Advice/opinions needed on wedding gift

[luvdzny]

DH & I are invited to a wedding of a co-worker/friend's son. We have never met the bride or groom and I have known the mom for approx. 3 years. We are invited to the ceremony, dinner and dance. On several occasions she has mentioned how expensive this wedding is, and that dinner alone is costing $35.00 per person. Now that the gifts have started to arrive she has made many comments on how cheap people are, and that the cost of the gift does not even cover the cost of the dinner. I may be cheap, but I was not planning on spending $75.00 on a wedding gift for someone I don't know. My question is: it the cost of your gift supposed to cover the cost of what they paid for you to attend the wedding?

 

[bananiem]

NO!!! It's their own fault they booked the place for the reception! My mother always told me to set an amount you feel you can afford, adding more if it's a close friend or family member.
On the other hand, I wouldn't just give them a turkey baster either. We got an electric pencil sharpener. How weird is that?

 

[Laurabearz]

I always give a Lava Lamp as a wedding gift. Plus 25-50 bucks cash for the basket, or whatever they have to collect the dough....

BUT If I feel like I am being pressured to give more...... I give less.

 

[nancyj_pa]

$75 would be the minimum I would give as a wedding gift if my DH and I were attending a nice reception. A nice dinner out with drinks would cost you $50 anyway. We usually give at least $100 to children of close friends or our relatives. $35 per person seems like a reasonable charge for the reception. My DS is getting married in March, and it's hard to find anything less than $50 per person in this area.

However, you should give what you feel you can afford and not worry about the cost of the reception. If you would feel uncomfortable with your co-worker, maybe you should come up with an "excuse" not to attend.

 

[kejoda]

As wedding gift should not be tied to what the price of the reception is. You shouldn't even know what the cot is. Its sounds like all they care about is what they get,not celebrating a day with family and friends. You give what you feel comfortable with. Its not your fault they are materialistic to a fault.

 

[helenabear]

Personally I do not feel that a wedding gift needs to be tied to the cost of the dinner per person for the reception. I guess I feel that is presumptious for two reasons. One: before you go you have to guess how much they spent on their reception which isn't right at all. Two: the people receiving gifts shouldn't be trying to put a price tag or anything like that on anything they receive. I always give what I can afford and feel is an appropriate gift for the bride and groom.

 

[MineeBaby]

She thought 35 dollars a person was EXPENSIVE for a wedding reception??! She must be out of her mind...we have been doing all kinds of research for our wedding, and at one point were up to 90 dollars a person, and then changed to the clubhouse of my dads new housing development with a member discount equaling 55 dollars a person...35 bucks a person is NOT expensive at all these days for something worthwhile.

 

[Disney845]

I think the effort and care you put into choosing a gift far outweights its cost. For example, my SO's aunt was getting married last summer. We obviously knew them very well and know where their tastes run. They had registered at a store that we did not have in our state, and did not have time to go to before the wedding. One day I was at SAM'S CLUB and was looking in the book section when I stumbled across the Thomas Kincaid Wedding Bible. I knew this was the perfect gift. They were both involved in church and she loved Thomas Kincaid, and I assume he was getting interested in it. The bible was a large family collection bible with places to record things that occur in your life. I think it cost around $25 at SAM'S, and that the MSRP was around $50. (In my opinion a wedding bible would be a lovely gift for any couple who was involved in church) We did not feel cheap giving this gift, even with the cost of the reception. Could we have afforded more? Yes, but it would never have been just expected. I certainly know that when I get married it will be to join myself and a my true love, not because I think I will get nice gifts.

That being said, SO's aunt and her new husband decided to open all of their gifts after the reception, when most of the party goers other than family had left. They must have gotten 35 services of the china pattern they had registered for. It was so funny each time they open the gifts with those plates and stuff in them. We were howling in laughter.

 

[gemmie214]

I think you should give what you can afford and think id appropriate. I always give at least 100 if my DH and I attend but that is just me. The price of weddings in this part of the country are outrageous and 100 usually barely covers the cost. I think expectations and cultural norms are different throughout the country.

 

[POLLY ANN]

Why should your monetary gift "cover" the cost of your dinner? I just don't get that. If people getting married expect that, they should just have a cover charge at the door.

When I married, I never in a million years expected to recoup any money that I had spent on the wedding. We spent what we could afford. Any money we received was just a nice benefit.

 

[Fire14]

And I'm spending appox. 25.00/pp and this is for just basic deli cut buffut style meal.

I personally don't expect people to give us gifts that equal cost of their meal. we will enjoy whatever we get but i pray we don't get anymore candles.

 

[TigerBear]

I personally wouldn't go to this wedding - you haven't even met the bride or groom and her comments are just plain tacky.

Fire14 - for us it was picture frames!!!

 

[Fire14]

i registered for a few cute disney ones

 

[d.kurz]

I'll bet that $35.00 a head does not include an open bar. So I'd stay home!!

 

[disykat]

That is the tackiest thing I've ever heard. I think I'd tell my co-worker I'm unable to come, stay home and not give anything. Even a card seems weird if you don't even know the people. Why would you go to a wedding when you'd never met either of them? Maybe you should give the mom a gift or card since you are there for her. But mostly - If people want to throw an expensive party, why would they expect their guests to pay for it?

 

[ZPT1022]

I am getting married this September, and I have to say $35/person is pretty cheap, since they want to throw that word around so much. Weddings are expensive, that's just how it is. Do I expect to "make a profit" on my wedding. Not at all. I will be happy to get anything (within reason, FH does have one cousin who is truly an oddity). We actually haven't even registered yet because we feel bad asking for gifts. We are afraid if we register it will seem like we expect these things. I know a few of my cousins are going to give us Disney dollars to have on our honeymoon, even if it is $5 that is so nice, it's something we wouldn't have had before! Sorry to ramble, really, do what you feel comfy with, even if that is sitting this one out

 

[believe]

If giving atleast what the meal cost was the expectation, DH and I would have received some really cheap gifts. We just wanted something simple and were able to find someone who catered on the side, I think we paid $6 dollars a person. I can't remember...I know it wasn't much. We did more of a 'summer picnic' style. Hotdogs, bratts, hamburgers, potato salad, etc. This turned out great, especially since others had an evening wedding to go to and would be getting the deli buffet.

I give what I feel is appropriate and can afford. Sometimes it is even something homemade, like a tree skirt with matching stockings.