advice, let her get a zero, or not?

[mudnuri]

I'll try to make this short.

Monday DD8 came home with a note from her reading teacher that this week there would be no reading homework as they would have a family project to do over the long weekend (no school today or tomorrow).

Yesterday when I dropped her off at school, I reminded her to bring her reading block folder home so we had the directions...

She went to her fathers after school

This morning I called her to remind her to bring her bookbag home tonight so we could work on the project this weekend. She said okay, I reminded her dad.

She gets home tonight- no bookbag. i asked her where it was she said at her fathers, I reminded her about her project, and she said

"i know what it is, I read the directions"

I said- where is your paper and why is it not here

"in my desk"

why?

"no reason, i just left it at school"

So I called her father, check her bag, and see if its in their.

he said this morning he reminded her, mom said you need your bag, she replied with a "i dont need anything out of it, I know what i have to do"

She's telling me its a diarama from a book they read in reading block. thats fine, it probably is, but I need the directions, instructions to make sure it's done correctly....or she needs them etc.

part of me wants her to get the zero, because she did not bring the papers home like she was suppose to.....

part of me wants to just go with what she says because i'm about 99% sure she's correct in the instructions....but what part of responsiblity is that teaching her.....

HELP~!

Brandy

 

[Hillbeans]

Frustrating - i'd probably try and help just because i'd hate for my child to get a zero.

I know it's not teaching a lesson, but you can do that "next" time without fail.

Funny - sometimes DH forgets to get his dry cleaning and it piles up and I tell him he needs to get his clothes or he'll have to go to work in pajamas - it'd serve him right to have no pants to wear to work, but I often give in and say "next time...."

 

[ColoradoBuffaloMom]

I'd let her do what she thinks she should do. Either she has a great memory and all will be ok or she will learn a lesson that it is best to bring home the instructions (especially after mom and dad have reminded her a few times.)

I know it is tough not to rescue her and you just want to help her out but in the long run now is the time for her to learn this tough lesson rather than when she gets to Middle School or High School when the stakes are higher.

 

[mudnuri]

I think what might work is to let her do it entirely herself. Explaining as she goes that if I had directions, I could help her?

That way whatever grade she gets is honestly her grade....and i'm taking the easy way out by saying "next time bring the papers and I can help"???

I always do the "if your cant put your clothes in the basket i wont wash em" but I always do LOL...

Brandy

 

[Magickndm]

I think what might work is to let her do it entirely herself. Explaining as she goes that if I had directions, I could help her?

That way whatever grade she gets is honestly her grade....and i'm taking the easy way out by saying "next time bring the papers and I can help"???

I always do the "if your cant put your clothes in the basket i wont wash em" but I always do LOL...

Brandy

Sounds like a perfect way to deal with it.
If this was me, and with my luck, the kid would remember everything, get a perfect grade, then come home saying, "See? Told you I knew!"

 

[Sparx]

Let her TRY without the directions. If she really messes up, do you think you can call the teacher and explain the situation to her? Maybe she can email them to you?

 

[Beauty]

How self-consious is she about grades? If she gets a -0- will it really effect her? I know until this year I had a hard time with my son and his grades. He honestly didn't care if he forgot something and got a -0-. Thankfully he always did wonderfully on tests so never got below a C.

This year (8th grade) he has decided to be in the BETA Club and Student Council and Sports and anything he can be in so he told me he was going to do excellent. He got his report card yesterday and his lowest grade was a 91 so I'm very proud.

I think if it would make a point I would just let her do it herself. I don't think I'd go as far as letting her not do it at all. Just tell her okay you know how to do it, you do it and see what happens.

 

[MNmom]

I would let her do her project to the best of her ability without her supplies. I would not help her with the project (other than providing her with the time, space). I have always been a proponent of allowing my kids to do their own homework and projects without my interference. So far it has worked great with my 7th and 3rd graders. They are very responsible and I rarely even see their work. (Yes...I do help with explaining difficult math problems and help them think of words when they are writing papers but I don't go through every math problem or edit their papers...that is their job).

One time my daughter forgot to bring home a science book for a big section test over the weekend. I was sooooooo mad. She learned about using Google on the computer and looked up magnets and electricity and studied from the internet. That was three years ago and she has never forgotten an assignment since.

Good Luck!!!!!!

 

[Mrs.D]

I would let her do it as best she can, and not help her. If she doesn't do it correctly, she will learn a harsh lesson, and won't be able to blame you. If she does it correctly, she was right in saying that she remembered the directions.
I guess basically I agree with the above posters.

 

[Rajah]

I'd let her do what she thinks she should do. Either she has a great memory and all will be ok or she will learn a lesson that it is best to bring home the instructions (especially after mom and dad have reminded her a few times.)

I know it is tough not to rescue her and you just want to help her out but in the long run now is the time for her to learn this tough lesson rather than when she gets to Middle School or High School when the stakes are higher.

 

[aprilgail2]

Can't she just call a friend in the class and have them read the directiosn to her or email them to her?.....But I have to add this...HOMEWORK ON A WEEKEND??? No way would that be getting done here LOL...weekends are our days together, we don't do weekend homework nor does the school give it so it works well all around LOL!!

 

[mudnuri]

she really didnt care when i said- you will get a zero...she is in a top reading block, so she generally gets very good marks.

I wont email or call her teacher, only because this was 100% her responsibility, I reminded her when I dropped her off on Wednesday morning, and she was only in school until noon (half day)...had she missed school due to an illness, I'd call her in a heartbeat.

She'll work on it herself, and I'll help her with supplies, but thats it...hopefully she remembers the instructions

Brandy

 

[Nite0wl71]

You did say that this was a family project right? So that means you have to work on it together, my DD has had a few of those over the years.

My DD has a fantastic memory and maybe your does also, I would do the project just like she says it is suppose to be done, even if it wasn't entirely correct she wouldn't get a zero.

 

[bigbabyblues]

But I have to add this...HOMEWORK ON A WEEKEND??? No way would that be getting done here LOL...weekends are our days together, we don't do weekend homework nor does the school give it so it works well all around LOL!!

We always had homework on the weekends, and it was always worse than through the week!

 

[mudnuri]

its not a weekend, we had early release wednesday and no school thursday or friday....she hasnt had reading homework all week...this was in place of it.

Yeah she could call a friend, but that would be bailing her out for not doing her job....

Yup, family project...but I think its going to be a DD8 project....hopefully she'll get it right

Brandy

 

[Nite0wl71]

She could call a friend, we have a few times and friends have called my DD. If it is once in awhile there is no harm, as long as she is not forgetting something every day.

The other day I went to work and forgot my money, debit card and checks at home. Thank goodness I had friends

 

[jonestavern]

I'd let her do what she thinks she should do. Either she has a great memory and all will be ok or she will learn a lesson that it is best to bring home the instructions (especially after mom and dad have reminded her a few times.)

I know it is tough not to rescue her and you just want to help her out but in the long run now is the time for her to learn this tough lesson rather than when she gets to Middle School or High School when the stakes are higher.

I agree because I 'rescued' DS16 often, couldn't bear to see him get those big fat zeros. I didn't rescue all the time but enough so that he just didn't get the big picture. Believe me, better to see them fail now & learn the bigger lesson, than to stand back & watch them fall--or limp--through middle & high school~
I thought because he had to be responsible at home it would carry over, but it didn't & now I am backtracking school responsibility~
I know & I feel totally guilty because I am guilty! My well-meaning actions have just made DS' life more difficult than it needed to be. The good news is he is becoming, slowly but surely, better

Jean

 

[shortbun]

"family project" at our school means parents are expected to participate and the teacher won't deliver a zero, especially if it's apparent that the child does NOT have the support of their parents. I think your daughter should get the instructions from a friend with your help and do the project, with your help. The teacher expects the project to be a collaboration. I don't think your idea of teaching your DD a lesson is what the teacher had in mind on this one. Certainly, make your DD responsible but this might not be the time.

 

[disneychrista]

If she says she knows what needs to be done, then take her word for it. If she gets a bad grade because of that then well it is her fault and she needs to take responsbility for it and the consequences for not briging home the assignment.

As hard as it is, you have to allow kids to learn to accept the consequences, even negative or bad consequences, from their actions or inactions.

 

[Free4Life11]

Now they’re giving homework for PARENTS? I honestly think I’d be more annoyed with having to make a diorama (oh I HATED those when I was a kid – I thought they were pointless!) than my daughter forgetting a paper. I say just let her make it or are you “required” to help her with it? I’m sure lots of families already do many activities together so I don’t think the school needs to start having “family projects.”