Afraid for my daughter...

[Scared Mom]

First off, I have been around the DIS for a long time. However, I wish to remain anonymous. This is for real, and I am not a troll.

I just found out yesterday that my 15 year old daughter has been cutting herself. I know where she keeps her diary, which she just started keeping about two months ago. I found it by accident, but she was there when I found it and she knows that I know where it is. She never made any attempt to change her hiding place. I periodically read it.

Before it is debated -- I don't care how many people think this is an invasion of her privacy -- she's my kid and I felt it important to read it. I feel that there are many dangerous things out there and I want to know what's reallygoing on in her world. (I almost wonder if she wanted me to read it.)

Her last entry was about cutting herself and how it helps her cope with the pressure she is feeling. I know from my adult perspective that I don't understand the exact pressures that she, as a 15 year old girl, feels, but it just baffles me. She just started a new school and I am sure this is a huge part of it.

Anyway, I have done some searching on the web and have found some excellent articles, but I was curious if anyone has dealt with this. My husband and I haven't talked to extended family about it, as I am sure they would definitely not understand it and be very angry with her. We have an appointment with a couselor for this evening. She denied it at first, then acknowledged that she did it but said she doesn't want to talk to anyone about it. But in her diary she acknowledged that she needed help. I hope she's just playing the tough guy and will open up.

I suppose I'm not really looking for advice -- just looking to vent. She's my baby.

 

[vettechick99]

You are doing the right thing with the counselor. Good luck to you!

 

[bananiem]

I have no advice. Just wanted to give you a hug.

 

[NMAmy]

I'm so sorry. I have an almost 15 yo dd myself. It's a hard age--sometimes they're mini-adults and sometimes they're little girls still.

I don't have any advice but I think you're doing the right thing by taking her to a counselor. She needs to talk about it before things get worse.

You're in my thoughts and I wish you and your family the very best. She's lucky to have a mom who cares so much about her.

 

[experiment626mom]

No advice, but you did the right thing by calling a counselor right away.

Please let us know how things go. My thoughts are with you.

 

[Serena]

You are doing the right thing.

 

[shortbun]

What they have to face that is not in their control is enormous. My god daughter is/was a cutter and she said it was "comforting." She sees a counselor and it has helped her. Sometimes invasion of privacy is necessary. At some point, she will see how critical it was that you stepped in, hopefully soon. She is lucky to have such a loving parent who knows when the line has been crossed and intervention is required.
This is more common than people know. Good luck and peace.

 

[Disneymaddness]

Best of luck to you and your daughter. It is so hard to be a teenager these days.

 

[pw2pp]

I am so sorry to hear this. A big hug to you
I hope she is able to get the help she needs.

 

[ckret01]

to you and your daughter. I know growing up my girlfriend (we were 15 and 16 at the time) did this. She would take a knife or sharp object and cut her wrists, not enough to kill herself but enough so the scares would be there and people at school would notice. I think she did that for attention at school. I know its crazy but it I think she did it so other kids would feel bad for her and say " oh my god what did you so " and be a shoulder for her to cry on and make friends. I am not saying this is what or why your daughter is doing this I just wanted to give you my story. She eventually grew out of it but it took awhile. I as her friend would try to talk to her and get her to stop but she said she did it also becasue it took the pain away that she was having at school w/ friends and boyfriends.

I absolutey think counseling is the best thing. I will be thinking about your post so please update us.

Good luck to you

 

[Ava83]

I have a friend that has cut herself and she has a wonderful therapist that has helped her with it..You are doing the right thing.

 

[carolfoy]

My best friend did this for years, she eventually 'grew out' of it but only with a lot of understanding and persuasion that the guilt she felt that her world was so perfect when everyone elses wasn't (her main reasoning) was not her fault or responsibility. she's fine now shes a nurse and very happy, good luck please be there for her

 

[damo]

My daughter has a friend who used to be a cutter. During that time, she kept a diary of all of her troubles and experiences. Last year, she found out that her mom had read her diaries from that time but had done nothing to help her through her troubled times. She was very, very angry and hurt that her mom had done nothing. She was not angry that her mom had read her diaries.

You are doing the right thing. Hang in there! My daughter's friend has outgrown the problem and is doing very well.

 

[Scared Mom]

Thank you everyone. It helps to hear that we're not alone in this.

It's just so scary how common this really is.

 

[Marseeya]

I cut some when I was in my teens. It's horrible having that pain inside and not knowing how else to deal with it.

I think you did the right thing by reading her journal and don't let anybody make you feel the least amount of guilt for doing so. Good luck to you and your family.

 

[Forevryoung]

I am sending you a PM- look for it

 

[mickeyboat]

for you and your DD. I am so glad to hear that you are getting her help. It is the right thing, and although she may not agree right now, she will thank you when she is a healthy, productive young woman.

Denae

 

[Scared Mom]

I cut some when I was in my teens. It's horrible having that pain inside and not knowing how else to deal with it.

That's what kills me -- that she has that much pain, stress, whatever, that she has to cut herself to feel better.
I guess it's a long road to understanding.

 

[CinderellaIam]

You are doing the right thing. I cannot imagine the pain that YOU are feeling at this time. Please know that you are not alone. I will be praying for you and your family.

 

[rigs32]

Feel lucky that you did discover it now and can help her, as opposed to her going off to college and starting. I saw several girls each year I worked on campus that started cutting.

I would also seriously think about the repercussions before speaking with extended family. Will the people you tell keep it to themselves? Will they be supportive of your DD? All it could take is one nosy relative thinking they know what's best opening their mouth and your DD might completely cut you off or escalate her behavior in secret. As much as you need support, be sure that the people you turn to are the right ones to share with.

In fact, you may want to see a counselor to give YOU some advice on how to deal with your daughter. It would keep the information loop smaller and you'd have a truly private outlet for your fears/frustrations/etc.