adult children

[huckster]

when is it time for your adult child to leave home?
not for school. just time to move out? do you have set age?
when they bring home the date to spend the night? Would you let them? When they are employed?

 

[gr8tpanther]

When they are 18!

My kids have been informed since they could TALK that when they are 18, they can live at home ONLY if they are going to SCHOOL! If they are NOT going to school, you are OUT on your own! But they are going to go to school like ALL good children do RIGHT?

 

[gallaj0]

If they are bringing home dates to spend the night, I'd say it's way past time to move out.

Of course, other than that obvious (to me) reason, I think it depends on the situation; are they working full time, independant with things outside the home like vacations.

Are they just using mom and dad as free room and board, or do they have a legitimate reason for still being there? I don't think it's reasonable to expect one's parents to support them (and that's what they're doing) so they can live it up.

 

[Dan Murphy]

Both Vince and Natalie have left for short sojurns out of the nest, both returned, fine with us. Both are working. Vince has had same GF for over four years, she lives with her folks, the same as Marie and I did before we married some years back. She has fallen asleep here a few times, same as I used to fall asleep at Marie's folks' home years ago. We're fine with that. We are in no hurry to have them leave, know they will in their own time.

 

[snoopy]

My kids have always been told that they are free to live at home as long as they are either going to school, or working full time.

 

[browneyes]

I'm sure my kids will remind me of their oldest uncle if I asked them to move out. He's currently 51 yo, and still lives at home.

 

[chrissyk]

DH and I agree that once college is over, our future kids need to be on their own (even if it is with roommates). We've both had bad experiences of watching siblings mooch off of our parents. In my sister's case, my parents are using every guilt tactic in the book to KEEP her from moving out I think that it's healthy for kids to become independant and to live on their own.

 

[Kimberle]

Brittany may live at home as long as she likes, provided she works and/or goes to school.

Apartments in the metro NYC area are VERY EXPENSIVE. If you are lucky, you might find one for $1500 - $2000 per month. Then you add your household bills, car insurance/payements, etc. Considering the fact that starting salaries are low, it doesn't give a young person much of a chance to save for a house and start a life.

I left home at 18, went to college for 4 years, then got an apartment. Because I grew up in a small one horse town, there was no opportunity for young adults, I had to move away. I would never, ever want my dd to struggle the way I did in those early years.

 

[CamColt]

Originally posted by snoopy
My kids have always been told that they are free to live at home as long as they are either going to school, or working full time.

That is what my parents told me and its exactly how I feel I will be with my kids. It worked great for me as I was able to work full time and save up money before I got married at age 23. That money ultimately went to buying our dream house which we probably wouldnt have gotten if I hadnt had that money saved.

As for bringing home dates, like Dan mentioned if someone falls asleep on the couch, or plans to crash as opposed to driving home after a night out no big deal.

 

[Pooh_Friend#1]

My parents have been great and let me live with them for as long as I want. They are letting me stay in their house so I can save up enough money for a house and so I don't have to spend my savings money on rent for an apartment. They would never want me to suffer just because I am an adult and working full time.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

I moved out after I finished college. My brother did not finish college and moved out at 19. We both know we are welcome to come back as long as we are not expecting our parents to provide anything more than a roof over our heads.

I know a guy who is 40 and still lives at home. Has never had any desire to move out. Works part time. His mother still does his laundry.

 

[Lisa F]

My sister has lived with my parents for her entire life. She's 26 now and has been working since she graduated HS (though has done some college part time). When my parents were looking for a new house a little over a year ago, they looked for a mother/daughter type setup so my sister could stay with them and now she has her own apartment in the walk out basement. Her boyfriend lives with them, too. She is welcome to stay for as long as she wants.

They don't pay rent but they did pay to completely renovate the basement... sheetrock the walls instead of ugly 70's paneling, redid the kitchen, replaced all fo the flooring with either carpet or wood floors, paint, install central a/c, and her boyfriend is an electrician who pretty much rewired the entire house both upstairs and down. In addition they both chip in with general maintenance of the house and take care of my grandmother (who lives with my parents as well). My family has always believed in multi-generational living which really allows everyone to live much better in the super high cost of living area of metro NYC.

Sometimes my mom does their laundry, sometimes my sister does everyone's laundry. Sometimes my dad cooks for the whole family (and my husband and I go over there for dinner once a week) but most of the time she makes something in her own kitchen, and a couple of times a week she has my parents downstairs for dinner.

 

[BuckNaked]

Originally posted by snoopy
My kids have always been told that they are free to live at home as long as they are either going to school, or working full time.

Pretty much the same here, but only to a point. Once they are into their mid-twenties, I think it's time for them to go.

 

[Shugardrawers]

Ooooh a touchy subject for me. I had turned 18 just a month and a half before graduating high school. My parents had never allowed me to have a job because they said I was needed at home since my mother worked two jobs. Someone had to cook and clean and look after my DSis. Anyway, the morning after graduation I was informed I needed to join the military or get a job and get out. No branch of service would take me as I had bad asthma and was overweight to boot. This was also the time of the recession in the early 80s when jobs were very hard to find and good jobs were practically non existant. Approximately a week after my first warning they abruptly asked for my house key and told me to get my things together. I slept in a park for 2 days then I went to my Aunt's house and stayed there and then moved in with my boyfriend. They were furious with me for living with him but what choice did I have?? I had been shown the door with no job experience, I had never been allowed to learn to drive, I didn't even know how to go about getting a bank account, renting an apartment or fill out a job application. I had no life experience other than cooking and cleaning for a family of 5. College wasn't even presented as an option for me. I never even considered it because I didn't realize loans and financial aid were even available. The same situation happened with both my older brother and younger sister both of whom were able to join the military though neither by choice. Parents, PLEASE begin preparing your children for life outside your home early. You don't just turn 18 and suddenly know how to function as an adult. And if you want your responsibility to end on graduation day maybe you shouldn't have kids at all.

 

[danacara]

I got my own place after college, as my job was about an hour from where I grew up, but if I could have lived at home, I would've enjoyed it. I like Mom. She's cool. Then again, there's quiet extortion here, I paid out the mortgage, so Mom, if I ever move in, I dare you to punt me out. Ha.

 

[Toby'sFriend]

Huckster - I'm getting the feeling you are having a rough time this week with a certain son.

Mine is only 14 years old, but I can easily see this happening with him. I love him to death, but he is always expecting me to solve things for him and fix his life.

Again, I love him to death, but I've also come to realize over the past year that some kids can't be just warned of consequences that will hit them in the face. They actually have to experience those consequences a couple of times before they learn the lesson.

I also have several relatvies that are the classic - "30+ years old and still living in Mom and Dad's basement." I've seen how crippling parental love can be. I had a boss once that had a 20 yo son who was very reluctant to leave. They went out and rented him an apartment, paid the first two months rent for him -- and moved his stuff one Friday night while he was out partying with his friends. It was rough on them, but they knew the time had come.

maybe read this?
http://www.loveandlogic.com/Pages/0401getalife.html

 

[ckay87]

Rule of thumb for me would be the same as what seems to be the consensus here - school or work full time, can stay at home

But I'd really encourage them to spend some time living alone. I think doing so fosters some real hardcore indpendence before they possibly never have a chance to live alone again.

That's just one thing I wish I'd done. I had college roomates, moved home, then soon got married.

 

[Kimberle]

Originally posted by Shugardrawers
Ooooh a touchy subject for me. I had turned 18 just a month and a half before graduating high school. My parents had never allowed me to have a job because they said I was needed at home since my mother worked two jobs. Someone had to cook and clean and look after my DSis. Anyway, the morning after graduation I was informed I needed to join the military or get a job and get out. No branch of service would take me as I had bad asthma and was overweight to boot. This was also the time of the recession in the early 80s when jobs were very hard to find and good jobs were practically non existant. Approximately a week after my first warning they abruptly asked for my house key and told me to get my things together. I slept in a park for 2 days then I went to my Aunt's house and stayed there and then moved in with my boyfriend. They were furious with me for living with him but what choice did I have?? I had been shown the door with no job experience, I had never been allowed to learn to drive, I didn't even know how to go about getting a bank account, renting an apartment or fill out a job application. I had no life experience other than cooking and cleaning for a family of 5. College wasn't even presented as an option for me. I never even considered it because I didn't realize loans and financial aid were even available. The same situation happened with both my older brother and younger sister both of whom were able to join the military though neither by choice. Parents, PLEASE begin preparing your children for life outside your home early. You don't just turn 18 and suddenly know how to function as an adult. And if you want your responsibility to end on graduation day maybe you shouldn't have kids at all.

Oh, my gosh! That's the worse thing I've ever heard. Your own parents didn't care that you had to sleep on a park bench?! How is your relationship with them now? Is it strained? What are your parents now doing with all their "freedom"?

 

[Shugardrawers]

Originally posted by Kimberle
Oh, my gosh! That's the worse thing I've ever heard. Your own parents didn't care that you had to sleep on a park bench?! How is your relationship with them now? Is it strained? What are your parents now doing with all their "freedom"?

I have a strained relationship with them on it's best days though my parents would say it's good because I've learned to hide my feelings about it. I tried to break it off completely for a few years but I just couldn't do it. If you ask them they'll say it was the best thing they ever did for any of us kids. None of us agrees. They have no idea that I slept in the park for 2 days and the subject of where I went for the for those first 2 days has never come up. I have never been able to forgive them for throwing me in the pool of life and not even staying around to see if I swam or drowned. My DSis has been teaching her DD15 for years all the things we had to learn the hard way. She has vowed her children will not go out in the world totally unprepared the way we did.

 

[crazelion]

Me and Mom have a excellent relationship living with each other. I am adult child and still leaves at home. Me and Mom co-home together. It has been great. Mom pays the mortage and I pay utilties for the house.

It never came time that she won't to put out the house just because I am a adult.

I have been known to two jobs to support my self and my bills. Me and Mom is always there for good and bad times together.

Job Market at this moment is aweful. I have been looking for a full time job for over a year now. I have my college degree and is working part time perement job for 6:00 dollars a hour. A job where I barely get hours.

If was not the many seasonal jobs that I have done over the year. I would be real troble rightnow.


You may think its easy going out getting a good job. It's not.

If the kid is willing to work or go school then I think fine for adults kids to stay at home.