Out here you give the gifts whenever you want. [Sadly for my b'maids, I have taken this to mean "at least 7 years after the wedding", because I suck at gifts.] Thankfully, you are not me, but if you're not giving equal gifts I wouldn't give gifts to anyone when everyone is there. We didn't even have speeches at all at our rehearsal dinner...I tell you, things are so much more relaxed in the west, LOL. Perhaps you could accidentally forget the gifts at home/hotel room?
So the women are the wives of your fiance's friends.
So when you say "one of their husbands", you mean one of your fiance's friends, right? One of his friends did this:
one of their husbands "accidentally" forwarded my fiance and I an email where he says ...that "she" (meaning me, he used my name) is "making this wedding as stressful as humanly possible for all involved". He actually worded it with a bit more dramatics than that, with caps lock etc.
I can see why you're upset, and see why there might be some bad blood with fiance and his friend! And if there is NOT bad blood, well, I'd have a problem with my fiance if that were so!
We actually had a situation during our engagement where hubby's oldest friend hurt my feelings VERY badly, and the fact that his friend could do that to me caused my hubby to end the friendship for a few years. They only became friends again by accident, and because the friend groveled.
Why don't you be the bigger person and give them all the same gift. They may not have been their until the end, but they were there for the beginning..... In the end, you will look like the bigger person. A couple of months down the road, give your best friends another gift, just for being "them".
Yeah, that might be a better idea...
Then again, giving them designer bags...that's a hard gift, because how do you know what the style of each woman is?
Ironically, the guy had forwarded us the chain of emails between himself and that other friend, to "show us" how "mature" he was by trying to make nice with that other friend to prevent drama between the two of them at our wedding.
Eek.
I never got refunded for the first dress. The company refused saying they do credits only and they would only send me another dress, however they needed something like 3 months to get another dress to me....so apparently they thought I'd like them to send me a wedding dress after my wedding.
I'm just going to sell it at prom time. Someone will buy it.
Holy moly, that's not right!!!!
Is the shop also the manufacturer? The manufacturer should have made this right! In my wedding-planning days, brides who had their gowns ordered wrong were actually successful in calling their manufacturer, getting them to read off what was ordered, and in getting it changed! The shop messed up, and they should fix it. If the manufacturer messed up, the shop should be having them fix it. YOU should not have to accept TWO bridal gowns!
The other responded with a name calling, nasty email in which she went off on a tirade about numerous unrelated problems that she has in her life, including the fact that she "wanted to smack me" after seeing me with my mother at the bridal shower because her mom died when she was a kid and she gets jealous and was mad that I told her me and my mom butt heads sometimes because I should "just appreciate that I have a mom"... as well as telling me that I should shut up about being sick with mono because she was undergoing some sort of medical tests herself (that I knew nothing about...)... Her own husband responded to the email (he'd been cc'd) (to myself and added my fiance as well) and told her she crossed the line and to calm down.
Yikes.
I hear what you're saying, but I don't want people who I can't trust and who have very different expectations from friendship than me standing up next to me on the most important day of my life.
We absolutely agree on that! We had a blip in our relationship involving a breakup, counseling, and getting re-engaged. We went back to each of our friends and let them know that if they didn't want to stand up for us, ti would not be any sort of problem, and there would be no hard feelings whatsoever, because we take this sort of thing so seriously. Hopefully they knew we were sincere!
So I can understand why you ultimately didn't want these women standing up with you.
...I still think that their "policy on returns" should have been waived in this case (I would have, if it was my customer) , but at the same time, I understood that it was custom made and that somewhere, someone misread my order (they had a black dress with white accents instead of white with black) and that given the time frame, there really wasn't time to custom make another one. It wasn't my mistake, per se, but I should have ordered it sooner. Yes, I was infuriated but honestly, after realizing it was going nowhere, that they were an overseas custom company and that I really had no legal recourse, I decided to just enjoy finding a new dress and try to sell the other one. I love my new dress so it's all good.
Well, who ordered it wrong? IF you ordered it correctly, then I bet you do have legal recourse! I'm livid on your behalf.
Can't you imagine that it would be difficult to hear someone complain about her mom's involvement in her wedding, if you were unable to have yours participate at all? I can. I understand you didn't know about her situation when you did it, but now that she's told you, don't you feel bad at all?
Oh gracious...there's a period of time after you lose a parent where you feel that way, but time heals it. Mothers and daughters cannot, should not, have to be perfect and bite their tongues, just b/c someone else's mother or daughter has died. When I came back from my mom's funeral and had to deal with people in snits b/c their mother's day present might be arriving late (I did CS answering phones), I managed to keep my mouth shut about it to them. And that was maybe 3 weeks after the funeral!
It's been 10+ years now, and I just wish my mom were still around SO THAT I could have an argument with her. This woman isn't going to survive if she's still keeping that in her heart, when her mom died so young.
Maybe you are having a hard time doing that.
She is two weeks away from the biggest party she might ever throw. Before making a big committment in front of friends and relatives. She's relying on many different vendors (and one of them has failed them already), paying them lots (I assume) of money, hoping that they will do their jobs flawlessly.
She's also been dealing with a really draining sickness.
She's allowed to be a bit worried, and to not be able to let something go that's actually quite a big deal (fiance's friend being part of insulting her!!!).
OP, I'm really glad that your old friends support you. In my case, it was the opposite; my old friends had all been there done that in terms of having a wedding, and they either went for a tiny wedding or their moms planned it all. My mom was dead for 3 years when I got married, my MIL hated me, I was all alone, entirely alone, and I had no one but my fiance on my side during the planning (and sometimes he wasn't on my side about it).
It flat out sucks when people around you are over-reacting to normal reactions. When you ask someone "do these colors match" and b/c it's the second time you've asked that question (about different colors!) they refuse to answer b/c you're "overthinking" things. Ah, yeah, I am a person who thinks rust and periwinkle look FAB together...but I'm not sure ANYONE ELSE does! I'd like a mainstream opinion here on colors, LOL. My MOH called me a bridezilla and nearly started TWO arguments between me and hubby (thankfully our counseling communication managed to keep us clear on who the brat was in the situation) in the days before the wedding. Meanwhile, my vendors were calling me Zen Bride, in the fact of a heat wave causing OR to be 100 degrees with an outdoor, tented wedding.
So I've definitely been there when people over-react to normal reactions! ANd that is definitely what those two women are doing.
Focus on your honeymoon, on those last minute details, have fun, smile... Have a great wedding, honeymoon, and marriage!
So we compromised and our wedding has 60 guests and is completely DIY (aside from the dress) and friends helping out with photography and music. 
Not to mention the family members (sister-in-law has been awful since her wedding to me)...oh!
