they are to HAVE that. (And, as I said, we have a peanut butter sandwich rule).

Allowing a child to be picky is a luxury. It isn't a luxury all of us can afford - or a luxury all of us choose to encourage.

There are a lot of things in life that I need to do even though I hate it. I don't like to clean bathrooms, poopy scoop the yard and some days go to work. That's life. Not cruelty. What's cruel is teaching your kids that if they don't like to do something, they don't have to do it. That doesn't prepare them for life, that prepares them to be spoiled adults who can't hold jobs.

And there is my point. If I won't force my child to choke down something he truly doesn't like I am thumbing my nose at responsibilty, budgets and teaching them to be spoiled adults that can't hold a job

You know, never mind their exceptional manners, kindness, stellar report cards, and decent morals. If they won't eat broccolli or heaven forbid I allow my child to determine her own ethics and become a vegetarian at 13.. well it's a life of joblessness and spoiled adulthood.
Oh if only the world were so black and white.

I show my children the same respect that I teach them to show others. It's win/win. They eat healthy well balanced diets, that consist of things they love and some things they just tolerate. I'm also able to do it on a decent budget and without draconian measuires to enforce my dominance.

Seriously.. the leap from allowing choice and promoting respect at the table to..

spoiled adults who can't hold jobs

is ridiculous.

 

[2disneyboys]

When I was growing up, money was tight.. I mean TIGHT... there was barely enough to keep the lights on, and food for 3 square meals, certinaly no extra for snacks or "individaul" meals... yet,according to my mom, we made too much $for any type of financial assistance. What that translated into was, you ate what mom prepared, because like it or not, it's a long time until the next meal. we lived in the country so we had chickens and vegitables...lots & lots of these items... We never had the luxery of letting someone be picky. (thank god none of us(8 kids) had any of the "food disorders" others mention as we would have starved to death!) Honestly, the worst thing about it was that while we knew to eat it wither we liked it or not, we still had a pretty limited menu as mom made the meals that stretched, over & over. When I grew up and out and on my own and was not in the same financial position, I wanted to try EVERYTHING... exotic foods, ethnic foods... whatever!

we are very blessed in that our boys do not have any thing that prevents then from being adventurous eaters. I try to be considerate of my family's likes when we prepare meals, however, I also think it's important that they not to afraid to try soemthing new so that they know how to act in polite company. I have seen how some children (and adults!) act when they are confronted with some food they have never tried or whatever and I would would be so embarassed if my boys acted that way. They know in our house (and elsewher), you eat what is prepared or, you'll get another shot @ it a few hours for the next meal. They don't have to clean thier plate, and once they have tried (really tried) everything they can have more of what they liked. my boys also help me plan the menu for the week.. and we have always tried to make something at least once a week that none of us have ever had... we've had some real winners there and so real losers!!! but we survived, and my boys (thankfully) know how to accept a small amount of something new without a fit throwing tantrum.. if they don't like it, they know, they don' thave to take seconds (they just can't be rude about it) I do find they are more open to trying new things when they are involved in the process of selecting it and making it! Plus it's great family time.

Its funny 'cuz my MIL told me when we first got married that I'd better learn how to cook such & such "this way" as thats the only way her boy would eat such & such.. oh.... yea... sure.. Now my DH tells me, why don't you invitie them here instead of us going there.. I like how YOU make it!

 

[mhsjax]

When I was growing up, money was tight.. I mean TIGHT... there was barely enough to keep the lights on, and food for 3 square meals, certinaly no extra for snacks or "individaul" meals... yet,according to my mom, we made too much $for any type of financial assistance. What that translated into was, you ate what mom prepared, because like it or not, it's a long time until the next meal. we lived in the country so we had chickens and vegitables...lots & lots of these items... We never had the luxery of letting someone be picky. (thank god none of us(8 kids) had any of the "food disorders" others mention as we would have starved to death!) Honestly, the worst thing about it was that while we knew to eat it wither we liked it or not, we still had a pretty limited menu as mom made the meals that stretched, over & over. When I grew up and out and on my own and was not in the same financial position, I wanted to try EVERYTHING... exotic foods, ethnic foods... whatever!

we are very blessed in that our boys do not have any thing that prevents then from being adventurous eaters. I try to be considerate of my family's likes when we prepare meals, however, I also think it's important that they not to afraid to try soemthing new so that they know how to act in polite company. I have seen how some children (and adults!) act when they are confronted with some food they have never tried or whatever and I would would be so embarassed if my boys acted that way. They know in our house (and elsewher), you eat what is prepared or, you'll get another shot @ it a few hours for the next meal. They don't have to clean thier plate, and once they have tried (really tried) everything they can have more of what they liked. my boys also help me plan the menu for the week.. and we have always tried to make something at least once a week that none of us have ever had... we've had some real winners there and so real losers!!! but we survived, and my boys (thankfully) know how to accept a small amount of something new without a fit throwing tantrum.. if they don't like it, they know, they don' thave to take seconds (they just can't be rude about it) I do find they are more open to trying new things when they are involved in the process of selecting it and making it! Plus it's great family time.

Its funny 'cuz my MIL told me when we first got married that I'd better learn how to cook such & such "this way" as thats the only way her boy would eat such & such.. oh.... yea... sure.. Now my DH tells me, why don't you invitie them here instead of us going there.. I like how YOU make it!

I agree with everything that you said. I want my kids to try new things and they do. Even the younger one with the dairy issue still isn't picky, just have to be careful with him. Sure they have things they don't like, most of us do. If I make something that I know one of them doesn't like, I make sure to have something to go with it that they can fill up on. I don't make special meals, but I do have to make different side sometimes, or a different main because of the one kid. It really doesn't matter because I have a 14 year old boy and trust me there is no waste. WE call him the human garbage disposal.

Now, I want to know the flip side. How many of you that have really tried and succeeded in having "non picky" kids have had it turn around and bite you in the butt? We made a real effort when going out to not let our kids just order the usual chicken nuggets, hotdog, that type of thing. Well now the silly kids will almost turn up their noses at stuff like that and it ends up costing us more to feed the little Jr. Foodies.

 

[disneyfan2kids]

Sorry, but that is just sick. I don't have picky eaters, I have one that I have to work around because he is very sensitive to dairy, (he throw up after screaming for 2 hours) is I really don't allow for being picky. That being said, I don't like the word hate and tell my kids no to use it, but I would never put more on a plate just because they said they hated it, sorry buy that is just cruel. I am sure you have things that you don't like and maybe even hate.

I can assure you that I hate fennel, and if you tried to make my eat more of anything with fennel in it, I think I would through it in your face. Sound like a power trip to me.

OK, thanks for the diagnosis random stranger on a message board!

 

[mhsjax]

OK, thanks for the diagnosis random stranger on a message board!

YOu are welcome.

 

[2disneyboys]

I agree with everything that you said. I want my kids to try new things and they do. Even the younger one with the dairy issue still isn't picky, just have to be careful with him. Sure they have things they don't like, most of us do. If I make something that I know one of them doesn't like, I make sure to have something to go with it that they can fill up on. I don't make special meals, but I do have to make different side sometimes, or a different main because of the one kid. It really doesn't matter because I have a 14 year old boy and trust me there is no waste. WE call him the human garbage disposal.

Now, I want to know the flip side. How many of you that have really tried and succeeded in having "non picky" kids have had it turn around and bite you in the butt? We made a real effort when going out to not let our kids just order the usual chicken nuggets, hotdog, that type of thing. Well now the silly kids will almost turn up their noses at stuff like that and it ends up costing us more to feed the little Jr. Foodies.

LOL that would be me! it is very rare that my boys want one of the kids menu choices when we go out so dining out tends to be more expensive! They see the sushi, or ribs, or grilled salmon and asparagus salad and THATS what they want!

 

[mhsjax]

LOL that would be me! it is very rare that my boys want one of the kids menu choices when we go out so dining out tends to be more expensive! They see the sushi, or ribs, or grilled salmon and asparagus salad and THATS what they want!

Yep, I was eating suchi the other night and DS 9 kept looking at it. He saw rice and went crazy. It didn't have any cream cheese in it so I let him try it, thinking no way. Darn kid loved it, now what am I supposed to do. 2 out of 3 know love sushi.

 

[disneyfan2kids]

LOL that would be me! it is very rare that my boys want one of the kids menu choices when we go out so dining out tends to be more expensive! They see the sushi, or ribs, or grilled salmon and asparagus salad and THATS what they want!

I'm guessing my "power trip" works as well - my youngest (similar to a pp) will eat a napkin if it had gravy on it, and ask for seconds! My older has 1 or 2 "odd" things he doesn't like (lucky for him nobody else that lives here does either so its never served.)

Regardless, my kids will say they "hate" something once before they realize that all future comments about their food will be polite and they'll really "try" new foods by eating the small amount given to them w/o passing judgement until its gone. And even then that judgement will be "polite".

I see firsthand (through relatives) how coddling your kids (with regards to food choices) can really limit them in the future. I would never make my kids a "special" meal outside of whats being served.

I'm sure it would be harder if I served things like Liver & Onions but there's not a whole lot of "dislike" happening in my house that serves meat/potatoes/pasta and other "basic" foods 99% of the time. "Taco night" is about as wild as we get