Adoption Info - Where to Start??

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

DH and I have been talking about this for 4 years, and have now, spurred by my kids asking why I don't bring home any of the kids I work with in Africa (I volunteer in an AIDS orphanage in Kenya), moved into "serious" talk, wanting to start looking at agencies, and get as much info as possible. We are looking at Ethiopia and thinking a boy from 3-6 years old (don't even know if we can specify that). What is the first step... finding the agency, doing a homestudy? Also I can't seem to find any info on what is required at the homestudy. Would we have to have a separate bedroom for the child? Is it okay that we would have him share a room with our 4yo son? Because that is a huge consideration too (if its not ok we will have to move to a bigger home). Also any books anyone can recommend on this?

BTW, please do not turn this into a Madonna, Jolie-Pitt thing, or domestic vs. foreign adoption thing. I just want info and I know many people here are going through or have completed international adoption.

 

[DVCJEN]

We are currently waiting for our 17 month old son to come home from Korea.

The first thing you should do is start investigating adoption agencies that place children from Ethiopia in your state. They will guide you through the process. Check out the site adoption.com this is a great resource for all sorts of adoption information. Homestudies are different from state to state but in general they will want to see your home, go over your finances,talk about your feeling on adoption and parenting, your marriage, interview you and your spouse (and possibly speak to your children about their feelings, depending on their ages) They do credit checks, FBI checks, reference and employment checks.

We were told that two children of the same sex could share a room as long as there was appropriate space for each one. Each country has different requirements as well. Finding an agency that you are comfortable with is critical because they really will help you every step of the way!

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

Thanks for the site recommendation! So much to look through! Do you have any tips on how to investigate an agency? I know there are relatively few who have programs in Ethopia or anywhere in Africa for that matter (compared to other areas). I have only been able to find one in California so far and don't know how to go about getting more info about them (I did request their info packet but of course that will all be positive stuff). Although I found one in another state that is mentioned very positively many times on adoption boards for Ethiopia. Their website says they will work with an agency in your state for the homestudy process. Is there a benefit to having the whole thing handled by one agency? Or a big reason why you specified in my state?

My husband just called me from work to say how excited he is that we are starting this. We have a 6yo dd and a 4yo ds and always wanted more but after my ds was born I was told I couldn't have anymore kids due to some complications.

I wish you the best in waiting for your son to come home from Korea!

 

[DVCJEN]

Your homestudy has to be done by an agency in your state. So let's say you were going to go with a large agency like Holt. If Holt did not have offices in your state, you could find an in-state agency to do your homestudy but still have Holt as your primary agency.

 

[wndrmite]

There are MANY kids available in the US for adoption. There are thousands of kids in foster care that you can adopt here, and much less expensive. Why go overseas?

I am editing this to say that I am not trying to turn it into a international vs. domestic adoption issue, I am just truly curious why the need to go overseas.... Thanks!

 

[Missamoncus]

I would check out Americans for African Adoptions, inc. they do adoptions from Liberia and Ethiopia. they have a wonderful website. p.m. me and i can drop you the web address. Congratulations on the decision to start!

Melissa

 

[CEDmom]

The first thing you want to do is find a reputable agency. Ask around even call some well regarded agencies (Holt International, Spence Chapin) and ask for recomendations. I can't stress enough how important it is to do your homework here. Don't concern yourself with the cost of one agency vs. another or the timeline each gives you. You're looking for the best and that may cost more and take longer but in the end it'll be worth it.

Your agency will then take you through the homestudy process. If you agency is licensed in your state they can do this or else they'll hook you up with a licensed social worker. It's really pretty painless. You'll have forms to fill out, they'll visit your home and meet the entire family, they'll talk to you and your DH seperately to ensure the adoption is something you both want, they'll ask for references, financial and employment info, etc.

Don't worry about not having a seperate bedroom. If you have room enough in your home for a biological child you'll have room enough for an adopted one.

One thing they will check is whether your house is up to current fire codes so it's worth checking that out first. They'll also want to know that any fire arms are properly stored, along with medication and cleaning supplies. Pretty much standard child safety measures.

Best of luck to all of you. That's incredible work you do.

The fantastic agency we used to bring our DD home from China does have a program in Uganda. I highly, highly, highly recommend them http://www.holtintl.org/uganda/index.shtml

 

[DVCJEN]

There are MANY kids available in the US for adoption. There are thousands of kids in foster care that you can adopt here, and much less expensive. Why go overseas?

Adoption is a very personal decision. What is right for one is not right for another. There are many wonderful children all over the world who deserve loving forever families.

 

[Missamoncus]

There are MANY kids available in the US for adoption. There are thousands of kids in foster care that you can adopt here, and much less expensive. Why go overseas?

The op specifically requested that this not turn in to a domestic vs. international adoption debate. Please respect that. As someone who has adopted internationally , I don't feel any more need to defend how I chose to form my family than you , wndrmite , should feel to defend your choice to adopt from the U.S. foster care system. You have adopted from the U.S. foster care system, haven't you, wndrmite? I mean, you wouldn't advocate that process and impicitly comment on the op's decision to explore international adoption unless you yourself have helped some of the thousands in U.S. foster care, would you? I believe adoption of either kind is wonderful and deserves support.

Melissa

 

[wndrmite]

The op specifically requested that this not turn in to a domestic vs. international adoption debate. Please respect that. As someone who has adopted internationally , I don't feel any more need to defend how I chose to form my family than you , wndrmite , should feel to defend your choice to adopt from the U.S. foster care system. You have adopted from the U.S. foster care system, haven't you, wndrmite? I mean, you wouldn't advocate that process and impicitly comment on the op's decision to explore international adoption unless you yourself have helped some of the thousands in U.S. foster care, would you? I believe adoption of either kind is wonderful and deserves support.

Melissa

I have adopted through the US fostercare system... thanks...my daughters were 4 and 5 when I adopted them 4 years ago.

Also, I just edited my original post to state that I am not trying to make an issue, just curious... is it ok to be curious?

Wow... I did not mean to offend anyone, I guess it is not ok to ask questions. I did not ask anyone to defend any decesions... i was just trying to get involved in a topic very close to my heart and was showing an interest in someone elses process by asking their motivations... I was not here to judge, and I apologize if it came across that way.

Thanks!

 

[MNT568]

I know Wide Horizons for Children in Massachusetts provides adoption services for Ethopia. Visit their website, they have a great online presentation regarding Ethopian adoptions. My sister just adopted a wonderful baby boy from Guatemala through Wide Horizons and it was a very good experience for her. The agency was very thorough, her process went very smooth. I believe this is also the agency Angelina used for the daughter's adoption. Good Luck!

www.whfc.org

 

[Missamoncus]

Yes, I think it is absolutely O.K. to be curious. Congratulations! Your girls are beautiful and I am so happy for all involved. It just felt like you were commenting on international adoption in a negative way. I am sorry if I misinterpreted. It can be hard to distinguish the tone of an email.
Now back to the regularly scheduled OP-

Melissa

 

[wndrmite]

Yes, I think it is absolutely O.K. to be curious. Congratulations! Your girls are beautiful and I am so happy for all involved. It just felt like you were commenting on international adoption in a negative way. I am sorry if I misinterpreted. It can be hard to distinguish the tone of an email.
Now back to the regularly scheduled OP-

Melissa

Yes, it is hard to tell if people are trying to argue (or not) on these sometimes!

Thanks, and no hard feelings I hope!

 

[RUDisney]

Please stop by our adoption updates thread for moral support and to get info from those who have been there, done that. http://www.disboards.com/showthread.php?t=928459

Congratulations on your desire to adopt! What a wonderful gift that you will be giving to your soon-to-be child!

We celebrated our Gotcha Day on Sunday. It's been 5 years for us and the kids keep remembering from day to day now what we were doing in Russia 5-years ago. We could not have been more blessed than to find these two kids. To celebrate, the kids took in Hershey's Kissables for their classmates instead of cupcakes.

So cool that you are volunteering in Kenya. It is testament to the size of your heart. I have an employee who has been in the US since February from Kenya. He wants all of us to travel to his country to see what it's really like. He is very proud of his heritage. He chose to come here because he has a sister that is local who is a nun and she was able to help him become established here.

 

[mommyintn]

Congratulations on thinking about adoption. We started the adoption process a few years ago and put it on hold. We may decide to go down that road again in the next few years. While we were in process I found an awesome website with very active forums this link is specifically for the forums for Eithiopia adoption http://forums.adoption.com/ethiopia-adoption/where I'm sure you'd get lots of info too! Good luck to you!

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

Wow, I ran an errand and took my kids to the dentist and came home to a ton of responses.

wndrmite, I have a heart for Africa. Having been there, in the orphanages, and with the street kids thats just where my heart is. I have many friends who have adopted domestically through foster to adopt (and two whose adoptions will be final in Dec ), and it is wonderful. But so is international adoption. Your kids are beautiful!

CEDMom- Holt happens to have offices in CA... I think. I'll have to check them out. It just so happened that in the dentist office I read a magazine article about the kids in Uganda who were being adopted due to being refugees from Sudan.

RUDisney- Kenya is amazing. If you ever get the chance you should go. I have truly never been anywhere like it, or met a more beautiful (inside & out) people. If it were not for the residency requirement I would adopt there in a second. We actually do plan on moving there for a few years when the kids are in high school (awesome American school there for kids whose parents volunteer in Africa), but we can't now and don't want to wait that long to expand our family.

Thanks for all the agency recommendations and links everyone. I will be busy checking out all of them. I am very excited (and more then a bit nervous) to get going on this.

 

[wndrmite]

wndrmite, I have a heart for Africa. Having been there, in the orphanages, and with the street kids thats just where my heart is. I have many friends who have adopted domestically through foster to adopt (and two whose adoptions will be final in Dec ), and it is wonderful. But so is international adoption. Your kids are beautiful!

That is great... It is so neat how God can put people where they can help in so many ways.

I hope everything works out wonderful for you... keep us updated...

And thank you, my kids are pretty darn cute... lol

 

[luvsmickeymouse]

I know Wide Horizons for Children in Massachusetts provides adoption services for Ethopia. Visit their website, they have a great online presentation regarding Ethopian adoptions. My sister just adopted a wonderful baby boy from Guatemala through Wide Horizons and it was a very good experience for her. The agency was very thorough, her process went very smooth. I believe this is also the agency Angelina used for the daughter's adoption. Good Luck!

www.whfc.org

We used WHFC. Our son, born in Korea came home in 1988 and my youngest son, born in The Phillipines came home in 1991. They were both born with a cleft lip and palate. They both are doing great and are loved very much!

 

[Tink&SquirtsMom]

i was just at their website!! Thanks so much for that link, it had soo much information. I requested for their info packet. They don't do the homestudy in my state, but it sounds like I could use another agency here for that, right?

 

[RUDisney]

You're agency can guide you on the homestudy requirements. You shouldn't have to go through another local agency for that. We did ours through Catholic Social Services, but we could have used any social worker/psychologist who specializes in homestudies. It all depends on the countries' requirements.

In our case, I think if we went through our agencies' homestudy psychologist, it would have been completed far more quickly than going through CSS, although with our timing, everything worked out perfectly. We weren't originally matched to our kids, although my DH kept saying that he wanted the boy who was in the picture with the girl whom we were matched. When he took our homestudy to the agency, he asked if any of the other kids who were in this country for the summer program were available, since our original plans had fallen through with the discovery of schizophrenia in our original matches' family. Tatiana pulled out some pictures of the kids who weren't properly matched and there was Ivan and Kristina. The boy whom we'd wanted all along with a bonus sister that is just perfect.

So, bottom line, God has a plan for you that is out of your control. In the end, you'll understand that His plan was the right one for your family.