Adult bullies

[okeydokey]

Here's what I would do.

Tell them one more time "This is my policy. If you do not want to adhere to it you are welcome to withdraw your child and find another provider. We will not have this conversation again. If you bring it up again we will terminate our relationship".

And then do it.

It is a pet peeve of mine when we defend a bully by saying "you know how he is". I have a brother who is like this and is defended by his wife and daughters. "Why are you upset? You know how he is" is their defense. They truly believe that he is wonderful but that everyone else needs to make accomodations for his bullying tactics. I think it is enabling his behavior and as a result we are estranged.

This!

 

[Disney Doll]

Here's what I would do.

Tell them one more time "This is my policy. If you do not want to adhere to it you are welcome to withdraw your child and find another provider. We will not have this conversation again. If you bring it up again we will terminate our relationship".

And then do it.

It is a pet peeve of mine when we defend a bully by saying "you know how he is". I have a brother who is like this and is defended by his wife and daughters. "Why are you upset? You know how he is" is their defense. They truly believe that he is wonderful but that everyone else needs to make accomodations for his bullying tactics. I think it is enabling his behavior and as a result we are estranged.

This is the answer to your problem.
It is concise and to the point.
It outlines cause and effect.

You'll just need to be able to be sure that you have the ability to do it when he approaches you again.

Do not argue. Do not discuss.

"These are my business policies. If we need to have this discussion again, I will terminate our business relaitonship".

It's manipulative behavior on his part and the only way to handle manipulative behavior is to make a decision about what you are going to do and then stick with the decision.

 

[Robinrs]

If he's on commission, then it makes sense that he considers everything to be negotiable, and he's negotiating with you by insisting you shape your policies to fit his needs. You have three choices:

1) Accept his counter-offer.

2) Reject his counter-offer, and tell him that your stated policy stands as originally outlined.

3) Propose a counter-offer of your own, somewhere in between.

You can do any of these three; they're all valid choices. He can't make you choose the one he wants you to choose.

I agree, commissioned salespeople believe the negotiations START with the first NO. You will continue to get badgered if you just give him a NO.

You are a business person also, let him know that these are the perameters, PERIOD. Like the offers above give him options to choose from and no wavering. No need for you to deal with him being a jerk, you've got work to do.

As for the wife, do you think he'd marry anyone who WOULDN'T deal with his crap?

 

[cm8]

losing.

I'd give him 2 weeks notice.

 

[Agri]

I'd tell him that you've thought it over and give them notice. You don't deserve to be treated like that and none of the other kids you watch deserve to hear that kind of mess. If he's that unhappy, they need to go elsewhere.

My mother used to make the same "you know how he is" excuse about my dad. Yes, I know how he is, but that doesn't mean I have to accept being treated that way - and neither do you.

 

[LuvLDM]

losing.

I'd give him 2 weeks notice.

This.

 

[Erin1700]

OP here...

Last time he brought something similar to this up, I told him that all of the parents could go out and find something else they liked at other daycares. One could decide they want their kid fed dinner, or overnight stays, etc. But to think I would honor all of these requests is crazy!

Can I be honest with all of you? This guy makes me so uncomfortable. Especially when he drops off and wont leave!

Oh the mom works at a school and guess what? In the summer I allow them to drop down to one day per week to hold her spot since mom is not working.

 

[FireDancer]

The guy is wrong since it is your business and your policy but it isn't bullying. Thanks for demonstrating once again the complete overuse of the word. If someone can also try and make him a bigot we have the two most incorrectly used words on the community board.

 

[Erin1700]

The guy is wrong since it is your business and your policy but it isn't bullying. Thanks for demonstrating once again the complete overuse of the word. If someone can also try and make him a bigot we have the two most incorrectly used words on the community board.

I forgot to find out if he is a bigot! heehee


What should I call it then? I kind of feel that since I am a small woman, uncomfortable with the way a grown man is speaking to me and wont take no for an answer, it is a little like bullying. But we dont have to call it that.

 

[FireDancer]

I forgot to find out if he is a bigot! heehee


What should I call it then? I kind of feel that since I am a small woman, uncomfortable with the way a grown man is speaking to me and wont take no for an answer, it is a little like bullying. But we dont have to call it that.

Most of the things that come to mind aren't allowed here so I'll just go with tosser. He is merely your customer so he lacks the power to really bully you.

 

[tlbwriter]

"I'm sorry you're not satisfied with my policy. But actually, this could be a win-win situation, since I have someone else who is interested in your child's slot. So, let's say you have two weeks to find another care provider, okay? Will that work for you?"

 

[Ceila]

OP here...

Last time he brought something similar to this up, I told him that all of the parents could go out and find something else they liked at other daycares. One could decide they want their kid fed dinner, or overnight stays, etc. But to think I would honor all of these requests is crazy!

Can I be honest with all of you? This guy makes me so uncomfortable. Especially when he drops off and wont leave!

Oh the mom works at a school and guess what? In the summer I allow them to drop down to one day per week to hold her spot since mom is not working.

Based on this new info, I'd just go with giving them two weeks and get them out of your hair. You've already put up with enough from them.

 

[Robinrs]

The guy is wrong since it is your business and your policy but it isn't bullying. Thanks for demonstrating once again the complete overuse of the word. If someone can also try and make him a bigot we have the two most incorrectly used words on the community board.

The two most incorrectly used words on the CB are "I KNOW".

 

[Wishing on a star]

I would give them two weeks notice....

He is looking for five 'free' days, period.

I would bet good money that the minute you agree to five 'sick' days, you will start getting 'stiffed' while grandma or mamma keep the child....

It also sounds like these 'five sick days' he is asking for could most likely mean five free weeks of day care this summer????

I would seriously consider giving them a written two week notice....
Then you have a chance at having parents who actually respect and value your services.

PS: if you do not currently have a clear and professional written policy on these matters.... I would be working on one right now!!!!

 

[tlbwriter]

I would seriously consider giving them a written two week notice....

This could be fun. As soon as he starts whining the next time you see him, give him a big sweet smile and say "I understand. I've been thinking about the fact that our current situation isn't suitable for either party, so here are your new terms of service." Then whip out your written two week notice!

 

[bettymae1121]

Quality, affordable childcare is ALWAYS in demand, you'll fill that slot in a heart beat.

Fire your client!

I'm a travel agent, and a seminar I went to once told us never be afraid to fire a client that either A) doesn't really make you much money in the first place and B) is such a pain in the butt that any money you do make just isn't worth it. Our time as agents is better spent researching trips for clients that make us real money, or cultivating new clients, or learning more about destinations to better serve our clients. In your case, your time is better spent finding clients that pay you in the summer and don't demand things not in your policy, and don't stand in your home for 30 minutes in the morning distracting you from your real job, watching the children.

 

[disneymom3]

OP here...

Last time he brought something similar to this up, I told him that all of the parents could go out and find something else they liked at other daycares. One could decide they want their kid fed dinner, or overnight stays, etc. But to think I would honor all of these requests is crazy!

Can I be honest with all of you? This guy makes me so uncomfortable. Especially when he drops off and wont leave!

Oh the mom works at a school and guess what? In the summer I allow them to drop down to one day per week to hold her spot since mom is not working.

I work with mentoring daycare providers. You have fallen into the trap that too many people in your profession do. You are being too nice. You are running a BUSINESS first and foremost. You need to set the rules and policies and stick with them. In addition to that you are doing this in your HOME. You have the right to be 100% in control of who is in your home. You do not like this guy. He does not respect your policies. He makes your day uncomfortable

Have you told him he needs to drop off and go. If not, you need to. Simply say, "I can't have parents staying more than 5 min at drop off. It throws off our routine."

And forget the whole saving their spot in the summer thing. Why should you? Either they pay for their days or they are done and you fill the spot.

Your time is worth more than they are giving you credit for. There is still a severe shortage of QUALITY daycare in this country. If you are good, run a nice home daycare and are responsible, you will easily fill his spot. And the stress you relieve will effect all in your daycare, not just you.

To get rid of a family you say. "You seem to have some complaints we have not been able to resolve. At this point, I think it would be best to terminate our business relationship." And then you hand them a note with their two weeks notice IN WRITING.

You can do it. You deserve to not have to deal with pain in the behind people in your own home.