Advice Needed, re MySpace & Partners

[jdybnsn]

So I came home Friday and he had been to see her as her HOUSE, so thats where the problem began, I am also kinda unhappy he went knowing that when he did come home I wouldnt be happy.

He only stayed 30mins apparently,

And now I am nurt and jealous and can bearly bear him to touch me. its honestly wripping me apart, and he thinks I am overreacting.

Then he comes to bed last night, after to msn her for two hours wanting to go see her while I am at Disney on ice on Tuesday, I said I dont want him to, but then I cant really stop him as I am going out and its a free world and he is a grown man. he thinks I am overreacting and that he has sworn he would never touch her,

Sorry, I probably have said enough already ....but I can't help wondering how he would feel if it was you seeing another bloke under these circumstances ....????

hmmm ......and then to cap it all, deliberately & quite blatently arranging to see them again when you are not around.........sorry, I think that is NOT the mark of a sensitive, caring bloke.........please don't let him manipulate you into thinking you are being unreasonable.

 

[AliceGardner]

Sorry, I probably have said enough already ....but I can't help wondering how he would feel if it was you seeing another bloke under these circumstances ....????

Another way to look at is, does the OP have some perfectly innocent male friends? I am sure that she must do.

I would certainly be very worried if my husband started telling me which men I could and couldn't speak to. It probably wouldn't be the fact that I couldn't speak to someone that would bother me, much more the jealousy, dis-trust and control.

hmmm ......and then to cap it all, deliberately & quite blatently arranging to see them again when you are not around.........sorry, I think that is NOT the mark of a sensitive, caring bloke.........please don't let him manipulate you into thinking you are being unreasonable.

But men are often not "sensitive" - it doesn't mean that they don't care, it is just that they don't think sometimes (ok, sometimes quite often...! ). I think that this is another thing that shows that this ISN'T anything dodgy: yes ok the OP's fiance was a complete twit and arranged a second meeting, BUT he told the OP about it. He is being completely honest because he has nothing to hide and doesn't think that there is anything remotely dodgy about it in his mind (about either meeting or about the whole thing...). Yes, he is being insensitive/ignorant, but his actions/words are also saying "there is nothing to hide and I am not doing anything wrong".

Only the OP knows her fiance, but good marriages work on trust and partnership. It sounds as though the OP's fiance is trustworthy, the OP just needs to work with that: i.e. get this new friendship where it belongs (in the context of their engagement/marriage) and not to start World War Three (which will cause resentment etc).

As I said, this doesn't mean "put up with things how they currently are", BUT work with him to allow him this friendship in a much more suitable way.

Like any relationship, you can get a lot more out of co-operation and gentle manipulation than by fighting an all out war

Alice

 

[Goofysmate]

Hope it all turns up roses for you and partner Anna

 

[jdybnsn]

If you truely love some one, you do not want to hurt them.

If you truely respect someone, you respect their feelings.


I feel that the OP is being made to feel bad about about her (not unjustified)feelings of mistrust ....but the way I see its much more to do with the above.


As I've said previously nothing against opposite sex friendships; but when they exclude the other partner (which this one is so far, and deliberately so, by what has been said), and cause them distress, that is not your average 'innocent' friendship ........and its a recipe for disaster, whether its truely innocent or not.


I hope things resolve themselves in a good way for the OP too

 

[Strommie]

Hope everything gets sorted out Anna

 

[Minniespal]

Good Luck Anna

 

[angel659]

Oh Anna I hope everything sorts its self out soon. Yes your right the holiday will do you both good.

He has been kinda insensitive. I too dont trust these virtual friendships with myspace and face book. I dont accept friends anymore unless I actually know them. My friend was speaking to a man up north for over a year and she started to have feelings for him. Basically when he was due to come down he announced he was 56 and not 32 and he was retired and not a gym instructor and all the pics he has sent was of his son. My friend is 28. She decided to carry on with the relationship, because she had feelings for him. Not that I have any problems at all regarding age difference, but it was the way it all happened I didnt like. I personally dont trust anyone on these sites.

I dont know your relationship at all. I wouldnt want to even comment on it. What I would say is that if it really does cause concern then meet her as well. All this "he has told me he is meeting her" doesnt necessarily mean nothing is happening. All it could mean is keeping you in loop hole this could be reverse phsycology. Not that I am accusing him at all. I would not say if he was or wouldnt. I just dont know. Then the misscarriage could be effecting him too, perhaps she is escapism and has met a friend who he could talk to. It could be anything, try not to worry unless there is something to worry about. I would meet her and perhaps ask her a few questions that concerns you. If she was any friend to him she shouldnt have any problems with this.

Oh and stopping him from seeing her from another post might not be a good idea without any decent reason. Otherwise you could be pushing him in the wrong direction. What she did say was right, dont make him think your iceburg and your wrong to have these feelings. Its only right that you have these feelings. I am sure he would have these feelings if the tables were turned.

Good luck hun and keep us posted.

Big hugs

 

[Booknut]

My friend was speaking to a man up north for over a year and she started to have feelings for him. Basically when he was due to come down he announced he was 56 and not 32 and he was retired and not a gym instructor and all the pics he has sent was of his son. My friend is 28. She decided to carry on with the relationship, because she had feelings for him.

How on earth does she trust him? That's a horrible thing to do to someone


Anna - I hope you guys manage to get through this OK

 

[angel659]

How on earth does she trust him? That's a horrible thing to do to someone


:

Dont get me even started on this one. Many arguements between my friend and I on this one. She is so stubborn once she has made her mind up thats it. What annoys me the most is she has a 9 year old child. I went shopping with her the other day and they phoned each other must of been 6-8 times. They are constantly on MSN and the phone. When her poor son is in front of the TV or his playstation 2. Totally being ignored for this weirdo. Better stop now otherwise a big rant will be going on. Totally annoyed with this situation.

 

[alisonbestford]

I really hope you get things sorted amicably Anna

I've hesitated to say this, at the risk of being shot down in flames, but the miscarriage must have been so upsetting for Chris too and if he felt unable to talk to you (you said, in an earlier post he felt you'd been 'like an ice berg') he probably just went ahead, for someone to talk to, without thinking..........

It sounds as though he's pretty shaken up now he's realised how upset you are, and the fact that you're talking things through is great, so I say mark it down to experience and make sure you work in a few extra treats on your hols