Adults only or take the niece?

[wannabebelle]

Please help--I'm having a horrible time making a decision. Prepare for rambling, but I've got all kinds of ideas running through my head.

I got married in May 2000 and was diagnosed with cancer in August 2000. I've been on a clinical trial since then and my doctor has told me that I have to wait until six weeks after my final dosage to try to get pregnant. I'll get my final shots in late Sept. of this year.

My husband has agreed to go to WDW in late Nov./early Dec. to celebrate my five years survival. I'm so excited. We went in Jan. 2004 and took my niece, then almost five, with us. She is just a jewel. We were there for a week and did not have a moment's trouble out of her. My husband is not a Disney fanatic but appeases me. However, taking the trip with her did make Disney magical for him, and he admitted it! I should note that we are extremely active in our nieces lives. The other one will be 2 1/2 for the winter trip, and I'm not brave enough for that!

Since we've been talking about the winter 2005 trip, he mentioned that it would be hard to go and not take her. We've debated back and forth about it, and he has just said he's leaving the decision to me. I have no idea what to do! Seems there's no right answer!

If we do have children, this may be our last trip without kids. However, there would be something so great about having our niece there with us. She just loves Disney. She wouldn't whine if she didn't get to go, but I know she would be heartbroken. She'll be a couple months shy of seven at the time.

What would you do? I feel like I'm going to be a little disappointed no matter which option I choose. If her take her, I'll wish (sometimes) that it was just the two of us, but I know if we don't take her, I'll miss her greatly and the experience won't be the same without her.

 

[luvtinkerbell]

take your neice it wouldnt be the same without her i think children are what makes a disney trip glad to hear that you are well

 

[JCTigger]

That's a hard one... I mean if you take her and would like to spend some time alone with your DH then you always have the neverland club or things like that I mean she'll still have fun while you guys are out... I've also heard people mention like a pirate cruise or princess tea party which you drop the child off and pick her up after wards that would also give you guys some down time... I mean if you don't take her you could always take her along next time and if you have a child of your own she might be able to help you a little bit... but that really is a hard choice to make... good luck!

 

[antmaril]

I would take her. As you know, it's just so much fun with the little ones.

 

[rlyrehc]

I agree with the poster that says to take her and plan on checking her into one of the kids programs when you need some down time. That way you have the best of both worlds. I just found out that I will be going in April without my kids-we took them out of school in Oct. and will take them out again for a long weekend in Feb.(both times to wdw-we're not cruel)-so we feel like they really can't miss anymore time. I am a little nervous. I don't know if I can have as good a time without them so I understand how it isn't an easy thing.

But on another note I want to tell you that I am so happy for you and your prognosis. A great big DIS hug from me.

 

[wannabebelle]

I hadn't thought about the child care options. However, since she's not "my" child, what do you guys think about that? It wouldn't bother me to put my own child in to a program like that, but would you find it weird if someone asked you if they could take your kid on a trip and then said they were going to leave them with someone else for awhile?

My sister-in-law is relatively laid back, but I don't want to stress her out. Would any of you find that awkward?

I should also mention that our trip will be at a different resort if we take the niece. We're staying at one of the Value resorts if we take her, but will stay at a moderate or maybe even deluxe if we don't take her. Can you put a child in the Polynesian program if you're not staying at one of the more expensive hotels?

 

[WDSearcher]

Surely, if your sister trusts you enough to take her daughter on vacation in another state, she'll trust that the choices you make while on that vacation will be appropriate. However, I would be sure to ask your NIECE if she would mind being on vacation with you and then being dropped at a child care place for an evening. If I was seven years old and going on vacation with my aunt and uncle, I'd expect to be with them the whole time. You need to manage your niece's expectations here too. If you take her along and then, one night, say to her, "Oh ... we're leaving you at Neverland Club tonight for a while," she may think you've gotten tired of having her along or that she did something wrong and isn't allowed to be with you.

If you decide to take her, but still want time alone with your DH, you need to sit down with your sister and your niece and explain all that and figure out which times you're going to be alone with your DH and what your niece will be doing during those times.

IMO, if by bringing your niece, you're afraid you won't get enough time alone with your DH, then I would leave your niece at home, bring her back a really cool present, and spend the time with your husband. That's kind of what you seem to want anyway.

 

[puffkin]

I would go alone this time and enjoy all the adult things there are to do at WDW. You have already taken your niece once and had a great time, now it is time to have a great time and celebrate your 5 year survival on your own.

 

[wannabebelle]

Wouldn't say that's what I want--I actually want the best of both worlds!!! The niece is actually my husband's niece. I asked my mother- and father-in-law last week if they'd be interested in going. We could do as much or as little together as they wanted. They've never seen Disney, and I thought it would be great for them to get to see it with their first-born granddaughter. I think they think it's more like a circus than the experience that it truly is, so they are passing. That would've been the ideal situation--it would've been great to share it with them so they could see how wonderful Disney is, plus we'd have been able to "share" DN.

In all probability we will take her. I actually thought I might get a lot of "go alone" responses from parents who haven't had a trip without kids in way to long. Since I haven't, that's a pretty good sign to me that I may not regret not having one last "grown-up" trip.

 

[wannabebelle]

Ahh, just as I responded to WDSearcher, I saw puffkin's response. That's my dilemma!

 

[Amy&Dan]

I would talk frankly with your niece's parents. Tell them about the kids club and that you are happy to take your niece but will want one or two evenings to enjoy some of the adult activites. From what I have heard most kids really enjoy the kids clubs and don't look at it as punishment to stay in one for a few hours. I would talk with the parents first however before mentioning anything to your niece. Also, is there any chance one of her parents could come along so that you could have family time together and separately? Good luck, you have really earned this trip so enjoy yourself whatever you decide to do!

 

[melsc1]

I'll be the dissenting voice, lol. I'd go alone. I have a 4 year old (almost 5) and an 18 month old. We took a 'last-hurrah' trip (not to WDW, however) before getting pg with our first. We didn't travel a lot with her the first year (mainly due to first-time-parent neurosis), so I was always glad we did that trip. And yes, you can travel with an infant, but this could be your last trip without packing and hauling around tons of gear, dealing with naptimes, diaper bags, strollers, etc. I think it would be fun and romantic to do WDW alone, just the 2 of you imagining and planning all the fun things you're going to do when you bring your own baby back.

 

[Brian Noble]

My wife and I do enjoy taking trips by ourselves, without DD6 and DS4. More often than not, we go to someplace that the kids wouldn't enjoy or are not ready for: a long weekend in Switzerland, a trip to Chicago to see Cirque du Soliel, etc. Once in a while we do go somewhere the kids would enjoy, but it's less common. It is a nice break, and a different experience.

Since you don't spend every day with your niece, I think taking her along might be fun. You and your spouse probably do all sorts of grown-up things without even realizing it---I'm still amazed at how different our lives are now than they were pre-kids. When you have your own kids, and need a break from them, *that's* when you appreciate the parents-only-weekend-away!

Also, not to be a "little black raincloud", but it may not be as easy to get pregnant as you think. It's hard for a surprising number of couples with no prior indication. I wouldn't plan the "last chance to go away alone" weekend just yet. That's what the second trimester is for.

That said, I think a kids club visit would be completely reasonable; more so at seven than five. Presuming she's not homeschooled, she already spends significant time away from parental supervision, so her parents may be more willing than you think. Your husband should talk to his sister about this; it would be better that he do it than you do so.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Ok, 1st Congradluations on cancer treatments!!!!!!!!

Second, let me tell you about my niece.

We have always been very involed with my nieces and newhews lives. (my brother and his wives children.) Hubby and I were around 20 when they were born and have always helped take care of them. In 1998 my SIL died of breast cancer after 2 1/2 years of treatment(I hate to bring this up, she had VERY aggresive cancer,) Our involvment with them became much more intense.

Hubby and I started taking Neice and sometimes Nephew with us on different vacations, before we had kids, but never WDW (mostly summer ones when they are out of school.) She is great to have around and has always been my specail girl. We love going to WDW when it was just the 2 of us. It fun for adults only and I am glad we had those trips together. We often comminted on how much niece would of loved this and wanted to bring her. We just know she would love it (nephews not as interrested.)

After we started having our own kids, niece and nephews are still very involved with our lives. Last year we took niece (then 12) with us to WDW. She was a great help and had a blast. We had to take her out of school, as she is A student, her father had no problems with this. (her grandparents, well that is another story.) She had been to WDW when she was 3 with her parents and was so excited to remember being there with her mom when we got to toon town.

We started planning this years trip with no intentions to bring now 13 year old niece again. She was so good about it, ever times we mentioned she got this longing look in her eye, and said nothing. Not one whine or complaint. I was then talking to one of her teachers who told me that she (being the kind of student she was) could miss a week of school, and given her family situation, it would be better for her to be with us and have a specail treat anyway.

So neice is coming again. I am really looking forward to it (she is a great deal of help too. ) She was sooo excited when I told her. (Her father had no issues either, he knows she needs some special treatment, she has lives in a house with all boys!)

I think you are right, it will be good either choice you make, and it will be a little sad if you don't bring her. It will be a great expernce for her, she isn't going to be 7 forever, what a princess age. A romantic trip for the 2 of you is in order. (I am not helping am I? )

Is there anyway to go as a group with her family? Best of both worlds.

If you go, I think she will like the kids clubs. They are great for children that age, fun in and of themselves. I wouldn't feel guilty of using them at all, but make sure her parents know abou it. (they get sitters sometimes right? She goes to school and other places with out them.)

Good luck. Either way you are going to Disney World! Best of luck with starting your family too.

 

[DisneyPhD]

My wife and I do enjoy taking trips by ourselves, without DD6 and DS4. More often than not, we go to someplace that the kids wouldn't enjoy or are not ready for: a long weekend in Switzerland, a trip to Chicago to see Cirque du Soliel, etc. Once in a while we do go somewhere the kids would enjoy, but it's less common. It is a nice break, and a different experience.

Since you don't spend every day with your niece, I think taking her along might be fun. You and your spouse probably do all sorts of grown-up things without even realizing it---I'm still amazed at how different our lives are now than they were pre-kids. When you have your own kids, and need a break from them, *that's* when you appreciate the parents-only-weekend-away!

Also, not to be a "little black raincloud", but it may not be as easy to get pregnant as you think. It's hard for a surprising number of couples with no prior indication. I wouldn't plan the "last chance to go away alone" weekend just yet. That's what the second trimester is for.

That said, I think a kids club visit would be completely reasonable; more so at seven than five. Presuming she's not homeschooled, she already spends significant time away from parental supervision, so her parents may be more willing than you think. Your husband should talk to his sister about this; it would be better that he do it than you do so.

Brain posted while I was writting mine and I mised this until I was done. (I had to stop to nurse a baby! )

I have to say I agree with him 100%, since you aren't with niece daily it is a speical treat to have her. We took many a "since we aren't pregnant yet, lets take another trip" vacations, and we took one (a few really) when pregnant.

Let us know what you decied and be sure to post a trip report.

 

[shellybaxter]

We've done both. DH and I have no children and went to WDW for the first time alone in Nov 2003. We LOVED it and it really rekindled our marriage. But the whole time it felt strange not to have our niece Jonna with us. So we planned a second trip for May 2004 and took Jonna (4.5 at the time). That was fun too, but in a different way. We both enjoyed having Jonna along and seeing Disney through her eyes, but gone were the late night dinners and romantic afternoon cuddling rest times.

We just took our third trip and taking Jonna wasn't even discussed. We wanted to go alone again (knowing there will be another trip in 2005 with Jonna and her mother).

I think that if you and your husband haven't gone alone for some speical grown up time to Disney, you should. I love my niece, but it's nice to have time for just the two of us.

Shelly